ITT: We have an office Christmas party

Hey hey hey! Look who showed up. Looks like you spilled some mayo or something on the front of your pants, anon.

>>716429086
Hey guys, who wants to lock my up in a cage and fuck my wife while I watch?

>>716429281
All right, why is the janitor still here?

>>716429281
that's messed up...merry christmas

WARNING! Red SPY IS IN THE BASE!

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I swear to fucking god if Tracey eats all the cookies again

>>716429260
Yeah... Mayo... Lets go with that.... How are you frank? Hows the wife and kids?

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Uh oh ladies looks who's here. You know what that mistletoe is for!

Wendy, are the one who made all of the peppermint bark? Stay classy wendy.

>furiously eye rapes on of the secretaries while she's turned away.

>>716430300
frank, aren't you gay?

>>716430213
What were you eating with mayo? I bet it was good.

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HEY LOOK GUYS HAROLD'S DOING IT AGAIN XD

>>716430350
Shut the fuck up Phil you know the boss is a wicked homophobe

>>716430364
.... Listen, lets discuss this later, now is not the time... Is there booze here?

>>716430449
Oh Harold!

>>716430449
>cancerous sitcom laugh plays

>>716430449
Harold, no one likes you... Your wife didnt even like you

>>716430505
Y...yea in the fridge
(Boy, Jim really doesn't want me to know what he was eating. I'll have to steal his phone to see where he called lunch in from)

>>716429086
Guys I know everythings always crazy at the world trade center but why are we having a Christmas party on September 11th

oh, hello coworker I casually fucked last summer while on a business trip. I'm glad u didn't tell my wife, but I hate her and the alchol makes me think about cheeting again. cuz my life is boring and it's the only excitement I have

>>716430840
The same reason we're on the top floor. We wanna die.

Fucking god damn... First the mayo... Now this... Im gonna go drink myself to death...

>>716430840
today's December 24th...right?

>>716430933
Megumbe also fucked me on that business trip but unlike you he had a big dick and I wasn't drunk off my ass

>>716431191
No

Okay everyone, I have a crate of ipecac. Now we're going to drink and who ever goes the longest without throwing up gets the pie in the fridge. Everyone ready?

me and frank got the karaoke equipment hooked up ill do a test run

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mk4woNRD7NQ

>>716431413
Isnt that pie like 4 months old Jeff?

>>716431240
I know. Megumbe told me, we came to the conclusion that your zaggy tits and the roast beef you call pussy wasn't worth it.

>>716431759
yeah. I think I saw it here last Christmas party

>>716431869
Huh... Well.... God speed... Ill be drinking myself to death in the kitchen

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>>716431759
lets check.
I don't know, looks pretty good to me.

Did you guys see the pizzas they have in the party one floor down, we should visit them.

>>716431777
Well fuck you and your trips your wife fucked Megumbe too and I wasn't gonna tell you to spare your cuck feelings but now it's out of the bag

>>716432002
I'll give you some pie big boy

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GUYS DONT FORGET TO SIGN UP FOR THE POTLUCK, YOU HAVE TO BRING SOMETHING IF YOU WANT TO EAT, WE ALREADY HAVE PAPER PLATES AND CUTLERY, PLEASE MAKE AN ENTREE. LETS ALL BE GOOD TEAMMATES AND PARTICIPATE

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>>716432154

>>716430320
>>716430320
Actually Carlos, I did from scratch! It's easy, you just crush the... Uh- candy canes and pour... Are you staring at my tits...?

Do we still get our break after this?

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>>716432059
WAIT WHAT? THERE'S ANOTHER PARTY?!

>>716432087
woah woah lets simmer down stacey and jared I dont want a repeat of last time that cost the company 20000 dollars just to repair the damages you rascals caused

>>716432341
Nooo,noooo, your name tag looked like it was falling down.

>Pats it on a few times.

We want everyone to know your name.

