embarrassing/funny sex stories? GO! >be me and gf >try

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>>717303130

Retard, you feel better now that you posted something that didn't happen? Time to an hero.

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>>717303130
>>717303130
>>717303130

I have no response to that.

>Be 16, feeling horny, flicking through undrewear seaction of catalogue to wank
>Roll of duct tape on my desk
>Stupid fucking idea
>Tape up my balls, no idea why, just felt kinky
>Keep wanking, cum, clean up
>Try to pull tape off
>Fuck, body hair
>Spent 2 hours with scissors to carefully remove tape
>Still no fucking idea why I did it

>>717303317
ouch

>>717303130
lmao is that the real tattoo she got?

also why is her ass covered in shit?

>>717303130
This is so stupid it might actually be true.

>>717303316
it was very sad.

>>717303458
That's real, there's a video somewhere. That's not shit that's the black ink that just got smeared

>>717303317
sounds about right

teenagers are disgusting

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>>717303458

bung tattoos are quite popular now.

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>>717303130

my ex gf let me fuck her in the ass in the back side of the car in a park at night. didnt like it very much, dont know what all the fuss is all about.

we called it ass park from then on.

It's like a black belt for sluttieness

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>> Getting fucked real good
>> I already came but she keeps ramming the dildo in
>> "mum stop I'm talking to my friends online"
>> she doesnt stop

I started doing it myself after that.

>>717303951

i dont understand the attracting to anal. i think its fucking gross to be honest. girls poo too.

>>717303568

That's not her tattoo, she got a different one.

https://www.tattoodo.com/a/2015/09/nsfw-original-butthole-tattoo-girl-s-anal-ink-unveiled/

you can kind of see what she got here

http://i.muchosucko.com/production/asset/thumb/117/623/450x1000/spitfirst.jpg

I think this is the spit first girl but I'm not sure if it's the same girl in the top and bottom pic.

>>717304064
I know, and it's fucking hot, anon.

You don't love a girl until you've eaten her shit. That's a fact of life.

>>717303317
Came for embarrassing stories, stayed for ylyl?

>>717303626
Was horny all the time at that age. Turns out I have a bondage fetish, but a fucking painful way to find out.

>>717303909

Enterobious vermicularis?

>>717303130
Thats one jacked up, filthy ass...

She at least couldve bathed first

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>be 15
>tried to convince my girlfriend to let me finger her
>she agrees
>spend a couple minutes making out then i go for it
>retarded 15 year old me doesnt know what hole to finger so i just slide my 2 fingers in
>she didnt like it
>stops me and then goes home 30 minutes later
>less than a week later she tells me she got a urinary track infection
>mfw it was probably me who made her catch it

>>717303317
Because you were thinking of black cocks and how you're is smaller so you tried to use black tape to make yours look like a black cock thats why you did it also not bait.

>>717303130

ah look the usual jew cuck fetishist is posting his made-up little stories

>go die in a hole

>saged

>>717303130
Faggot ass cuck

Be me
Be when i was 15
Horny while makingout with gf
I ask her to blow me
She doesnt want to
I ask for hand job and she freaks out and leaves
Never been so horny in my life.
Jeerk off watching my sister ssun bake
Mom walks in on me and knows i was looking at sister.
She completly freaks out calls me a monster and a creep.
I go to my room and cry still have boner
Might as well finish off.
I lay down and jerk off. Mom walks in again.
Screams at me and leaves

>>717303673
>bung tattoos are quite popular now.

Dem Daddy-Issues, doe...

>>717306814
Now that's embarrassing

>>717303317
I remember reading your story before. Still gets me.

>>717306814
/thread

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>>717303130

>>717303909
Pretty fucking disgusting

>>717304519
>Enterobious vermicularis

First thing I saw too. Pretty sure you're right...

>>717306814
Kek'd.

>>717303766
what´s written there?

>>717306821
Love those ones

>>717303130
You turned your girlfriend into a cuck while getting assfucked by a nigger then shit all over your bed.
I would have left too

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>>717306814
a winner is you

>>717303766
what's the name of that whore?

>>717303673
>>717307395
>>717307395
>>717307395
>>717307395
>>717307395
Milhouse Mussolini Van Houten

>be me, 15 yr old anon
>have 15 yr old GF
>we had been banging for about hald a year already, much too soon we didnt know wtf we were doing
>one day my mother took me her and my little sister to disneyland
>were happy fags and had great time
>got really horny right before leaving
>had no time to do anything, we were both HNNNNGG.JPG
>sit in the backseat with her on drive home
>She put hand in my crotch and I lost all my marbles
>totally drunk of the situation and atmosphere, both horny as fuck
>start making out in back seat and shove my hand down her pants
>finger her, she moans, mom screams.
>Ripped out of beautiful state of mindless groping
>oshit.gif
>look at gf face and see the same
>rip hand our of her pants and everybody sits still in car
>gf starts crying
>mom doest dare to avert eyes from the road
>little sister cries for no reason bc my gf is crying
>I sit there still horny af waiting for the 3 hour drive to pass

