Awkward Christmas stories >be 13 at time >unwrapping presents

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>unwrapping presents
>mom unwraps a present
>it's a broom
>father stand up and screams THATS NOT FUCKING FUNNY YOU ASSHOLES, GIVING YOUR MOTHER A BROOM LIKE SHE IS A WITCH
>dead silence
>everybody shocked
>mom thanks her daughter for the pretty broom she asked for

>be 15
>shopping with mom before Christmas for little brother
>really bored
>meet a girl I'm friend with stuck in the same situation
>playing around with pool noodles
>sword fighting with them like fighting dick
>she drops hers and bends over to get it
>poking her ass with pool noodle like its my dick
>our moms arrive in that moment
>think we're dating
>sit us down in the middle of the store to give us a sex lecture
>both irritated and wanna leave
>all Christmas we both get questioned non-stop about each other by families
>meet up New Year's Eve and have sex in her closet

>opening gifts with extended family
>dad gets imported beer, wine, corkscrew, flask and other drinking accessories
>everyone asking how he likes his gifts
>tells everyone he's been in AA for 5 months
>after awkward silence they hint that he should keep the gifts cause it'd be "difficult" to return them the throughout the night

Got touched by a priest and told Santa wouldn't give me gifts if I told anyone

Tell my parents, get sent to therapy as they call me a liar

Find out I'm not lying

On Christmas my dad gets drunk and beats up the priest during Christmas Eve church service

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>be 7
>at mall visiting Santa
>been in line an hour
>kid in front of me craps his pants on Santas lap and screams the whole time
>my turn
>sit on Santas lap
>smell booze, shit and vomit
>says under his breath something about beating the kids mom for having a shitty kid
>asks strained trying to be nice what I want for Christmas

>school has assembly before holiday break
>teachers dress up as Santa and elves, one as grinch
>think it would be fun to have certain kids catch them during assembly for a bag of cookies
>going good after 3 kids
>picks a retarded kid named will to chase the Santa female teacher that's kinda short
>retarded kid full on tackles her to the ground hard and starts dry humping her
>whole school watches tard wranglers take down kid
>his sweat pants clearly have wet fresh jizz stain on them

>>716134455
Something similar happened in my school but during penis inspection day

>early 90s
>Those stupid trolls with the fucked up hair are a must want toy
>Run up to christmas family/friends asking me and my sis what we want
>I usually just asked for one thing from my parents and wasn't bothered about what else I was given
>Sister tells everyone, I want trolls, Literally everyone is told this
>Parents, Grandparents, Uncles, Aunts evreywhere she goes she just wants fucking trolls
>Xmas morning arrives, I receive a shit load of cool surprises and Dad fakes me out not getting the one thing I asked for, he hides it in the kitchen, BOOM action man helicopter
>Look over at sister, shes opened about 5 trolls now, multicolored hair and shitty plastic everywhere
>She keeps going, more trolls she starts to get annoyed
>My parents begin to realize also, she nearly finished now and is surrounded by shitty fucking trolls loads of them are the same
>She bursts into tears, wahhhhh all i have is trolls, some are the same
>Parents tell her thats you asked for, you aid you wanted trolls from everyone
>Im grinning away playing with action man and dr x and other cool shit
>She starts to get pissed at me, seeing my enjoyment
>'Anon thinks its funny!'
>I do and reply with 'Shut up you troll'
>She flies into a rage tries to kick shit over and storms to her room
>My mom is pissed off and confused by the troll army at her feet and tells me to not be mean
>My dad is chuckling away

Sister always pulled this shit, ungrateful troll loving cunt

>eating candy canes with brother on Christmas Eve
>he jumps up and smacks me
>tries to take off running
>trip him
>slams hard
>gets up with candy cane stabbed into his arm deep
>family spends night at hospital

>>716134654
wut, explain

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>>716132089
>be me
>be about 7 or 8
>walk down stairs on Christmas Eve night
>think I wanted something to eat
>see parents wrapping presents
>they look at me
>I shrug
>walk back up stairs
I know that's a lame story but I wanted to bump this thread but not just say bump.

>>716132856
2awkward

>watching MTV when I was a kid at grandmas house during Christmas
>bored cause family party
>run dmc Christmas song video comes on
>half way through my grandma throws a fit and turns of the tv slamming the remote down
>goes on a rant about niggers and jungle bump music
>calls me a porch monkey and she'll lunch me if she catches me watching nigger filth again
>parents immediately take me and my sister home
>never saw grandma after that

>>716133504
That's a bad ass story my man

>>716134664
is she retarded or...?

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>>716132089
>Things that never happened.

>>716135181
Nope, just a fucking idiot at times

>>716135124
Fuck her the Run DMC Christmas song is great

>>716135241
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.

>Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

>>716132089
>be 9
>younger brother is 6
>mothers out drinking as per usual
>dad falls asleep around 11
>my brother and me have the idea after midnight "WELL ITS CHRISTMAS NOW SO LETS OPEN THE PRESENTS
>sneak all our presents down to our bedroom and open them
>broke half our toys from trampling/etc
>mother comes back at around 1-2am and freaks out
>dad got kicked out for not monitoring us

and thats the story of how me and my little brother ruined christmas.

>>716132089
Who gets a teen girl a flashlight for christmas?

>>716135461
For reading books at night in her bedroom, ugly people stay at night doing stuff like that

> dad comes home drunk from work Christmas party
> flirting with my mom in front of us asking to go to bed for sex
> mom gets pissed and says he has a small dick
> dad throws Christmas tree at mom
> mom kicks him out
>good times
>

>>716135941
>throws christmas tree at mom
>"you have a small dick"
>"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-"
kek.

