I don't but that sounds fucking amazing.
No problem. Just remember, not everybody here is.
I read it the first time it was posted. I thought the pacing was good.
tabletop games and reading. Some videogaming.
Satan Burger, A raisin in the sun, the tommyknockers. You? Also, what type of fishing do you like?
this asshole again.
I wish you die slowly with maximum pain. And after, i'll shat on your grave.
Nobody like you, that's why your mother never call you. A fucking pathetic NEET.
DIE, it's my wish for 2017
Or get hit by a truck.
You don't deserve to live. Just Die
Part 1 got deleted so I'm going from memory
>Be me guy in his late 20's who runs the only fluffy extermination business in my area
>My "partner " in this venture also happens to be the best pet anyone could ask for
>His name is Curtis and I think he deserves to go out for a walk
>I walk to his saferoom and find him stretched out on the floor
>I lift him up and place his harness on him and put him in the car
>We arrive downtown about 15 minutes later and I unload him
>The usual reactions from townsfolk as we are well known due to my line of work
>But I still hear the occasional "oh god what is that" or "those things can't be legal"
>Goddamn college kids if only they knew that it was Curtis and I that keep the streets free of shitrats around here
>Suddenly my phone rings
>Its Tom johnson
>Seems he caught his daughter Sarah feeding a family of feral fluffies before she went to school this morning
>With that Curtis and I hop in the car and head on our way
Are you a retarded guy ?
A newfag who don't know how to use 4chan ?
A sandnigger ?
A nigger ?
A jew ?
A stupid guy who can't understand the English language and post to the wrong thread ?
Did you know you can start your own thread and have guys who can upload too the same shit ?
If it's for trolling, maybe i should call your parents and ask to set a parental control.
/b/ is for 18+
Ps : final fantasy... just for kids and casuals.
>Well I better get this out there now so you folks don't accuse me of being some faggot hugboxer
>Curtis is not a goddamn fluffy
>He is in fact an 8ft long Nile monitor that I purchased some years ago
>looking at him now it's hard to believe he used to only be about six inches long
>anyway Curtis has quite the taste for foals, even to the point that he ignores any other foods such as feeder mice or table scraps
>As we pull in Tom runs out and meets us on the driveway
>Tom:Damn I'm glad your here I guess there was a full blown herd and not just the family from this morning
>Shit! How many?
>Tom:about eight adults counting the two from this morning and I don't know how many foals, found them in a fluffpile in Sarah's playhouse
>man you are lucky we work cheap
>Tom:one more thing, there's a smarty
>That many huh, it's been a while since we've dealt with this kind of infestation
>Tom I'm gonna need acess to your tool shed in case the big guy here wears himself out
>Tom laughs and says "not a problem as long as I can film Curtis in action my wife doesn't believe the stories she hears about him"
>Sure why not, let's head out back
I have only really caught sunnies. They are easy and taste decent. I don't feel comfortable talking them off of the hook though. They have sharp spines that will fuck you up if you're not careful.
Dude, be nice to chocobo friend.
I drew these, I need a writer lol, but really fluffy is shit tier
>Tom and I step out onto the patio leaving Curtis just behind the sliding glass door
>Tom points out the mare and her mate from this morning, surrounded by five babbling foals
>another mare feeding her foals can't see how many but I can tell from here there still at the chirpy stage
>two soon mammas far too fat to be mobile being maneuvered around to patches of clover in the yard by what looks like three toughies
>And there sitting on a rock in the center of it all a bright green unicorn most likely the smarty
>so nine adults in total
1 green unicorn smarty
2 earthy toughies one navy blue the other red
1 black pegasus tougie
1 earthy stallion non toughie and his pegasus special freind
1 earthy mare
2 soon mammas both earthies one violet and the other a neon pink with white mane
>As well as numerous foals no sign of shit colors or alicorns most likley killed at birth or clinging to life in a shitpile
>Huh? not one unicorn foal from the looks of it, must've been snuffed out by the smarty to eliminate possible rivals
>Tom did you find any holes in your fence?
>Tom:already taken care of covered it with a couple cinderblocks I had layin around
>Good don't need any escapes
This is litterally Stolen from fimlcow you piece of shit.
