Whats your best pickup line /b/?

Its not chloroform i swear

I'm desperate

>>716961460
I want you to wrap your thighs around my head

>>716961561
kek

>>716961460
Just take a seat in my van.

>>716961460
Nice shoes, wanna fuck?

>>716961460
she should be wonder woman holy shit.

do it or il stab you you slut

>>716961561
>>716961639
>>716961694
>>716961697
>>716961767
these are funny, but something actually useful?

what's your best pickup line, bud?

>>716962096
i think this nigga did good at first
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ud3DLjREV34

>>716961460
How much for full service?

It puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again.

You're hot to trot I'd take you out to track

Can't go wrong with a classic, How much does a Polar Bear weigh?

Sup ho

it's not rape if im crying too

I have an itch

I just show them my bank account balance

"I just got back from Dubai, glad to be back home."

Do your feet hurt? Did you fall from heaven?
'Cause you've been running through
My mind all day

>>716961460
You sit in a pile of sugar or something? Cause you got a pretty sweet ass!

Want to get fat? Fat women are hot.

>>716961460
"I fought in the Great Meme War of 2k16 on the frontlines, I bathed in the tears of leftist maggots and teared their filthy degenerate future plans to shreds."

>>716961460
Excuse me ms. But does this smell like chloroform to you?

Do you like jewellery? Then suck on this, it's a gem

Are you a school?

Because I want to shoot kids inside you.

Hey, you into fitness?... Fitness dick in your mouth

Hey these Egyptian guys have been trying to get me and I need to get past you, so do you mind if part your legs?

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>>716963518
>>716963463

>>716963518
Definitely saving this one for the next time I leave town.

If I ask you to have sex with me, will the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one?

Your eyes are like spanners, cos they're making my nuts tight

>>716962708
How Much?

>>716963759
Enough to nigger the nigger.

>>716963609
Clever

>>716961460
Hey girl I have a 100% save file in Lego Star Wars the original trilogy.

>>716963759
"Enough to break the ice" followed by your name and the pick up line like "My friends bet me I wouldn't talk the prettiest girl here, want to use their money to grab a quick drink?"

>>716961460
Are your parents retardet?
Cus' you sure look special.

-Robin Williams

>>716964128
nice one

If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?

>>716961460
you got a phat ass

>>716961945
"So, christmas with my parents and new years with yours?"

>>716963438
>"I fought in the Great Meme War of 2k16 on the frontlines, I bathed in the tears of leftist maggots and teared their filthy degenerate future plans to shreds."
t. unironic shit poster who lurks reddit and ifunny

>>716962336
this

>>716962294
full of chubby chasers

>>716963577
I audibly chuckled

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>>716961460
U R Huge...

>>716961460
Fuck these birds, am I right?

hello, how was your day?

Do you like chicken?

Well suck my cock, it's fowl.

Roses are red
Black people suck
You have a pulse
U won sum fuk?

Do you know why we're gonna have sex tonight?

Because I'm stronger than you.

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>>716961460

I'm like a carnival; amazing sights, great rides, and the best foot-long you'll ever swallow

>>716961460
If you sit on my face I'll guess your weight and be within two pounds. Come on try it.

>>716965450
Sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing to pop up

I would hide every chair in the world if that meant you would sit on my face.

have sex with me or ill kill you

>>716965800
You tried/10

>>716965668
Grant a dieing man his only wish?

>>716964128
This is so cringeee, please tell me you never used it

I'd drag my balls over 5 miles of broken glass just to suck the last dick that fucked you, honey.

hello. i'm anon. how's your day going?

>>716964128
CRINGE

>>716965969
Don't knock it until you try it, bud.

Hey baby, tell me what your gynecologist's name is, to suck his fingers

>>716961460
ey gurl.

ey.

fuck you den.

Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants

>>716966175
Id rather grate my balls in a grater than humiliate me in such a moronic way, even if i get to fuck the girl with this id still feel the loathing of that awful pick up line

Don't make this rape turn into a murder.