>>716134654
I get this nigga

>wake up for Christmas
>notice stockings don't have anything in them
>bright little sarcastic fuck I was "Hey mom I think Santa forgot to fill the stockings"
>oh shit I mean shoot
>went back to our rooms while parents filled the stockings

Not interesting I know but whatever

>>716136386
What the fuck

>Christmas eve
>parents getting us ready for bed
>out of fucking no where, SANTA CLAUS!
>guy dressed as Santa bursts through the door
>ho, ho, ho, has anyone here been good?
>ask us what we want
>tells us to go to sleep and he'll be back with presents
>go to sleep
>wake up
>presents under the tree
ffwd a few years
>be 24
>talking with family about memorable Christmases
>bring up story above
>parents chime in when I'm done
>That was pretty fucking terrifying for us anon.
>parents had no fucking clue who the Santa was
>never found out
>mom had the phone at the ready
>dad had a bat behind his back

>>716136861
Yeaaaaah oooookay buddy

>be 5ish
>mom makes crochet snowflakes for the tree
>soaks them in a sugar, water, and elmer's glue mixture to keep them stiff
>I taste one
>fucking delicious
>end up sucking the sugar glue out of all the snowflakes
>parents think I'm a retarded glue eater
>put me in after school catch up classes until I'm 10
>teacher finally tells my parents that I don't need the classes

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be rocking 16 year old,
smashing all the presents up in anger.

ah those where the good days

>>716137234
what do you find unbelievable about it?

>>716137234
He's a lying newfag

This particular year, my grandpa had died in September. Him and grandma had been together for like 50 odd years.

Every Christmas the family gets together and does a secret santa of a bottled item and a food item. Everyone brings one of each, they get shuffled and you get a random food item and bottled item.

My older brother, who is not autistic but may aswell be, decides that his bottled item would be a bottle of sex lube. So he wraps it up, chucks it into the pile and it gets handed to dear old grandma. The look on her face when she opened it made me cringe in a way I thought not possible. Was incredibly awkward, one of my uncles ended up swapping it for a bottle of wine he got. Everyone felt terrible.

Most of them knew it was from my brother but no accusations were thrown out, it was just super awkward and depressing.

tl;dr my older bro gave my recently widowed grandmother a bottle of sex lube for secret santa and ruined christmas.

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>>716135941
Christmas was the one time of year my parents made an effort to get along, always loved it cause of that. When I was very young at least.

Actually I've got a good one.

>be awkward sexually repressed teen, experimenting with sticking things up my arse
>use crisco as lube, it's what all the queers online use
>mom's a nosy controlling fuck, won't stay out of my room
>one night i'm in bed, she comes in and tells me she's just gonna clean up a little, probably had some scheme she's gonna find something and confront me idk
>we're always arguing cos i think she should stay out but she's shrill as fuck and arguing with her is like talking to a screaming leaf blower so i cave this time
>she's going through stuff on my shelf. I keep the crisco cornhole grease on a spoon behind a book (fuck i was a greasy teenager)
>anxiety setting in as i watch her get closr to it
>im sure she knew i was up to some weird stuff, at the time tho i deluded myself into thinking i was keeping my fetishes a secret for comfort so i was always terrified if anyone found out
>she reaches behind book and pulls out spoon, i jump out of bed and snatch it away and she hurries off like she found king tut's golden fucking dildo
>don't speak of it
>xmas me and my brothers all get life-brand personal lube as a "joke"
>she thinks she's being subtle and supportive, im ready to break a glass bauble and slit my wrists
>dad gets real upset and starts asking her why she got that stuff for us
>they leave room and have a discussion, come back and we finish unwrapping presents, except dad just sits there scowling with arms folded whole time
>oh well mom made sure dad was alienated from our family, fuck what he thinks. Back to shoving everything in the pantry up my grease trap

And that's part of the reason why i hate people. Merry christmas /b/

>>716134455
>tard wranglers
lost hard

>>716138176
your mother is a negative cunt stay away from her

>be me
>go into another country for christmas
>they have a big fish in the bathroom for christmas
>it was swimming and i liked to touch it
>it felt glibbery and was interesting to watch in the bathroom
>needs to live in the water there so it gets clean inside or something
>for christmas it was part of the culture to eat them fish.
>the neighbor came took the fish
>he killed it with hammer
>blood.jpg
>i was very excited about how its gonna be
> all said its gonna taste great
>grandmother makes best meals i know
>mfw the fish tastes bad

>mother and grandmother tell me i need to put the scales into my wallet in order to get money next yeah

>mfw i have fish scales in my pocket for a whole year

>>716132089
from full an hero to full hero

>>716138351
how new are you

>>716139604
if 41+1==42:
return yes
for m in range (18):
return Faggot

>>716138813
how do you do that in the few years after high school where you financially depend on your parents

>>716139741
Var
n: integer;

Begin
Repeat
n := n+1;
Until n = 18
Writeln('I am ', n,' faggot');
Readln();
End;

>>716133864
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/north-carolina-boy-accuses-santa-fat-shaming-article-1.2902050

>>716140014
Out:
I am 1 faggot
I am 2 faggot
I am 3 faggot
I am 4 faggot
I am 5 faggot
I am 6 faggot
I am 7 faggot
I am 8 faggot
I am 9 faggot
I am 10 faggot
I am 11 faggot
I am 12 faggot
I am 13 faggot
I am 14 faggot
I am 15 faggot
I am 16 faggot
I am 17 faggot
I am 18 faggot

> if your output was right, then: post me my output
>>716139741

>if not, correct me and then do the same

>be me
>30
>disappear for year and half to go on whimsical heroin binge in Philly crackhouses
>2 days before Christmas show up on parents doorstep now homeless
>mery christmis famly.

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>>716140014
>>716140381
wow you guys are really pro coders!! i want to learn this advanced code how many years it took?????????

>>716140551
have you even read our fucking code ?
You would know dude, you would know.

>>716139011
It's clear for me that you were in Poland, eating carp and all this scale tradition so "money keeps with you", Merry Christmas anons !

>>716140381
Out:
I am 18 faggot

> The Writeln is out of the repeat loop
>Loop only ends when n=18

>>716140597
good guess is all im saying.

>>716140501
Really? How was it?

>>716140658
yeah i should have noticed.

>>716140551
Only took 2 weeks

> iz dis baet?

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>>716132089

>christmas dinner

>>716135124
i wish that was my grandma

>>716140674
Nah, carp for christmas is polish, lots of britfags know this.
Least your sane enough to know it tastes bad

>>716140727
top kek
>you bait him
>the baitception is real

>>716140805
You are jon snow on your little island of westeros in the north.

>>716140501
philly crackhouses? Jesus christ that must've been a grimy year. Ever make it to camden or chester?

>>716140698

Bitter-sweet. They told me that the only gift I would get for Christmas would be their roof over my head and that the only gift I needed to give them was the peace of knowing that I was alive.