Every time i sit down to draw fluffies my shit just fucks. Every time. I like that you've got some different styles going on. Do you have a favorite?
I've only ever caught flounder and shark in the gulf stream. I would love to try fly fishing. I'm big on eating what you catch.
thank you for posting this again!
Didn't make it, just thought it was funny.
>2017 still saying retarded
Why can we not share! He is a good man. He keeps these threads from 404ing. Are you so blind that you cannot see the good in our feathered friend?
>Hey Fluffies! They turn and a few foals and the non toughie stallion shit themselves
>dummeh hoomans dis am hewds wand gif sketties ow get wostest huwties
>Can't do that this is Tom's land
>Smawty nu cawe gif sketties nao
>Sorry shitrat can't do that but there's someone I'd like you to meet and his name is Curtis
>Woah! the whole herd except for smarty gasp and most shit themselves
> the black toughie is now covering his eyes with his hooves a mound of shit behind him
>not the first time I've seen this happen though
>It seems that ferals in the area regard my reptilian pet as some sort of for better terms a "boogeyman"
>seems some of the longer lived ferals that had managed to escape Curtis had passed down tales of the "scalwy munstah cuwtus" to their spawn and as fluffies reproduce notoriously fast tales of him have trickled down through the generations
>"dummeh hewd cuwtus nu weal jus scawy sweepietime stowie fo dummeh babbehs" yells smarty
>by now the whole herd has gathered behind the smarty
>"toughies fowow smawty we gif dummeh hoomans foweber sweepies" smarty and the red and blue toughies advance
>"Smawty su bwave, hooway fo smawty"yells the herd
>ok you asked for it
>I open the sliding door and Curtis emerges from Tom's house and having already caught the scent of his victims charges forward
>"Eeeep cuwtus am weal" squeals one of the mares
>Cuwtus nu wook tough dummehs says smarty
>We gif biggest hurties
>Curtis lunges forward grabbing the blue tuffie by his left front leg and begins to thrash him around
>The third toughie who shit himself at the mention of Curtis is now curled up sucking one of his hooves, huuu huuing with tears staining the fluff around his eyes
>The blue toughie shits himself from pain and fear, tufts of his fluff coming off and bones breaking from the thrashing
>Needle like teeth digging in to flesh and the sheer savagery of the attack the toughies leg rips from his body and he lands a few feet away a broken and bloody mess
This makes me sad. I like chocobos way more than fluffys
>The second toughie musters his courage and charges Curtis from behind
>But he's too slow as Curtis's tail cracks like a whip landing a blow to the toughies head
>"You could hear the bones crack on that one " laughs Tom
>the toughie slumps to the ground blood pouring from it's nostrils, an eye dangling from the socket,jaw dislodged teeth missing,it's skull clearly deformed by the impact
>I've always heard that a swing of a large monitors tail could break a man's arm, so it must be absolutely devastating to a fluffy
>In the commotion smarty makes a break for it hiding inside Sarah's playhouse
>the gathered herd has now broken rank and make a break for it heading for the now covered hole in Tom's fence several foals are trampled as they're parents abandon them chirping on the ground
>Now all that remains in the open yard are three toughies either dead, dying, or catatonic with fear, two soon mammas too fat to move and various foals mostly the ones who eyes had only recently opened and the ones who had been trampled to death by the fleeing herd
>Curtis moves to the foals that are still chirping one the ground and begins to devour them one by one
>they're bowels already voided by fear
>the fragile things are crushed in his jaws and promptly swallowed whole
d promptly swallowed whole
>Curtis passes the toughie who has been reduced mentally to a newborn and makes his way to the soon mammas most likely detered by the mound of shit the toughie was lying in
>he pounces on the first pinning her you can hear her spine break under his weight shitting and pissing herself in the process
>he begins to dig into her with his claws and buries his head into her stomach cavity, the mare letting loose the most ungodly screams of pain
>Suddenly he jerks his head out of her holding the remnants of her uterus in his maw, premature foals and umbilicle cords dangling, the faintest sound of peeps can be heard
>Curtis swallows them down as the mare uses her dying breath to scream "tummeh babbehs nuuu" as she bleeds out
>He proceeds to the neon pink soon mummah when suddenly we hear "spesawl feend nuuu!"
