Things you can say about your computer but not your girlfriend.

Fuck, it's not turning on.

>>717044036
She runs every day

try unpluging it, blowing on it and plugging it back in

Time for an upgrade

Try turning it off and turn it back on again.

i have one

The floppy isn't fitting!

>>717044036
You are real!

I'm going to upgrade next year to one wirh more power!

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>>717044447

I think mine's got a virus

Man, this thing is kinda heavy

Does this play Fallout 4?

It needs more memory

She's works

Sometimes it gets too hot

I just replaced it with a newer model.

I didn't use any protection and now I have another virus...

>>717044036
I'm trading you for a better one

http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/950/041/a8a.jpg

it shows feminine penises

Can this speak Russian?

HELP MY FUCKING PENIS IS STUCK IN A BLENDER

>>717044036
not the best but itll get the job done

Wow I can plug so many things in this!

Man, I didn't put enough money into it and now it's not useful anymore.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/82/e6/3b/82e63b75810e01c521ce56528b671abe.jpg

The Charger Broke....

>>717044036
I have one.

Damn, it constantly gets too hot, and sometimes it just vibrates for no reason.

1. I can upgrade her any time
2. I can play with her all day

I haven't used this since 1998

so im a diabetic and my penis is like turning orange and i have no idea why. if you want to help me and my cause to make my penis normal color again, you cant, go fuck yourself

*sigh*
this thing gets dustier everyday

When it stops working just smack it a couple of times!

It exists

>>717044036
I don't fuck other computers

She's ten years old now, so time to get a new one

FUCK! I think I broke it!

This ones defective, can I send it back?

Lets me keep my cp

Why did I get one this huge?

>>717044036
Thank god I can play Diablo II with you.

it's moving too slowly, just not preforming like it used to

It won't shut up.

I love you

>>717045427
I always accidentally put it in upside down

>>717044036
I didn't start abusing her until she was more than five years old

It makes a weird whining noise whenever I turn it on.

GET IN THE FUCKING BAG

>>717044600
Underrated, likely due to the bad grammar

>>717045546
Just put it to sleep and the noise will stop

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>>717044036
My wife knows I have a computer.

huh...I guess she don't bend that far back

Damnit, stopped working!

Why don't you work anymore?

They're making 'em bigger, faster, stronger, it's great!

Fuck, it has another virus.

I want to kill it when it won't run anymore

This keeps getting S.T.D.s... (Server Transmitted Data, duh)

needs better resolution

Is there enough ports for two?

>>717044284
Goddamn it you beat me to it.

If anybody uses you I'll have to give you a thorough check to make sure they didn't fuck anything up.

It crashed a lot. Must be a problem with drivers.

Oh god, it's infected.

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I like to fuck it

>>717044036
It's functional outside of the kitchen.

How do I make my dick bigger?

>>717044036

you're a computer

it was made before 2009

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Just found this amazing tool....see what celebrity you can leak lmfao snap-leak-cf

>>717046091
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penis_enlargement

File: 293-SnapLeak.jpg (127KB, 240x426px) Image search: [Google]

127KB, 240x426px

Have a sick thursday night on me go leak your ex gf or sister now at snap-leak-cf

It doesn't fuck my best friends

File: 306-SnapLeak.jpg (125KB, 240x426px) Image search: [Google]

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Leaking my way to 2017...try this out on any girl in your school lol snap-leak-cf

>>717046091
Get a hummer

>>717044036
Man it always does what I want

Boy, I'm glad I have one, I'd never get rid of it

>>717045642
pew

I have a computer

They're still not good at driving cars.

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After eight years of abuse it it finally died, and now I store it in my closet.

It's awkward, but there's evidence I need to clean off it before dumping it in the landfill.

>>717044036
I smashed it in the back alley with a hammer until there was nothing but little pieces left