Ok /b/ most offensive jokes you know. Go.

women's rights

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a baby?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a hotel window.

What gets smaller, but keeps on screaming? Baby in a blender

Gays

What do you call a five year old with no friends?

A sandy hook survivor.

Most black 15 year-olds in this country are decent, law abiding citizens. It's their kids who cause all the trouble.

Whats the difference between a nigger and an elevator?


An elevator can raise a child

How do you stop 4 niggers raping a woman?
Toss them a bucket of KFC.

>>715328879
alternatively, a 3 year old

>>715328230
>pic related is a nigger's father
>pic related is also a honky's soul

>>715328939
This is also how you get sand niggers to stop raping a woman.

What's the difference between the Holocaust and a cow?

You can't milk a cow for 75 years

What's the best way to stop your sister from getting raped?

Get out of town for a few days

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>>715329129

What does a slave and a sex toy have in common?

If it doesn't work, you're going to end up beating it

What's the difference between a nigger dick and a log of shit?

There is no difference.

What's the difference between master race white parents versus slave race nigger parents?

Both white parents are thee for the childbirth, while neither of the niggers are there.

>>715328230

O.C I made up a couple years ago.

Nobody ever finds it funny, think I'm creepy.
>man is on first date with girl
>girl asks "what do you do?"
>man says "I am a pedalphile"
>woman looks disgusted
>wtf she says
>"What's wrong with loving to ride bikes?" the man said
>The woman looked relieved and picked up her drink
>"It's a great way to meet kids." he finished.

>>715329633
I chuckled.

>>715328230

whats the difference between sarah palin's mouth and her vagina

only half the shit that comes out of her vagina is retarded

>>715329563
>"""joke"""
Don't quit your day job.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a Porsche Panamera?

I don't have a Porsche in my garage

>>715329667
You're 1/10 my boy, a real special lad.

>>715329058
THE HOLOCAUST IS REAL LOOK IT UP

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>>715329563
>Both white parents are thee for the childbirth, while neither of the niggers are there.
>implying a mother isn't always there at childbirth
>babby's first racism

>thee
>implying there
Papers, please.

What do you call a gay dictator?

A dicktaker!

Did you hear about the guy that got into a car accident masturbating on his way to work?

Yeah, he got off on it.

>broken window and a guy walk into a bar
>guy orders a beer
>broken window asks for a shot of whiskey
>"sorry sir, I can't serve you. You're clearly already smashed"

>>715328230
what's seven inches long, red, and veiny that makes my girlfriend cry when i put it in her mouth?

her abortion

>>715329726

How do you make a dead baby float?

Take your boot off its little head

>>715329890
That's a stupid

>>715329896
Hahahahaha, I am so ashamed of myself.

I thought you were going to say your turd after eating at mucho burrito.

>>715329920
Do better then, goat cheese.

You know what i like best about dead baby jokes?

They never get old

What's brown and sticky?

A Stick.

>>715329802
This one is actually pretty good.

>>715329997
They don't have to do better, they just wanted you to realize the joke was awful

>>715330037
Whoa there chief, settle down

>>715329890
This isn't even offensive.

>>715328230
just came up with this one, don't know if someone else has already thought this up but whatever

how do you force a jew to leave a tip?

get a rabbi to bite it off him when he's a baby

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh

Ten

>>715328230
An elitist, a misogynist, a con artist and a madman walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says to the only person walking in "Would you like your usual, Mr. Trump?"

what's worse than a dead baby?
>a trashcan full of dead babies
you know what's worse than that?
>one on the bottom is still alive
you know what's worse than that?
>it has to eat it's way out
you know what's worse than that?
>it likes it

>>715330074
>a redditor and a 4channer walk into a bar
>4channer whips out his dick and spits on it
>redditor quickly lubes up his asshole
>4channer cuts off his head and yells GORE THREAD
>redditor posts the story on nosleep.
>everyone reposts it at letsnotmeet.

>>715329633
i shouldn't have laughed that hard

>>715328230
Why is that man strangling a Canadian?

Whats the simularity between a bike and a nigger?
without a chain is won't work..

whats the difference between a bike and a nigger?
You dont need to kick the bike that hard..