>>716135124
Was her name Grandma /pol/?

>>716132089
>be me
>be 15 or 16 or someshit at the time
>me and my younger cousin he's like 12 or 13, fuck if I remember. whaterver, he's younger than me and a little bit spergtistic.
>he's just started to get into proper video games, I had setup his steam account recently at the time.
>we both get PSPs and MGS:PO
>playing deathmatch together
>ofcourse I am crushing him
>looks like he's about to cry
>let him get a kill
>excitement overrides his reasoning
>he tea bags my corpse
>announces this to the entire family with
>HAHA LOOK, I AM TEABAGGING YOUR DEAD CORPSE HAHAHA
>tfw explaining videogame teabagging to extended family on christmas whilst tipsy and stoned.

>>716140658
now post my out

>>716140880

Grimy for sure, but I had money to last for a while. Finally when I was beaten, robbed and left in a trunk reality hit me and I decided to detox and try to get my shit together. I tend to avoid Camden with all my willpower, though tough when I need to attend concerts. One of my good friends lives in Wilmington, so typically will cop in Chester when we hang out to avoid 95 traffic into Philly and avoid crappy drugs in Wilmington.

>>716140783
anime was a mistake

>>716134664
>shut up you troll

KEK

>>716135461
I personally like getting tools and things for Christmas.

Tactical flashlights with the alternate charging methods, Knives with Firesteel, multi-tools/pocket knives. etc.

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>>716138176
>>716138176

you sound like an overall shit person... everybad situation you get your self in "better just try and kill my self"

>>716140942
> Error. Our system thinks your post is spam.

>>716141176
no it will simply say
yes

>>716136386
This happened to my family every other year.

>>716137854
People dressed as scary clowns harrassing people in 2016... completely legit.

Neighbor walking into peoples houses dressed as Santa in the 90s, probably while drunk... FAKE.

>be me 6-7 at the time
>have abusive stepmom
>throw up on my blanket because she makes shit food
>christmas morning
>throwup still on blanket because if i told her i threw up on it id get beaten
>she takes it from my room and lays it down near the fireplace
>she doesnt notice
>mfw

i hope the stupid cunt gets eaten by a pack of angry reindeer

>>716138351
are you new here or is this your first time reading a greentext story?

>>716141486
i dont even know what tard wrenglers is faggot

>im fag

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>>716141213
I thought it would be like this
> mfw I took 5 minutes to upload this photo

>>716141486
dont take the bait /b/ro

>>716135124
At least your grandma had chacter.

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>>716132599

>be 12
>Christmas time with family and cousin has a newly born baby boy
>kids called Dylan
>first baby I've come across so freaked out abit
>family talk about what he could be in the future
>"what do you think Dylan will be when he grows up anon?"
>"ummm I think he will be a dildo because dildo sounds like dylan"
>family look at me in shock
>"well his nickname could be dildo"
>"anon do you know what that means?"
>"i don't know someone in school said that someone else was one and it was a good thing"

fast forward 15 years later

>dylan is now 16
>gets present off him
>opens it infront of family
>he bought me a fucking dildo and wrote his name on it just so I would remember it...

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>>716141640
> At least your grandma had chacter
> had chacter
>chacter
> At least

Yeah, chacter is quite rare these days...

>>716141543
cunning bastards...
it's so obvious now you've pointed it out.

sorry I let you down.

>>716141540
>mfw you didnt juist write it down here

>>716141540
also:

runfile('C:/Users/Ändi/kek 4chan', wdir='C:/Users/Ändi')
File "C:/Users/Ändi/kek 4chan", line 9
return yes
^
SyntaxError: 'return' outside function

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>>716141816
> mfw when it wasn't uploaded because 'We think your post is spam'

>>716141904
> SyntaxError: 'return' outside function
> SyntaxError
> 'return' outside function

You using lazarus?

>>716138176
Could have said "heard I can kill flies and mosquitos with an oil trap".
Calmly, without jumping for it.

>>716141904
why do i get syntax error lol im really bad at this

>>716142126
no

>>716142209
What program you using then?
Python? C++?

>>716142288
python

>>716134664
Got a good laugh from this one

>>716142315
I may be going out on a limb, but are you familiar with the name 'Doran'?

>>716142417
>Doran

Abbas Doran, Iranian IRIAF fighter Pilot
Ann Doran, character actress
Beauchamp Doran, British soldier
Bill Doran (disambiguation)
Tom Doran, baseball player
Charles Guilfoyle Doran, 19th-century Irish republican
Chris Doran, singer
Colleen Doran, comic book writer and artist
Daryl Doran, soccer player
Frank Doran (disambiguation)
Gerry Doran, Irish rugby union international
Jamie Doran, documentary filmmaker
John Doran (disambiguation)
John James Doran, Medal of Honor recipient
Juno Doran, artist
Kelly Doran, politician
Madeleine Doran, literary critic, poet
Matt Doran, actor
Michael Doran, politician
Rob Doran, member of rock band Hard Corps
Steve Doran, disc jockey
Thomas G. Doran, American Roman Catholic bishop
Tony Doran, hurler
W. J. Doran, American politician, Missouri senator
Walter Doran, admiral
William Doran, politician
William C. Doran, associate justice of the California Court of Appeal

Places

Doran, Kerman, Iran
Ben Doran, mountain in Scotland
Doran, Minnesota
Doran Regional Park in Sonoma County, California

Ships

USS Doran (DD-185), Wickes-class destroyer
USS Doran (DD-634), Gleaves-class destroyer

Fictional characters

Vala Mal Doran, Stargate SG-1 character
Old King Doran, Demon's Souls character

>>716142503
Add 'Gordon Doran, computer science teacher' to that list

>>716142660
I dont know him. Is he your teacher or sth ?

>>716141540
>not using notepad++

>>716142765
Teacher at a particular high school in Britain.
I'll let you find out for yourself which school that is.
And yes, he is my teacher.

>>716139741
>Return
I think you mean yield

>>716132089
Fucking lul.

