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There is a feral possum in my ceiling that fucking is insane.

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 79
Thread images: 15

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There is a feral possum in my ceiling that fucking is insane. >trying to think of a way to kill it
what should I use?
so far I have a falconer gauntlet
and
>2 knives.
>>
>>717733794
Trap it, then take it outside and shoot it. What's so hard about that?
>>
>>717733794
If the sex is that good keep it.
>>
>>717733794
Dont use those knives.

Your hand will slip and you'll lose fingers.

Sharpen a large stick
>>
>>717733794
Probably get another falconer gauntlet so your hands are protected. Then just grab it, trap it, then call animal control. Or just drown it or cut it's head off. Just make sure you don't get bitten.
>>
Peanut butter and a baseball bat
>>
>>717734214

Peanut butter,JELLY and a baseball bat
>>
>>717733794
Any advice?
>>
shoot it OP

>inb4 op live in gun-cucked state
>>
>>717734273
Oh you :3
>>
>>717733794
12 gauge
>>
>>717734273
>>717734084
Its a high vertical angle
>>
>>717734671
Pics bro
>>
>>717733794
>fucking is insane
possums put on a big show when they're confronted but they're pretty much big pussies. once you try to pick it up, it will try to make you think it's dead. just take it outside. possums are pretty much harmless, they just do a lot of hissing and showing their teeth when they're scared
>>
Op do something to keep this interesting please
>>
>>717733794
Grab that sexy Corsair K-70 of yours and smash the cunt with the aluminium body.
>>
>>717735104
Do this op
>>
>>717733794
find feminist female possum. male will kill himself.
>>
>>717733794
opossum *
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>>717735104
this is a trap, stab it
>>
Kill the cunt with carbon monoxide, just don't gas yourself in the process
>>
>>717736102
Maybe Australia
>>
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>>717734608
This^
>>
>>717733794
Get yourself a bottle of ammonia and chlorine pool tablets, throw that bitch in there
>>
>>717736959
Opossum is the right way to spell it and do not live in Australia because they are just smelling niggers of animals just better though cuz they aren't violent...
>>
coooooooooooool fbi is here
>>
1) Beat in his face with the glove, DO NOT PUT IN YOUR HAND, just hold it
2) Throw 1 knife to the enemy, so you guys will have a fair fight
>>
>>717738190
You need to beat with the glove first, so he'll know you want to duel him
>>
gas it like the jews
>>
grab it by the tail and swing it around like a flail . the G-forces from the swinging motion will prevent the critter to reach for your hand and bite you.

run outside while violently swinging the invader above your head and throw as far as possible
>>
>>717733794
Hire an exterminator to get rid of it. Will probably cost less then the medical bills you'll have after getting bit.
>>
>>717738895
And please have someone fucking record this.
>>
>>717734084
>underrated post
>>
>>717733794
you got a knife now find a broom and a roll of duct tape
find a craft bench create a spear now you can kill at a distance aim for its chest once dead make possum burgers and wear that pelt with pride
>>
Op you boring mother fucker. Bye
>>
>>717737941
A possum u fagit is a marsupial from australia
>>
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>>
>>717733794
livestream this shit man against Possum
>>
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>>717733794
or just adjust to it I think you will learn to love it and the possum will love you back,
>>
>>717739777
Why can no one in this thread spell opossum correctly?
>>
>>717734084
topkek.png
>>
>>717738317
A few ways Jews are possums:

Large noses
Scary smile
An affinity for curls
They both sleep upside down
Both are hairy
>>
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Just call animal control
>>
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>>717741221

actually science suggests jews are related to probiscis monkeys more than opossums
>>
call animal control and don't have to get rabies shots. they hurt like a bitch
>>
>>717741588
not to mention having to clean a bunch of blood and possum guts out of your shit.
>>
>>717741588
are the ones on the belly button ? heard of that not even OP
>>
>>717735104
>>717736600
these are both sort of true, possums play dead but they can be viscious...

