We need a greentext story thread in here.

File: 1448578978429.jpg (135KB, 835x810px) Image search: [Google]

135KB, 835x810px

>>715744735

File: ACTIVATEEEEEEEE.png (152KB, 1024x583px) Image search: [Google]

152KB, 1024x583px

I have some from the last thread

File: 1448580515945.png (499KB, 1478x1397px) Image search: [Google]

499KB, 1478x1397px

>>715744735
.

File: Alpha thread.png (130KB, 821x482px) Image search: [Google]

130KB, 821x482px

>>715745530

File: Anon goes bananas.jpg (52KB, 752x593px) Image search: [Google]

52KB, 752x593px

>>715745569

File: 1455303591976.jpg (78KB, 598x457px) Image search: [Google]

78KB, 598x457px

>>715745543

>>715745757
Is that from a song or some shit?

File: IMG_4470.jpg (138KB, 1096x729px) Image search: [Google]

138KB, 1096x729px

>be me 4 years ago
>9th grade
>Walk to school everyday because I don't live very far
>One day I pass a man sitting on a bench
>Wave to him, he waves back
>Continue walking to school
>Pass by him every day for the next few months
>One day I pass by and he's not there
>Don't think much of it and continue walk
>He returns about a week later looking a bit worn
>Decide not to make a big deal about it
>Business as usual for another month
>Walking by one day
>He looks like he's gotten much worse
>I decide to talk to him and ask if he's okay
>He tells me that he has Stage 4 Lung Cancer and needs money for an operation
>I ask how much he needs
>Tree fiddy
>Realize that he isn't a man on a bench, but is, in fact, an 8 story tall crustacean from the Paleozoic era
>Mfw the Loch Ness monster tricked me again

File: Mathturbator.jpg (46KB, 365x1280px) Image search: [Google]

46KB, 365x1280px

>>715747877
It is, but i dont the song

>>715747877
its "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepson kek

File: 1482025360397.jpg (39KB, 457x480px) Image search: [Google]

39KB, 457x480px

>>715748131
I know most greentext stories are false, but holy kek

File: ball_wall.jpg (25KB, 688x278px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 688x278px

>>715747676
I want to believe

File: ChfzSl6VEAAz5T6.jpg (38KB, 750x367px) Image search: [Google]

38KB, 750x367px

>>715748016

>>715748982
i hate you.

File: Tharr she blows.jpg (58KB, 700x581px) Image search: [Google]

58KB, 700x581px

>>715748982
Nice story

File: Mice.jpg (128KB, 661x805px) Image search: [Google]

128KB, 661x805px

>>715749163
Fucking kek

File: Essjaydoobleyooz.png (82KB, 850x427px) Image search: [Google]

82KB, 850x427px

screencapped this from a thread in /pol/ yesterday. figured it needs to be shared with the world.

>you wont laugh if you don't know who Paul Watson is

File: 1480475334139.png (15KB, 558x586px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 558x586px

>Be me 32 years old,
>Solid 7/10
>Hot 10/10 qt3.14 comes up to me
>"Hey anon"
>"Hey"

>>715745543
MDMA wouldn't make anyone do that. just putting that out there

>>715754661
i think this story literally just gave me diarrhea

>>715755395
NO YOURE WRONG ITS REAL LIFE I WAS THERE

File: 1480549935823.jpg (979KB, 1524x3119px) Image search: [Google]

979KB, 1524x3119px

If you've got time and like abandoned places, this one's worth the read.

File: No regrets.jpg (321KB, 819x728px) Image search: [Google]

321KB, 819x728px

>>715754788
Holy shit, kek

File: 1471897456955.jpg (31KB, 250x251px) Image search: [Google]

31KB, 250x251px

>>715756961
>this

>>715748016
Fuck

>>715754661
I have never kek'd so hard in my life

>>>/soc/24703997

bumperino

>>715754685
pure kekkels

i love awkward moments

bumpery bump bump

>>715745459
fake and gay
that's not how acid works

File: 1467168539536.jpg (29KB, 454x227px) Image search: [Google]

29KB, 454x227px

>>715756875
Holy fuck

File: 1471904601500.jpg (69KB, 1024x768px) Image search: [Google]

69KB, 1024x768px

>>715756875
Good read, OC?