Whats the difference between a nigger and a bucket full of shit?
the bucket

What you get when you mix a octopus and a nigger?
no idea how you call it, but it can pick cotton really fast!

>>715330118
Good job, Washington Post

>>715330100
Haha that's good. But I'm jewish.

>>715329797
Dam u BTFOd heem

>>715328230
You know how to stop a woman from crying about you raping her? Rape her kids.

>>715329633
kek

guess this is just the place where no one finds that topic discomforting anymore

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>>715328230
Why did the Pope teabag a preteen year old little girl and make her worship his nuts?

Because he was sack-religious.

>>715329058
made this one up:
how many jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb? just one, but the rest of them will bitch about the dark times for 75 years

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>be me
>be 19
>eat an entire can of slimfast protein powder
>ff 1 day
>I hear a rumbling
>ohgodno.jpg
>zoom into the bathroom and slam my ass down on the porcelain
>a torrent of liquid shit and various other fluids, I believe even mucus and stomach acid, flew from my anus and ricocheted around the bowl
>the loudest, wettest squelch I've ever heard in my life was uttered by my rapidly flapping anus
>I stood up after the calm, looked down, and saw a fucking rainbow of colors
>whatthefuck.webm
>I attempted to flush, but it would not go down
>fucfuckfuck.gif
>get 5pairs of rubber gloves
>stick my gloved hand in the pile of shit
>ohgodwhy.png
>I slowly repeated the process while flushing repeatedly and eventually got it all down
>mfw

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>>715329802

How Long is a Chinese name

What do a girl and a condom have in common?

They both want to be in your wallet.

>>715330243
you in the right thread, lad?

>>715330250
Is it bad?

>>715330250
Yeah, my mom was mad at me for telling her this one.

>>715330218
Yep.
See:
>>715330224

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>>715330037
>>715330076

>>715330285
Why didn't you use a plunger?

How Little John first know about his little sister first period.
His daddy's dick taste like blood

>>715330243
Dude I had this when I was little. I'll tell you about it, it was awful

>be me
>9 years old
>Mom and Dad had to go out of town, they leave me with a babysitter for the weekend
>Babysitter is my uncle, Clint
>He has a much nicer house than Mom and Dad so it was fun when I got to stay there
>Uncle Clint has a beautiful little girl that he has primary custody of (guess she's my cousin? never really got to know her), an ex wife and 2 awesome dogs (might I add his house was 3 stories compared to my 1,500 SQ FT house
>Me, Uncle clint, and the dogs are all in the living room watching TV
>Uncle Clint asks if I'd like to play Monopoly or some other game
>I say I'm not in the mood for Monopoly, do you have any other games? Or maybe Yahtzee?
>Uncle Clint jumps and and screams
>"YAHTZEE?! HERE'S YOUR YAHTZEE MOTHERFUCKER
>Sticks his dick in my mouth


Anyways my tongue was so raw and bumpy for like 2 weeks afterwards

>>715328230
So a friend of mine says to me "That's it! That proves it! You're gay."
So I take my mouth off his dick, swallow his cum, wipe my mouth and tell him "I have no idea what you are talking about."

How do you know when it's your younger sisters period?
when your dad dick tastes like blood

>>715330341
D:

You drop a nigger and a feather from the top of a tree. Which one will reach the ground first?

The feather, as the nigger will be hanging from a rope about halfway down.

>>715330105
how do you make a tissue dance

put a little boogie in it

>>715330341
I had a first time reaction here, cringe and laugh at the same time.

>>715330358
fuck, got me

>>715330354
D:

>>715330037
Unironically the best joke in this thread and still a shitty joke

>>715330351
>>715330243
samefag, annyway go back to your gaylord thread

>>715330360
D:

>>715328230
>So Hitler walks into a bar
>says "Third Reich now, gas the kikes"
>it happens so
>hahhahahahhahaah
>it's funny cause its true
>oh lawds
>...repetition is the best of comedy

What do you call a man sent to Uranus?

An ASStrounaut!!

>>715330427
What about my joke about the pedalphile!

You socialist twat.

>>715328230
hitler did nothing wrong

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>>715330429
So dumb

>>715330427
I personally prefer this joke >>715330260

>>715330439
What do you call a russian sent to space with only a magazine to keep him company?

A Cosmonaut.