Up for some rape roleplay?
-no
That's the spirit!

Evening M'lady, ever heard of intercorse?

>>716961460

Are you a mommy?

Cause I shit my pants and need you to change it.

Fucking fagot

I'm going to eat your boi pussy, faggot

>>716965241
Do you like flowers? Then get your tulips around this.

>>716966451
To each their own I suppose.

>>716966329
lulz

>>716966724

This is a GET.

>>716966545
i have your mommy for that bitch...

>>716966816

NO. This

>>716961460
Hey. You look rather lovely today. My name is <insert your name here>.

>>716961460
Filthyfrank way of course

> We doin a social experiment
> Mind if you give me a little smuch

>>716961460
Get in the car, NOW! Or ill kill you.

>>716967039
that's what my father said to mom

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>>716966329

oi*

got a good one when she gives you the i have a boy friend shit

me "i have a gold fish"
her "what??"
me "my bad, i thought we were talking about shit that didnt matter"

>>716967039
ok, rape, we get it... haha

>>716967120

So, was that before or after he killed her?

>>716964128
It only works if you have friends

>>716967230
I don't know, me and dad never found out who my mom was

>>716961460
If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

>>716961460
Nice ass, you use it for shitting?

can u sit on my face and ill eat my way up to your heart?

Pickup lines don't work
Walk up and say something funny about the surroundings or about the situation
Gotta be quick on your feet and see what she's noticing before you walk up though
or
What's the difference between a lima bean and a chickpea?
"idk what"
I don't want to have a lima bean on my face tonight

>>716961460
I'll give you $50 if you treat me like trash for 5 hours.

>>716961460
>Plz respond

>>716968629
"want to be yours forever..."

>>716967155
She doesn't really have a boyfriend anon she's just not interested and an insult isn't going to change that
Or she does have a boyfriend and when he comes back from the bathroom and she tells him that you were a dick to her then all you've done is make an enemy

>>716966511
>Up for some rape roleplay?
>-no
>That's the spirit!

underrated

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U in the trunk of my car.

Did it hurt?
When you got kicked outta hell for being too hot?

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>>716964128
damn son

Ayy bby wats ur name?
>annonette
Lemmie ask u sumptin annonette...
*lowers shades*
Wuts up wit yo butthole?

SUCK MY COCK OR I'LL MURDER YOUR FAMILY

>>716961460
Is she goddamn irl Chun-li?

>>716970169
Throwing out some cringe to get her to laugh is a great way on breaking the ice bruh. Got a cousin that was making out with one of my wifes friends within 20 min of meeting her by being the clown that he is

>>716970571
aye gurl are you Chun-li? because i wan't you to crush my head between your thighs.
Wait, please don't go....

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>>716964090
I'd suck your dick.

babe, I'd eat a mile of your shit just to see where it came from

>>716971012
underated.

>>716961460
Hey you wait, you lost sonething! -
oh what? -
Your speed

>>716961460
can i buy you a drink

>>716970987
I'd crush your head with my thighs

I like your outfit, it would look really good at the end of my bed tomorrow

>>716961460
Damn you're fat. You're lucky I'm the wingman tonight.

roses are red
violets are blue
when i pull it out of your ass
i wanna see poo

Pick something about her. Like her hat if she's wearing one.
> If I told you you had a nice hat, would you hold it against me?
23% of the time it works every time

>>716961460
Ay chung-li let me shoot my hadouken on you face

>>716963703
Nerd

>>716963703
what?

>>716963319
Do your feet
Hurt? Did you
Fall from heaven? 'Cause you've been running through my mind all
Day

>>716972612
Either way they answer the second question, they are saying yes to the first question.

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Hey are you my appendix, because I know nothing about you and I kinda want to take you out.