File: Internal Screaming.jpg (8KB, 260x194px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 260x194px

Okay I got one
> In grade 9
>Halloween-ish time, at school
>wearing thick leather coat and Jason mask
>put mask in locker look for shit to do because roam around look for events whatever
> haunted house in old drama room
>why not ?
> get in common darkness kids in costume
>nothing out of the ordinary for a haunted house
> close to end after being mildly lost
>strobe light
> can only see for flashes at a time
>hear some yell
>AAAAH ZOMBIES!
>while two kids fucking rush me
>I panic start swinging
>first kid graze his skull
>hear a faggot like OH! and a thud
>second dude doges and pushes me
>I book outa there after getting up
>heard kid had a seizure like reaction afterwards
>fuck

File: url.jpg (7KB, 231x218px) Image search: [Google]

7KB, 231x218px

>>715756875

*Curiosity intensifies*

File: 1445983649632.jpg (5KB, 200x200px) Image search: [Google]

5KB, 200x200px

>>715758071

File: 1470352171444.jpg (21KB, 300x316px) Image search: [Google]

21KB, 300x316px

>>715756875

>>715756875
damn wasted my one fallout image>>715760574

I need the possum story. I cant find it anywhere.

File: 1476865392673.png (475KB, 842x1128px) Image search: [Google]

475KB, 842x1128px

>>715759209
Well I might have the thing for you then
> Been living with GF for a few months
> Move my shit in, including my Malamute bro
> Go to work, boss tells me that I earned some extra time off because I possibly spared them a lot of money by catching a chink visitor with 50+ photos of our patented products.
> Come home early
> Hear music blasting, and oddly familiar notification sounds
> Coming in the living room
> See GF half-naked sucking on my dog, in front of a webcam
> We both stay confused for a moment
> GF starts to try to explain with "It's not what you think"
> Except it fucking is
> Realise there's a reason she's good friends with a stable owner
> Realize I've been cucked by a dozen horses and probably my fucking dog too
> Dog bro has a goofy expression on his face all along
> Flip my shit and bolt out of our house, get back to my father's place for a week
> Get call from GF telling me that she has a "surprise"
> There we go, she'll dump my ass
> It was a fucking US-imported Ford Mustang
> Told me that she makes about 8k a month with streams only, on top of her part-time nurse job
> I'm such a cuck we got back together and I fuck her during her streams
> tfw she makes 3 times more money than me just by streaming a few hours a day

>>715750858
I don't know who paul watson is.

File: 1470285978780.jpg (143KB, 571x664px) Image search: [Google]

143KB, 571x664px

>>715756875
>this isnt very funny

>>715762120
General description? I might have it

>>715762285
I will screencap this anon, good story

>>715748957
Always laugh my ass off at Crowbro's story.

File: 2016-01-23 03.53.03.jpg (293KB, 1600x1200px) Image search: [Google]

293KB, 1600x1200px

>>715762285
cute dog anon , also, my old dog was part alaskan malamute , was mixed with german shepard and golden retriever

Guy beats the shit out of a possum after his dog fights it or something. Realises possums play dead and his dog only put a scratch on it after he caved it's head in.

File: 1470348381603.png (530KB, 668x504px) Image search: [Google]

530KB, 668x504px

>>715756875

File: dudewhat.png (377KB, 660x468px) Image search: [Google]

377KB, 660x468px

>>715756875
wow

>>715756875
shit

File: aweae.jpg (94KB, 1000x500px) Image search: [Google]

94KB, 1000x500px

>be me
>have a crippling fear of death
>everytime i think about my inevitable demise, i practically start to hyperventilate
>try to calm myself by thinking about afterlife
>"death is an eternal, dreamless sleep"
>begin to think about death everytime I try to go to sleep
>acquire slight insomnia
>fml

>>715764509
fucking kill me i forgot to crop it

>>715764589
weeb

File: this_is_the_image.jpg (8KB, 140x140px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 140x140px

>>715764772

>>715764339
Does it bother you that every time you lay down to sleep it could be your last moment alive and there's nothing you can do about it?

>>715765144
exactly

>>715765144
There are so many things that could lead to sudden global extinction and we can't do anything about it:
> Xboxhueg meteorite collision
> Solar flare
> Pulsar flare (Or whatever beam of energy is ejected from pulsars)
> Collision with one of the billions stray planets in our surroundings
> Black hole (We litterally wouldn't see it coming)

And that's just a few examples of how things could go wrong with celestial objects.

