ITT: we live in skyrim

>>717130871
no we don't.

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>>717130871
'is cold here right nord m8s'

>>717130919
Get out newfag

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NEVER SHOULD HAVE COME HERE

I ain't done nothin

You came to the wrong hold, milkdrinker.

wheres that bitch ysolda at?

Falkreath hold = best hold

>>717132406
singles of truth

So, have anyone tryed to fuck one of those dragons?

That cosy house outside of river wood. all the places to explore around you and you have a good supply of firewood and noone to see you do illegal magic

>>717130871
You guys think Serana will put out?

What about Lydia or Jordis?

There's a nip in the air, faggots

let me guess ... someone stole your sweet roll

>>717132669
>riverwood
Best choice.

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anons acting like they wouldnt all be daedric bitches.

Trinkets, odds and ends, that sort of thing

>>717132848
Do you really want ice cubes for vag lube? Serana is a vampire.

FUS

I used to be an adventurer...

The problem with B these days is that everyone is obsessed with death.

RO

DAH

>>717133117
im fucking keking like sovengarde here bro

>>717132406
Pretty nice but then again you have a werewolf running around

>>717133297
but then you got irreparably fucked in the butt.

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If i see any fucking emperials ITT im going to lose it.

I'm sick and tired of these motherfucking dragons in my motherfucking hold.

Drem, patience Dovakiin.

We're gonna need a bigger boat

>>717133309
kek

>>717133453
lost

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>>717133449

Khajit does not know how he got here.

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I YIELD, I YIELD!

>>717133449
when you lowkey know that Skyrim would fall into total turmoil if left alone to be run by Ulfric, and without the Empire both currency and standard of living would fall well below that of any livable line.

but the nords are hot.

>>717133453
bullshit, we all know you never leave your mother's dungeon

Do you get to the cloud district often? Oh, what am I saying, of course you dont.

>>717133416
Well he's either your friend or you kill him so not really.

Eeeev'rything's for sale my friend.

>>717130871
praise talos

Farewell and adieu to you fair Spanish ladies!

my favourite drinking buddy, let's get some mead

I'd be a lot happier with a warm bed and a belly full of mead.

>>717133486
Krosis

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>>717133632
WHAT DID I FUKEN SAY

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>>717133650
>when you lowkey use the term lowkey unironically
return to leddit

>>717134169
I'd be a lot warmer and a lot happier with a belly full of mead

>>717133650
>implying thats not apart of the Dragonborn's plan to take over all tamriel

>implying creating turmoil while you leave skyrim to fuck some shit in elven land

>take that and proceed to fuck the rest of tamriel

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>>717134205
>filename

>>717134206
when you lowkey know lowkey is a nigger thing not a reddit thing

>>717130871
Hail summoner, Conjure me up a warm bed now would you?

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i wish i had this in real life

>>717134393
that would make sense if you had a dragonborn who worshipped molag bal or one of those other guys

>we wuz daedric princes n sheeeeit

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>>717134455
>when you lowkey a literal nigger

surely this giant won't send me into orbit...

Don't talk to me like honey, sugar lips

>>717134495
Don't suppose you could enchant my sword? Dull old blade can barely cut butter

Ah, so you're an alchemist then

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>>717134644

>>717130871
Where them cat bitches at?

Another wanderer here to lick my father's balls? Good job. It's too bad they're gone.

no gender neutral choice? FUCK YOU SKIRUM DAS FUKKIN RACIST

>>717134878
You look pale. Could be ataxia.

>>717134549
Let's be honest, you'd be one of the street vendors.

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>Be hardworking woman
>Sell my goods on the market.
>Man comes home
>Demands 200 gold from me
>I have to give it to him otherwise he kills me
>Try to be nice
>runs out the door again
>returns every few days
>repeats the same thing other and over again
I could get out of that shithole whiterun anytime but he would find me
Could it be..that he and lydia..?

>>717135137
I came in her mouth, it was a crisis,
I gave her my secret blend of herbs and spices

>>717135198
Still better than being on Beggar's Row I guess know

> Find argonian
> Fuck argonian
> Repeat

>>717135217
good pic

>Filthy grayskins
>You come here, polluting our /b with your trapthreads
>Go back to Morrowind

Let me guess, someone stole your doughnut?

What....is......life's.....greatest.....illusion.....

>>717135525
Bailey Jay

cumming, mr. Frodo sir

>>717133449
We were doing fine without you damn stormcloaks

The empire was nice and lazy

>>717135217
KEK!!!!!!!!!

Now gimme my 200 gold bitch

>>717135198
better than sucking a jarls dick as his housecarl.
you wouldn't even survive the first dragon attack, you savage.

