NOW, THIS IS A STORY ALL ABOUT HOW MY LIFE GOT FLIPPED-TURNED UPSIDE DOWN AND I'D LIKE TO TAKE A MINUTE JUST SIT RIGHT THERE I'LL TELL YOU HOW I BECAME THE PRINCE OF POSTING BIG
IN WEST PHILADELPHIA BORN AND RAISED ON THE PLAYGROUND WAS WHERE I SPENT MOST OF MY DAYS CHILLIN' OUT MAXIN' RELAXIN' ALL COOL AND ALL SHOOTIN SOME B-BALL OUTSIDE OF THE SCHOOL WHEN A COUPLE OF SMALLPOSTERS WHO WERE UP TO NO GOOD STARTIN MAKING TROUBLE IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD I GOT IN ONE LITTLE FIGHT AND MY MOM GOT SCARED AND SAID 'YOU'RE MOVIN' WITH YOUR AUNTIE AND UNCLE IN BEL AIR'
I BEGGED AND PLEADED WITH HER DAY AFTER DAY BUT SHE PACKED MY SUITCASE AND SEND ME ON MY WAY SHE GAVE ME A KISS AND THEN SHE GAVE ME MY TICKET. I PUT MY WALKMAN ON AND SAID, 'I MIGHT AS WELL KICK IT'.
FIRST CLASS, YO THIS IS BAD DRINKING ORANGE JUICE OUT OF A CHAMPAGNE GLASS. IS THIS WHAT THE LARGEPOSTE OF BEL-AIR LIVING LIKE? HMMMMM THIS MIGHT BE ALRIGHT.
BUT WAIT I HEAR THERE'RE PRISSY, BOURGEOIS AND ALL THAT IS THIS THE TYPE OF PLACE THAT THEY SHOULD SEND THIS COOL CAT? I DON'T THINK SO I'LL SEE WHEN I GET THERE I HOPE THEY'RE PREPARED FOR THE LARGEPOSTER
WELL, THE PLANE LANDED AND WHEN I CAME OUT THERE WAS A DUDE WHO LOOKED LIKE A COP STANDING THERE WITH MY NAME OUT I AIN'T TRYING TO GET ARRESTED YET I JUST GOT HERE I SPRANG WITH THE QUICKNESS LIKE LIGHTNING, DISAPPEARED
I WHISTLED FOR A CAB AND WHEN IT CAME NEAR THE LICENSE PLATE SAID 'BIG' AND IT HAD DICE IN THE MIRROR IF ANYTHING I CAN SAY THAT THIS CAB WAS RARE BUT I THOUGHT 'NAH FORGET IT' - 'YO HOMES TO BEL AIR'
I PULLED UP TO THE HOUSE ABOUT 7 OR 8 AND I YELLED TO THE CABBIE 'YO HOMES SMELL YA LATER' I LOOKED AT MY KINGDOM I WAS FINALLY THERE TO SIT ON MY THRONE AS THE LARGEPOSTER
ALL CAPS IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL. USING THE "CAPS LOCK" KEY MAKES YOU BECOME AN IMPORTANT AND RESPECTED INTERNETS USER. EVERYTHING YOU SAY WILL BE TERRIBLY INTERESTING AND INSIGHTFUL, MEMBERS OF ALL GENDERS WILL WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU, AND YOU'LL BE GOOD IN BED. IT WILL ALSO MAKE YOU SOUND LIKE BILLY MAYS.
WHEN USING THE ALL CAPS METHOD, REMEMBER TO PRESS IT AGAIN WHEN YOU ARE THROUGH BEING COOL
MY NAME IS JOHN, AND I HATE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU. ALL OF YOU ARE FAT, RETARDED, NO-LIFES WHO SPEND EVERY SECOND OF THEIR DAY SMALLPOSTING. YOU ARE EVERYTHING BAD IN THE WORLD. HONESTLY, HAVE ANY OF YOU EVER GOTTEN ANY PUSSY? I MEAN, I GUESS IT'S FUN MAKING FUN OF PEOPLE BECAUSE OF YOUR OWN INSECURITIES, BUT YOU ALL TAKE TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL. THIS IS EVEN WORSE THAN JERKING OFF TO PICTURES ON FACEBOOK.