>>715755395
You also cant smoke it.
People thinking weed being laced are retarded most drugs they think its laced with can not be smoked like that and will actually be destroyed by dirext heat

File: 1447695997211.jpg (2KB, 125x114px) Image search: [Google]

2KB, 125x114px

>>715756875

>>715765769
A dealer I knew once started to give me methadone or ketamin-loaded hash. I can't remember the name of the added chemicals, but it's mainly used by heroin addicts to stop taking heroin.
That fucker sold it to me like regular hash for 2 months, and then started to try to sell me heroin.
Maybe he's talking about that kind of drug.

>>715765740
nigger theres seven other planets surrounding us not billions

File: wtf man.jpg (23KB, 552x528px) Image search: [Google]

23KB, 552x528px

>>715756875
>"they never used to kill you know"
>"they used to be scared"
Fuck dude

>>715756875
remind me to give respect to ruskies for fighting zombies

>>715766303
in our solar system aye but our current galaxy among the many that litter the universe who knows

>>715766569
do you know how far away the nearest star is?
4 lightyears. Do you know how far that is?
FUCKING FAR. I'm pretty sure we're fine on that front.

File: 1467762720268.jpg (243KB, 1620x1079px) Image search: [Google]

243KB, 1620x1079px

>>715766303
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rogue_planet
Read a bit about what surrounds us, it's pretty interesting, and a bit frightening.

File: Bull shit.jpg (24KB, 488x351px) Image search: [Google]

24KB, 488x351px

>>715766441
same fag here. Also though one thing stood out to me , if he knew what happened and they all got guns, anon should not have had the chance to tell that story . Governments and military keep shit like that locked tight . How was anon not shot ? inb4 faggot believed the story hur dur

File: Mega Dooter.gif (960KB, 338x350px) Image search: [Google]

960KB, 338x350px

>>715766827
still pretty spooky.

>>715760298
Could have been something else. I doubt the huge faggot would be able to tell the difference between LSD and some AAA schedule 1 narcotics shit.

>>715760298
bro, all greentext stories are fake. it's fiction. enjoy.

>>715748232
and you are proud of knowing the lyrics to that cancer?

>>715767325
are you proud of being such a cum gargling faggot?

>>715764911
Translation from thumbnailsavingfaggot to English: I am dead inside and contemplating taking my life

>>715765740
You forgot vacuum decay

Google it and cry

>>715767661
Of all the things he said there the chances of any of them happening are so small that we will either kill ourselves before or evolve so much and survive until vacuum decay happens and die with the universe

File: 1478897311150.jpg (34KB, 640x853px) Image search: [Google]

34KB, 640x853px

>>715767661
It's that theory suggesting that someday, vaccum could turn to a completely different, more stable state, that would fuck up pretty much the entire universe?
I only listed things that could end our planet, but I know the list is frighteningly long.
Ignorance is bliss.

>>715748982
I'd rather have you post that in IMC, which I can understand. Image for ants.

stahp turning my greentext thread into a contemplation of the universes destruction

>>715768267
greentext was always about contemplation of the destruction of the universe you faggot

>>715758071
hahahaha this is mine! Jesus!

>>715764509
I posted the Viking and saged. Because that greentext was fucking pathetic.
Kinda feels cool to be in a screen cap tho I guess?

>>715754685
holy shit

> Be me a 17 year old lo life who hated himself and those around him
>Le me goes on an exchange trip so that I can go where I want to live when I leave my parents.
>so le me goes to this highschool in Sweden
>decides not to be a faggot
>I decide that being all beta and shit would work in making me popular
>Shit fucking works
>manylols.jpg
>so le me is now this ultra beta american boy to all these Swedes
>Le me meets this dropdead gorgeous girl and she left me speechless
>so le me goes up to her and says
>"sup boo, I am anon"
>girl laughs
>HOLYSHIT.gif
>I giggle a little and my persona drops like a rock
For context I am in a family of Swedish Immigrants so I got that pale color morphing skin
>She then starts to laugh while bawling as my skin turns bright red
>She says that she thinks that's cute and goes to her next class
>emotionsareconfused.jpg
> My beta fag friends are all laughing but also really impressed
Cont. ?

