I am God. Ask me anything, puny mortals.

why doesn't the bible have any hot bitches?

>>718101933
Are you suggesting The Virgin Mary wasn't hot? 400 years ago that would have been considered blasphemy!

>>718101870
was hitler right all along?

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What chat up line is guaranteed to make a girl suck my cock, other than directly threatening her?

Why did you make us?

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The bible says I can rape a girl and get away with it if I pay the parents.

Is this true? If so, that'd be fucking awesome.

>>718101870
>will i receive justice for teh crimes against me

>>718101870
why haven't you killed all the furry faggots yet?

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>>718102260
I remember when I made Adolf.. He had a great mind, but he got sidetracked. Regardless of that, yes. He was right all along.
>>718102399
''My name is Josef Gustavo Beerfart and I require your tight vulva''
I programmed all human females to commence dick-sucking upon hearing that
>>718102702
Because I was bored, and I'm a sadistic deity who relishes in seeing you suffer.
>>718103008
You will not be punished in the afterlife, my loyal slave, but I cannot speak for your fellow humans
>>718103126
Depends entirely on the color of your skin.
>>718103152
Because I expect you to do that for me.

So if tails is yes and heads is no, if the coin slips from my hand and lands on its side what does that mean?

>>718103836
The answer is always heads. Always. Even when it's tails.

So always choose heads

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>>718103738
>knew it
i shall continue his legacy

>>718104009
Be blessed, my child. I shall guard over you as you rid the world of its cancer. However, if you fail you must kill yourself.

>>718101870
which god are you? There are thousands, champ.

>god loves us
>puny mortals

Gtfo

>>718101870
Why do you look like a homeless guy?

Also, you look like you could lose a few pounds. Hit the gym fatboy.

>>718101870
What happened before the Big Bang?

>>718101870
what do you think about when you masturbate?

also, how big is your cawk?

0md ty0 0yxb

>>718104699
The question would be where!

>>718104309
All of them. My most favorite followers call me 'ah-lah' though.
>>718104348
I shall see you burn in hell. I'll have you know I traced your IP and I will make you suffer for all eternity for doubting me
>>718104459
You humans somehow thought I look like you. Maybe your entire race should lose a few billion pounds
>>718104699
The what you would call 'old' universe ended. You see, universes are finite, they are 'born' and 'die' again in the span of what you would consider an eternity.

''Before'' the big bang is a non-existant concept. There was nothing.

>>718104937
I sport a respectful 7 inches, and I tend to fantasise about that one chick I made in, like, 700 BC, she was fucking hot dude you shoulda seen her. Tits the size of Mt Everest and a pussy tighter than my hand.
>>718105035
yes.

>>718105114
What happens after you go into a black hole?
Is there another Universe? A MULTIVERSE?

why didn't i get any gbp this week?

>>718105114
>non-existant
god can't spell
kek

Does having sex with people in heaven count as necrophillia?

>>718101870
Why can't I make the big cums?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWGU1U7a3Sk

You're not a living being, this is blasphemy. I shall pray for your death.

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dear god,
what will happen to gondola in these next years?
will he become king of the memes?

>>718101870
mfw im satan

you are lucky and unlucky to not have me in the same room.

##unic

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>>718105363
>answers a question asked in a dead language

>>718105387
Your universe is just one of the inifinite universes. Sadly for you, there is no way to enter another universe. Ever.

Entering a black hole will kill you, simple as that. I would take you to another universe but you'd be unable to comprehend.
>>718105445
I ask you to stop rubbing your poop into your mother's coffee. She is still very upset with you about that. You should have enough gbp left for your daily 2pm tendies tomorrow. '
>>718105479
Ah. You passed my test. Well done!
>>718105540
Yes it does and you will get thrown in hell if you have sex with anyone while in heaven. In fact, once you are in heaven you will become a virgin
>>718105576
Ah, it's you. I remember you. I'll make sure you cum big from now on.
>>718105594
I heard your prayer. You should work on your accent.
>>718105757
Nope. He will be forgotten. Focus on pepe instead. I predict his value will rise with 900% on the meme market this year
>>718105800
get out of my thread, beelzebub! I mean it, I'm gonna tell on you!!

>>718101870
https://www.iphones.ru/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/IMG_0942.mp4

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what do you think of my bagel?

>>718101870
Why do foot fetishists exist? I feel it's illogical to create a being that's attracted to the least attractive part of the human body.

>>718105363
when will memes spark another civil war?

>>718106217
Please take me to another Universe. Please do that!

hey god
how did you feel about your son jesus
because the test results came back and
YOU ARE THE FATHER

>>718101870

Explain cats.

god can we be bros?

