ITT we're in an office

Sure is a nice day today
*opens stall*
WHO THE FUCK DIDN'T FLUSH

>>715367136
Do we work here, or are we just here for some unknown reason?

OP is the gay secretary.

Morning guys, don't you love working at an office on an upper floor of the World Trade Center? Yesterday September 10th,2001 was my sons birthday. How is everyone doing?

>>715367337
Yeah that's true, do you work here? I haven't seen you around before

Did you guys hear about Miranda flirting with Geoff at the HR seminar? She hasn't been the same since the divorce, he's married for christ sake!

-faint telephone ring in the background nobody is picking up-

Someone busted a pint of man gravy on my keyboard. Confess now

>>715367555
Yeah I heard that there's clear skies all around today. Shame we're stuck up here at the 93rd floor

>>715367136
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBDwETS_jbw

does it smell like updawg in here?

>>715367555
Hey Bob, I am going to propose to my wife tonight. It's gonna be great!

Shitters clogged y'all

Anyone else going to the nigger lynchings?

>>715367678
It was John! I saw him do it!

Also rip my boy harambe

>>715367732
You're fired.

>>715367555
Wish Billy a late Happy Birthday from me, I'll bring his present round later today!

Paging Mr. Macous, please stop searching 'gay midget porn' on anon's PC. I see you.

Hey, check it out. I twisted some staples together into caltrops and put them on the bosses chair. He just got here and should be heading to his office pretty soon, gonna be hilarious.

Who hired all of these shitskins?

>>715367732
Yeah, we can't have this language in the office Paul. Tyrone would be so ticked off if he was here.

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Can't wait to spike the punch at the Xmas party with Rohypnol and rape every single last one of you faggots.

>>715367555
Bob, when you get home, tell your son I said happy birthday! My daughter's 15th birthday is tomorrow. She's growing up fast! -sips coffee-

>>715367747
That's it. I've sat around quietly doing my work for 9 years now. I've watched you maggots talk about your inane social gatherings and who you've been fucking. I've even faked a smile or faint laugh at your cancer inducing office humor. But this.... is just too much. Today is the day I get my revenge

>>715367959
>shady-salesman.jpg

C R E A S E D

>shoots Steve in the cheek with a BIC pen powered by a stretched rubber band

>>715367993
Today? The 11th of September? It's my anniversary, come on John!

>>715367959
Baahahahaha

>>715367993
Steve, don't do it! I have a daughter!

>>715367959
How did you manage to get a job here? The requirements clearly state "Must be 18 or over" and "Cannot be an edgy little online cool kid".

I'm going to HR.

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This is great. Have you guys finished your tps reports yet?

>>715368080
Hey! Knock it off Ron!

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Hey, guys. I brought some donuts.

>>715368080
>>715368195
Yeah come on man. Don't be mean.

>>715368220
-takes every single donut that is good-
Thanks! Now go finish your reports Susan!

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>>715368071

>>715368220
Yea I'm just gonna play your tits like bongos if you don't mind. No, I don't want a donut.

You slime ridden pieces of excrement will soon know who you have been tormenting day in and day out. I know everything about you pieces of shit, down to what type of food you enjoy jamming down thier face holes and digest in your putrid, worm ridden bowels. *reaches into desk*

>>715368184
No, Mark, it's not due until mid-January. Stop finding excuses to talk to us, no one of likes you ever since that stunt you pulled at Kristie's 30th birthday party. Fatima still has pieces of burnt hijab stuck to her neck you sick bastard!

>>715368220

*GRABS BREASTS REPEATEDLY*

Oh sorry I'm short sighted

>>715368388
Drew, we've been through this already. Shut the fuck up and do your job, no one cares and we hate everyone here just as much as you do. The difference is we can at least pretend to get along, you're just sad and weird.

>>715368388
Jake, put the god-damn staple gun away!
HEY, HAS ANYONE GOT JAKE'S SCHIZOPHRENIA PILLS?!

>>715368559
Are you fucking high again Dave? Thats Drew you retard, Jake is in the bosses office.

>>715368495
Dan, nice excuse. We all know short-sightedness is when you can't see long distance things. Now go file your reports before you get charged for sexual harrassment again!

>>715368647
No I have dyslexia, the font on her name badge is driving me crazy!