>>717134644
TRUUUUU LOL

>>717134549
Please use RLO, the fake lighting ruins the game

>>717135639
kek nice

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>>717135478
thnaks

>>717135198
Whats the matter? Someone steal your sweetroll?

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>tfw no nigger strong enough to fight you

Can you imagine if dragons actually existed? 2016 would've been a fucking massacre.

may your road lead you to warm pussy

>>717136524
By the eight that's my intention friend

>>717136407
Naw nigga.. 2k16 woulda been hype af!!!

>>717134549

And I wish you had antialiasing

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>>717136732
>pic
>>717136865
>>717135961
i got this image off google.

I have a problem...

I've got 23 barrels of apples here in my warehouse.

but has anyone seen a single apple tree?

>>717136726
By the nine, you imperial scum.

Skyrim's for the Nords

>>717137041
they're imported from Elswyr

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Hi!
I'm Katia

>>717137294
u liek ebony swords?

>>717137294
Oh shit I haven't seen this in ages

>>717137153
Skyrim is part of the imperial empire, Ulfric's rebellion will collapse in the near future. and the Thalmor will enforce the white gold concordat ensuring the ban of Talos worship in skyrim and beyond friend.

>>717130871
>Living my daily life doing chores in Whiterun
>The chosen Dragonborn sprints through the gate one day wearing dragonbone armour, a cape, pirate hat and wielding two 2h swords in either hand
>I stand and greet him as he passes
>No response, he jumps head height into the bannered mare while casting fire from his hands
>Nazeem walks by and calls me a filthy nigger, dat guy.

>Next day, exit my house into Whiterun to do my chores
> Trees everywhere
> Kawaii store owner selling vegetables
> 600 more people, never seen them before in my fucking life
> Captain Picard is now the Jarl
> See my reflection, im in a fucking bikini with my giant camel toe
>wtf is this
> Dragonborn picklocks my house and enters my home
>I ask him to leave several times and proceed to call the guards
>Dragonborn uses the force or someshit and blasts me onto the bed
>Raped for 2 hours in same position and movement
>Asks me to marry me
>Lol wat no

>Day three
>Dragonborn breaks into my house again wearing amulet of Mara
> 'Interested in my are you?'
> Feel the urge to marry him and have his children

>Fast forward in live im living in a underground dungeon with our 2 children
>See Dragonborn maybe once every 6 years
>Always out adventuring but comes home for food
>We never have sex he never talks to our kids
>Comes home and stores all his pointless shit in our cupboards
>My storefront is going well i travel 500 leagues to Whiterun everyday to sell my husbands sickles, hammers and empty soul gems
>life is good

>>717137203
Apples grow in the cold you piece of shit

>>717137693
>Skyrim is part of the emperor's imperial empire

>>717133650

justifying cultural degradation and loss of national sovereignty for "muh economics"
gtfo commie.

>>717138057
Who signed the white gold concordat

>>717137876
then where are the apple trees in Skyrim?
just because they can be grown there doesn't mean they are

NEVER SHOULD'VE COME HERE

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>>717136407
I'm going to be a huge faggot and point out that in 2016 we have anti air guns and all sorts of high-tech weaponry that would turn a dragon into pulp

Naan het nok vazah voth vahdinne ni muzze?

>>717138223
missing the point this hard

>be me
>High elf master race
>Go on a trip to visit my friend in the province of Skyrim
>Find a bunch of faggot
>No levitate.png
>Fuck these faggots.wav
>Fly back to Morrowind
>Never go back

>>717138367
But we have no one to absorb there souls, aka alduin just does constant reserections.

>>717130871
>go to store
>pick up a spoon to inspect it
>everyone in the store starts to violently assault me
>stumble outside
>everyone in the city starts to violently assault me
>leave town bleeding profusely, expect and welcome death
>death does not come
>crawl back into town hoping they finish the job
>everyone forgot they hate me
>tfw I still have the spoon

hi pah los tinvaak do joor junaarre; dovah los thuri wah hi

TALOS! PRAISE TALOS! TALOS IS ALL! PRAISE BE UNTO TALOS! HAVE YOU HEARD HE WORD OF TALOS?! TALOS GUIDES YOU.

>>717138865
Zu'u vahzah los ni dov, btw

>>717138656
then we'd probably figure out a way to capture and imprison them, and then start dragon zoos and turn a profit

or just keep gibbing them every time they pop up again, really aren't that many of them at a given time

>>717130871
>mfw i havent exited the game all week, sleeping and working between plays

>>717138057
But is the emperor's imperial empire imperatively imperious?