>>>718105594
>I heard your prayer. You should work on your accent.

What do you mean ?!

>>718106217
I would do anything to travel to the Andromeda Galaxy. Can you give me any tips on how i make a space ship that can travel there? Or even give me tips on making a wormhole! Thank you god!

Why did you make your very existence such an elusive topic?

>>718101870
Could you create a rock so heavy that you could not lift it?

Why are you God?

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Your son is a whore.

Just sayin'

Why life ?

Can i gibe a pussy g0d?

>>718101870
Why'd you make me so hung?

hey god can you put all the feminist bitches in their place?

>>718106823
Yes

>>718106610
This

>>718101870
Wanna go out some time?

>>718106287
I knew I shouldn't have created you. Did you know I made your eyes out of Glargubbal semen?

Your bagel sucks.
>>718106309
Well, the very fact that feet are so ''taboo'' to be attracted to actually plays a big role in the attraction. People tend to be attracted to that which is 'wrong' 'taboo' or plain 'nasty'

Feet are just one of those things. Like pedophilia or those brown midgets who fuck goats

>>718106351
My child, you are already living it. Stock up on pepe's

>>718106466
*sigh* fine. I'll do it tomorrow, Because I have this Flukblegnian from planet Gohkionloper waiting for a similar thing.

There are like a trillion universes that also have oxygen, you got any preferences? I can take you to one in which titties are purple. Or how about a universe in which male genitalia have a conscious and a ears and a mouth? AND EYES
>>718106476
Aw hell no man, that kid don't even look like me. He got them different features and all, I swear Shaquilla she fucked another dude mang, nah that kid ain't mine
>>718106554
They are like, you know.

>>718106625
Yeah. I see you. Stop masturbating! Geez.
>>718106654
Oh hey there. Didn't you pray to me like, a couple days ago?

I know this guy, and he know a guy.. We can hook you up. It'll cost ya though. I'm required to ask you this though; are you looking for Andromedamphetamines? Coz if you are I am legally required to decline your request.

>>718106625
I'm not fapping, you're gonna burn in hell.

>>718101870
God, how do I efficiently stalk the girl I have an obsession over?

>>718101870
Hi God, long time first time.

I've been holding out for a good pure woman to wed and be fruitful with, but I am surrounded by degeneracy, promiscuity, and feminism.

Where do I go to fine a pure woman to love and serve me?

Thanks, God! I love you!

>>718103152
Because you're a pussy who lets them bother you.

What do you think about science?

>>718101870
why do all the posts that say my mother will dies overnight never work?

>>718107251
Dude i dont know who you are, but your Answers are Gold. And. I would love to go into any Universe! I only wanna see a Night sky that has Nebulas and Galaxies and so much more! Please just bring me to Andromeda! Not for Andromedamphetamines though.. I don't take that.. *cough*

>>718106700
For teh lulz

Even I get bored sometimes, and this universe is like, in my top seventy trillion of favorite universes. You guys are almost as funny as the Quadraxians haha

I just think it's fun to see everyone debate my existence while I'm all like ''yo I'm up here niggas!'' I'm sure you'd understand if you were a god or whatever

>>718106722
Nigga why would I do that?
>>718106737
I asked my god but he being a bitch because I killed his grandson or something a couple millennia ago
>>718106807
Hey Imma beat yo ass!
>>718106823
Why not, human? Do you not like it?
>>718106856
Nah. Git gud, faggot
>>718106893
Yeah I was planning on making you a nigger. Turns out I read my agenda wrong and you were destined to be born in North Korea. Lol my bad

Your parents are probably dead btw

>>718106917
I could. But why?

>>718107234
I think we should just stay friends, Jason. I mean I like you and all but you know

how does it feel always seeing people masturbate every hour of every day?

>>718107251
Give me tips on how i make a Wormhole please!! :)

>>718108039
Drill+earthworm

>>718107814
>Nigga why would I do that?

You dodged the question, champ.

>>718101870
Captain Obvious. Hey OP could you just stop this roleplay. cause cause.

>>718108039
I dont mean a literal Wormhole. I mean one that can be created in Space and it's like Time travelling, ever watched Interstellar? One of those, how do i make them? xD

>>718108151
>I dont mean a literal Wormhole. I mean one that can be created in Space and it's like Time travelling, ever watched Interstellar? One of those, how do i make them? xD

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please respond

>>718108460
Drill a hole in an eartb sized worm in space

>>718108559
GOD DAMNIT. LITERALLY. HOW DO I CREATE A SPACE SHIP THAT CAN TRAVEL THE SPEED OF LIGHT

>>718108697
Make a spaceship powered by jets of concentrated light

>>718108748
God. Can you please send me a Space Ship that can travel the speed of light?