>>715368495
Wow. At least I had the balls to admit I was just interested in playing with her tits you fucking creep.

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>>715367136
Masturbation office
6C1621F
4AD4D68
5EE3269
24215AD

(the place where no mothers...)

Guys, listen to this. Some dude approached me yesterday and claimed he was a time traveller. He told me to avoid going to work today, because MUSLIM terrorists would fly a plane into the two towers. I mean come on, there is no way that will ever happen. Donald Trump running for president is more plausible than this shit.

Ohhhh yes.... long have I waited to do this.... my entire being is alight with a ubiquitous tingling of demonic pleasure. Vengeance is a dish best served cold, however I prefer mine warm and out of my penis *busts but on joes keyboard*

>>715368775
Mike, Mr.Not-FBI is at the front desk again.

>>715368979
Seriously? This fuckin guy just won't quit...tell him I went out for lunch.

>>715367555
Hi dude, those pillars look pretty weak, aren't you afraid it can collapse on you anytime ?

>>715368944
There's more chance a nigger would get elected than Donald, Don't be stupid Nathan.

Mornin' guys.
*keeps walking past

>>715369170
Nah, they're made outta solid steel. Not a chance, even jet fuel couldn't melt these puppies!

>>715368220
Donuts? What donuts?

>>715369194
Right..

>>715367136
Guys, it's the Christmas party tonight, remember. We start at 6:00 sharp, so when you finish at 5:00 you need to travel 45 minutes. You must wear the animal costumes as discussed. You did remember to get an animal costume right?

>>715368944
How many times have you come to work high this month alone man? This is just too much. I'm sorry but you're fired. Clear out your desk and leave, we'll send you your last paycheck by mail.

And people wonder why I drink.

Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica!

>>715368944
Two towers? What, Minas Tirith and Minas Morgul?

>>715369474
Fuck, by any chance you wouldn't have a backup costume would you, Gomez?

I'm going postal, I'm in the office, I have two uzis and multiple clips, I mow down everyone that I can.

>>715369494
You're drinking again? Part of our agreement after your last suspension was you'd keep going to meetings and keep off the booze. I'm sorry, but I have no choice; we're going to have to let you go.

And people wonder why I shoot up.

>>715369560
This is why no one likes you Kyle, you turn everything into a fucking lord of the rings reference. No one fucking cares, shut the fuck up.

Guys when are we doing Secret Santa again? I need time to ...prepare

Remember goys, we are supposed to have a HOLIDAY party. Remember I'm Jewish.

>>715369780
Hmmm, I don't know. Probably around Christmas time you fucktard.

>>715369780
If you shit in my cabinet again I swear to God I will kill you.

>>715369746
Shut the fuck up Chris, I'm your boss. One more outburst and I'm writing you up for insubordination again. You're lucky I can't just fire your ass and be done with it but I promised your dad I'd keep you.

Yo guys! Mark brought his Vive and is demoing it in the break room. Let's go! The regional manager is there too so its okay not to work.

>>715367555
>sips coffee
>eats donut
>"man, all these fucking finance audits are a bitch to go through. just kill me right now"
>someone shouts "oh shit where's that plan going?!"

>>715367555

Tommorow is gonna be the best day of my life, I am gonna see my daughter who has been traveling for 4 years. I am so glad were safe in the USA.

>>715369865
It's the 15th of December and we already picked names out of the hat Carl, I meant when are we exchanging gifts

>>715369928
And don't you fucking forget it, Sebastian. I'm going out to meet my dealer, I'll be back after lunch.

>>715367555
I can't hear you, my phone reception is garbage on this plane. Hold on a second, people are starting to yell and get scared or some shit.

>>715369942
FUCK! JIM IS HERE TODAY??

FUCK FUCK FUCK

Alright. Ok. Just..keep him busy for a while, I gotta get this paperwork filled out fast.

Uh guys... I think we're being hacked. I turned on my computer and there's a picture of a man being fisted while his erect penis is covered in semen. Who did this?

>>715370063
Goddammit Chris...whatever, just bring me back a gram this time, I'll give you some money when you get back.

chokes on coffe
>again

GUYS REMEMBER

It's the C.E.O's visit tomorrow, make sure your desk is clean and you all dress smart I do NOT want a repeat of last time. I don't think he'll believe me if I tell him we got raided by a flash mob of drunken midgets and hookers a second time.