File: 1464557096148.jpg (27KB, 259x383px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 259x383px

>>715753856

File: 385534932.png (198KB, 1001x642px) Image search: [Google]

198KB, 1001x642px

>>715744735

>>715769235
Idk, shitty start tbh

File: ok.jpg (71KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

71KB, 1280x720px

tfw you post a oc story an no one even responds

>>715769690
>>715769703
Yeah, it gets good but, this thread appears to be dying so maybe another day.

>>715769802
mine was posted an hour ago >>715760574

>>715769900
your flow is worse than mine, and that's saying something

>>715770573
meh

>>715749022
lmao ayy, that was posted on my 19th

So here's a story about how I completely ruined this girls life.
>Be me in university about 8 years ago
>Taking some optional classics courses because they seemed interesting
>Early Roman Architecture
>Thought it would be ruins and temples and shit but Prof is a huge coin nerd so we just look at old coins all day, whatever.
>Cute girl sits next to me in class everyday, not a 10/10 bombshell but a solid 7/10 and was always nice when we chit-chatted about tests and whatnot
>One day ask if I can buy her a coffee, she agrees
>Goes amazing, gives me her number afterwards, adds me on primitive facebook, posts a status about how "chivalry isn't dead I found out today!"
>fuckyes.jpg
>Take her out on a few dates here and there, text and all that, everything is going great
>One afternoon we go to the movies, can't recall which one because we just talked throughout the whole thing in the back. No one else was there so fuck it
>Afterwards we go to get coffee in a little book cafe.
>Buy her coffee, we start to talk about books

So here is where shit went sideways. Con't in next post.

>>715771765
>Ask her what kind of books she is into, is she reading anything new, etc etc.
>She says "Oh I know it's cheesey but I love Harlequin romance novels"
>"Oh that's neat, so you are looking for romance?"
>She IMMEDIATELY changes her attitude like a fucking switch got flipped, "No!". She starts turning beet red
>Talk a little more, we walk out to our cars and end up just talking at them for like another hour but she is being really withdrawn from it all
>Go to say goodbye, she walks up and gives me this super passionate deep kiss. "Bye Anon!" drives away
>Don't message her that night, play it cool
>Next day I shoot her a message, nothing
>Three days later she messages me before lecture asking if I'd be there, say yes, she replies "Okay good :)".
>Sits next to me really close, looking at fucking coins for an hour taking notes about difference in gold and silver make-up and inscriptions....seriously fuck coins
>She slides her hand down my thigh then back up moving closer to the inner side.
>Look over at her, big smile, I smile back, then she grabs my hand for the rest of the lecture.
>Must be going well. Says good bye after class go to library
>Don't hear from her for a whole week
>Didn't show up to next two lectures
>I do all my notes by hand so I have to write that shit out twice to try and get her copy, message her I have the notes she missed and nothing.
>Doesn't show up to the next two weeks of classes
>Will send me a message every couple of days saying hi but then never answer back.

Then I started thinking this was a game.

>>715772560
how did you ruin her life?

>>715772560
cont man! cont !

>>715772560
>Couple weeks before finals, ask her to come out for coffee
>She agrees and we have a nice talk for maybe an hour and then I ask why she hasn't been coming to class or messaging me back
>She goes on about how, "I think you really like me and want to probably date me, but I don't think of you as more than a friend"
>Okay, what about all the flirting and the touching and whatever
>I don't know. I just felt like it okay Anon?!
>Okay, "thanks for explaining it to me, you're right I do like you and thought we would date but if you just want to be friends, I understand".
>Then she flips out on me at this cafe, "HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT TO ME ANON!?".
>Storms off, doesn't message me, gets passive aggressive, starts talking shit about me to our mutual classmates and shit.
>Fuck this, decide to get even
>Finals roll around, I was a decent student, but she was a good one. She couldn't afford school at all and her family were farmers so she needed all the bursaries she could get and couldn't go on academic probation or anything or she would lose all funding
>After the exam she talks to me in the hall and we discuss it.
>She nailed everything apparently and says I was wrong on a bunch of shit, but I think my essays were okay
>Decide I'll go talk to my Professor before marking to try and maybe squeeze a few extra percent on my final
>Go to his office, it's 8:45 on a friday night, office closes at 9:30, but building is open 24/7 so TAs can mark papers.
>Waiting in hallway for Professor to come out. No one on this floor, kinda spooky actually.
>10:00 pm rolls around, prof rushes out his door on his phone, some kind of family emergency, forgot to lock his door
>Walk into his office, see all our exams on his desk
>Amazing opportunity arises. Lock the door behind me and turn down lights so it looks like no one is in office.
>Rewrite my entire fucking exam with textbook next to me, fucking dope. Throw my old booklet in my backpack and was about to leave...then it hit me.