>be me 24yo
>Getting on with a 19yo 7/10 at a house party
>"Let's go upstairs anon"
>My dick leads the way
>Hot and steamy in some guys parents bedroom
>Clothes off
>Getting the best head I had in years
>Door knocks and opens
>Two guy anons laugh and close the door but it opens itself slowly
>Start fucking femanon
>Guys come back and start watching and cheering
>Start struggling to perform
>Start giving her the fingers
>Femanon says "hey anons come and join in"
>Heart racing and dick getting hard
>Pound her from behind like I've never pounded before
>Femanon sucks off the two guys while we all laugh and high five
>Cum inside her
>Anons cum on her face

Was a very random but hot experience. We couldn't stop laughing during it

>>717308444
Kek fuck that pressure dude

Fucked my ex gfs daughter a few times and got very close to fucking them together but the gf backed out and made me choose between them at the last minute. The Daughter was 21 at the time. When I had to choose I slammed the daughter for a few hours then left and never saw either of them again. Never known any other girl as much of a slut as that daughter

>>717303130
you deserved it you nigger cuck
kill yourself
and take this nigger animal with you

>>717308997
Do you think mom had fucked guys with her before? Any idea how she got started as a slut?

>>717303130
That woman has no respect for her unders.

>>717303907
I like this post

>>717303907
Im the same aswell. My gf just one day said she wanted me to ass fuck her, she didnt like it much and either did I. She has a perfectly fine pussy so why fuck the ass?

>>717305228
Never seen a tattoo been done or had one have you? Its ink

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>be 15 in highschool
>wanted a bigger penis
>discovered jelqing
>jackpot.file
>thought i could be more efficient with the whole penis excercise thing
>believed it would be a good idea to wrap a rubber band around my hard cock before i wemt to be. like a cock ring or something
>i woke up to shear pain in my banded penis at 2:00 am.
>mfw my wank is purple
>mfw i forgot that willies eventually got soft

>>717307581
I thought that to

>>717303909
Is that a fucking pin worm coming out her ass?

>>717309215
I know they had fucked in the same bed before but never fucked each other. Daughter had daddy issues and self esteem issues too. She fucked hundreds and her mom knew all about it too

>>717310473
When did she start? Do you think when she was younger, her mom's other boyfriends did stuff with her? Do you think mom had encouraged or enabled her from an early age?

ITT: things that never happened

She didn't really enable it no but she was also a slut in her younger days so the daughter probably got it from there. No idea when she started but I know she said she lost count of how many guys she slept with and sucked off. And that it was well in the hundreds. She said that in front of her mom too. One of the other ex boyfriends also fucked the daughter yes

>>717310620
>>717310879

>be me 6 months after divorce
>pull a date off of Match
>10/10 looks, Ivy League educated, big time job
>before I ever meet her we we are making sexy talk on an phone and text - jackpot!
>1st date, she drinks like a fucking fish
>gets bombed, wants to go back to my place
>she's on her back on my couch, my dick in her mouth with me standing over her
>she sticks a finger in my ass
>okay
>two fingers
>interesting?!?
>then it feels like she is trying to fist my ass
>flacidpenis.exe
>she becomes belligerent, nasty, borderline insane...
>passes out
>When she wakes I drive her 15 miles back to her car - in silence

>>717307620

One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them,
One ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.

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>>717303130
>>717303316

>>717303130
HAHAHAHA LOOOOOL XD !! Funny one lol xP

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>>717310409

>>717303130
fuck man, imagine the smell..

That guy better have made bank from that

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>>717312589
What smell`? You know, outside India, people actually wipe their butts and take a shower once in a while... So the guy who inked her, probably did smell sweat and maybe some pussy and very little ass.

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>>717312589

it is not like she is overweight or anything...

>>717310409
Yup sure is :(

>>717303130

>>717312589
If you're thinking all that muck around her ring is shit, it's not. It's ink.

>going with girl for a few months
>very kinky. willing to do anything
>in bed at my place
>tells me to fuck her ass
>says she wants a piss enema
>WTF?, but OK
>fuck and cum in her ass
>need to wait a few minutes before I can piss
>start pissing. she says she feels warm inside
>tell her I'm finished and going to pull out so she can clench her butt closed
>pull out
>her ass erupts is a fountain of piss and shit
>she yells "oh my god" and jumps off the bed
>runs towards bathroom pushing her ass cheeks shut
>dropping little shit crumbs along the way like Hansel and Gretel
>slams bathroom door shut
>noises coming from bathroom sound like a bear drowning in the toilet
>meanwhile I've put my sheets in a trash bag to burn later
>scrubbing floor with disinfectant wipes
>girlfriend comes out of bathroom
>quietly gets dressed and leaves
>doesn't answer my calls or texts

And that's the story of how I got a new mattress.