>>715370112
If you weren't expecting Jim today, then it's likely he isn't expecting your paper work today either.

Besides, who the fuck does paperwork. We clearly have a green policy in the office. E-mail whatever it is to him like everyone else.

Why are there no Jew candles here? This offends me as a Jew.

>>715370326
Oh, yea, hahaha. Ok, I'll just email him, this is totally legit business between us, hahaha

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>>715367555
I'm great, but I have to litterally catch a plane in a couple hours! Happy Birthday to your kiddo!

So did any one of you guys got the memo about the sexual harrasment meeting?

>>715370417
Why is this Jew here? This offends me as a Human being.

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>>715370417
Bring it up to the Diversity Officer at our next meeting. We'll be going over proper holiday etiquette and what is and what isn't okay to put on the Diversity Tree™.

>>715370641
Oy vey goyim. I'm gonna sue you the same amount as the Holocaust.

>>715370641
Because I fucking hired him for accounting Jeremy, you got a fucking problem with how I run things here now? Is that it?

>>715369982
>"oh shit where's that plan going?!"
>plan

Into the trash.

>>715370741
Solomon go and finish setting up the de-humidifiers in your office, you've already won one case against the office. J-just cut it out.

>>715371393
Good. Now where's me Jew candles for the holiday party?

>>715371393
Hey, Steve, great job on your stuttering. Seems to be less and less common. What are you using to treat it?

Where's the IT guy my computer doesn't work.

>>715371544
Solomon, no, we've been through this. No candles, you got shitfaced and almost burned the office down last year and I'm just ready to go through that again.

>>715371612
Jim is sick today.

>>715371570
After watching The Kings Speech movie I tried some of the shit in there, works like a charm!

>>715371612
Have you tried turning it off and on again?

>>715371705

Jim ? who the fuck is Jim.

Isn't Bob the nerd in the office ?

Anybody can fix my computer , the internet is not printing do I need to download more RAM ?

>>715371688
Want me to sue your ass?

>>715371878
Go ahead and try. I made you sign an agreement last year that said there will be no more jew candles, so go fuck yourself.

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I'm sick of working in this shitty place with all your in-fighting and PASSIVE AGRESSIVE SHIT.

I'VE TALKED TO HR AND THEY'VE AGREED TO LET ME GIVE A 10MIN TALK ABOUT THE OFFICE POLITICS TOMORROW.

Please arrive at 0900 sharp, I may be a minute late setting up my 'equipment'.

>>715371975
Pull that shit up. I have no idea what you are talking about.

>>715371612
What's "not working" about it?

>>715372131
Of course you don't....It's in my filing cabinet at home for safe keeping, I'll have Brenda bring it here during lunch.

>>715372121

underrated

>>715372293
Until I see it I am bringing my candles.

>>715372671
No, you're not, because you're fired for insubordination. Get your shit together and get out, or do I have to have security escort you out of the building?

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Sup bitches who's up for chair racing competition ?!

Last one is a cuck

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*Walk in wearing this* "What's up guys"

>>715372788
I will sue your ass for discrimination. I don't even know why I brought it up. Im an atheist for goodness sack.

>>715372893
Hey Dave! Your sisters here!

>>715367555
Check out this dumb article I found.
It's about jet fuel not being able to melt steel beams. Who would even give a shit about that?

>>715372981
I'd bone Dave's sister.

Jim I need those files about the Carlberg Project I asked you to fill in. Right now.

>>715373036
I already did, he said he was gonna kick my ass but he always dips when he sees me.

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>>715372893

GTFO this is not a sluthouse, wear the appropriate clothing or I'll talk to HR.

here's the dress code for women

>>715371612
Have you tried downloading Adobe Reader?

Can someone tell Dave I've got this month's income added up?

>>715372893
My penis, Susan, my penis is what is up.

>>715373171
Stfu faggot, she doesn't even fucking work here.

>>715373244
Tell him yourself, we're all pretty busy here with our own shit.

>>715373171
http://vocaroo.com/i/s11fAZYdazAV

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>>715372893
>>715372981
Guess these shorts are a no go?

>>715373359
I would if I could find him. That's why I was asking you all.

>>715373563

Dave is RIP

>>715373695
What? When!? I didn't hear about this! May he rest in peace. Did he an hero?