>>717135639
Kek good shit

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>>717139244
>when i buy this bitch a full set of armor, upgrade it, and now shes selling it back to me for 4x the original price.

>be me
>own tavern
>hear a sound from outside
>thunk
>I guess someone's chopping us some firewood
>thunk
>get some gold pieces ready to pay the kindly stranger
>thunk
>thunk
>thunk
>wonder how much firewood this stranger is going to bring in
>thunk
>start to worry if I have enough gold
>thunk
>wonder where we're going to put so much wood
>thunk
>where is he even getting these logs from
>thunk
>go to bed
>thunk
>this continues all night
>thunk
>cannot sleep
>thunk
>start having violent reactions to the noise
>thunk
>consider changing my name to Pavlog
>thunk
>and then silence
>blessed silence
>hear the tavern door open
>some guy with what I can only assume is the sorest arms and back in all of Skyrim comes slowly crawling into the tavern
>behind him he drags a sack of firewood
>so much fucking firewood
>literally 3 forests worth of wood
>he moves so slowly yet still manages to drag it all
>demands payment
>have to sell wife, kids and 4 non-essential organs to get gold
>mortgage my tavern
>sell 4 pints of blood
>sell soul to local necromancer
>just about have enough coin to pay this unnatural axefag
>he immediately runs to the smithy
>buys some faggot enchanted sword
>I sit down and wonder what to do with all this wood now piled to the ceiling in every room
>hear a sound from outside
>thunk
>thunk
>thunk

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>>717135639

>>717137749
Thought that this at least deserved some acknowledgement: also screencapped it and stored it with my other greentexts

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skyrim has the best greentext

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>>717134644
>when you lowkey literal shit

>>717138540
>High Elf
>Morrowind

you what?

>be me
>be market vendor
>man comes along selling me a broom
>demands 300 gold for it
>it's literally just a fucking broom
>for some reason, I agree to buy the broom
>holy fuck he was convincing
>now I'm just sitting here with a broom not able to feed my children
>jokes on them, this is a kick ass broom

>Just a simple stable master
>Selling horses, holding myself back from killing annoying ass chickens, the usual
>Some guy that I've never seen before comes up to me
>Weird black armor
>"Can I help you?"
>Doesn't even look at me
>Goes straight for my stable boy
>Stares at him for a few seconds
>Buys a horse a few moments later
>Randomly comes and stares at the stable boy
>Fucking nords

>>717138540
Yea are you actually retarded?

>>717134623

> dragonborn is servant of hermaeus mora

>>717138223
"The emperor... at the tip of an Aldmer sword!

>>717139176
>Dragon Zoos
Have you ever seen Jurassic Park? It tends not to end well.

BRETONS ARE FUCKING CANCER
WE SHOULD USE DESTRUCTION MAGIC ON ALL OF THEM
ALDMERI GENOCIDE WAR NOW

>>717144258
niggers of skyrim kill them FUCKING ALL

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>>717144258
>>717144425
heeyyy now. Just because I use an Ebony blade.

>>717144258
aren't Imperials half breeds of Bretons and Nords?

>>717144626
Her Wearing the armor while we were partners,

>>717139583
Her selling the same fucking armor that I gave her.

>Fuck you Lydia

> be me, vendor in riften
> doing pretty well despite city being run by thieves
> that fucking asshole brand-shei tho
> New guy comes into town
> calls himself dragonborn
> something happens in town square
> see dragon born guy clearly steal ring from madesi and put in brand-sheis pocket but no one else does
> brand-shei gets hauled off to jail

> fast forward 3 weeks later
> dragon born guy back in town, wearing full theif armor
> No one gives a shit
> go to market to open stall
> strong box broken into
> all cases in vendors stalls empty
> everyone also decided to come to work in their underwear today, even the guards

>Be me bandit with bow and arrows and shit
>Be in abandoned tower counting money
>Hear bro in lower floor
>Never should have come here
>Fuckingtravelers.png
>Take bow
>Get to window
>See FUCKING DRAGON Outside my tower
>Holymotherfuckingshitweareallfuckingdeadm8.dll
>For some reason I got to attack the Dragon with arrows
>See Faggot get down the Dragon
>Dragon gets out flying and Faggot gets near bro
>Kill hims with a fucking attack of an iron dagger
>fire an arrow
>hit fag on a knee
>Fag yells at me
>FUS RO DAH!
>I fly out the window
>Run
>later knew that the adventurer I hit had t become a guard because of the arrow in the knee.
>He sold all his armor and daedric artifacts for knee replacement.
> he forgot how to shout
>I fucked an adventurer life
>Nopainorremorse.rar