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>Be me living with crackhead family
>Parents forget it's Christmas and spend entire night and Christmas day fist fighting while high on speed.
>Parents all strung out and bloody when knock on door
>Grandparents show up with gifts and see whats happened
>Pretend like nothings happened while me and sisters open gifts
>Sisters get new kids on the block dolls and i get ninja turtles battle van toy
>Next day all of our toys are missing
>We just assume the other sibling hid it
>MFW twenty years later my father confessed he stole out Christmas gifts and sold them for drugs.
>Merry Christmas /b/

>>716134664
Last line got me. Well done Ausfag cunt

>be in Berlin 2020
>Merkel gets Re-elected
>Liberalism flourishs
>New law passed putting allowing Syrian Refugees to replace politicians
>Son Comes home with Pet Syrian Refugee after school
>"Mom can I keep him"
>"Son it's a big responsibility and you already have 2. Also it'll be hard for him to get along with the other refugees. He can't sleep with the other Sunnis he's Shiite so he'll have to sleep outside.
>Pet Shiite has to sleep in barn
>Father says "We'll have to go out to the barn to watch him cuck you"
>"Well at least it's better than having him shit the bed again"
>Suddenly a truck smashes into front of my house
>ISIS fighters hop out the back
>"Welcome to Germany, how may we help you" (In arabic) because our schools forced us to learn arabic

>>716134664
Wait, so she told everyone that you wanted trolls, and she ended up getting trolls, or did she say that she wanted trolls? Your writing isn't very clear.

>>716142896
i think i misused return it is used in functions normally and not in script that is likely the error. i should write print("argumen")

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>>716143170
>being this dumb

>>716132856
The lecture was well-founded,, and still didn't work.

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>>716135124
>jungle bump music

>>716143170
You serious?

>work Christmas party at law firm
>secret Santa shit
>all the young Lawyers hate the big boss. Massive cunt
>Making us work like niggers on shit pay
>one night came back to office really late after being on the piss in town
>rooting noises from bosses room all lights off
>creep like ninja to room. See boss fucking his secretary on his desk
>she is a fucking bitch as well to the grads. Hate her dumb slut
>decide to get boss special secret Santa present
>smug cunt sits in front of all staff handing out presents. We all have to watch as each person opens theirs
>bitchface secretary has been off sick for a week not there. Boss cunt crapping on to everyone about how sad it is so sick waa waa
>boss opens his from me
>a4 profile photo of secretary. Holds it up everyone is wtf'ing
>had put inside a fake +be pregnancy tester
>falls on ground. Gasps and awkward silence
>boss losses his shit. Girl finds out and fesses to HR femmanazi. Gets coerced into making some kind of complaint
>boss never comes back after xmas break

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>be me
>be 11 or 12 years old
>Christmas morning
>wake up with raging adolescent hard-on
>stalk down hall to sister's room
>kick the door open, screeching like a banshee
>fuck the shit out of her
>wake parents up, mom comes to door
>"OI, WUT'S ALL THE RUCKUS?"
>eyes go red, fly off my sister and prepare to give dear mother a good dicking

continue?

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>>716143867
Mistake dude.
Why the fuck would you not take a pick and blackmail the shit out of him?

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>>716144043

>black mail a lawyer

that can only end well

>be teenager me
>parents divorced
>my dad has custody
>my mom in another country
>my dad left me home alone to go partying, cus he enjoys life
>be alone on christmas, cry
>next day parents ask what i did
>tell them i was with friends
>cry
>new year's eve
>be alone
>cry again
>everybody telling stories how awesome the parties were
>feels bad

>>716144043
Nokia 7110. Matrix as fuck but pre phone cameras nigga

>>716144221
Because he doesn't have a wife and money?
What is he going to do?

>>716132856
Was she surprised by your actual pool noodle dick?

>>716144262
Come back next time with a camera?
They probably did it every other day.

>>716144543
I just did it for the lulz

>>716144449
the legal lawyer shit he spent years to learn in order to fuck you up deeply

>>716134664
good kek

>>716144226
>crying that much
fucking pussy.

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>>716132089
kek

>>716141040
wow what a fake. Try to front like you actually spent time in philly crackhouses when you probably never even went north of downtown

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>>716144773

this guy gets it, you break up his wife and family, he breaks up your wife and family, but also takes all your money in the process due to the black mail

sounds great

>>716133504
How did they find out you were telling the truth?

>>716135124
Based Grandma

>>716138176
Ahaha. Candyass.

>>716135567
Reading books are apparently for ugly people.

>>716144799
i was young fuckin fag, i don't cry like a bitch anymore, you can't even imagine how we party here in the eastern bloc

>>716143960
now that's living. Why can't we all live like this?

>>716135124
Sounds like my grandma

>>716143867
did he know the gift came from you?

>>716139955
Stop being a failure? I moved out the day I graduated high school and have never been financially dependent on my parents since.

>>716145278
Did you live in your car?

>>716137234
What? Are you some sort of gaythiest? Do you not believe in santa? Kek what a fag.

>>716143170
>Sister tells everyone, I want trolls, Literally everyone is told this

reading comprehension?

>>716135415
>415▶
>>>716132089 (OP)
fun, yet sad story, hope you are doing well IRL after all that

>Be 11
>2005
>always helping mom set up 1st christmas day cause we still had family coming over
>about 25+ people cramped in a dutch lane house ( the small ones)
>always had a blast, watching christmas specials before the guest arrived
>always had fond memories of those day/nights we had with everybody, even the loner / half estranged uncle came over with his kid that he never ever saw ( kid lived in italy with his mom)
>2016
>everybody in those years ratted out / betrayed one family member, and the other family member did that to another family member ( classic family drama`s)
>left with us 3, brother, mom, and i
>i spent my christmasses smoking weed and crying at vintage family videos i find on Youtube.

Brother has to work both xmas days, mom is depressed, and wont do shit, And this is the first year i legitimately dont feel alone ( we didnt celebrate it since 2011) or bothered by it, not even my throat getting dry and numb in grocery stores ( family packing food, santa claus in store etc)

>Estranged and poor uncle calls
>married to millionaire wife in Belgium
>Asks us to celebrate christmas with him in his wife`s mansion

>Forgets that we have no money for gas ( or have a car)
>we also still have to split the bill, He comes from the Ghetto ( Gestel Eindhoven) together with my mom, And from outta the blue he forgot where he came from

>we are not niggers

anyway, Sorry if this was a bore to read.