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>>717313421

Jesus Christ.

>be 19, slightly overweight, engaged to 20 year old
>did a pretty good job she's hot as guck, always guys around
>one mutual friend sleeping over with us in studio apartment because he go too drunk
>have this crazy idea, start playing around while he's snoring and soon we're full on fucking while friend is sleeping near the foot of the bed
>pull covers off slowly, she's riding me in plain view, snoring has stopped
>she's groaning and making noise, soon I cum but she's not finished yet
>"aaaah you're soft already?!?" She whispers
>she rolls off of me, and we both see our friend.
>he's naked and staring at my fiancee
>he's fully erect, and literally twice as big as me and twice as long
>nobody says a word, fiancee just leans back and spreads her legs
>he takes his bat up to the mound, as it were, and I watch as my fiancee (who has never struggled to take my dick) gasps, moans, and orgasms just from him shoving it in
>I make a sad display of playing with her breasts and kissing her while he fucks her, now I'm hard again but she refuses a request for head while he's still hammering away
>they fuck longer than we ever have, and he's pounding her hard
>"It's never felt like this before" she tells him, quietly but I hear it
>eventually, agonizing minutes later, he cums in her
>after he pulls out, she licks him clean, something she's always told me is "your mess" to deal with
>some satisfaction in the idea that some of that sperm was mine probably... but not enough
>while she's cleaning him I take it upon myself to site her I cam perform too, slip back inside her as I'm still hard
>"Mmmm, no Anon, no. I'm really sore right now. "

>next morning he leaves, fiancee tells me she doesn't want to get married
>we dated right out of high school, each other's only sexual partners until last night
>"I think there is just a lot out there to experience that we'll miss."
>knew exactly what she was thinking of, cried like a little bitch, and we broke up

>>717305900
Wait your not supposed to finger the peehole?
Oh shit nigger what have I been doing will she dead?

>>717313421
>And that's the story of how I got a new mattress.

topkek

>>717308242
>gf starts crying
fucking got me hard dude

>>717313909
thats exactly what I experienced, apart from the fact that I was the guy who had a dick twice the size of the other anon

>>717314174

I learned she was quite a bitch later in life man, dodged a bullet of sorts

>>717314247
ye i catch your drift

>>717306814
You da real MVP

>>717311904
>internet explorer
wat

>>717303130
>watching hot jack of video
>woman is get fuck in cat
>camera director look at closeup begin on her
>suddenly hairy man asshole in frame
>ask father to leave room for i am watch the jack of video

>>717313421
I laughed hard. Not only is it a funny story but you told it expertly.

>>717313909
>she's hot as guck

>>717313909
>>717314988
More like hot as cuck.

>>717303130
>fucking gf
>pretty hot, we did a lot of foreplay beforehand so i'm already pretty close
>about to blow my load
>look up
>my fucking CAT is starring me right in the face with the most horrified expression
>he legitimately looks terrified like a firework has gone off or something
>gf notices
>"DUDE YOUR CAT IS WATCHING US FUCK"
>too late, cum
>pull out as quickly as possible
>cum all over sheets and gf
>cat freaks out, runs to door and starts clawing the shit out of it and howling
>gf starts laughing

>>717313909
>don't give a fuck about my relationship so i whore out my gf
>cry because relationship is over

you must be a tolerant, liberal, privileged white male
fuck off

>>717313909
Holy shit. How can you be such a cuck? You could have prevented that shit so easily. You're lucky in a way though. If you had married her she'd have clearly cheated on you anyway and not only would you still have your heart broken but you'd have to go through the divorce process. Guess you have two options now; either embrace your status as a fullblown, literal cuckold or become a fag and post pics of your shaved ass and teeny tiny useless cock in the trap threads.

>>717315378

Wasn't the peak of my life, didn't define it either.

>>717313421
>like a bear drowning in the toilet
lost

>>717303866
Digging that surprised cyclops tattoo.

>>717315982
kek

>be 18 drunk and stoned at party at friends house
>8/10 gf and I decide to spend the night because it's a long drive home
>like 7 people passed out in the only bedroom
>we share twin bed with fugly lesbian couple
>decide to mess around
>skirt up, panties to the side, three fingers inside, she's moaning like crazy but no one seems to care
>try to fuck
>missionary all up on top of ugly lez #1
>can't get it in
>"again? I'm so horny... You never fuck me good when I'm high!"
>whole room erupts in laughter
>try to flop over and sleep
>few minutes later hear gf moaning again
>roll over to see her with a leg in the air, making out with ugly lez #2 while #1 furiously fucks here with her fingers
>she cums
>hard
>nobody says anything about it and they all fall asleep
>except me
>stay awake all night trying to shovel spaghetti back into my pockets
>continue dating her for 2 years and we never mention that night till we break up

>>717309900

Is benis ded now?