>pic not related

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>>716961460
Excuse me, miss
I am enchanted by your womanly figure
A doll you are
If you would grant me the privilege of escorting you to dinner
I would gladly insert my penile gadget into your cupboard.
But first, darling,
Would you bless me with your name?

Apart from being beautiful, what do you do for a living?

or

I bet if you sat on my face, I could eat my way to your heart

>>716972785
hahahahahhaha this might work....

>Bet you cant bench deez nutz

>>716961460
>Titanic
What?
>Sorry, guess it's not a good ice breaker.

>>716972952
It won't

>>716968473

> I can kick you out like trash for free, and I won't even need 5 seconds for that

>>716973137
rekt

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Is your ass a graveyard ? Because I'd like to bury my dick in it.

I wanna treat you like my little toe and bang you on every piece of furniture I own.

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>>716973665
Those freckles are pretty hot.

>>716961460
Either your blood’s on my dick or it's on my knife. Your choice.

>>716961460
Hey are you a cheap Japanese prostitute?

'Cuz id like to spend a cheap dinner on you and fuck you in the back of my car and then leave you on the street feeling slightly sad and confused all while I return to my modest house to my modest wife and my modest kids

>>716973665
Her: What, dick is dead?

>>716972794
>Underrated post

>>716972794
>I would gladly insert my penile gadget into your cupboard
>into your cupboard
>your cupboard

>cupboard

>>716973665
more

"Only weak boys need consent."

I wanna know of you-you are down for snu-snu?

>>716966890

Jesus fucken christ you're weird

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>>716973932

>>716970271
>>716961460
This is the one OP

>>716966890
>My name is Beta Male m'lady and I've never talked to a girl irl.

>>716966890
"Hey. You look rather lovely today. My name is less than insert your name here greater than dot"

>>716972785
I've contributed nothing but absolute derision to almost everyone in this thread but that's actually a pretty good one and an excellent companion pic.

>>716966890
If you want to get your dick seasoned with girl juices you have to serve your dick not your fedora.

>>716961460
Roses are red, violets are blue, if you don't consent, I will rape you.

>>716968473
>$50 for 5 hours
she can do better

>>716973059
the ice broke titanic, so no, it was a terrible ice breaker if you think about it

>>716974144
whats wrong with cupboard?

>>716975288
thats exactly what he said you bellend

>>716975434
no, he said the titanic didnt break the ice you moron

>>716975288
that's the point you twat

>>716975288
bait

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>>716975288
>>716975434
>>716975679
>>716975709
pickup thread... titanic science

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>>716961460
smell this rag

Walk up next to the girl and say passively "Gah my phone is broken..."

She'll ask why, and you say "Because your number isn't in it."

Yes I've used this once, and yes it actually worked.

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>>716976510
>yes it actually worked

Sure it did

1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a thumb war.

>>716967331

Hey baby are you a high school?


Cause I want to shoot some kids in you.

>>716961460
I'M GAY!

>>716961460
I'm going to rape your entire family

>>716976510
What will actually happen

>gah my phone is broken
>...ok?
>because your number isn't in it

And then she walks away and tells her friends some beta faggot just tried to get her number and failed miserably.

>>716961460
There's a super fucking giant huge dick in the middle!!!

>>716964090
My gf told me about her ex that he informed her he has 100% in Binding of Isaac. "For some reason I found this super sexy."
Might only work on girls interested in vidya, though.

"No pressure but go out with me or I'll hang myself" works sometimes

>>716961460
Wanna bang?

Works 8/10 times

>>716961460
No need for pick up lines when you only go for hookers and escorts.

>>716964725
Found the britfag

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>>716963518
lost
hard

>>716977672
That's pretty good!

You look like fit as fuck, you want to have a fit ass fuck?