Hi guys I'm the new intern.. I'm confused on what I'm doing here.

>>715373823
What the heck, man, why would you say that?
He had a heart attack, jesus.

>>715373823

Last week his wife called to tell us.

yes he was so bored of the life he an hero while jerking off to cuckhold porn.

Poor Dave

>>715373958

Bring me donuts and cofee plz then do whatever the fuck you want

>>715373958
Hope you know it's an unpaid internship.

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I- I- I'd like... I'd like my- my stapler- my stapler back please

>>715373958
Hey man, can you go drain he hot water out of the coffee machine? I gotta clean it later since Kyle did it last week but I'm a little tied up with this paperwork atm. Thanks bud.

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>>715374235

Here you go sry James

WOULD SOMEONE TURN THE FUCKING MUSIC DOWN?

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Hey faggots I'm the CEO. All of you are fired if your dicks are under 8" and you are fatty fatters

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Hey James? My computer isn't working. It only types in caps-lock and every type I hit a key it opens a new tab with some weird guy in a pompadour with three clones of himself singing "We Are Number One". It's freaking me out.

>>715374287
Fuck kyle he can do it again

>>715374571

TAIWAN NUMBER1

>>715374526
Go fuck yourself James, you just started here last week. And you're a fucking janitor for christ sake.

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>>715374526
hey jacob you faggot i'm the mayor and i'm setting a holocaust against all CEOs in this area

>>715367136
jesus

no wonder officer workers have the highest suicide rates

it must be hell going and sitting there for 30 or 40 years almost every day even just thinking about it makes me want to kill myself

>>715374717
>>715374650
No you dips. His name is Mark, get it right.

>>715367136
check here >>715368370

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THIS OFFICE STILL USES WINDOWS 95! How am I supposed to work in these conditions?

>>715374571
Hello. I am Kumar from I.T. Have you tried rebooting your P.C.?

> makes some food
> puts the strongest laxative into them
> brings them in the next day

Guys. Who wants some food

i'm gonna go into the supply closet and jack off.
*sharpie in the butt*

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>>715374969
HOLLA HOLLA GIMME SOMMA THAT NIGGA

>>715374787
What's your name

>>715374899
install ultron and you will be fine

>>715374920

Kumar thank fucking god you're here.

we've been looking for IT all morning !

My internet is not printing what should I do ?

>>715374969
Jon, I know you put laxatives in there!

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>>715375099
Mimme.

>>715375127
Have you tried putting your monitor face down on the copy machine?

>>715375139
What are you talking about. I don't have any in them

Who the FUCK faxed me the bee movie script??

>>715375112
Only IT is able install programs

Why is no one fucking working?!

>coffee machine not working
>search how to fix online
>discover a technology subdivision on this website called "4Chan"
>i've only heard of it through top 10 pranks from 4Chan and whatnot
Okay guys, how do I fix the machine?

>>715375175
Fuck you

>>715375259
It was the new guy

>>715375221

Hoo cool idea.

Will do thanks Kumar you're the best.

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>>715375314
With pleasure.

>>715375310

Haha Bob nice one.

Working hard or hardly working hahahahha.

>>715374899
>>715375112
>>715375278
I'll put you on the list for the Windows Vista upgrade. We expect rollout in April of next year.

>>715375311
Here's what you do. Open the back compartment and insert the 'ayyyimao' disc.

>>715367555
Man work sucks today, I wish some tragic disasters would happen so I can get out of work today and go play my Nintendo 64

>>715375061
> barges in
You almost don't in there. I need my turn also

>>715375507
I don't have the ayyyimao disc. I got arrested because I shouted that out loud at my friend's UFO convention. Had to break it. Any substitute?

>>715375524
Actually, the break room has n64. Wanna play?

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>>715374428
You c-cant b-borrow it again.

It's my stapler.

>>715375599
The 'allahu akbar' disc.

>>715375585
I meant done wtf

>>715367555
Look at those white little birds on the horizon! They are magnificent, aren't they?

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>>715375702
Ah yes, the "allahu akbar" disc, let me ju—

>>715367934
Don't you mean, if IT was here?

>>715375787
Yeah
*grabs rifle
*shoots bords

Yeah, if one of you would finish this week's TPS report, that'd be great.

>>715375787
Do you hear a jet? I am hearing one, but not seeing it

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>>715375845

>>715375666

Checked, evil trip.