>>718108847
Too lazy. Make one yourself, faggot

>>718108847
I beg you. Ill give you anything.

>>718108916

I beg you. Ill give you anything.

>>718109018
I can just make whatever I want

Why do men have nipples ?

>>718109098
PLEASE BRING ME TO ANDROMEDA

>>718107429
Yeah, whatever dipshit. Your grandma just got transferred to the fourth layer of hell because of that post.

>>718107455
You would have to find her address, and invest all of your time into it. Got a car?

>>718107501
Oh hey. I remember making you. How's the leg?
I know man, guys like you are a dying breed. I could suggest you go to the Amish, girls there are purer than Mary herself. And let me tell you man, Mary had an ASS!

Anyways, good girls are all around you. But you know why you can't seem to find them? Because they're just like YOU! They're shy and insecure, and sure as hell are not going to make the first move.

You have to make the first move. And you will find your good, pure woman. For I will it, and what I will goes. I love you too, my child.

>>718107649
Science is the sole salvation of the human race. It has the potential to elevate your puny race to the highest levels of existence. Value it. Serve it.

>>718107768
Yeah, that's a glitch I'm working on. No worries, I will make sure your mother dies within 48 hours. You're welcome :)

>>718107799
Well, I am God. But thank you.

Do you mind sharing a seat with a Clonblargian from the Gheriko system? They're generally polite and all and it'll only take about 25 human minutes.
I actually think I can squeeze in some extra 'time' for you, since you're so motivated.

>>718107841
Dude it's pretty fucking awesome. I get to see Emma Watson rub her clit and Hillary Clinton take a beer shit and fart in Bill's mouth

>>718108039
You're gonna need a few ingredients. Do you happen to have concentrated dark matte lying around? And you will also need water. I repeat ''w-a-t-e-r'' Ever heard of it?

>>718108151
Quiet! You are confusing him with your advanced science!

>>718108270
Am I dodging the question? Or dodging your fat whore of a mother?

>>718108278
Quiet! SILENCE!

>>718108396
Wormholes are a myth, my child. Focus on earthly issues. Like global warming and butter.

>>718101870

If you are god and made men as your image, also OP, then you're a gigantic faggot, right?

>>718109139
Dead or Alive? Because you didn't specify if it had to be within your life span

>>718107814
>>718107234
That's alright. I'm over you anyway.
His name is Lucy.

>>718109231
>Well, I am God. But thank you.
>Do you mind sharing a seat with a Clonblargian from the Gheriko system? They're generally polite and all and it'll only take about 25 human minutes.
>I actually think I can squeeze in some extra 'time' for you, since you're so motivated.
THAT WOULD BE SO AWESOME GOD THANK YOU

>>718107814
North korean nigger... Really dodged a bullet on that one

>>718109315
>Dead or Alive? Because you didn't specify if it had to be within your life span
BRING ME THERE NOW WITH A SPACE SHIP WITH INFINITE FUEL AND INFINITE FOOD AND WATER

>>718101870
Do you exist, God?

>>718109458
How do you know I didn't transport you to a universe the exact same as this one?

>>718109618
I really dont care. Just bring me to the Andromeda Galaxy :) Thank you!

>>718109233
What in the unholy name of ass is this fuckness?

>>718108553
I love you my child. You are the beacon of existence.

>>718108847
Coming right up. I have to ship it from the Gredilo system though, but you should have it in about one quadrillion years.

>>718109127
To troll you! Haha, that shit is just pure gold.

>>718109233
I do not look anything like a human. I'll have you know there are more than a quadrillion trillion gazillion races out there. Now why would I look like a human? Get over yourself.

>>718109333
.. Lucy? From the gay bar? Lucy with the giant cock??

>>718109356
Fine. Make sure to pack lunch, okay? We can go to McSpacenalds afterwards if you're good.

>>718109371
I do love you.

>>718109584
Nnnnnope. I am some European guy who made a thread on an anonymous imageboard who is pretending to be god. Suuure.

>>718109618
>>718109706
Stop replying to this imposter! You fool!

You don't deserve to witness the Andromeda galaxy!

>>718109932
>Fine. Make sure to pack lunch, okay? We can go to McSpacenalds afterwards if you're good.
I'll be good!! I Swear!!!

>>718110086
you gonna have to suck my godly dick, too.

>>718109932
God. Can you make me live for one quadrillion years?

