Do you whipe your ass sitting or standing?

>>718074866
Sitting. You leave too much behind if you stand

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>whipe

fucking christ that irks me. it's WIPE.

FUCK.

Anyway, sitting down, lean to one side, done. standing up smashes all the shit in between your cheeks and is ridiculous.

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Obviously sitting. Gotta get that elongated bowl though, so annoying when your dong keeps touching the toilet.

i just wipe it by ass

Hovering. I'm not standing per say but I definitely am not sitting. Don't want my dong or hand touching the bowel.

>I also maintain a shaved asshole for the rare instances I shit after showering.

The real question is this: are you a filthy degenerate who reaches around and wipes front to back, or are you a civilized human who reaches between your legs and wipes back to front.

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>>718075499

I wipe both ways, alternating between left and right hand, reach around and I do it while standing up.
Fuck you.

I wipe after i wash my ass with water and shower cream using my hand.

>>718075915
hmmm... maybe you should wash your ass with your own piss?

Standing. My hand wont fit because of how fat i am unless i stand

>>718074866
slide a credit card between your asshole

dont you guys hate it when that big log of shit is almost halfway out your ass and then something happens, and you suddenly clench up, splitting said shit log into two, with one half stickily lodged up there? how do you handle that?

>>718074866
I hover,

>>718074866
Cool wHip

This thread again...

>>718075499
Balls to the back.

>>718074866
Sit to shit & wipe.
Perhaps a bit of a tilt forward, but I sit.

>>718075499
unsanitary.

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>>718075499

I do this, but I more or less just shove a wad of toilet paper up my ass and pull it out slowly, attempting to craft a peanut butter candle, kind of like how Shrek does with his ear at his dinner table

both, I get the majority of it off sitting, then I stand up for another go at it to get what remains

>>718075025

It's even worse when you got the squirts and it makes your ass look like a Rorschach test

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My wiping process always results in some dust or crumbs of toilet paper on the back of the bowl, right before the water tank. Anyone else facing this issue ? Any solution ?

>>718077276

Scoop it out with your finger

>>718075465
how do you go about shaving?

>>718075025
Coo whipe

>>718078609
Don't buy cheap tp

>>718075499
I sit on the bowl wiping back to front. I grab my sack and pull it forward out of the way.

Never understood how any male (unless homo gymnast) could be flexible enough to stand up, reach around, and wipe front to back. There is just no way to get your hand back there far enough and at the right angle to get a good clean wipe. Maybe this is why I have always had clean underwear and most guys have skid marks from inadequate wiping regimens.

>>718078315
solid technique

>>718079248

> I grab my sack and pull it forward out of the way.

I go under with one arm, and flop my balls over my forearm while I am down there. I use my free hand to feed reloads to my wiping hand.

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>>718078609

>>718075308
No idea what dimension is my toilet and that small water container. Every fucking time I drop my poop it splashes water right on to my asshole.

I've tried dropping toilet paper before pooping but that doesn't help.

The only thing that works is re-adjusting the way I sit, more to the forward which then squishes my peepe. This gets a bit painful when I am having a boner (happens rarely when I am horny and want to poop at the same time). Also because of this sitting position, it leaves skid marks on the toilet requiring me to clean the toilet everytime I poop.

Save me /b/ from this monstrosity. Fund me to buy a new toilet so that I can poop peacefully and without any issues.

I just wrap a toilet paper boxing glove around my hand, learn forward and basically try to shove it up my ass in a wiping motion.

>>718079614
Kek...I would try that right now as I am sitting on the toilet, but it's cold and my ball sack is contracted snugly around my balls. There is no flopping.

How many of you guys wet the tissue before wiping it? It gives me a sense of cleanliness when get up.

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sit or stand? I remain in my Slavic or Gook squat, best position to shit and wipe.

>>718079854

That's not a bad thing, always nice when the leather bag tightens up and gives you a little more room to work with down there.

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>>718079628

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>>718079933
When I am at home, I wipe with TP first and then follow up with one or two Huggies wet wipes.

My ass crack is too hairy for wet toilet paper. We're talking single berries for days.

>>718074866
The fuck does whipe mean

>>718080105
Such cleanliness
Much wow

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I know imma get shit from the murricans, but bidé is the master race.

>>718080843
Euros really love having warm liquid squirted up there assholes.

I wipe standing and never questioned it, is THAT the wrong way to go about it?