>We see smarty charge out of the playhouse as fast as his stubby legs will carry him his horn pointed forward
>He broadsides Curtis and stops instantly with a "screeeee pwetty hown haf biggest hurties"
>Tom and I laughing our asses off at the dumb shit having broken his horn off against the scaly hide of the Immovable object known as Curtis
>Tom:holy shit I was worried there for a second good thing shitrats are so fragile or Curtis might've been in trouble
>Yeah makes ya wonder how the hell they manage to survive in the wild
>Curtis ignoring the crying smarty who is trying his best to hoof him to death to no effect repeats the process of disemboweling the neon green mare and devouring her unborn foals
>He the turns his full attention to the smarty
>Curtis bites hard into the hide on the smarties back a shakes him furiously ripping out a chunk of flesh
>He latches on again clawing the smarty disemboweling him, thrashing until smarty is completely torn in two
and the ugly people losers smell like poop and people act like ugly people losers deserve things cause dont want bad services from the ugly people losers that outnumber everybody and if your real sick then you will get bad service and the ugly people losers smell like poop and the ugly people losers that smell like poop will give you bad services and the ugly people losers smell like shit
>His stomach full and his energy spent Curtis ascends the large rock in Tom's yard that had formerly been smarties "throne" and begins to sun himself
>Well Tom looks like Curtis is spent go ahead and grab a wheel barrel and a shovel and we'll start cleaning up
>Tom: yeah we might as well Sarah is gonna be home from school in about an hour
>I walk over to the remaining members of the herd who are cowering in front of former hole in the fence hooves over they're eyes huuu huuing
>I bring the shovel down
>fwpaang! "Screee!!!" fwpaang! Fwwpang ! I bring the shovel down on the adults, sparing the remaning foals who I place in a box
>Curtis might get hungry again and I'd rather not make a trip to the pet store to buy feeder foals
>Ok that's that, load em' up and we'll get the ones in the yard next
>Tom: you not gonna finish him off? pointing at the mentally obliterated toughie chirping and peeping in a pile of his own shit and piss
>Nah once they get like that they usually die on they're own
>Tom: oh ok
>Yeah just toss him in with the rest
>as I lift the eviscerated smarty by what scruff he has left I feel something, oh shit!
>Hey Tom smarty here has a collar, fuck just what I need today, having to call the number on the collar to let someone know they're beloved pet met it's end at the fury of Curtis
i'm not a banana fan, but want to ruin.
You let a fucking annoying chocoboasshole post, i can derail the thread too like the other chocoasshole
You are right it's not. So why don't you make one for you bananas and leave us in peace so we can enjoy our degeneracy.
>I put sparky as his collar calls him in a trash bag and toss him in the trunk of my car next to the box of foals
>Then I hose off Curtis and place him in the car
>Tom pays me my fee and asks
>Tom: why did Curtis massacre the adults but only eat the foals I mean seriously he even shredded the pregnant mares to get to the ones they had inside like a crack addict
>Well Tom when fluffies reach adolescence they're bodies produce an enzyme that manifests as a pheromone released when they experience fear
>This pheromone is known to send monitor lizards into a bloodrage of sorts that only ends when all fluffies are dead or the lizard wears itself out
>This enzyme also makes the fluffies meat quite distasteful to theclizards
>foals on the other hand do not produce this enzyme
>Plus unlike snakes, lizards who are fed foals do acquire an addiction of sorts I once saw a tegu eat so many that it's stomach burst
>The jury is still out on what causes it though
>Plus the foals are packed with nutrients that are beneficial to the lizard, hence Curtis's size
>Tom: I get it now, well see ya later
>Hey Sarah asks I'll just tell her her New freinds found a better home don't want to traumatize the kid
>Tom: yeah I'll wait til she older to show her the video of Curtis at work
>I wave bye to Tom and head home dreading the phone call I have to make
If you were annoyed that the Chocobo poster was spamming and wasn't being called out/banned, I don't know what to tell you. Not only is replying likely to encourage him, but reporting for spam rarely works.
Instead of just dealing with it, you are doing the exact same thing. I just don't see the logic in it.