>>715330260
Pretty good.

>>715330171
>how you call it
nigtopus

Mike Hawk

Why did the kid cross the playground

To get to the other slide

A pedophile and a little kid are walking through the woods together at night and the little kid says "in scaaarreed." And the pedophile says "YOURE scared??? I'm the one that's gotta walk outta here by myself..."

>>715328230
saw a nigger carrying a tv down the streey the other day and i thought to myself; "that looks like mine"....... then i remembered mines at home shining my shoes

whats the best part about showering with an 8 year old girl?
slicking her hair back and making it look like a 5 year old boy

who are the world's fastest readers?
the 9/11 victims, they went through 88 stories in 3 seconds

I knew a German woman who worked the register at the corner store.

We used to call her the Hun at the Till.

Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish.
Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.

>>715330491
>"What is incognito mode?"

>>715330466
it was a bad joke
this joke >>715330341 was actually funny

There was a male child born from a white mother by a black father. What is his most famous quote?

"Racemixing is white genocide, a form of eugenics."
-President Barack Obama

What's got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

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>>715330712

That breed of goose makes an excellent pet. Fuck the person who took that photo.

>>715328230
So, this cocksucking libtard feminazi walks into a bar with her transgender fuck toy and see a retarded neckbeard cuck with a "Make America Great Again" hat on...
(punchline not needed, you idiots from both sides are raging)

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>>715328230
Man and little girl are walking towards the woods
>"Im scared" says the little girl," the woods are scary"
" I know" says the man " but atleast your not the one who has to walk back alone"

why do aboriginals have two nostrils?

>one for diesel, one for unleaded.

>>715330748
I'm black. There's layers of irony to it, so it's important for you to understand 'why' I said it.

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>>715330772

what to do when you're walking in the woods and see a dead baby covered in blood and cum?
check the map, you're clearly walking in circles

>>715330814
i laughed tho xD

>>715330660
>"What is an IPad?"

Oh my god, I just remembered another joke.


>man goes into bar to drink his sorrows.
>"whats wrong man?" says bartender
>oh nothing I just got fired.
>how? explain.
>"well I was an air force pilot and was flying my airplane and I started wanting to jerk off, so I did." said sad man
>"well that seems like something someone could get away with for sure"
>"well yeah, but I ended up flying inverted without noticing and came all over my helmet, face, mask, everything."
>"You mean, you dishonourably discharged?"
>bazinga, faggots.

>>715329563
How can the mother not be present for the birth?

>>715330890
+1 to reddit.

>>715330873
GTFO

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>>715330847

>>715330890
They're niggers. They'll find a way to be bad at everything.

>>715328230
My mom walks in on me banging my sister and she screams. I tell her "Shut up Mom, makes no difference to her. She killed herself with an overdose over an hour ago." Moms are so touchy.

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>>715330967

>>715330964
+2 to reddit.

>>715330983
Or maybe you're just a literal retard. There's no maybe about it.

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>>715331016

>>715331039
But you said 2 maybe's.

-2 points to reddit.

>>715331039
The point of the joke was that it's fucking overly racist. I now how childbirth works ya tard.

>>715331106
+1 point to 4chan.

(for proper spelling of the word "childbirth")

>>715331106
I don't think you do. Did you know that girls poop? I bet you didn't know that either.

>>715330821
Do I win. :D

What's the difference between a nigger and a banana?

>>715331082
+(-6) point.

>>715331156
disqualified for speaking logical falicies.

>>715331160
I don't peel my banana when it hangs from the tree.

>>715331156
Girls don't poop. You liberals and your facts, denying how reality works.

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>>715331156
What's next, you pointing out the obvious fact that traps are gay?

>>715331220
Do you peel it if it doesn't hang from a tree?

How about......if it doesn't hang at all.

>>715331236
+30 points to reddit.

>>715331160
a banana can feed a child?

How do you call 5 black men having sex?
> a threesome.

>>715329890
Jesus

>>715331246
WAIT HOL UP, HOL UP. TRAPS ARE GAY?

ITT: irony

>>715331292
Yeah. I like traps and I'm gay. Traps are gay.

>>715328230
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?
It wasn't born yesterday.