>>716140783
Holy fuck everyone looks so awkward and the old lady looking back at the camera wants to commit sudoku.

>>716145438
are you enjoying your White privilege?

>>716145275
>secret Santa
>secret

>>716134664

Ausfag detected good kek

>Be me when I was 6
>Lived in an a apartment home
>Mom and dad didn't have enough to really get me and my sister anything that year
>It's night time, and I want to say it's 2 days until Christmas
>A limo pulls up outside our apartment, and out comes two dudes in suits that look like secret servicemen
>Out comes Santa
>Sister and I are mesmerized
>Knocks on the door
>Parents let him in
>Says, "ho ho ho kids, Merry Christmas"
>Asks us to pick a random present from the bag he was carrying
>When we do that he leaves and is driven away
>Parents take the presents and put them under our tree
>On Christmas we open them and I got some M&M bank, and my sister got a pair of nurse shoes
>Good times.exe

I want to say that that Santa was some toys for tots dude or something like that, idk.

Told everyone at school when I was a kid that Santa is driven around in a limo and that he doesn't use reindeer anymore.

>Be 7
>be retarded
>Can't shit anywhere else other than my own home
>be at school
>Holding in a shit for the whole day
> Forget I have after school activities for my extreme retardation
> I really need to shit
> pretend that I'm just sad because I feel bad for my mom putting up with my retardation
> I just need to shit but I'm too scared to shit in the toilets
> 5 minutes go by and I'm starting to shit but slowly
> I cry while shitting myself infront of the teacher saying I'm very scared to shit in the school bathroom
> Teacher: Wtf.jpeg
> I get very embarrassed but relieved from shitting my self.
> Teacher calls mom to get me clean clothes
> Iwanttodie.jpg

>>716133504
Fuck yeah dad

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>>716135044

11 years old. Christmas morning run down hall to tree for presents. Mother screams from Grandmothers room. Everyone runs to room. Grandmother had died during the night. I told my little brother Santa killed Grandmother fucked him up for years.

>be 16
>brush past some girl at school in crowded hallway
>"you touched my ass, nerd!"
>wtf
>goes all the way to principal and then parents finding out that I "touched a girl indecently on the bottom"
>parents angry at me and don't believe the truth
>a week later, bitch sister loses one too many pairs of underwear and starts acting out that i'm stealing it because of my "ass fetish"
>parents actually believe her
>week later, it's christmas
>older sister (34) is visiting with her 7 year old daughter
>parents give me some money and tell me to buy the kid something
>go to the store but want to go home and play battlefield so just pick the first thing
>pink onesie for ages 7-9
>get them to wrap it in store
>christmas day comes, whole family sitting in a fucking circle unwrapping presents
>niece opens her present from me
>i tell her to go try it on in an attempt to be a fun person
>she goes out and comes back in with it in her hand
>whispers to my sister
>turns out it's one of those fucking onesies with a butt flap
>and the one i picked was a fucking reject
>the butt flap is broken anddoesn't fasten
>parents stare at me like i did it on purpose to see my nieces 7 year old ass
>dad tells me to go to my room

fuck christmas

>>716145319
No I had a job already for the last 2 years of school and used that money to stay in a non lease apt until I started college a few months later and lived in the dorms.

>>716146133
I was that girl.

>be about 9
>opening presents with family
>accidentally open one for my mom that was from one of her friends
>big purple vibrator
>what's this?
>ah-uh-um-it's a uh... magic wand
>BURRRRRRRRRRRRRR
>why does it vibrate?
>gimme that and open another present
A few days later
>hear vibrating at night
>ask mom the next morning if she was practicing magic
>what magi... er yeah
It was several years before I found out what it actually was. To this day I can't open presents without thinking about my mom using that vibrator.

I hate Christmas.

>>716146270
You are fucking autistic.

> be 11-12 whatever
> big party at my grandmothers house in the city
> everyone is there including family members I have never met
> playing cricket in driveway with cousins
> I run down to get the ball as it rolled under the gate
> find auntie I had just met laying on the ground ODing
> just assume she is drunk like everyone else
> grab ball
> go back to cricket
> she died in the driveway

> still to this day feel kind of guilty regardless of how much of a scumbag she was

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>>716146093
>mfw

> late at night a few days before Christmas
> mom and dad are fighting im locked in my room from the outside like usual..me and two bros
> here door slam old pickup truck starts up and speeds off down the driveway
> dad checks on us tells us go back to sleep
> next morning he takes us to his good friends house we will be staying there for a while
> guy doesn't have a Christmas tree
> dad gets a bunch of art supplies
> we make a construction paper Christmas tree taped to the wall of his friends house
> Christmas day comes
> lots of presents still under the tree but nothing fancy
> the other night mom took all the presents loaded it in the truck and drove off to sell them for drug money
> dad struggled to get us what he could
> eat a bowl of Mac and cheese for Christmas dinner
> not a bad Christmas

>>716146365
How do you just OD at a family party?

>>716145438
>n this advanced code how many years it took?????????
saddest story till now !

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>be 8yo extremely mature kid somewhere in the Eastern Europe
>living with older brother (13) and dad who's never home
>we're critically poor, on the verge of bankruptcy
>brother somehow manages to buy me a present
>i get up to go to pee at the same time he went to put the present under the tree
>he sees me and gets nervous and disappointed that i saw him
>i know how hard he tried to make some money and buy me a present since i was a kid and should enjoy holidays
>i was mature enough to understand it so i pretend i was sleepy and i didn't see who it was clearly
>tomorrow open up presents to see it's a couple of chocolates
i'm fucking crying now

>>716146536
I had never met the woman before that day..
But yeah she was dad's sister, A few years beforehand she had stolen my grandmothers jewelery for drug money...
Nobody talked to her since until a couple months before the party when my aunt ran into her and her kids at a shopping center and invited her thinking she had cleaned up her act..

But yeah ended up injecting (what I still don't know) in the most secluded part of the yard between the gate and car port..

Scum is scum... what can I say?

>>716145438
it gets increasingly less difficult to handle this situation in my opinion, good read anon, slightly comparable to my situation.

>>716143056
I'm glad my smack addicted parents were never this bad, they did provide fun at xmas.