I'am sorry I'll never take your stapler again

>>715375889
OH NO! Everyone escape the building

>>715375635
Sweet lets go i wonder if it has a window so I can see some airplanes flying by

>>715375787

>Birds fall from the window ledge above mine.
>Then they flap their wings at the last second.
>You see birds fall from the window ledge above mine.
>Then they flap their wings at the last second.
>I can see their dead weight
>Just dropping like stones
>For small loaves of bread
>Past my window all the time.
>But unless I get up,
>Walk across the room
>And peer down below,
>I don't see their last second curves
>Toward a horizontal flight.
>All these birds just falling from the ledge like stones.

>Now due to a construct in my mind
>That makes their falling and their flight
>Symbolic of my entire existence,
>It becomes important for me
>To get up and see
>Their last second curves toward flight.
>It's almost as if my life will fall
>Unless I see their ascent.

>>715375889
Luckily for me, I work in the 1st-floor jew department!

>be me
>walk in at 9:14 am
>go to break room
>brew a pod of coffee
>brew another pod of coffee
>take the last five sugar packets
>take someone else's creamer
>line building at the coffee machine
>brew a third pod to mix with the other two
>puts a breakfast sandwich in the toaster oven for 10 minutes on low heat
>line building in front of the toaster oven
>eats breakfast sandwich very slowly while reading news
>calls wife
>talks for 20 minutes
>go to desk at 10:14 am
>moves two urgent e-mails to archive folder
>"god this place sucks, i'm the hardest working person in here and nobody appreciates me"

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>>715367555
>>715370031
>>715370102
>>715370570
>>715373008
>>715369982
>>715369170
>>715375787
>>715375524
>>715367970
>>715367843
>>715367717
>>715367701
OH HOLY FUCKING—

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>>715376040
How about this game?

>>715370719
More like "diversiTREE", amirite? Ha! Guys? Where'd everyone go?

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>>715373008
Look at the pictute on the fridge

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... And then I told him, "I don't even have a car" hahahahahaha
Oh Carl, good to see you, did you get that thing I sent you?

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well we've been struck and now we're in hell. what do?

>>715376379

Fuck shit up

>>715376379
Ha ha ha. Silly intern. We were always in hell

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT THE FUCK WE'RE SELLING.

>>715376167
>>715376194
Take the n64 looks like a plane hit the upper floor

>>715376459
Someone said something about birds

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I told them not to touch my stapler

Rich from IT here. Sorry I'm late. Anyone having any issues?

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Hey guys! I'm the new CEO of Hell Incorporated! Get ready for orientation!

>>715367136
Open orifice plans are shit. Look up the evolution of the cubicle. It has just been so long and people hate work so much that they forgot the benefit of the cubicle and associated their miserable lives with "working in a cubicle". Now, because of that, someone like me that fucking hates distractions and being put on display all day in a godforsakenly open and bright room, having to hear the blandest small talk, has to endure this killmenow type of place. I always wanted my own cubicle one day when I was a kid.

>>715376459
Actually I never thought about it
What are we doing here?

>>715376600
DAMN! That is a sexy room

>>715376590
Also, shut the fuck up Jerry. No one likes you. I'll toss you to the deepest caste in Hell Incorporated if you don't shut the fuck up.

WHO THE FUCK ATE MY SANDWICHES! MY MOM MADE THEM FOR ME!!!

>>715376656

I'am in accounting I don't know about you guyz

>>715376775
>not going to Hell Subway
Fired. Literally fired. Because we're in Hell.

>>715376592
Finally. Help them >715375499 out

>>715376740
Just throw him there now. I'm sick of having to fix his computer.

>>715376859
>typing out the digits of a post
You're fired too. Into Hell you go!

>>715376939
He's fired. Literally.

>>715376775
I did faggot. They're mine now.

>>715367555
I'm so glad jet fuel can't melt steel beams. There's no way a controlled demolition will happen tomorrow! We are all truly safe within this structure.

>>715376651
That's why people like you are usually jobless.

>>715377021
Cmon Randy. You gotta be nice to your coworkers. Now apologize and offer to buy Stan lunch tomorrow

WHO STOLE MY LUBE? I NEED THAT FOR PUNISHING THE ANUSES OF THE DAMNED.