>baby dies
>report says it was shaken to death
>wife blames husband
>husband blames wife
>no evidence
>coroner digs deeper
>undiagnosed condition caused baby to have seizures
>baby shook itself to death

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>>715331321
Fag

>>715331290
A faggot and a piece of shit walk into a bar,

The piece of shit looks up and says, thank god I'm not you.

The faggot looks down and says "I just finished fucking you for hours by freezing you in a condom"

the piece of shit denies it.

An oldie and not that offensive, but it's one of my favs.

>What do you call a group of white people pushing a car up a hill?
>White Power.
>What do you call a group of black people pushing a car up a hill?
>Black Power
>What do you call a group of Mexicans pushing a car up a hill?
>Grand Theft Auto

>>715330118
Well, you certainly corrected my record.

>>715331371
That's such a big cock.

Any sauce?

>>715331371
Ew. Fuck off with that shit. Trannies are for niggers.

>>715331429
You don't recognize him? That's your dad with a wig on, mein neger.

>>715331371
I'm not gay, but my boyfriend is. He insists I'm gay to because I'm a guy. Shows what he knows. I never took his dick in me but he is my personal cum dumpster.

>>715331439
I am both black and have tits and a cock.

Cheesy joke incoming.

What happend to the two thieves who stole a Callander ?.......... "They got 6 months each!"

>>715331492
My dad died in iraq to protect you from the insurgency of the fucking turks you one eyed piece of shit.

>>715331505
I.E. trannies = niggers

>>715328230
Why are redneck murder cases the hardest to solve? Because all the DNA matches and there are no dental records.

>>715328230
What is the scariest thing about a white person in prison? You know he did it.

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>>715331492

>>715330529
What is the similarity between the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper?
>They both wipe Cling ons.

>>715331540
Oi. That's hillbillies. Not all rednecks are bad.

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>>715331530

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WC5HyAeb2tM

>>715331591
How do you circumcise a red neck?
Kick his sister in the jaw.

>>715331607
Cleary do not now shit!

FUCKKKCFUUFKCUFKCUFKCUFCUUFKUFC

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurdish%E2%80%93Turkish_conflict_(1978%E2%80%93present)#2004.E2.80.9312:_Second_insurgency

>>715331624
Hah I get it.

Why did the white man visit the moon? He heard that the indians had land there.

>>715328564
how do you get a baby in a bowl?
blender
How do you get it out?
doritos

Why do asians eat dogs?

Cause' they like the taste.

>>715331559
I fell out of my seat laughing. I know a few people who went to prison, and only one was guilty... the only white one who went to prison was guilty... and her nearly got off because of a very good lawyer and a racist white cop.

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>>715331647
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurdish%E2%80%93Turkish_conflict_(1978%E2%80%93present)#2004.E2.80.9312:_Second_insurgency

>>715328844
whats the difference between a large pizza and a black man?
a pizza can feed a family of 4

Why can't white people jump?
Inbreeding weakens the knees.

>>715331410
>>715330177
Aw c'mon... that's funny.

>>715331753
Why can American-bred blacks dominate most sports?
Slave owners bred them like cattle for better performance breeds.

What's the difference between a nigger and a snow tire?

Snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them.

>>715331397
Yeah, Australia has a ton of these:

What do you call an Abo in a Ferrari?
>Thief
What do you call two Abos in a Ferrari?
>Organised crime
What do you call a bunch of Abos falling down a hill?
>Mudslide

Dirty Johnny's father walks into the bathroom and catches him jerking off. He says, "Son, every time you do that you kill an innocent baby."

The next day his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, "Bow your head, Pop. Can't you see we're having a funeral?"

Do you know how copper wire was invented?

Two jews fighting over a penny.

>>715331519
Spelling error made me think of straining pasta/10

>>715329802
what do you can a homo wearing roller blades?
rolaids

Daughter asks father if he will buy her a new phone.
Father says yes, but she would have to suck his dick.
She's like wtf are you serious?
He says yes go ahead suck my dick.
So she goes down on her knees and starts sucking his dick, suddenly stops and says:

"Damn, why does it smell that bad?"

Dad says: "Your brother wanted a bicycle."