>>716145710
Liked this part, on LE REDDIT <- i know...
there are some good stories about poor people celebrating xmas, one guy got taken out by a teacher to pick out gifts for people HIS age ( around 8) turns out in the end the whole bag he selected was for himself.

>>716146831
Same here my parents were fucked up on drugs all the time, but still managed to always make Christmas really special.

>>716146763
You only need to try heroin once to get full blown addicted. That doesn't make her scum. Trying to withdraw from heroin is harder than you can even fathom.

>>716132856

kek'd hard! good1

>>716146133
HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!

LEGIT! This thread has the best copy/pastables, sad stories, and outright fun comments.

>>716146993
I am aware.. have a few addicts in the family..
But none that did the shit she did..
Even when she was clean she was a right cunt apparently..
Though I have may been told that just so I wouldn't feel guilty about letting her die.......


Quit fucking with my head man

>>716146685
Fucking ingrate!

>>716146993
>full blown addiction after using once

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>>716146270

yeah sure that happened, if you're going to make up a story atleast make it interesting or believable

>>716147113
She could have ended up turning her life around but you denied her that opportunity when you left her to die in the gutter

>>716146365
>>716146365

we went to family friends 50th, most of her kids are derro's or married to druggo's and fuckwits.

one had taken a couple of pills of something, jsut had the drug fucked demeanor about him when he spoke, saw him try and spike my beer with a pill, poured it out in front of him and told my parents and we all promptly left

druggo's will drug anytime anywhere with zero fucks given

>>716132089
>Be me, big family christmas do.
>Adults getting drunk as fuck.
>Aunt wants bucks fizz
>Shouts "Pass the Fucks Bizz!"
>Much hilarity ensues.

>sleep on living room couch because poor
>wake up and see my parents putting presents under the tree
>realized santa doesnt exist
>cry myself to sleep

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>>716146993
>>716147113
>>716147187

don't try it then, don't have to worry about getting hooked, at some point in that womans life she decided to try the drugs that killed her, don't make excuses for her own actions

i less piece of shit in the world now

>>716146685
Stick together with your bro through life.

>be 11, I think
>brother only one year older
>both live in the same cramped ass room
>parents get larger, separate rooms to themselves
>shit ton of useless toys accrued over several Christmases, but since there was two of us in one room it really wasn't that much
>cunt mom tells us to clean and organize room right before Christmas
>spend all day taking shit out of the cabinets and boxes, putting things in their proper place
>meanwhile cunt mom naps the entire day
>needless to say with all that moving and organizing bullshit, a lot of it had to be put temporarily all over the floor
>getting late and our pre-pubescent muscles are sweating from all this first-world labor, decide to take a break
>go get some snacks, watch a little tv
>grumpy cunt mother emerges from the bitch cave, thunders down hallway
>ignites a shitstorm of pure rage at us because room still not clean
>try to explain to her that we're still working on it
>cunt mother says it looks even worse, in full fury mode now
>brother stammers some shit about it being a lot of work, mom regresses on the old "giving birth to you was a lot of work" like she was frying us up
>cuck dad comes home, cunt mom gives the most overdramatic bullshit story
>convinces cuck dad to beat our asses, but the ol' spank paddle hasn't been as effective as it used to be
>so, mom rages at us more while we sit in dining room listening to cuck dad in the laundry room sawing out a new one from a 2-by-4
>hear him fire up the drill, makes holes in the business end
>if you're wondering why, here's a protip: drilling holes in a paddle does the opposite of make it sting less
>shittingbricks.jpg
>cuck dad calls bro down
>closes door, hear five gunshot-level slaps succeeded by five wimpy shrieks of pain
>bro bolts out of room, shaking and red with his hands on his ass cheeks
>shittingboulders.jpg
>get called in, go down
>try hard to think about happy shit
>get called down, clench ass cheeks like never before
cont?

>>716147539
he's my favourite person in the world, in every way. I always had perfect relations with him. And i'm crying again

>>716147378
>crying because parents decided to spend their already sparse cash to buy gifts
>definition of autism

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>>716132599
>"But daaad, she asked for it..!"

>>716147682
>Walking into the laundry I saw my dad shoving the paddle up my brothers ass so violently

>>716132856
Her = him?

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>>716132599

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>>716147682
>>716147682

why does everyone on /b/ suddenly think their mom is some dark soul'd cunt demon for the 13th level of hell because they make them clean their room

show's just how many entitled 13 year olds actually lurk this site

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>>716147851

is that anna kendrick from pitch perfect?

>>716148578
I don't know if this particular screenshot was from Pitch Perfect, but that's her head, yeah.

>>716140014
(let loop ((i 1))
(if (zero? i)
#f
(begin
(write-line (string-append "I am " (number->string i) " faggot"))
(read-line)
(loop (+ i 1)))))

>>716148904
Wow I'm tired

(let loop ((i 1))
(if (= i 18)
#f
(begin
(write-line (string-append "I am " (number->string i) " faggot"))
(read-line)
(loop (+ i 1)))))

>>716147682
i'm curious

>>716147851
holy fuck look at those hands. She's definitely a tranny

>>716149152
>being this new

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Unfortunately things didn't get that sexy Anon, there's no silver linings in this story fyi
>dad beats my ass five times, me screaming like a little bitch entire time
>once done ass is on fire, rocket out of there faster than an autistic sperg on crack that just got a new sonic game
>sobbing all the way down the hall to cunt mom's room in vain hope of mercy, bitch turns me down
>have to go lie down and let the bruise burns fizz out on the couch in isolation now
>cunt mom not done spewing rage, tells me and bro that half of our toys are going in the trash and we wont get the new ones they got us either
>said they'd be donated to some charity or some shit
>mfw ass is smouldering like the kiln of the first flame and watching my toys get hauled outside in trash bags just to be given to some poorfag orphan tiny tim from "A Christmas Carol" lookin ass
Graduated and moved out now, needless to say I don't do a lot of talking to cunt mom and cuck dad

>Test

>>716149178

good. i hope both your parents burn in hell for child abuse

>>716149165
>being even this new

>>716149298
>Here, have a (You)

>>716132089
What shithole 3rd world country do you live in where a flashlight is considered a good christmas gift?

>>716149322

this thread died 10mins ago

feelsbadman

>>716149322
Do you even know what third world means?