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Oh fuck, I got a virus. This is what happens when you use an old system guys.

>>715367136
I swear I know this office. Indy?

>>715377141
Fine. But I'm not Randy. It's Rich From IT. Nobody ever remembers my name.

>>715377184
Nigga how'd you manage to give herpes to your computer?

*calls IT for 10th million time*
Everyone's programs are freezing and excel won't even save, I think it's safe to say this is a server side issue.

IT: have you tried turning it off and turning it back in again?

*head dives off parking garage*

>>715377251
Sucker! Muhahahaha

>>715377184
Fuck me. IT is on the way.

KUMAR WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU WE NEED YOU

>>715377333
Who's it? The clown from the movie?

>>715377311
I never told you that. I told you to check your settings. You might've called tech support. It's always some fucker in India.

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>>715376379
You get back to work, is what. I expect those files on my desk this afternoon.

>>715377166
I think Beelzebub took it. Go ask Asmodeus if he isn't partying and drugging women.

>>715377251
Listen here Ronald, I don't have the best memory out there okay? Just apologize and get back to work

>>715377314
I was planning on bringing someone for lunch anyway. Might as well be Stan.

>>715367136
"RUSH B RUSH B STOP BE STUPID!"
"CYKA!"

>>715377526
Fuck off, Satan. Go back to screwing Leviathan's ass.

>>715377415
I'm here to fix your computer, smartass. There. You should be virus free.

>>715377576
I did. I just fixed someone's computer. If anyone needs me tell them I'm I the computer closet making homemade sex toys.

>>715377698
Geez. I just wanted to know your name.

>>715377522
Wow so the water cooler talk is true? We're all going to get outsourced?

>>715377657
I am not of beings stupid, comrade. I am not of havings P90 yet.

>>715377863
Rich From IT.

>>715377854
make sure to polish the wooden buttplugs. no one wants rectal splinters and sphincter tears

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>>715377696
You're fired.

>>715377952
Not to my knowledge, no. We should be opening a new branch pretty soon though. And don't we use the blood of virgins and not water down here?

>>715378017
Not after Sharon's terrible bedpost accident. Sometimes you just gotta learn the hard way I guess

>>715378017
Yup. I have a lathe down there I use for that. I am extra careful on that front.

>>715378119
No, YOU'RE fired. Checkmate, Satan.
Looks like I'M the new CEO.

>>715378121
We did until the cut backs. Now their just filling it from the river styx, which is barely water.

>>715377544
I don't think it was Asmodeus. He's usually got some with him. Beelzebub I could see taking it.

>>715377968
Buy bizon rush b comrade we will 1 in 99 them all

>>715378391
Damn budget cuts.

OKAY WHO TOOK A SHIT IN THE NUTELLA JAR?!

>>715378419
I don't know—Mammon's pretty greedy. Mighta took it.

We've gone 998 years without Jesus showing up to save souls. Keep up the good work people.

>>715378488
Ok comrade. I will be of buying the Bizon.

>>715378588
Me.

>>715378635
Come to think of it, I did see him going into my office when I wasn't there.

>>715378713
That's the 3rd time this month tommy. I've gotta send you to HR, I'm sorry

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Alright, faggots—where's Lucifer and Satan?

>>715378809
>materializes bottle of lube
Here you go, faggot. Don't use too much, I used a lot on Mary.

>>715378642
>>715378957
God fucking dammit, all we needed was 2 more years to hit record breaking numbers. Looks like we're back to zero. Fuck of heyzeus.

>>715378937
I'm not Tommy. I told him I'd do it this time.

>>715378957

Ho Ho someone call a manager Jesus is here damn

>>715378957
How did you get down here?

>>715379222
You're lucky for trips or I'd have you both fired

>>715379282
Took the stairs you dimwit

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>>715379125
Hah, did you actually think you could get a thousand years of financial safety with ME in the way? Listen—I am LITERALLY the culmination of the Trinity. Go ahead and try to get better than Heaven Incorporated—two million, five hundred and fifty-six years without troubles—and maybe I'll take some pity.

>>715379381
Also, fuck off—you're not the real Jesus in this thread. I AM. I use em dashes.

Boys isn't this day just plane boring?