>>715329914
whats worse than 5 dead babies nailed to a tree?
one dead baby nailed to 5 trees

>>715331745
Speak for yourself. I can eat half by myself if it has more than 2 toppings, less than that the pizza is mine alone. Eh... I fear the day I lose my metabolism and become a porker.

>>715331933
>opinion
DISTGUSTING

Whats the worst thing about fucking a 5 year old?
Its when they tell you they've had better.

Supplementary joke.
Whats black and blue and completely fucked?
A rape victim

>>715331878
>jumped up little tosspot confirmed
>away fling shite at the buses ya roaster

>>715331910
lol

>>715331933
I've always found this to be subjective. From the standpoint of visual, yeah one nailed to many would look pretty bad. But in the standpoint of malice, killing five would be worse than killing one.

Anyways how many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It's gotta be more than 7 because the light in my basement is still out.

Why did the chicken cross the road?...

...To get to the other side of the road.

>>715332181
Savage AF

Guy steps in quicksand and sinks down to his knees.
Sees another guy walk by and says "hey man, help me out!"
Guy says "sure if you suck my dick"
First guy says "fuck off!!" and sinks to his waist..
Another guy walks by.. he says "please help!"
Guy says "sure, if you suck my dick"
"Fuck you!!"
Now he has sunk all the way down so just his face is showing.. another guy walks by..
"Hey man! Get me out of this and I'll suck your dick!!!"
The passer by stomps on his face..and says "fucking faggot!!"

>>715331837
Call yourself an aussie?
Bunch of abos rolling down a hill is an abolanche - not a fucking mudslide sheeeeeet

>>715331624
rev??? that youu??

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>>715329890
this guy

>>715328230
How do you get a woman to cry out twice during sex? Fuck her in the ass then wipe your dick off with her favorite clothing after.

>>715331910
That's fucking funny

Why do niggers only have nightmares?

Because we killed the only one that had a dream.

>>715331910
True story? Are you the boy? You can talk about it, anon.

>>715332437
FBI detected

>>715330499
So longs his brother.

>>715329920
>that's a stupid
It's a-me, Mario!

>>715331540
Could substitute Englishman, or British for redneck.

I got raped at Comet Pizza, and all I got was a lousy internet meme

>>715330360
god dammit, please kill yourself.

>>715332437
That hurt my whiteness... and made me laugh.

>>715328230
Fuck dude in the picture what did that goose do to anyone

>>715328230
What do you call a country that is mad about 2nd cousin American musicians fucking but idolizes their rich inbred hicks as nobility? United Kingdom

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What separates humans from animals ?

The Mediterranean Sea.

>>715329802
Q: What do you call a dictator who ordered boiled potatoes at the restaurant, but they served him dick instead, because they hated him?

A: A dick-tater.

Q: How do you call him if this happens to him all the time?

A: A dick-tater of a tot-alitarian regime.

>>715332447
He's the bike

>>715330866
KEK

This guy told me that if I fed my lottery ticket to a cow it'd come out a winner, but it was all bullshit

>>715330873
KYS

>>715332604
>t. a guy who has never interacted with a goose

Fuck geese, that little faggot had it coming

>>715332520 im guessing by your response... i win

How do you get 20 Ethiopians into a beetle?

Throw in a crumb

How do you paint a wall red??

Throw dead babies

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Me: Knock, knock.
(You): Who's there?
Me: A black man.
(You): Nigger.
Me: What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

What do you call a TV show with a lot of jews in it?
German soap opera.

I'm literally just scrolling down to see which one of these has the most replies cos I know you're all too asperger to know any good jokes

>>715333072
same

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>>715328230

>>715332447
No I'm the dad.

>feelsgoodman

How was created the Great Canyon ?

A Jew lost 10 cents.

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How do black women know when they're pregnant? Because once they pull the tampon out the cottons all picked

If only Africa had more mosquito nets, they could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS!

>>715328230
How do you smile and wink and a nigger at the same time? Look through the rifle scope at him.
How do you know a nigger is well hung? If you can't get two fingers between his neck and the hangin' rope, he is well hung.
How do you know a nigger is guilty? Who cares? He's guilty of something.
How do you know a politically active person is a retard? They shout the name of the person they back and they are mad as hell about the other one.
What do you do after you eat a bald pussy? Put the diaper back on.

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?

The pizza doesn't scream when you put in in the oven.