>>716138351
Wow new guy in town?

>>716133504
your dad is a legend

>>716132856
lol everybody is literally a samefag who responded to you.

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>>716132089

>>716149178
lol, And then there are still people who let children like you rot in prison for 40 years before eligable for parole, That you did not shoot your parents is a big suprise for me, Did they truly do that ?

>>716150115
samefag

>>716141751
seems like dildo became a cool guy

>be me
>be like 6
>find christmas presents hidden in cellar
>show brother 3 years old
>tell him santa is not real
>parents spend 30 minutes comforting him it is

another one
>be me
>be 11
>mother finds box with papers, half emptied zigarettes
>tell herr its from my older half brother

>be me
>be 23
>buy girlfriend flat iron
>she shakes it "that better aint a flat iron"

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>>716133213

>>716147141
i'm not, i'm crying because even tho it was humble, it was from the heart and he worked for that money just to make me happy.
I'm so fucking grateful for that.

>>716149178
your bruises were fizzing?

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>>716150410

what the fuck is flat iron?

>>716146514
your dad loves you, anon

> not white
> dont celebrate christmas
> wake up on the 25th as normal
> fin

>>716146514
your dad is a hero

>>716146514
Your dad is awesome.

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>>716150247
Yeah man, they did that and a lot more. I mean, its not like they locked me in a basement and raped me with a garden rake or anything but I legit got some serious fuckin ass beatings over some of the most trivial shit growing up. In retrospect it's semi-funny/sad, but if I had to relive my childhood again I def would've bailed on my family asap. I'll probs make a thread with my full life story eventually.

>>716146993
you mean
>phantom

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>>716132089
>go to TN for xmas
>bury dead grandfather instead

Last week.

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>>716150730
i googled it, whats the correct word?

>>716151479

>an iron
>an electric iron
>a clothes iron

your fucking wording implies there could be a curved or bent iron??

>>716146066
please be fake

>>716135066
I keked.... Don't know why

>2010 christmas
>at my fiances house where she lives with her mom, brother, and kid (this was before the cuck meme. She was good ass and I was willing to take in the kid as payment).
>I'd noticed her kid likes playing with wooden train tracks you can link together to make massive train sets
>ordered $300 worth of those wooden train track blocks and Thomas tank engine toys a few days earlier
>it comes a day before christmas in a giant fucking box
>kid was happier than I've ever been

we broke up a few months later. Merry christmas, /b/.

>>716146831
Yeah that must have been really bad for you. I hadn't a cousin who was addicted to smack, he couldn't stop slapping shit

>>716146066
>Dick Dong, head penis inspector

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>>716150730
what is google?

>>716139741
You're still new to this site and anything remotely current.
Faggot.

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>>716138351
Ohboy here we go

>be 17
>normal christmas
>listening to music, watching movies, entertaining the youngins
>burnout writer uncle comes over
>downs 2 40's and smokes a bunch of weed off our back porch
>starts drunkenly screaming about how the government is controlling the masses or some shit
>throws a wine bottle against the wall and it literally explodes
>blacks out and falls backwards, hitting his head against some wooden stairs
>someone just puts a blanket over him, not even turning him on his side or checking to see of he's alive
>after wine is cleaned up music starts again and the party is going again
>there was 3 12 year olds at the party

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>>716135124
Did she take out her nigger knife

>>716136386
Did you forget to add some quotation marks or something?

>>716140805

And Czech.

Probably Slovak too.

Pretty much most of Central Europe is rocking the Christmas Carp.

(if only it tasted good)

>Be me around 12 or so, the year the Wii came out
>beg parents for the Wii with Mario cart
>long story short they tell me Santa ran low on that game
>gives me Wii and Mario galaxy
>they say Santa will get me the game soon
>bout 3 weeks later, gift in my room, Mario cart, shit was lit.
>go to take my morning shit, find recept for Mario cart. Santa was ruined for me...

>>716137328
I can believe this one
Kek

>>716152297
>DickL Dong

>be 8
>Christmas morning, super excited
>Go into dad's room with older brother to wake him up
>Go up to his bed, see a sex doll lying on the floor beside him
>"is that a dead body?!"
>Brother ushers me out of the room
>Never mentioned it again.

Didn't realize what it was until years later.

>>716147781
Hope you give him good head.
Forreal, no joke

>as a kid had trouble accept gifts
>mom tells my grand pa to buy a power ranger helmet and i'll love it
> I get it and run away screaming "I DIDNT WANT IT"
>grandpa is like wtf you said he wanted this
>mom tells me to always say thank you even if i didnt want it
>next christmas say "thank you, but I didnt want it"

>>716137328
Fuck I did the same shit after I tasted one. My mom just looked at me funny but didn't really give a fuck.

>>716153983
I did the same thing as a kid. I think it's just parents are too afraid to own up to their mistakes when it comes to their kids because it embarrasses them for some reason. A lot of these problems would be solved if people would just ask the kid what they want rather than assuming hey know their kid.

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>be 14
>get present
>bike chain
>dont even own a bike
>mfw

>>716152255
You seem like a good guy

>>716132089
Die in your sleep cuck wannabe shit

>all these faggots having semi functional Christmases and having semi happy family's that get you presents.
Shit, makes me teary eyed reading this shit. My parents divorced when I was 5 and it was a violent, bloody thing. And even before that all they did was fight and be petty so Christmas or any holiday really, fucking sucked balls. I remember I got decent presents before my parents split and when they did we didn't celebrate Christmas on Christmas for years, it'd be on New year's when everything was on sale after the holidays so my mom could actually afford to get me and my sisters cheap shit to make us feel normal.

And now Christmas is such a fucking downer for me. I always get depressed when all the Christmas shit starts before Halloween is even over. Everyone loves Christmas and I fucking hate it with every fiber of my being because it drudges up my shitty childhood and how fucking retarded my parents are.

Merry Christmas /b/.

>>716154174
>>716153983
If I ever acted like you little shits I would have been beaten and I would have deserved it. Fuck you.

>>716152756
did he died?

>>716132856
And?

>>716134455
Fucking animals. Retarded kids should not be allowed to participate in normal activities. They're a dangerous nuisance.