>>717306814
something similar happened to me but my mom was sympathetic to my horniness and didn't shame me for it.

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>>717303130
oh, it was your bum

>>717306814
What a start to the year...

>>717314952
expertly trolled

>>717303130
Cool story Bro, i hope you realize you only have one option, there is no other.
Kill yourself for yur own good

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How much text does a 4chan comment window allow before it hits you with a limit? I've hit the limit before, but I haven't really ever counted exactly how many lines is the limit. I want to write a green text, and I want it segmented properly.

>be me, 19 yo
>have cute petite gf, 16 yo
>i live 300km away, cause of university, she stays back home
>rarely see each other
>when we do, we fuck like rabbits, but it usually lasts really short cause her pussy is tiny and it hurts her after a while
>havent seen her in a month
>horniness coming out of my eyes
>tell her im grabbing a bus and coming home tomorrow
>she tells me she cant wait to see me
>in the morning she tells me a dog bit her leg really hard
>check date, its the first of april, so i go along with it
>come home, invite her to our fuck place
>start fucking her really hard
>want to change positions
>accidentally step on her leg
>she SCREAMS in pain, blood everywhere
>a dog actually bit her and her leg was in bandages and stitches, which have now ruptured because of me stepping on her
>she fucking rages and slaps me and tells me to gtfo
>mfw traveled 300 km to get blue balls

>>717317635
MAUDES!!!!!1!

>>717317742
relax dude, 16 yo is the age of consent where i live.

>>717317635
>want to change positions
>accidentally step on her leg
Were you going to dive bomb her?

>>717316726
penis is fine but i swear i thought i was going to lose it from loss of circulation

>>717317892
no, we were in missionary and i went to lie down so she could ride me, but in the dark didnt see her leg and stepped on it with all my weight.

>>717311103
Id give you money for that joke holy shit

>>717306814
kekelekek my frienderino

>>717317635
how the fuck did you manage to step on her leg while switching positions? tf wrong with your ass

>>717303909
Need the screencap where this was posted under the 'things that turn you on' or whatever thread. Which then lead into the guy mentioning how him and his gf were into worming.

>>717317635
>go to switch positions
>burst into flames

>>717307620

Jarrod's Little Fuckhole

>>717314952
luld

>>717304198
I wish she had done some porn. She looks like she'd have been great

>>717314952
That's make me kek.

>>717318042
see
>>717317972

>>717316677

you did mention it again when you broke up? Requesting story

>>717318443
Isn't she a little old for him?

>>717318832
Our breakup was nasty. She turned into a giant cunt towards the end.
We lived together but she cheated on me (again) so she wound up having to either pay me rent and sleep in the fucking closet or move out. But she had just got fired so she was pretty much homeless if I kicked her out.
At one point our arrangement was any time she was home (in her goddamn closet) I could fuck her throat and cum on her face unless she had paid rent that week.
That went on for about 7 weeks, where she only paid once. I was fucking pissed at her so every time I could I'd bring up some shit she did to piss me off and tell her about it while humiliating her.
"You feel more like a whore now with my hairy balls in your mouth or when you got fingered by two dykes next to me at Jason's party?"
Kinda turned her on to get used like that, and it kinda turned me on to be a douchebag to her with zero consequences.
She eventually moved signed up for the Chair Force and is now "deployed" in South Dakota.

background: wife only tolerates anal occasionally and always at my initiation, but when we do she enjoys it. I'm pretty girthy so it requires time and lots of lube
>we’re lying in bed one weekend morning, getting ready to start the day
>wife goes into shower first
>she comes out, dries herself, gets back into bed and starts making out with me
>things getting frisky and I'm now all set for some pre-breakfast nookie
>wife gives me a cheeky grin, goes into spoon position (she small spoon)
>she turns head and carries on kissing me
>I’m nibbling the side of her neck, fondling her tits and stroking her pussy
>she’s appreciatively rocking and moving her hips

interest? Or is Zed dead?

>>717320551
go

>>717320551
fuck off

>>717306814
b-bretty good anon

>>717320661
>>717320710
One for, one against. This anon
>>717320710
seems pretty emphatic - have you seen it before?

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>ex bf started to get horny and grind against me saying he wants to insert it into my poo hole
>i say no because i'm not prepared and cleaned
>he does it anyway
>poo everywhere, even on my back
>gets mad and screams at me
>we shower
>i start to cry
>he doesn't do anything about it
>i go to bed and start crying even more
>he still ignores me

>>717321137
You should demand that you put your dick in him in return

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>>717306814

>>717321137
Sounds like you deserved it. You should have appologized and cleaned his dick with your mouth.