How do you make a baby stop crawling in circles?

You put a nail through the other hand too.


Why did god give niggers such big dicks?

To say he's sorry for giving them pubic hair on their heads.

>>715333520
You're a fucking loser.

>>715333656
I know. What's your point?

>>715330146
>reddit
**TRIGGERED**

What do you call an Asian thats been involved in a drive by shooting?

Cap a chino

>>715329679
>implying 12 year olds work

>>715333732
I thought they were funny kek

>>715329786
He didn't say it wasn't real dipshit.

>>715330230
Not too bad. Still not good, but better than most of the crap in this thread.

What do you call a jewish piano

Cash registerl

>>715330354
How do you know what your dad's dick tastes like?

>>715329444
This shit joke got trips? Like what the fuck

>>715330766
Also makes excellent dinner.

>>715328383
any rights

What do niggers and apples have in common? they both look good hanging from a tree

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A Muslim, a Pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar

He orders a drinnk

An old one I picked up as a kid
>Drunk man walks into bank
>Lady Teller can tell he's wasted and asks how his day has been
>Drunk says "its been fucking great"
>the teller asks for him to please refrain from swearing
>the drunk responds "Why the fuck not you bitch?"
>She warns him that if he swears one more time she will have to get her manager
>the drunk, obviously drunk, says "Go the fuck ahead broad!"
>She retrieves her manager and he asks: "What seems to he the problem sir?"
>the drunk yells: "I just won the goddamn lottery and Im trying to open a fucking bank account!"
>the manager jerks his thumb at the female teller and says: "Im sorry sir! Is this dumb bitch giving you trouble?"

>>715331530
What news network are you watching anyway? Not even fox news are this retarded.

Kids mom tells him to go to the store and buy a bun, a bucket, and a cockerspaniel. Kid is young and stupid. Goes to bakery, "can I have a bum?" Shop keeper understands, brushes it off, gives bun. Next the kid goes to get a bucket. Asks, "can I have a fuckit?" Shopkeeper underatands, gives bucket. Next the kid goes to the pet store, " can I have a cock and spank it?" Shopkeeper understands, gives cockerspaniel. On his way home cockerspaniel escapes. Kid goes to nearby cop and asks, "can you hold my bum and fuck it while I find my cock and spank it?"

>>715328230
Damn that goose nigga has teeth on its tongue

>>715333656
you're a fucking nigger

>>715328810

Underrated post.

>>715331861
That's funny.

>>715329633

>autism detected

>>715331371
Is that fnx from SK?

>>715332611

and the atlantic

>>715331910
Why would a $500 phone equal a blowjob but a $200 bike equal an ass fucking?

>>715328810
fucking kek

What's the difference between Las Vegas and Atlanta?
In one, you'll get conned by a prostitute.
In the other, you'll get mugged at gun point by a crack head.

>>715335097
Muslims don't drink you sperg.

>>715336524
Bars don't only sell alcohol

>>715329920
You are piece of chet

>>715336524
kek, good one.

what do you call a bunch of white people running down a hill
an avalanche
what do you call a bunch of black people running down a hill?
a jailbreak

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GifS4zwggE

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>>715336624
>chet
sweet.

How do you titty fuck a 6 year old girl?

Snap her shoulders

how do you fit 100 jews in a car?
2 in the front 3 in the back and 95 in the ashtray

>>715336885
oh fuck

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>>715330890
have you ever seen that episode if Phineas and Ferb where the evil guy's mum isn't there for his own birth?

>>715336642
see
>>715336591

>>715336916
I don't like jokes about burnt jews.
My Grandfather died in an cocentration camp. Fell from the watchtower being drunk.

>>715328722
Fucking savage

>>715328533
Why did Eric Clapton move to the ground floor?

To be closer to his son.

What's stiff and makes a woman scream in the bedroom?

sudden infant death syndrome

so a baby seal walks into a club

>>715329563
Who put you in the planet?

> Honey, did the mailman come already?
> no, but he's breathing really heavy

> MOM, the do is fucking on the lawn
> Well just look away, honey
> But it hurts...

Two men are hanging out at a bar one night.

One guy asks the other how he fucks so many girls.

He replies. "I walk up to a girl, and say. 'Tickle your butt with a feather?' if she isn't into it, I just say 'particularly nice weather.'