>>715378937
*shows up to hr. Rep is eating a "Nutella" sandwhich*
HR: Mr. Feltersnatch, do you know why you're here today?
Tommy: do you?
HR: Lets take a look. *reviews write up. Vomits*

>>715367136
>>715367290
>>715367337
>>715367424
>>715367555
>>715367575
>>715367626
>>715367678
who wants pizza?

>>715379551

I am sure we would have if some faggot didn't call you to come down

>>715379655
Fuck off, you trick us into this everytime. We don't want that Costco shit, get us the good stuff.

Sorry but we have to let you go.
You can't go round saying sexist, racist, and misogynistic things to your colleagues and the customers.
So your contact has been terminated immediately.
The good news is, you're apparently qualified to be president of the United States of America

>>715379723
Fuckin whistleblowers.

>>715379346
You've activated my my almonds.

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>>715379723
Oh, I did not just hear a heretic blaspheming, did I?
>knocks down entire building

Anon, I need you to bring up your sales. Everyone else is doing great except you.

THIS OFFICE BUILDING IS BEING INVADED BY TRUE KOREA! NOW PRAY TO GLORIOUS LEADER!!!!!!!!

>>715379984

Activated Almond and Bean boy are here, we're just missing Double Mint Dave and the crew is complete.

>>715379576
*Manager places sign in window*
"Hm, they're hiring for new HR people. I wonder what happened to the last one?"

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Mister Goldstein just implemented the new JIDF™ Antivirus, how are you goys liking it?

>>715379984
Don't shit talk me boy. If some almonds need activating to get this place running right again then so be it!

>>715367555
Guys I just remembered i have business on the bottom floor.

>>715380408

you're way too late

>>715380480
Nah, I'm just early for tomorrow.

Hey mike in need those forms submitted by today otherwise you might have to do overtime on Christmas Eve thanks- bob RM

>>715369982
There was one part of that joke that was really essential, and it's the one part you fucked up. Congratulations.

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I am just saying that changing the name of our firm might help sales in Israel

>>715374899
you cant expect all the computers in the world trade center to be up to date by the current day which is Monday September 11th 2001

>>715367136
I'm sorry i'm late guys.
Traffic was insane, i had to park at the McDonalds down the block, and I just walked here.

>>715367915
Very inventive, Steve. That's the kind of innovation this company needs.

>>715380911

And what about my Mc double I asked you ? Did you forget ?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7ZZp8XuUTE

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Sorry faggorts. I'm levelling this building—WITH NO SURVIVORS!

>>715380968
Too bad we've already met our diversity quota, we could have used black talent like that.

>>715380968
Man fuck Steve! I was the one who gave him that idea!

>>715380977
Oh shit. Sorry Mike, slipped my mind.
I did get a Whopper tho. You can have it.

>>715367555
Guys who left all this C4 laying around?

>>715380977
Honestly jerry, lay off of his fucking sack. You always give this guy shit for not buying you food, you fat fuck.

roll trips for another 9/11 also roll

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Anyone seen my secretary ?

>>715381118
>>715381187

My name's not jerry but Mike !

A whopper ? Meh ok I'll take it don't expect me to pay for it tho

>>715368124
Relax, he was just going to ask for a raise. And then pull out his gun and become an hero if the boss said no. I overheard him in the bathroom practicing saying "I want a raise or I'm going to kill myself" in front of the mirror, to try to sound confident. He thinks it's getting revenge on us but it would sure look like he lost.

>>715381304
HE'S FUCKING DEAD HIS BODY'S IN THE JANITOR'S CLOSET WHAT THE FUCK SOMEONE'S BEEN MURDERED

DAMMIT GUYS I TOLD YOU TO STOP DICKING AROUND THE WATER COOLER!

>>715368220
um, those are some-uh- very n-nice-looking, uh, d-d-donuts, J-Jane.

>>715381439

Scruffy we need you to clean the janitor closet plz. Again.

Whoever owns the car with the license plate 4FJW618, it's being towed.

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>>715381590

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>>715381439

Like i would hire a guy

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>>715381813
S-SORRY FORGOT

>>715371393
>>715371570
>>715381520
God damn it, Frank, he's getting worse!
God damn it, Frank,

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>>715381881

And this office is now British and theretofore really snippy

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>>715382133

>>715369676
kill yourself you pathetic fucking loser

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Have you guys seen my lunch ? it was something like this.

don't tell me someone ate it !