>>716432392
I know right. Why does their department have to have it on the same day. Im thinking of raiding there's and keeping it all in Tupperware for later. Like they need anymore pizzas anyways.

>>716432087
Jesus Stacy, you're more pathetic than I thought. Get your shit together. btw I will allow you to blow me in the bathroom after I've had this drink. that will be the seventh one today.

>>716432497
ho ho hey there carlos I see you getting to know my wife wendy how are you liking the party so far?
>stares you down

>>716432654
>there's

I knew I shouldn't have hired you.

>>716432654
we should invade the other Christmas party

Hey guys! Who wants to see me do a magic trick?

>*pulls out gun*
>*presses it against my head*
>"CUR-POW!!"
>*pulls the trigger*

.... Who the fuck only stocked the fridge with mikes hard? What the fuck...

>>716432456
don't tell me what to do, Burt. I'm sick of you allways thinking you own the place. how about you go be the bosses little bitch and kiss his ass some more. we all know you want that promotion

>>716432985
can't forget about the pie

>>716432695
>smiles back a weird forced smile.
Oooooh ted! I didn't know you were going to be here!

Ah you know, same old same old, it sure is busy out here. I better check the copy room and make sure we have enough napkins, I bet it's empty in there...

>winks and smiles at wendy.

>>716432975
No one wants to see your cock disappear in your ass.

There's a dead hooker on the floor in the men's restroom..

>>716432975
..... Oh good Roger died.... Fuckin asshole, never filed anything right

>>716432985
We thought you'd bring your daughter.

>>716432985
>mike pops his head around the corner.

Uh, that would be me. And I assure you, Mikes always hard.

>laughs stupidly drunk of 1 drink.

Welp, if anyone needs me I'm going to be masturbating in the men's room while looking at porn on my phone. Come and let me know when the party is shutting down.

>>716433048
I wouldn't, however the pie walked out of the fridge when I opened it screaming some eldritch gods praises...

>>716433119
I'm pretty sure that's Stacy. she got pretty mad about an argument with Burt and Jared

>>716430449
Haaaaarold

>>716433285
Wait, the pie walked out?

>>716433172
Well... Her flight has been delayed again... Like always...

>>716433361
Yeah... I mean its been there for about a year... I think it grew legs last month

>>716432995
H-hey I thought we were cool I-I just wanted to- screw you guys!!!!
>runs into the bathroom crying

>>716433224
>Throws a bottle at fucking mike

>>716433427
Huh

>>716433439
>Follows you into the bathroom to comfort you but then slowly begins to seduce you in hopes that you'll compile with sex.

If not then it'll turn into rape most likely.

>>716433079
so wendy how about we ditch this party so you can suck me off and who knows afterwards I might not beat you

Can you believe the admin 2 took the whole 2 weeks off. That lazy fuck just did that last month too. How many days does that fucker have saved up.

I bet he's going to pretend to be sick to get a third week out of it too.

>>716433530
Its the boss.What's going in there?

They're is a party in my pants if anyone is interested ?

>>716433483
what the fuck Kevin. I know Mike is an idiot, but you can't just throw bottles everywhere. awww. now he's bleeding all over the carpet. good job Kevin

>Walks in with my filipina prostitute date..

Man, traffic is crazy out there

>>716433530
Hey stop I wan't to save my first time with the one I love you are being very mean

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>>716429086

Brought the wifey.

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>>716430476

>>716433703
Fuck off Johnny, you think you are all high and mighty because your in line to become CEO, well you know what? You dont know what its like to loose your wife and have your daughter refuse to come home for christmas

>>716433694
Jesus Christ Kevin, I knew you were retarded but god damn.

>>716432456
I'm calling Carol right now. Get ready to see your kids twice a month.

Shitters clogged

>>716433654
>*walks out of the women's bathroom with pants down and penis fully erect and exposed."

THIS! IS WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE JERRY! NOW FUCK OFF.