>>715773373
>Find her exam booklet, read her answers.
>At this point it's almost 1 am as I've been writing my new exam non-stop
>Her answers are pretty good, but she made one mistake. The bitch wrote her exam in pencil.
>Start fucking up her exam, changing dates, names, writing different answers.
>Taking amazing pains to match her writing style so it looks flawless. Completely fuck her exam, by this point it's like 4 am.
>slide our exams back into the pile randomly
>sneak out the back of the building through a classroom to avoid cameras and people
>Three weeks later she posts sad statuses freaking out about her mark
>Failed the class due to her exam. School policy is not to review exams due to conflict of interests or some shit.
>She loses all her bursaries She gets knocked out of the school since she can't pay for the next semester.
>All her hard work, gone.
And so with a few hours of careful hand writing, I got this girl kicked out of university. She basically had to go and work for the next 3 years to save and go back, but by then her program changed and a lot of her courses didn't count. Ended up just working on a farm after that.
And that is how I ruined some girls life.

>>715773843
That's pretty petty anon, save that level of malice for people who deserve it

File: 19 - GaYVm.png (352KB, 512x384px) Image search: [Google]

352KB, 512x384px

>>715748016
I laughed.

>>715773843
Jesus fucking christ man, she killed your boner not your dog. Take notes from this guy:>>715774087

2/10 for copying this "story" straight outta Freaky Friday

File: 1.jpg (58KB, 750x367px) Image search: [Google]

58KB, 750x367px

>>715753537

>>715774503
Didn't copy anything, just told my story. I'm not proud of what I did. there was a lo more to it then what I just posted.

>>715758287
>think that everything they say is about me and how i bad i handle drugs

holy shit, every once in a while when i smoke i get the same feeling. shit sucks

File: QoqOby7.gif (2MB, 250x250px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 250x250px

>>715756875
oh lord

>>715748982
>49X125

File: 03-july-lehrer-sign.jpg (11KB, 220x231px) Image search: [Google]

11KB, 220x231px

Time for some OC

>be me, the year 2005 or so
>18 yo Russian student on Work and Travel program
>decided to ‘travel and experience America’
>find two bitches from Russia in JFK, looking lost and terrified
>no job offers no nothing
>ivegottheplan, follow me
>got us into a remote Jewish resort in the Catskills Mountains instead
>me a dishwasher, bitches are to clean old Jews shit from their toilets
>bitches moan and complain, then comply.
>okayface.jpg
>I worked for 12-14 hrs a day washing pots and pans and shit. IIRC, the pay was $450 a week plus room and board.
>probably x10 of average salary in my hometown at the time
>feel rich AF
> Bitches got $250 for touching shit, lmao
>nothing to do after shifts, drank free vodka with Bulgarian and Polish students/emigrants.
>earning extra tips from crazy jews doing shit like turning off the TV set on Saturday
>resort owner, a Master Jew, asks to throw rotten garbage from dumpster A to dumpster B, because company B is cheaper and more appealing to the jewheart
>noproblemo
>got drunk, then got dressed into old Soviet chemical warfare suits, lmao
>throwing bags full of trash, maggots and dead skunks all nite
>September, time to fly back home
>decide to spend some cash at some fancy guitar equipment
>nag an old Soviet Jew, a restaurant musician, to drive me to a local music gear store
>buy a shitload of pedals and shure mics and shit
>on the way back, right at the very crossroad in the forest, the Jewcar suddenly dies
>ohnoes says the jew
>calls for a tow truck
>tow truck comes, the Jew starts arguing for a discount

Shall I continue?

>>715754661
HOLY KEK

>>715754685

lol thats a real story

>>715745543

sounds like a story written by someone who hasnt done mdma

>>715754661
>Hears Billy mays
>Dead