>bring gf from college home for Christmas
>little brother obsessed with her
>no problems just acts spergtatstic
>tries several times to walk in on her showering
> gf feels super awkward around him
> always tries to get close to her and get in between me and her
>late night, everyone arrived that day before Christmas Eve from out of town
>gf and I in bed start having sex, being as quiet as possible
>hear noise from closet
>ignore it
>both of us cum, throw condom away, clean up and get dressed
>remember closet noise so I check it out
>brother in there masturbating
>yell really loud and gf screams
>half my extended family bursts into room to see what's up
>see me kicking brother out of room about to beat his ass
>all noticed he has no pants on and jizz on him
>whole Christmas people barely talking
>after Christmas brother gets sent to military school

>>716155405
hahahaha

He should have stealthed way better than that, little fucker

>>716155405
you're a fucking dick

by all means NOT a bro. What kind of older brother does that?

>>716155405
lmfao. That was such a ballsy move by your brother.

>>716135066
kek

>>716155626
Brother is much better now since he got laid, said being in military school turned his life around

>>716133504
Did not happen

>>716156246
yeah getting shower raped in the military sounds like a great way to turn a life around.

>>716146514
Merry Christmas anon. Your father is one of the good ones.

>>716155405
that is seriously fucked up

>>716146514
your dad should an hero

>>716137328
I'm sure there were other indicators that you were retarded

>>716153494
Boo fucking hoo you ungrateful fuck. If that's the worst Christmas story you have, you're a silver spoon fed faggot.

Btw what kind of autist believes in Santa until they're 12.

>>716137897
Your bro sounds like a cunt

>>716147113
an hero man

>>716139011
What the fuck culture would even think of sadistic shit like this

Don't celebrate Christmas. Celebrate Solstice instead. Stayed up all night eating mushrooms and getting fucked up. Try to raise dead but dreaming c'thulhu. Actually do.
Happy Holidays/b/.

>>716136124
Best kek

>be me
>14 or so
>Parents divorced when I was a kid, it's my first time visiting my dad since that happened.
>He seems disappointed after finding out I'm not a straight A student.
>Doesn't really know me at all
>Ff
>Christmas Eve
>I'm wearing little brothers gifts with him
>He's talking about how he messed up big time and wishes he could go back and raise me better
>Starts crying and talking about how he's a failure as a father
>I've never seen him cry before
>Ever
>Awkward.png
>Put hand on his shoulder
>"It's okay dad. Shits all going to be okay"
>He calms down and gives me a hug
>Next day
>I unwrap a couple things that I don't want at all
>Act like I'm the happiest kid alive
>Dad's eyes light up

Christmas is depressing.

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>i was ITT before going to work
>left after 9 hours
>thread is still alive

>>716157434
Thread is only 7 hours old

>>716134654
I always hated penis inspection day because I have a tiny dick.

>>716157562
I lied i was in since lunch break 6 hours ago

>>716132089
Who gives their kid a fucking flashlight for Christmas!?
>are you still a poorfag today?

> be around 12
> every year somebody of the family dressed like Santa and came to our house
> only childs this christmas were my cousin and me
> around 10 adults drinking in the kitchen and having fun
> Santa arrives
> with a Volvo V40
> yeha boiiii sweet, presents

> Storm down the stairs as we get called
> it's Santa
> again
> like every fucking year
> have to lie to Santa that we were all nice and stuff
> Santa says "Only nice kids can sing like the angels. Ho Ho Ho. were you nice kids?"
> handing us sheets to sing
> ohgodno.jpg
> Have to sing in front of adults laughing at us
> not even got anything i wanted that christmas
> fuck Christmas
> fuck Santa
> fuck Volvo

>>716157965
Well that just reminded me of the time I had to sing a song about santa in front of my whole family. That shit isn't fun.

>>716138176
so now you have to be gay because your scared to come out as straight?

>>716133504
>>716133213
>>716132599
>mfw the dad is Randy Marsh in all these stories

>>716146133
Kek'd

Merry Chrispmus Anon

>>716143056
>new kids on the block dolls
i had one of these. I ripped his legs off and made him walk around on his hands. he had a retractable rat-tail.

>>716140783
He looks like an underage nerd.

>>716141175
this

>>716154484
This is how I feel every year. And everyone around me is all super fucking jolly going on and on about christmas this and that, and its just december 25th to me. My father was a raging abusive alcoholic prick who made every day a struggle to not knife him in his sleep and holidays were 100 times worse. The only upside to the whole thing were my grandparents, but they died a year apart just before the holidays, so now that is added to the list of reasons why this time of year can just fuck off for me.

>>716141751
TOPKEK.

>>716144773
>the legal lawyer shit he spent years to learn
it's not magic or an ancient form of martial arts.

>>716143056
Your dad was a dick.

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>>716157158
A thousand years of night...
Madness and bedlam...

>>716146536
>OD at a family party
she REALLY liked her family

> be me
> be about 14 or 15
> having Christmas at my oldest (about 30) sister's house
> bored and kinda fucking around, poking my nose into shit
> walk in on my little sister (13 at the time) fingering our niece (who was also about 13) in niece's room
> they both just look at me and stare like deer in headlights
> slowly close the door and go back to join the rest of the family in the big living room

Never told anybody

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>>716157158
ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!

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>be 16
>Christmas evening
>mom comes into my room
>did you get everything you wanted for Christmas, anon?
>walk over to her, grab her arm, and walk her over to the bed
>force her to bend over, lift her dress, jam my cock into her cunt
>I have now, mom
>she starts crying as I shoot my load into her
>when I'm done she goes into the living room
>she acts like nothing happened during dinner

>mfw I raped my mom for Christmas

>>716138176
Your mom found a spoon with grease on in and immediately deduced you were using it for lube.

thats fucking Hilarious

>>716140880
>Chester here. Got held up at gunpoint week before Thanksgiving, ayee!! Also used to shoot speedballs in Kensington. Fuck that time sucked dick

>>716141751
That Dylan kid is going places

>>716135066
GIMMIE A HUUUG, MAN

>>716160376
why do we live in a world where these things can't be true?

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>>716133864
>>smell booze, shit and vomit
nice

>>716145520
>commit sudoku

>>716159838
That's fucking hot anon.

>>716132856
>in her closet
for fucks sake man

>>716159838
David??