>>716433767
A poster in your cubicle isn't a wife Jared

i am the one in the farthest cubicle to the corner faxing random people hentai and foot-fetish porn

>>716433988
I'm sorry Kevin. I didn't know u had such a hard time. lets have a drink and talk about it

>>716434113
YOU JUST RAPED SOMEONE! I'm calling the police

>>716434218
My cubicle is already full of body pillows and hentai pinups so joke's on you

>>716434219
Its just... I just.... Im sorry also.... Yeah I would love a drink....

>>716434218
why the fuck did we hire him?

>>716434302
Go talk to HR cunt

>>716434363
i'm good with computers
kind of
i know how to use cmd

>>716434302
NOT IF I RAPE YOU FIRST!

>>716434363
He's the boss' niece

>>716434218
Are you the one that put tape on the bottom of Jims mouse and reset the background picture to look like his normal desktop so he couldn't click on any icons?

Man he went apeshit.

>>716434415
1st Principal or /b/ Inc.--The rapist becomes the rapee.

>>716434468
No, I think that was Javier.

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THIS IS THE POLICE! GIVE US THE RAPER!

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>>716434592
Um, uh—shit shit, SHIT—I-I-I-IT WAS HIM!

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>>716434528
Did you see that new girl in hr? Look she's over there.

Man, I would butter her biscuits if you k kw what I mean.

Goddammit mike, no I don't want one of your lemonades and yes I'm sure they taste great.

what kind of party is this. Mike is bleedig all over the floor and no one is helping him. I think someone is beeing raped in the bathroom. AND WHY THE FUCK is it weird henta porn flyers all over the place?

>>716434592
HOW ABOUT I GIVE YOU A STEAMING BAG OF MY SHIT? ALSO I HEARD THE RAPIST NAME IS DOG. ALSO HEARD HE PLOWED YOUR MOTHER.

>>716434713
Police officer: my god, its mike the rapist. He pretends to be an office worker. BE DEAD SCUMBAG!
>shoots mike

Did they do the ugly sweatshirt contest yet? I think the guy with the mike tyson ones gonna win.

>>716434733
I think her name's Jessica. Fuck, of course I know her.
But someone said—I don't remember his name though—she was actually a he.

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>>716434898
>bullets bounce off of my suit
Heh...you think bullets will be my undoing?
>unsheathes katana, fedora materializes on my head
>a trenchcoat encloses my burly frame
Hahaha, you will not survive this attack........................................

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Hey guys! I brought the doubles, like i promised.

>>716434970
I think the contest will be held later. but didn't you se Jenny's sweat shirt. with the reindeer beeing fucked by Santa. she is an absolute madman

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>>716435205
FUCK OFF, MITCHELL! STOP TRICKING US WITH YOUR TRICKY, TRICKSTER WAYS

>>716434741
It's /b/inc. dumbass what'd you expect?

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>>716435002
Lol look at matt over there checking the calories on the lemonade.

Calculating how many extra dicks he's going to have to suck to work it off.

>>716429086
Hey, I know we had the whole "secret Santa" thing going on, but I kinda forgot. Do we have any backup plan?

>>716435153
I'm going onto your hentai folder while you attack them

>>716435408
I swear to god. every fucking Christmas party it's the same thing. it allways turn in to a shit show

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>>716435494
kek, sure

>>716435233
I saw someone had one that had sharks with little santa hats, it was pretty good too. It's all just a popularity contest though.

>>716435550
I emerge from the bathroom tears in eyes
>now you listen here I tried to be nice to you and you took advantage of me but you k-know what it ends here
pulls out hentai sword
>this bad boy can kill any hentai within 100 yards with a press of a button surrender now

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>>716435855
good luck, faggot—you're already drowning in cum from your asshole!

>>716435668
yeah. we both know Jennifer is going to win because of her huge jugs. he shirt is super boring. it just a Santa with some Christmas decoration on it. so unoriginal

I'd just stay home and get stoned. Probably jerk off a couple times before passing out.