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>>717303130
>be me
>18 yo virgin
>go to Amsterdam, red light district
>pay 50€ for a hooker
>she won't take off her bra unless I give her another 50 €
>poorfag.jpg
>puts condom on and starts sucking
>start to get hard
>puts it in her pussy
>dontfeelanything.gif
>I begin to get limp
>she notices it and pulls my dick out
>she starts stroking it rtying to get me hard
>nothing happens
>I leave after 15 minutes of helpless cock reanimation
I spent 50€ and not only i didn't fuck her, but I didn't even see a fucking boob. That was my first and last sexual experience. Pic related, she looked like Mia Khalifa.

>>717322657
Wow, that's kinda poopy, but first times are often quite shitty.

>>717322746
I know, I asked some friend about their first experience and was quite shitty also for them, but none was as bad as mine.

>>717320306

> no green text, didn't read

>>717306814
put me in the screencap

>>717303130
>be me
>11/14 yo
>start having a masturbation relationship with my younger sister (actual sister not stepsister)
>we hump each other until we cum
>start getting more sexual, taking clothes off (underwear stays on)
>we get more into it
>I rub her pussy with my hand and she gives me clothed footjob
>thingsaregoingwell.jpeg
>suddenly she stops doing this thing with me
>ff 6 years
>seems like she doesn't care
>I'm still a lot into her
>I masturbate to her
>I spy her under the shower
>I still hope we start this thing again
Oh god, if i want to fuck my sister.

>>717321137
And this explains why he is your ex right? He sounds like an asshole.

If you say no, and he does it anyway, hit him in the throat, then the balls.

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>>717306814
fucking L O S T

>Start drinking when I get up because I'm an alcoholic
>Go over to my redneck friend's house so we can go drink somewhere together
>When I show up his grandmother invites me in and as we sit down in the kitchen says it's gonna be a while before he comes home
>She says this in a weird way as she touches my knee
>I don't know what I was thinking at that moment but she sees it as encouragement and starts massaging my groin
>I mean she was around 50 and I guess she has a nice face
>Also I'm continuously thinking "Let's see where this ends up." because that's what happens when you're drunk.
>She grabs my hand and walks me to a bedroom
>I stand by the bed and she sits down and starts licking my face with her freaky cow tongue and my stomach after she pulls out my shirt.
>I just am
>She pulls out my dick and starts slurping on it like a diabetic toddler sucks on an ice cream on a very hot day.
>Now I've been with a few girls but this is unreal.
>She stops sucking and kneels down before the bed, her tits resting on the bed
>I look at her ass and it's like her skin is actually moving from her ass to her ankles
>I can't help myself and start fucking her
>It feels like it takes forever before I cum and it was the first time I cried as I came
>As I pull up my pants in slow motion I hear my friend come in and say: "Grandma, where's anon?"
>I storm out of the bedroom towards my friend and tell him we gotta go because I walked in on his grandmother "changing"
>He just starts laughing and he says he wants to say goodbye to his grandmother before we go but I just complain that it was so embarrassing and that we should just leave.
>So we did.

And that's how I wound up at AA.

>>717324710
Phew I thought someone was about to turn into a bear or something.

>>717304217
This

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Wrote this quite a while ago.

>>717303130
I was a virgin

When I was 16 I would take my sister's underwear and tights and put them on to masturbate and once my sister caught me going through her underwear drawer and told my parents who sat me down to discuss privacy and sexual urges.

>>717304064
I'm a scat man!

>About five years ago
>in high school I was a fuckboy, so theres a few stories, but one stands out
>took this bitches virginity, 7/10
>we continued to fuck, but her brother was like 23 & lived at home, unemployed
>she'd always play pandora while we fucked so he wouldn't hear anything
>one day, mid fuck, "I just had sex" came on
> I sang the song while inside of her
>laughed so hard my dick got soft
>never came that day, she felt bad and made me food
>it was the worst sandwich I've ever had. Left that shit there and went home
>fucked again the next day & all was well

>>717323911
Fucking hot. Pics?

>>717325035
Any contact with her since I think she might find it funny if you explained the head banging. If she doesn't have a BF now that is.

LORD OF THE RING XDXDXDXD

>>717320306
Give me her name I can make her life more difficult . @ellsworth

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>>717326290
Yeah, a little

>text the girl after a few months
>she seems over it all, but doesn't seem interested in me anymore
>hasn't had any partners since then, apparently it turned her off
>explain my weird habits to her
>calls me a dumbfuck, we talk on the regular now
>one of my coolest friends
>starts dating a new guy
>all seems nice, i don't care much
>she breaks up with him, doesn't seem to bothered
>ask why
>during sex, he apparently rocked his head back and fourth and it reminded her of me
>my fucking face when

>>717303130
Is only smells

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>>717306814

>>717327175
Noice

Are American girls really that slutty?

>>717327641
In reference to?

>>717306814
Did she leave for good, or just for a moment?

>>717328041
Non western, civilized girls.