>>718109584
>>718109932
Don't lie, you don't like liars

You'll stray away from yourself

>>718110086
Uh. Anything for SPACE!!

can you kill me, im too much of a pussy to do it myself, thanks g

>>718110287
>you gonna have to suck my godly dick, too.
I love space!! I would do anything for exploring it! :)

>>718109932
He goes by Lucy, silly. He really sees me for me, you know? I guess you were too blind to see his caring nature before you threw his ass out.

>>718109932
Ok God. I am the Guy who is writing questions about Space all the time! Thank you for your hilarious answers XD! Have a good day! I gotta go!

I've been waiting for a chance like this.

Recently I was listening to Christian radio, and they were explaining how important it is to God that we love him "voluntarily." To me, this is such an obviously disingenuous sentiment and claim. Christians endlessly speak longingly of an eternal reward in paradise where all of their wildest dreams come true while at the same time giving grave warnings about being tortured eternally in hell.

Just the threat of Hell alone is enough to make ridiculous the idea that God wants our love for him to be "voluntary." That's like saying "look, I have you tied up and we will begin flaying your skin and blowtorching your toes in a few seconds, OR you can just say you love me....also, it's very important to me that your choice be 'voluntary,' so please keep that in mind."

HILARIOUS!

But it doesn't stop. God doesn't just ask you to love him, or suggest it, he positively COMMANDS it. So if you are a Christian, it is not voluntary, it is demanded.

TL;DR Taylor Swift doesn't need to command people to love her on pain of death and torture, but God does. Making it mandatory to "love" is extremely bizarre, unhealthy, petty and needy, yet Christians don't seem to see it. Thoughts?

Are you stronger than Son Goku?

>>718110086
Yeah yeah, I'll see ya tomorrow. Also bring me a few cheddar cheese and ham sammiches pls, I don't think Imma be able to make my own lunch

thx, god loves you xx

>>718110303
I can. Your wish is hereby fulfilled. Enjoy suffering for a quadrillion yers, you mortal fool. You will wish for death after a thousand years.

>>718110455
How do you want to do it?

>>718110656
Does Lucy mention me? Like, ever? I mean, not that I miss him or his massive cock or anything..

>>718110834
Bye dude, thanks for the laughs. See you around maybe! Have a nice one!

god lvoes you xoxo

>>718111070
He IS son Goku

>>718111159
Fuck

God, will I ever rule the galaxy?

>>718101870

This
>>718110921

was addressed to OP Grand Architect of the Universe btw

>>718111159
This guy gets it. You just secured your place in heaven buddy.

>>718111241
Git
Gud

fgt

I AM son goku! !

>>718110921
Uhhh, UHHHH. Can you not? I'm trying to subdue an entire race here and you're like, totally, like, killing the vibe here buddy. Seriously, cut it out.

>>718111418
Absolutely not! You will die as you have lived; insignificant.

>>718111439
You gonna be a smartass eh? Let's see how you react when I make your momma burn in hell.

LOVE ME!!! LOVE!! MEEE!!

>>718107429
Both of my grandmas are dead, how fucked are you "god" ?

>>718111644
But I want to be a scientist who makes myself ageless and indestructible

>>718111644
Will there ever be an official Mega Man 11? And will it be good?

>>718111717
I know. I just wanted to rub it in. Oh, how their screams make my cock hard. I am a vengeful god.

>>718111749
TOUGH. LUCK. FAG.

>>718112026
Yeah, and you will be greatly disappointed. I suggest you kill yourself to save yourself the pain.

>>718111644
Even Jesus says "if you love me, you will follow my commandments..." and then he proceeds to command that God be loved "with all your heart." So if you break the commandment to love God, by extension you also don't love Jesus. Double whammy.

>>718109231
>Am I dodging the question? Or dodging your fat whore of a mother?

Still dodging the question, and becoming engry. Tee hee. Goddy's getting smitey.

>>718112356
What year will Mega man 11 be released?

>>718101870
>>>718111717
>I know. I just wanted to rub it in. Oh, how their screams make my cock hard. I am a vengeful god.

Only god would say that...

>>718111134
He's relatively distant when You come up in conversation, sort of dances around thw matter. I think he still has feelings for you.

>>718101870
Have you ever had gay sex.

>>718112412
Shut up! Shut up! I can't hear you LALALALA

You are a poopyface!

>>718112415
Well the real question is; what is dodging really if you can't dodge the rodge?

I suggest you read the old testament before you challenge my temper.

>>718112516
2007, I believe. Or 2008 but I can't be sure.
Depends if that nigger gets to be the US president. Only the future will tell!

>>718112567
And don't you fucking forget that.

>>718112669
Don't give me hope.... You cruel son of a bitch. Does he still like it when you do that thing where your dick touches his dick and then you both orgasm in a cup of vomit?