Sitting. I'm literally shitting right now and about to wipe.

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>>718081445
Used to stand all the time until I was 20 and saw all these people talking about the right way to wipe and have since done it while sitting.
>mfw used to stand to wipe in public
>mfw 6'2" and normies could see my head in the stall

I just leave it. same reason I don't make the bed. just gonna get shitty again anyway next time.

#nowipe2017

>>718079248

Total fatass detected.

I bet you people that wipe towards your balls are also uncut, virgins, and smell like shit below the waist.

>>718074866
wipe*

I do the first few while sitting, then I stand and get the rest.
also, for some reason, I wipe back to front when Im sitting, and front to back when Im standing

>>718082167
I wipe asshole to belly button. skid mark going up the front looks like a damn runway.

>>718075465
You shave your asshole because your boyfriend told you to.

>>718079248
holy shit, how fucking fat are you

Standing. I just find it easier.

>>718082122
SAME I'm 6'3 and always wondered why I haven't seen a tall dude's head for wiping. Well shit

>>718080175
Mah nigga

who is it

>>718074866
a couple of wipes sitting, then standing up to get some leverage. got a bad case of asshair.

I stand to wipe, it's just so much cleaner. what idiot thinks sticking your hand directly into the toilet is clean lol.

>>718077276
fucking hate that

Anyone have the issue of constant wiping and ALWAYS getting shit, for example, when you think you're on your last wipe you get an overwhelming amount of shit so you go on for 5-6 wipes? It's like wiping a goddamn marker down there

Do people seriously sit to wipe? Fucking barbaric. You stand, do the first round of wiping until the paper is mostly clean. Then you waddle over to the sink, lightly wet the paper and apply some foaming soap, then clean until sparkling. This is the only answer.

>>718083886
OK Andy from Parks and Rec

Standing, reach behind, front to back. always with wipes or baby lotion on tissue.

Never worked out how to use a bidet effectively, but i like the spray hoses you find in some countries.

People that just use paper freak me out and i assume they smell like crap all day.

don't get the started on "flushable" wipes. your ruining your plumbing.

>>718074947
>>718075025
i guess this is what happens when you're a fat ass americunt

>>718079248
wtf

>>718079678

put a layer of toilet paper over the water and you'll never get splashed again.

>>718084103
Lel I'm serious tho, what the fuck

>2017
>not using washlet
kek

>>718084103
it's cause there's a little shit still in, so everytime you wipe, you tense your ass and a little more squeezes out. like a trying to wipe toothpaste tube, while squeezing it.

get a turkey baster - squeeze the bulb and stick it up there, then release the bulb and it will suck up the remnants.

>>718084416
Washlet for a menlet like you, eh?

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>>718079248
Hey there, you must be from the US. To solve your problem, research pic related

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>>718080843

>>718079248
Same bro.
Front to back is for girls so they don't get shit in their pussy

Im shitting right now... i also puked a little. Does any body else have issues with their legs going numb when you shit for too long?

>>718084497
Admit it, you just love being close to your own shit.

>>718082167
Lol...Not total fat ass. 6'-1" 260#. Can jump up and grab a standard basketball rim.

Was circumcised but they left a little extra, so like a mock turtleneck?

Just broke up with my girlfriend and am reduced to paying whores for sex and blowjobs, so technically I am back in the virgin stage.

Pretty meticulous about how my ass smells. After I take a shower and after I dry off, I run the towel through my crack a few times. Any hint of ass smell on the towel, and I am going back in the shower until all I smell is fabric softener.

Overall, your profile of me was about 50%. You can never go wrong calling someone a kisslessness, neckbeard virgin on /b/, though.

I must be wierd. I squat down slightly and go front to back. Never had an issue. I think it's disgusting putting your hand in the bowl... And worse standing and smashing shit in between your ass.. No thanks

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>>718085000
Is this this weeks new copypasta?

>>718084897
Yeah. There are times I cannot feel my feet and I actually have to will my legs to move. Can't feel a thing other than an unpleasant prickly tingle.

I often wonder what would happen if an armed burglar broke into my house at that moment: Would adrenaline take over and all of a sudden, I could miraculously feel my legs and run for my gun? Or, would it be like Han Solo, and I would be vulnerable until the typical recovery period passes?

>>718084694
>girls
>shitting

Girls don't shit, you virgin fatboii

>>718086813
yes they do, and it's delicious.