>>717303317
I don't think jacking off counts as a sex story. I kekked though, good job anon, I'm proud of you

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>Golden week between starting vocational college and leaving my old job
>Put an ad on CL
>Solid 7/10 milf wants me to fuck her
>whynot.jpeg
>get showered
>we talk on the phone and she gives me an address in the middle of nowhere
>Drive up for like two hours
>it's an abandoned ass house in the woods
>gonnagetkilledlol.gif
>she texts me to come inside
>I open the door
>I hear her moaning upstairs
>I creep up silently
>She looks just like her picture.
>Fuck the shit out of her
>She loves it
>Fat slob husband with eczema is telling her to "obey her master"
>I guess that's me
>Fuck her senseless for hours
>Insult the husband
>He doesn't like it, his dick goes limp
>Keep doing it
>This guy is way bigger than me, looks at me like he wants to kill me
>Pull out condom filled with cum and drop it on the floor
>"That's for you ya piece of shit"
>Just stares at me
>Look to his wife "You have my number"
>Drive home
>She texts me the next day telling me how big my cock is but she wants to show me how to use it. Says I shouldn't "bunny hop" while I fuck.
>I text her "You might talk to your loser husband that way, but you won't talk that way to me. Nice knowing you bitch."
>Never return her texts
>Best craigslist sex of my life

>>717322657
How old are you now?

>>717313909
this never happened

>>717323181
what a faggot
why not make it a post worthy of being capped? instead of just being a fucking mong faggot
>"hurr durr plz put me in the screen cap XD"

>>717313909
Nice fake cuck fetish story fag

>>717306296
>he thinks duct tape is black

>>717320306
So fake and gay

>>717328717
>Pull out condom filled with cum and drop it on the floor
>"That's for you ya piece of shit"

omg im fucking dying KEK

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>>717303130

>Be 18 year old with 16 year old 9/10 girlfriend.
>We decide it's time to take her virginity.
>Go at it and have incredible sex, she moans, I bork.
>We finish awesome sex and I pull out... condom is gone and my dick is bloody.
>I ask with a concerned tone if she is alright while wielding my bloody jiggy stick like a fork.
>She says "You hurt me, but it felt good".
>I acknowledge her by shacking my head and then ask where the condom is.
>Girlfriend shakes her head unknowingly and I briefly look for it in my bed (she seemed embarrassed enough) and we don't find it.
>To this day I am not sure if the condom got lost up her pussy.
>Also, we didn't get preggers because I went with her to King Soopers and bought an expensive ass morning after pill. She did however get prego right after I broke it off with her to join the Marines.

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>>717306814
i was going to share mine but ... damn. you win. i'm out.

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>>717303317

>>717330492

Now you're getting fucked by the big ole green weenie everyday.

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>going out with gf for just over a week
>stay at friends house
>friend encourages me to down pint of Vodka
>stupid me decides to do it
>pass out on sofa
>wake up hours later to girlfriend coming down stairs
>ask her what she did while I was passed out
>"nothing, we just watched TV"
>I bend her over the sofa and take her jeans down
>her pussy is soaking wet
>I eat her out from behind
>stick my cock in, and it slides in like nothing
>fuck her
>cum

I found out later that she fucked him while I saw asleep downstairs

>My face when I realised I ate his crreampie

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>>717313421

>>717330648
I was for sure. I'm 27 now and been out of the Marines for about 5 years.

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>>717306814
wow you were such an asshole

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>>717306814
Holy shit, anon.

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>>717306814

Now tell me, Anon, how has this affected your relationship with your mother?

>>717303821
Func enter

That is some pretty nerdy shit, right there

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>>717321597
top zoozle anon. zoozle'd all over the place.

>>717330169

I'm really surprised that guy didn't kick my ass. I'm not exactly small and I was working out regularly at the time, but this dude was like 6' 4" and probably 250lbs. He was a construction contractor, which is why they had that abandoned house.

True story though.

>>717304055
bro?

>>717330728

You didnt smell the scent of sex? Sperm?condom? Nigga gtfo

>>717313421
wanted to try a piss enema.
not any more.
thx

>>717331328
they didn't use a condom, and no, there was no "smell of sex" what kind of fucking dirty people are you fucking? Also, I'd fucked her the day before so if there was any smell, which I don't remember, I'd have thought it was mine.

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>>717303766

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>>717328717
>bunny hop
The what now?

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>>717325035
ahahahaha you retard ahahahaha this is priceless, pure gold

>>717330597
What kind of beast is that?

>>717331565
Yeah I don' t know what she meant by that. Normally I wouldn't care if some 7/10 MILF wanted to have sex on the reg, but I wasn't going put up with this super condescending "OH YOU SILLY YOUNG BOY I WILL SHOW YOU THE WAYS OF SEX AS YOU CLEARLY HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO USE THAT" attitude. Obviously I was good enough to give her multiple orgasms in an abandoned house, so I wasn't putting up with it.