>>718112780
Bitch I AM gay sex. I invented that shit long before Alexander was fucking his generals up the ass.

>>718107814
God, why can you only communicate to us via the internet? And can you please tell the saracen scum to stop blowing them selves up left and right? Thanks.

>>718112780
Dude, father, son, holy ghost. Do you see any chicks there? The guy's been sucking cock for thousands of years.

>>718112669
Anyway, I'm dealing with the alcoholism situation you gave me, and I'm not really thinking clearly right now. I realize I overstepped your boundaries, and shouldn't have brought up Lucy.
I'm sorry God, thank you for giving me a shot.

>>718113037
>>718113233
I'm not going to answer those questions. I forgive you; hopefully you can do the same.

>>718101870
What is your real name?

What will happen of America ?

>>718107814
God, what's worse; millions of people praying every single day or getting shitspammed on your email account?

>>718113430
Son Goku/ Kakarrot

>>718110921
I bet you are just a gem at parties bro

>>718113399
fuck off triple dubs person who is pretending to be the guy pretending to be god

>>718113107
Because this is where the best people reside. The only other way to communicate is by anus

>>718113110
Fcking 'a mate

>>718113233
I'm an alcoholic myself. If you want, we can go for a drink tgether. There's this place near the Oheraliko System that serves shots for one 1 quadlop as long as you have less than three heads.

>>718113430
Mr. Poopface McSpermguzzle

>>718113450
It will divide into smaller nation states until there is no more America by the year 2100.

>>718113487
I fucking hate spam.

I wish you nazism

>>718110921
Precise, perfect truth.

Will it cause christians to think? Don't hold your breath.

>>718113873
>>718113233
>>718113399
Same guy. I was talking to you.
I think I should go; I need some time, God.
We'll talk later, okay?

>>718101870
Why are my bum-logs so stern?

>>718114526
Sure, man. Whatever. I dedicate my next beer to you.

God is unhappy too you know. I wish I was dead. It's a shame I'm immortal. I envy you. Goodbye my child.

>>718114558
You should drink more water. I personally like the smell of your poopoo, my son.

>>718113873
Have you lost faith in humanity? Do you regret giving us free will?

What do you fear?

"I've created the universe and the angels (boy, that didn't turn out well...) But still, I have thousands of angels that worship me 24/7, yet it's not enough. I need to make some other creatures that will worship me, yeah, that's the ticket! I'll threaten them with torture and promise them eternal reward as long as they show their devotion to how awesome and worship worthy I am. It's totally not pitiful to need constant worship and adoration..."

(this is my impression of God and his fragile ego...pathetic. So sad.)

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>>718101870
Why'd you have to make the darkies?

>>718101870
give jackpot numbers for next week eurojackpot

>>718101870
Assuming you're real, youre not the Christian God are you?

Are you like any religion?

So... What kind of clothes do you wear?

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>>718115093
Man, humanity is doomed. Fuck y'all two-legged faggots

>>718115863
Myself. And my pa.

>>718116102
Guess who just won a ticket to hell?

>>718116116
To epicly troll you! LOL!

>>718116121
8
19
23
67
35
7
5

you're welcome

>>718116607
No I am not. All religions got it wrong. Did you seriously expect a breed of primates to figure out what the creator of the universe looks like? Not a single human ever got it right. Yet you fight amongst yourselves in your eternal arrogance.

>>718116789
I shop at Zara and C&A and Sports Direct but I get my belts from H&M, hbu?

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>>718101870
Where have you been, it sure as hell hasn't been anywhere near the Earth for a couple of thousand years.

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>>718101870
>puny mortals
"God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? What was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives: who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become gods simply to appear worthy of it?"

— Nietzsche

>>718117706
I got literally trillions of universes to attend to. I can't help it if you moronic humans fucked up the only planet I gave you. Geez.

Are you an old alcohol named Rick?

Or, are you a child that just watched that one cartoon and then pretended to be Rick-like because Rick is funny and you are not, hence the emulation.

OR, are you a vrill lizard parasited (droned) human host testing better ways to appear like a normal human by imitation a popular tv show character on a presently culturally relevant media platform?

God, how do I get rid of my diaper fetish? I tried shitting in a diaper and running into the middle of a McDonald's wearing nothing else in hopes that everyone making fun of me would mentally scar me enough to make me not want it anymore, but now I've got some 60 year old man who calls me three times a week asking if he can change me. What do I do?

>>718118868
Get a job.

>>718117000
Yeah I mostly shop on the internet. Mostly from EMP Sweden.

>>718101870
Why are Brazilian criminals so fucked up God?