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Get a dog leash
Wait for the girl ask about the leash
Tell her you have a rescue dog and it is outside
Go look for it
When you don't find it act all sad and it tell her it must have ran away
Pretend to look for it
Ask her back to your place because you are so sad and cannot be alone
Put penis in vagina

>>716963703
Nice but that's too smart for women to understand

>>716978192
I love you hahahaha

>>716965450
what about a 6"er cuz mines not that long. or maybe give her a free 6" but it's in my pants, so we don't need to go anywhere but to my bedroom

>>716978312
This. You have to let them know when to laugh.

>>716963518
Topkek

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>>716978192
So you supposedly just left a random dog outside without its leash and then act surprised it ran away? Roytard

>>716964090
I picked up a chick talking about sims 2. She came over to my place but left immediately after seeing how I torture my characters. Not sure if there's a lesson to be learned here.

>>716978636
this

>>716969317
i agree

>>716978636
Yeah, it’s for the first “D” in the D.E.N.N.I.S. System. See, the girls will see the leash, and I’ll say I got a rescue dog outside, thereby, D, demonstrating my value as a compassionate man. And later, when we go outside, the dog will be missing. I’ll become hysterical and suggest that maybe the dog ran back to the apartment, and then we’ll go back to the apartment. The dog won’t be there either, and the girl will console me…with sex.

>>716964128
The scary thing is that the bet part actually works.
Stopped using it after I've found out that the the ones who fall for it are only 16.

>>716976854
Fucking kek

>>716972063
What the fuck this makes no sense. Why would she hold her hat against you?

maybe try this...he anyone ever told you that your bella luna, or try bella. beautiful(bella) like the moon(luna). it;'s italian

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>>716980023

>>716980023
I usually just go with Mannaggia ragazza

>>716966733
This.

>>716961460
Rohypnol

>>716961460
Is a fish market in town or is it just you?

>>716966890
Jesus anon what are you thinking?

>>716980023
Il tuo inglese fa schifo

"Hey bro, you look real tight"

>>716979005
i prefer the MAC system. Move-in After Completion

>>716979982
You're either stupid or blind. Pick one you can't be both

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>>716961460
"You look like you got some black in you"
>She says she doesn't
"Do you want some?"

>>716981040
But what if you're normal?

>>716961460
I'M CUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMIIIIINNNNGGG

Are you a vegan?
> Doesn't matter what she answers
I'd let you snack on my meat any day

"Wanna see my 4chan gold pass?"

Have you got pet insurance?
because im about the destroy that pussy

>>716981011
Nigger the whole point of "If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?" is the double meaning. Anyone with a basic grasp of English understands that.

>>716965319
Suckey suckey

This one works wonders, you'll even get a couple of threesomes no problems:

I have coke/molly/extacy/whatever at home, you want some?

>>716961460
Did you fall from heaven ?
Cause it looks like you landed in your face

>>716976854
>>716979643
It fucking works to break the ice and get you talking to them.

>>716981485
*You landed face first

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>>716961460
Are you a knife cause i'm looking sharp

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>>716981654
I'm fucking retarded, i cant type a simple pick up line

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>>716961460
Let's not turn this rape into a murder.

>>716981772
I don't see how that would work, is it some kind of pity play?

"Will you be my girlfriend? Blink twice for yes breath into this cloth for no"

Does this rag smell funny to you?

>>716981040
w/e happen to her? Post some more

>>716981124
Don't know what to tell you honky. Try blackface

>>716981973
Lol we had the same idea high 5

>>716961460
if she is not great looking, "Hey you are cute, can i take out for a date?"

If she is good looking "You are ugly but if you ask nice i'll fuck you" (can take about 2-3 weeks to work, as it breaks down her self esteem)

>>716961460
Here's what you do OP.

>go to the store and get some limes
>a bunch of them
>so much you can barely carry them, this is crucial
>track down the lady and approach her with the limes in your arms
>stumble around and act as if you cannot carry them, this will attract her attention
>once you have her attention, drop the limes but not your spaghetti
>say "sorry, i'm not good at pickup limes"

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>>716982040