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>>717306814
put me in the screencap

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>>717331804
it is a kind of acarus, not sure what specie exactly

>>717327175
She wants you into her not the song in your head you clueless cuck.

didn't greentext
fucking newfag

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>Laying in bed with girlfriend watching the avengers
>Get bored of movie so we start fooling around
>Cum super hard as victorious super hero movie music blasts in the background
>Girlfriend loses it and is laughing hysterically
>I'm confused as shit but as the orgasm wears off I realized what had happened.
>I lose it as well
We laid there for about 5 minutes just laughing nonstop

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>>717331804
wait, its just how earthwoms looks like

>>717332910

That's gay as fuck you loser. Take your sappy love story to reddit.

>>717329878
He is

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Should she get one?

tbh lol

>>717317892
KEK

>>717318221
lole

>>717331440
>day before
You live in some kind of basement without ventilation?

I call bullshit on your story and your life!

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>Be fucking this girl
>solid 9\10
>Bugs pop into mind
>ew.jpg
>Little guy starts to get flaccid
>"Anon you ok? You don't seem into it"
>"I'm good"
>Start going faster and faster, trying make little guy hard again
>Basically pumping a water ballon into her at this point
>Cockroaches in my mind
>"Wtf is wrong Anon"
>Yell "I MUST WIN THE BUGSSSSSSSS"
>go at it like a hamster in a wheel for a couple moments
>bugs fuckin won
>pull out
>"Wtf was that about"
>"You made me think of bugs and I'm not into that"
>Left the room and made myself a smoothie

>>717303673
Heh, butterfly

>>717334201
They fucked in a bedroom, I was downstairs in the livingroom on the sofa... It's 100% a true story

>>717334377
Heh, lolled a little

Is thread dead? I want moar

>Be fucking gf
>Pull out and start eating her out
>She queefs right in my mouth
>I was fine but she got embarrassed

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>>717313909
An hero my dude

>>717303317
>tape up my balls
sides abandoned the atmosphere

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>>717306814
>sun bake

>>717318088
That guy shitposted the same stories and pics for weeks, there are countless threads

>>717303909
Oh god it's the worm people

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>be 15 M
>Friend friends girlfriend and me out drinking
>we all crash at his GF place in same pull out couch in living room
>Buddy in middle , me one side his GF on other
>Buddy wakes up 6 am in morning for his work at 7 am
>buddy starts fucking his girl beside me
>WTF man
>I pretend to still be asleep
>getting diamonds hard
>buddy pops off in under 5 min
>buddy goes into shower
>I reach over and feel his GF cum filled pussy
>she says no and grabs my hand and push's it back to me
>I'm still diamonds hard
>reach over and start felling her pussy again
>she grabs my hand says no again and puts it back on me
>this time I take her hand and put it on my throbbing cock
>she feels all around it for a moment and then start rubbing it up and down
>My cock is about 4 times the size of my buddies
>I start rubbing her clit and dipping my finger in and out, so wet with buddies cum
>Buddy gets out of shower and we quickly pretend to be asleep
>he kisses her and leaves for work
>as soon as we hear the door close I mount her and start fucking her like a savage 15 year old in heat.
>Holding back my cum because i don't want it to end quickly and she is clearly enjoying it with her loud moans
>Her moaning and gasping wakes her mum up
>we are in the living room no cloths or covers on
>her mum walks in and standing behind the pull out couch say's OMG WTF?
>all startled I start cumming right then and there
>Getting off her daughter while I cum I pull out and my raging boner shooting jizz pendulums out of her pussy
>springing up and down I an throwing a huge load all over the room buddies girlfriend and her mum
>Biggest cum load I have blown that I can remember
>Mum throws me out calling her daughter a whore
>she comes with me against her mum wishs
>we walk around the city all day looking for places to fuck like dogs
>for the whole 3 years he was with her we fucked every time my buddy turned his back
>he broke up with her one day when his brother caught us in his bedroom

>was in a pretty famous band
>on tour
>fan starts flirting with me
>she's like 25 so I'm like why not
>go back to the van with her
>seems empty
>starts blowing me
>feelsgood.jpg
>start moaning like a male slut
>cum right in her mouth
>escort her out of the van and say bye
>go back to the van
>singers hair pops out of his bunk
>"Anon you fuck you scarred me for lyfu"
>burst out laughing
>make out with singer

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>>717313421

>be me
>21 at the time, gf, who is 18 and dating 3 yrs goes to college 2 hours away
>I visit every weekend
>dorm floor with 14 other chicks all slutty and walk around in towels and sometimes leaving doors wide open while changing
>Hrnggg.mov
>me and gf lock door after ordering pizza and wings
>eat like pigs laughing and watching movies
Ff 10 mins
>rub her, bite nipples alot, slip my hands down her sweat pants
>Mmmm no panties
Ff 1 min of fingering
>diamonds.vlc
>"wait anon.. Oh... Ow... OW... OWWWWW!!!"
>Shitstorm.jpeg

Mfw I realized I never washed my hands after eating hot wings

Her pussy burned with the intensity of 1000 suns

>she runs out of dorm into bathroom
>follow to make sure shes ok
>mfw 3 other girls are naked in the same bathroom
SHITSTORMx4.gif
>"GET THE FUCK OUT CREEP! GASP SHOCK AWE"

>walk back into her room and sit down

Still fap in the shower to memory of the other chicks gasping.