DON'T BE A STRANGER. JUST HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT. I'M PRETTY MUCH PERFECT. I WAS CAPTAIN OF THE FOOTBALL TEAM, AND STARTER ON MY BASKETBALL TEAM. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, OTHER THAN "SMALLPOSTING"? I ALSO GET STRAIGHT A'S, AND HAVE A BANGING HOT GIRLFRIEND (SHE JUST BLEW ME; SHIT WAS SO CASH). YOU ARE ALL SMALLPOSTER FAGGOTS WHO SHOULD JUST KILL YOURSELVES. THANKS FOR LISTENING.
>>717309773 You know what john I don't like you either and right now i'm gonna respond to your comments, about me and my fellow /b/rowsers, with well thought out counter arguments that will make you crawl back into the pussy that you came out of. John is a really stupid and outdated name, thinking that a stupid name like that makes you "cool" in any way shape or form is an insult to the intelligence of everyone that can count to 5. And guess what...... i hate you too. Now I don't know about the rest of the /b/rowsers here but I am not someone you would call "fat", just big boned. I also have an IQ of around 145 and have won multiple awards in chess and go, so it's safe to say that the only retard right here is you and that sorry excuse for a human you call your "bitch". I don't see how I AM what is wrong with the world when i have contributed more to society at the age of 20 than you can ever hope to achieve, while at the same time getting sophisticated pussy due to my excellent social skills and my way with the ladies. You say you're perfect, that you were captain of the football team and that you get straight A's but all I see in this picture is a fucking brainlet little faggot who looks like the bastard child of Donald Trump and Ken the doll. You would never understand the appeal of "naked japanese people" because your brain is so primitive and under-developed that I bet it resembles more that of an ape's than a human's.
"You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves". Back at you buddy.
BILLY MAYS WAS NOT INVOLVED WITH THE KU KLUX KLAN, BUT HE WAS STILL A NIGGER STOMPER AND USUALLY CAPTURED HIS AUDIENCE'S ATTENTION BY BUSTING ON TO THE SET OF THE INFOMERCIAL LIKE A BUTTHURTING KOOL-AID MAN ON CRACK AND BEGAN YELLING ABOUT THE AMAZING POWER OF WHATEVER RANDOM GIZMO HE HAPPENED TO BE PEDDLING THAT DAY. THOSE VIEWERS WHO HADN'T SUFFERED SHOCK-INDUCED HEART ATTACKS OR FLED THE ROOM IN TERROR WERE NOW COMPLETELY ENAMORED BY BILLY MAYS' MARKETING PITCH. MAYS THEN WENT ON TO DEMONSTRATE HOW ASTOUNDING HIS PRODUCT WAS AND HOW YOU COULDN'T POSSIBLY GO ABOUT YOUR PATHETIC EXISTENCE WITHOUT IT. HE ACCOMPLISHED THIS THROUGH MANY MEANS, HIS DEAFENING VOCAL STYLE BEING ONE OF THEM. MAYS ALSO RESORTED TO STRINGING TOGETHER A BUNCH OF NURSERY SCHOOL RHYMES ABOUT THE PRODUCT (HE WAS PROBABLY THE ONLY GROWN MAN WHO COULD GET AWAY WITH THIS) OR THROWING TOGETHER OVER-ELABORATE “PRACTICAL” DEMONSTRATIONS AND SHOWING HOW HIS PRODUCT COULD OVERCOME THEM WITH EASE. NIGGERS NEVER REALLY CAUGHT ON. BILLY MAYS HERE, THE GREAT THING ABOUT GETTING DOUBLE YOUR ORDER OF OXICLEAN ISN'T ABOUT GETTING IT FREE, IT'S TELLING EVERYONE ONLINE THAT YOU DID.