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>>717144425
>>717144626
THIS IS NOW AN ELF HATE THREAD
Fuck the Bretons. Seriously.
They only fuck shit up, they haven't done one thing that mattered outside of High Rock, and keep wasting their shitty knights at civil war 24/7. And when they're not doing that they're letting their retard Reachmen invade other provinces because they can't even control them properly.
Not to mention they weren't even supposed to exist in the first place, they aren't descendants from the Ehlnofey, their entire race was born because the Ayleids decided to gang-rape all of the Cyrodillic slaves.
>>717144679
Imperials (mainly the Nibenean descent) and Nords come from the Wandering Ehlnofey. Some accounts include the Redguards and Tsaesci.

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The Dunmer are chill, though, so if there were a crusade I guess we could spare them.
But fuck the Bretons. And the Altmer. And the Bosmer. And fuck the best races too.

>>717139829
Nobody else said shit, but you made me kek anon, screen capped that shit

>>717145069
69 check'd
Also gr8 story m8

>>717146299
Check'd

>>717146522
Checked

404 in T-Minus 10 seconds

>>717146663
is it time yet

>>717146753
Indeed, this thread is in its last seconds... say goodbye

>>717146867
You never should have come here

>>717131875
Its fucked up that I know exactly where that is.

>>717147053
Correct me if I'm mistaken, isn't it the one where there's a boulder trap?

http://g.e-hentai.org/g/688170/a5fe75b63b/

>>717138540
What language is this

oh hey a drag-

Have you met my father? He's the steward up at dragonsreach

>Have you been to the Cloud District? Oh, of course YOU haven't.
used my free murder in Whiterun on that bitch every single play through

>>717147849
That's Valtheim Towers, it's west of Whiterun on to the road to Ivarstead. The one you're referring to is near Falkreath.

HELP SOMEBODY STOLE MY SWEETROLL

>>717148774
Isn't the Valtheim Towers bridge over water?

>>717148774
i intimidate that bitch every time i see her

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>>717149053
It is over water, yeah, that pic just doesn't show it.

>>717135137
Trinkets, odds and ends. That sort of thing

>>717143998
Yeah we'll just have them in Africa and India. That way the casualties will actually help the world

>>717149307
Ah, ok. Valtheim towers and that place near Falkreath are the only two places I vividly remember and I still got it wrong.

Gj me.

Now I want to play skyrim. Stealth archer assassin

you know, I've always been more pf an oblivion fan, but even more of a fallout guy

>>717151528

>>717152922
Playing new vegas right now. At the point where I'm at such a high level everything is too easy on hardest difficulty

>>717153362
nice, im currently on a survival playthrough

>>717130871
my ancestors are smiling at me imperials can you sat the same?

>>717153505
I put hardcore on, is that what you mean? Didn't put it on the whole game though

>be me
>nord as fuck
>ass whipper supreme
>i eat dragon souls as a light snack
>eat your mom's gash out for dinner
>be so bad ass i wear no armor
>all i wear is foot wraps and keep my wang covered
>nip in the air aint good for my cock, never is
>be walking where I fucking damn well please
>fucking mute giant trying to start funk
>his mammoths also acting like they want some
>rando legendary dragon swoops in
>lets get it then, fucks
>let them come to me because i aint scared
>kill them all by merely waving my arm slightly
>you can't fuck with that legendary dagger of Fuck Yo Life
>hear growling
>oh, how precious
>a sabrecat and a wolf gently nibbling on my toes
>fart loudly
>vaporize them both
>grow bored of my current location
>step once on my way leaving
>this argonian wearing a gimp outfit approaches, sword in hand
>this fucking numbskull just watch a literal god wave at enemies, killing them, then farting on two aggressive animals, turning them into dust, and he's actually demanding i hand over my shit
>my response?
>drink 15 honningbrew meads
>eat 12 large antlers, 20 cheese wheels, 30 raw beefs, 18, thistles, and 88 sweet rolls
>slam 26 skooma vials
>snort 28 bowls of bone meal and salt piles
>finish up with a nice vintage generic bottle of wine pilfered from some nameless forgotten cavern
>notice argonian bandit is about 100 yards walking away completely naked

>>717130871
Winter is coming

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>>717130871
If you see Reyda, tell her that Narfi misses her and to come home soon... very soon. Soon... soon, like the moon!

>>717155849
>mercy kill

>>717145069
>knee replacement
kek

>>717130871
Yeah, I'm taking the next ship to Felucca... Eat me, millennial faggots.