His friend is impressed, and after a few drinks decides to try it out.

As he approaches a hot girl, he forgets what his friend had told him.

He walks up to her and says "stick a finger in your ass?"

The women turns around and says "excuse me?"

The man quickly replies. "Look at that fucking rain"

>an american, a german, and a nigger are all exploring the amazon
>all 3 explorers get caught by an uncivilized tribe tribe
>tribe chief manages to communicate with them
>"we let you go, first you must pay for trespassing. Punishment. Must cram fruit of choice up ass til bleed. Then remove fruit and go."
>seeing as the explorers don't have much of a choice they accept the punishment
>the american goes first, by volunteering no less. Thinking to out wit these animals he request grapes to be shoved up his ass
>hours pass, hundreds of grapes, and finally his ass bleeds, more hours pass and the fruit is removed. He stands by with a sore ass as the Kraut comes next
>He being a proud German, request a Watermelon.
>Half way in he bleeds.
>He joins the Yank with a torn anus.
>then the nigger, believing he's got the brightest idea says he wants a pineapple.
>the Kraut and the Yank laugh their asses off and leave.

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>>715329633
Ashamed to say you got me

Why is it so hard for women to pee in the morning?

>ever tried to peel a grilled cheese apart?

How come jenny couldn't play on the swings?

>Jenny has no arms

Knock knock
Who's there?

>Not Jenny

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>>715330360
That's my shit

>>715337411
That's dark

>>715332965
>gorilla
always gets me

>Rabbi - Hey dahling, how much for a blowjob?
>Hooker - For you... a hundred bucks
>Rabbi - An eighty dollar blowjob? Who ever heard of a blowjob for forty dollars?

>>715329914
Nah it's this
Who do you make a dead baby float?
Half a glass of cola and two scoops of dead baby

Last one. Who cares if its funny. Its a bump.
>a private jet flying across the Pacific suffers engine failure and the door blows open.
>A brit, a Russian, a Mexican, and a White American Business man are the only passangers
>the captain comes on the comms and says that he will keep the plane flying low for as long as he can so the people on board may come to peace.
>just then our heroes find one parachute
>as there is only one, they must make a sacrifice
>coming to peace with his death, the British man salutes his fellow passengers and jumps from the plane yelling "God Save the Queen!"
>the Russian, being a natural badass and not afraid of death takes a bad ass jump from the plane yelling "For Mother Russia!"
>now only the Mexican and the White Businessman are left.
>The white businessman then strikes a deal with the mexican, if he first will check on the other two guys, he then can have the parachute.
>the businessman saying he's had the greatest pleasures of life and he is ready for death and will accompany the captain.
>the mexican peers out the ripped open door over the ocean, seeing only vast blue waters
>As he does the White Businessman, parachute in hand, kicks his ass out yelling down at the Mexican-
>"USA! USA!"

Why don't you run over a Mexican on a bike

Cause it might be your bike

Why does Beyonce sing to the left to the left

Cause niggers ain't got rights

Why do white people shop at black people's garage sales?

To buy there stuff back

>what's the difference between a dead baby and a virgin

>The virgins always cry when I rape them

How many niggers does it take to cut down a tree?
Come on /b/ do you know how hard it is to cut down a tree you're already hanging from?

>>715331371
sauce plssss

>>715338077
Don't worry I'll finish your joke

Why has jenny got a sore head?

>>Turns out she was knocking the door

>>715328230
why dont you kill yourself

>>715331530
That's what they told you, actually he prefers sucking tranny-cocks instead of come back to his family

>>715329633

Yep this one wins. Saved and rehearsed for xmas parties.

>>715331880
Fucking lost

>>715328879
A basketball, and 5

>>715328230
How many babies does it take to paint a house?

Depends on how hard you throw em

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>>715328230
What's the difference between a truck load of bowling balls and a truck load of dead babies?


You can't use a pitch fork to unload the bowling balls.

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>>715329351

>>715330153
Why the hell not?

>>715339892
>What's the difference between a bowling ball and a dead baby?

>They're both fun to stick your fingers inside and throw down an alley, but the ball rolls better

>>715339251
10 min google worked
Sara Salazar & SophiaBig