that being said if you do manage to catch it you're best off killing it i think, unless you wanna transport it a fair way from your house. if you let it out in your yard, it will find it's way into your house again
>>
>>717733794
leave a trail of skittles leading out of the house block the way it got in
>>
>>717741681
Not any more, was in the 70s or something. Back when it was like 20 shots you had to get. Now it's just 3.
>>
>>717741440
I see your point but I don't believe it refuted my statement. It is my understanding that an Arab fucked a goat and made an opossum, which was then fucked by an Arab to make the first Jew.
>>
>>
>>717741987
ok but still painful I suggest OP makes a relationship with the possum and case close.
>>
Possums rarely have the rabies virus because their body temperature is too low to facilitate the disease. The way they when confronted, all crazy snarling and shit, is just a natural defense mechanism. On that note, put a barrel of acid below it and then knock it out of the ceiling so it falls into the barrel.
>>
>>717739231
good spot
>>
>>717735104

Husbandryfag here. This. Just get another glove, grab it by the scruff, and take it outside. Opossums are more bark than bite.
>>
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Opossums very rarely carry rabies because of their unusually low (for mammals) body temperatures. However, they are known to carry diseases like leptospirosis, tuberculosis, relapsing fever, tularemia, spotted fever, toxoplasmosis, coccidiosis, and trichomoniasis. They are generally not particularly dangerous compared to most wild animals. Having an opossum about is actually a very effective way to eliminate the snails from one's garden.

Opossums can be domesticated and potty trained. It is recommended that you do not try this with an adult opossum, but if one finds an injured baby opossum, nursing it back to health and either keeping it as a pet or shleffing it off to someone else as a pet (your benevolent attention may have rendered it unqualified for the rough life of the Davis urban wilds) might be a larf. Once you run out of snails to feed them, they also like hardboiled eggs
>>
>>717733991
/thread
>>
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>>717734273
you win the thread
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>>717738895
Lmao this
>>
Tape the knives to a broom handle and spear it, or beat the shit out of it with your hands you pussy.
>>
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>>717738895
>>
Possums are much preferred to the other critters that can find there way into your house.

Can understand how it might be annoying, but if you want to get rid of it, just call animal control and they will get rid of it HUMANELY, you degenerate piece of shit.
>>
Put on the knives and stab him with the glove
>>
>>717743138
holy kek, I wish there was a job where I could do this to raccoons all day
>>
Zyklon B
>>
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>find bleach in your house
>get a bucket/tub/whatever you have
>fill bucket with bleach
>incapacitate the possum somehow
>tie its feet to a big rock
>wait till it wakes up
>throw the rockpossum into the bleach
>blast crawling in my skin as the fucker burns to death
>>
>>717733794
>not owning a gun
Person from shit state/euro pls go
>>
just grab bug spray and a lighter and fuck its shit up
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>>717733794
Nice Westinghouse remote. What, you couldn't spring for a Panaphonics or a Sorny?
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>>717743789
I almost posted the same stupidity but then I used my brain for 2.5 seconds and realized a person may not want to be blasting holes all in their ceiling.

>hasguns
>ceiling intact
>>
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>>717743944
I laughed harder at this than I should have.
>>
>>717743985
Come on /k/ommrade
>wait for possum to leave for food
>maybe even set out bait
>boom, bang, crack
>Swiss possum
>leave it on a stick in your back yard to deter other critters
>rinse and repeat
>become known as "anon" the impailer
>>
>>717743985
I did also used an axe to my chamberdoor because I couldnt open it now I need a new door but the door opened.
cannot imagine if a possum was inside just go in and grab it in fact drink some whiskey and just go do eeettt bro
>>
>>717733794
The same thing is happening to me, as of New Year Day. I noticed my cat following around some noises coming from up above (I have a small attic). And there are tons of opossums running around my city district, so I know it's one of them. I just decided to leave him alone, and eventually he'll have to leave for food. Haven't heard him moving around in 2 days.
>>
>>717744311
Check my dubs, also
>medievil mode
>tape knife to broom handle
>make posum kebab
>last few steps as above
>>
>>717744417
>>
>>717737802
this OP
Thread posts: 79
Thread images: 15



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