FOR INSTANCE, SAY MAYS WAS MARKETING A CARPET CLEANER; FOR A DEMO HE WOULD BUST INTO YOUR HOUSE AND SPILL A JUG OF RED WINE AND A BUCKET OF SHEEP'S BLOOD ON YOUR CARPET, THEN PISS ON IT JUST FOR GOOD MEASURE. HE'D THEN BREAK OUT THE ZORBEEZ!. AND LIKE MAGIC, THAT STAIN HAD ITS ASS HANDED TO IT ON A PLATTER. BUT BEFORE LEAVING WITH JUST A SIMPLE GOODBYE AND A PHONE NUMBER, BILLY MAYS WOULD CONTINUE HIS ASSAULT ON YOUR AUDITORY SENSES AND PROMISE TO SEXTUPLE THE OFFER FOR FREE!!!!! AND HE'D EVEN THROW IN SOME MIGHTY PUTTY, A COUPLE HERULES HOOKS, AN AWESOME AUGER, AND A HANDJOB, ALL FOR THE LOW, LOW PRICE OF ONLY $19.95 - BUT ONLY IF YOU CALL WITHIN THE NEXT 30 SECONDS!
BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T FILM THESE THINGS AHEAD OF TIME AND RUN THEM CONTINUOUSLY, YOU KNOW.
>>717314572 WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SMALLPOSTERS JUST FUCKING SAY ABOUT ME, YOU LITTLE SMALL POSTING BITCH? I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I GRADUATED LARGEST POSTED OF MY CLASS IN THE NAVY SEALS, AND IVE BEEN INVOLVED IN NUMEROUS SECRET RAIDS ON SMALLPOSTERS, AND I HAVE OVER 300 CONFIRMED KILLS ON SMALLPOSTERS. I AM TRAINED IN GORILLA WARFARE AND IM THE LARGEST POSTER IN THE ENTIRE US ARMED FORCES. YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME BUT JUST ANOTHER SMALLPOSTING TARGET. I WILL WIPE YOU SMALLPOSTERS THE FUCK OUT WITH PRECISION THE LIKES OF WHICH HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE ON THIS EARTH, MARK MY FUCKING WORDS. YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH SMALLPOSTING TO ME OVER THE INTERNET? THINK AGAIN, FUCKER. AS WE SPEAK I AM CONTACTING MY SECRET LARGEPOSTING NETWORK OF LARGEPOSTERS ACROSS THE USA AND YOUR IP IS BEING TRACED RIGHT NOW SO YOU BETTER PREPARE FOR THE STORM, MAGGOT. THE STORM THAT WIPES OUT THE PATHETIC LITTLE THING YOU CALL YOUR SMALLPOSTED LIFE. YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD, SMALLPOSTER. I CAN BE ANYWHERE, ANYTIME, AND I CAN KILL YOU IN OVER SEVEN HUNDRED WAYS, AND THAT'S JUST WITH MY BARE HANDS. NOT ONLY AM I EXTENSIVELY TRAINED IN UNARMED COMBAT, BUT I HAVE ACCESS TO THE ENTIRE ARSENAL OF THE UNITED STATES MARINE CORPS AND I WILL USE IT TO ITS FULL EXTENT TO WIPE YOUR MISERABLE ASS OFF THE FACE OF THE CONTINENT, YOU SMALLPOSTING SHIT. IF ONLY YOU COULD HAVE KNOWN WHAT UNHOLY RETRIBUTION YOUR "LITTLE COMMENT" WAS ABOUT TO BRING DOWN UPON YOU, MAYBE YOU WOULD HAVE HELD YOUR FUCKING TONGUE. BUT YOU COULDNT, YOU DIDNT, AND NOW YOURE PAYING THE PRICE, YOU GODDAMN IDIOT. I WILL SHIT FURY ALL OVER YOU AND YOU WILL DROWN IN IT. YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD, SMALLPOSTER.
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