Gooood times

>>717320551
Humour me

>>717335370
>be 15

shit tier bait you cuck

Aya Poontang

>>717335654
Yeah because the story is happening as he writes it, not several years ago

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>>717335654
her boyfriend was the unknowing cuck
I may have been 14 at the time

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>>717313421
kek

>>717335867
I'm 44 right now, was even before cellphones

>>717312796
How does this shit make the news

you fucked your sister ? fucking cuck

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>>717334377
>calling your dick "little guy"

>>717335378
Wait what band?

>>717335378
Yeah seriously what band anon?

>>717335378
Anon what band was it?

>>717337558
>>717337444
>>717336985
It's a secret, not gon tell

>>717335553
Checked and kek'd

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>>717303130
here is this pic im not judgemental but what in the fuck you almost scarred me for reading that.

>>717325456
now i need to listen to this song
>gf is young say lets try anal
>tell her this wont hurt trust me
>stick it all the way in getting hard as she moans
>feel like fucking johnny sins keep going
>take my dick out full of fucking brown diahrrea
>almost started puking couldnt clean my dick or puke at the same time

>>717333481
Yes, and it should be yellow hazmat tape.

>>717337620
TELL US WHICH BAND SHITFACE

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>When I was 17 the ex gf and I were on a skiing trip with her family
> We left the slope and went back to the lodge to get a little sexytime going
>Well she was in a very kinky mood and wanted me to try giving her anal, so being adventurous I figured why not let's give it a go
>Neither of us knew what to expect, we both started really getting into it and she started to orgasm
>Almost immediately we hear her parents trying to open the door. They can't because it's locked from the inside
>but we were both scared and in the ex's dazed state she moves forward and ends up pooping all over the bed sheets
>She runs to the bathroom and locks the door leaving me there with soiled, bloody sheets.... Her dad... was a big guy his nickname was 'tree stump'
>Tree stump is banging on the door yelling for us to open it
>Only one thing comes to mind: I sit (with my boxers on) in the poop sheets and get my butt nice and dirty then run over to the door and open it.
>He is fucking furious..
--convo--
Tree stump: why is the door locked, where is (girls name), what the fuck were you doing with her you little shit?
Me: I wasn't feeling good so we came back here so I could lay down
Her mother: oh my god there's poo all over the sheets!!!
Tree stump: What the fuck ??
Me: (keeping a straight face) I was laying down and starting to feel better when all of a sudden I had explosive diarrhea. silence
They both just look at me...
(in my head I'm thinking, omg.. If i dong keep a straight face, I am going to be murdered...)
Her mom: are you feeling better now?
Me: I'm super embarrassed :(
Her mom: oh honey, don't be it's ok
Tree stump: why is [she] in the bathroom?
Me: she ran into the bathroom and threw up after it all happened.. I was just trying to figure out how to clean when you guys knocked on the door.

>>717338883
>>717337558
>>717337444
>>717336985
Twenty One Pilots.
Happy now faggots?

>>717335654
N E W F A G
E
W
F
A
G

>>717339116
Lol I'm the poster of that you LIAR

>>717338972
Goods save

>>717311904
hello le redditXD put me in screencap that would be epic xDD

>>717339167
>>717339116
No I am the poster and it was Devo

>>717314952
you're trying too hard m8

>>717339805
They wouldn't believe me if I tell them anyway so ya'll pretenders can just fuck off

>Be 16
>Gay sex with cousin.gif
>Take that dick deep for hours
>Mom unlocks the door and bursts in
>Slide off the dick and run naked into the closet
>'Ugh, I was just jerking off'
>Yeah fucking right.png
>Bring great shame upon my family

>>717339985
>sudoku

the only way

>>717331337
I still want to do it. Just do it in the shower or over a subway vent.

>>717339926
Are those lyrics? You speak like a poet.

>>717339805
>>717339167
>>717339116
No you fools!
I was the poster!
It was fallout boy.

>>717324710
Damn my dear anon, you´re the real MVP, lost with this.

>>717340135
Why do ya'll try to fake me out

>>717340225
No faggot, stop trying to pretend to be me, there's no me like me and I am who I am.

>>717337620
>>717339167
>>717339926
>>717340225
real^
>>717340135
>>717339805
>>717339116
fake^

>>717310990
You fucking lightweight. You missed out on being fisted by a wife-grade kinkwhore. One day you'll have an epiphany and kill yourself.

>>717340272
And this is fake too