Post the most autistic thing you've ever done.

Tried to order a hotdog at McDonalds

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>be picking up from dealer on thanksgiving a few weeks ago
>he pulls up in front of my house
>i go outside as usual, get in his car
>he hands me the shit, i hand him the money
>he asks casually "how's your Thanksgiving going?"
>i quickly just say "You too!" like i usually do and leave

>be me
>type 4chan.org into browser

>>714923960
I once posted two squares and a sideways L to make some sunglasses.

⌐■-■

>>714923198
Why has this word "autistic" replaced retarded, as an insult, and why is it now thrown around so frequently?

had autism

>>714925497
Are you that autistic you cant figure it out?

>>714923198
your mom
right in here autistic pussy

>>714926477
Savage

>>714923198
An autistic . sorry i meant a tumblerina

replying to this thread

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Using 4chan

>>714926477
The word is stupid, just say retarded.

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>>714923198
When I was teenager, before high speed internet was a thing, I use to crumble up McDonald's coupons and tear a part of the picture so it was only a part of the bun.

And it had to a smooth bun like pic related.

I would jerk off to it pretending that I found crumbled porn. It looked like an ass cheek.

>>714923462
I can relate.

>Order pizza
>Cute girl arrives and say's "enjoy your pizza!"
>"You, too!," says I.

I contemplate suicide daily.

>>714927315
Get the fuck out you autistic savant newfag

>>714927468
I've been here for years, and you don't know me from the next anon.

>>714927681
pure autism showing
pls respond

>>714923198
▲
▲▲

>>714927681
Ok new fag
New fag
Fag

>>714928014
I most likely have a superior intellect and higher I.Q than you, at least judging statistically, which is not full proof.

Buying an iPhone

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>>714928701
I believe you

>>714928419
I need to set up one of these lists

>>714923198
i took a shit on someones lawn

>>714923198
>buy blood bowl 2
>"wtf single player still blows"
>spend hours figuring out how to fuck with the database
>create a team for every race
>run my own solo league
>after each game I have to manually edit the sql database
>get bored halfway through the first season
>realize I've wasted my life

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>>714923198
one time I put nail polish bottles in my ass and I had to go to the hospital to get them out

>>714928701
My iq is da highest level. Your autism is showing so much like wtf

>>714929037
Say something intellectual, an impossibility, most likely. I would have true mental defectives sterilized, or better yet researched on. You would be of use to me.

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>be me 9th grad
>at a band concert
>we're playing a song where we have to shout "hooah"
>we're supposed to shout it after the repeat
>get to repeat band goes on
>autistic me shouts it
>audience laughs
>peers laugh
>conductor scolding me with laser eyes, but trying to hold back laugh
>tfw I wanted to shoot myself on the spot

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>>714923198
I mathematically compare the heights of my OCs and other people's OCs repeatedly at work during the last hour of closing.

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>>714929521
At least Google how to use those big words before you use them, junior.

>>714923198
>was diagnosed with autism

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>>714927344

>>714929722
There not big words, only somebody of your mental capacity would think so.

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>be at bar with mom and her boyfriend
>playing pool with moms boyfriend
>slamming modelos like theyre life giving water
>pretend not to notice cute girl watching me play
>dude says "I think she wants to play you next"
>laugh and loudly say "I think she wants to pull my skin back!"
>instant regret
>TFW now bad lookin but too autismal to talk to girls

>>714923198
A series of things that I've done that was super/equally autistic.

>Drove 30min to Amoeba in LA to buy a record that I could've just bought online, 30 mins b4 close, hot, THICK ass Asian girl with ripped see through leggings, w/ black lipstick comes up to me and notices my record. Literally can see her black g-string and she seriously has the biggest ass I've seen on a petite asian girl.

>Try my best to keep the convo interesting because I want to fuck her, after 3 mins, she looks upset and leaves because I'm ridiculously awkward.

>Just blatantly told me in the 3 mins that she talked to me that she thought I was attractive and asked what I was doing later, managed to fuck it up

>Went to a theater alone in LA to see a movie I wanted to see, go in, all alone, 5 mins b4 movie starts, girl walks in by herself, she is decently attractive, smiles at me and sits 2 sits to the right of me in an empty theater, I do nothing.
>First day of semester at college, walking to class, girl comes up to me and says I'm cute and asks if I can help her find her class, don't talk while walking with her, she's creeped out, still asks for my number, I say "I gotta go".

>Quit a retail job after a week because I couldn't handle the social stimuli

I have social anxiety, but I know I'm autistic because I always fuck up social situations and can't keep a conversation going.

>>714928879
how many?

>>714923198
I generally beat myself up daily about the numerous highly embarrassing things I do, to he point I actually say out loud "argh shut up you fucking idiot" or something similar. Here's one example, any feedback on whether I'm overreacting would be appreciated:

> be me
> 25 yo
> family weekend away
> all aunties, uncles, grandparents, siblings, partners of siblings, cousins etc.
> about 30 ppl in total
> in some sort of posh country hotel
> evening meal
> order the cheese and crackers for dessert
> unsure why, do like cheese but never ordered before in my life
> attracts various comments about my order from waiting on staff and surrounding family members
> word gets around I've ordered cheese for dessert instead of cake etc. like everyone else
> dessert arrives
> tells me the 3 cheeses that come with it
> I say I'll have the "x" cheese, not realising you get all 3 on the board
> waitress ignores me and just gives me the cheeseboard
> few family members looks at me and smile at each other, not wanting to make vocal about my embarrassing mistake
> I decide to start with the creamy looking cheese
> thought a nice cheese spread would be a good starter to break in
> cut cheese spread in half as was fairly solid and place both halves on my fracker
> proceed to eat
> go to my next cracker
> people are looking at me
> ask how my cheese is, whilst smirking
> ask whether I want butter
> realise I ate the entire slab of butter on my cracker, thinking it was cheese spread
> everyone just laughs at me
> literally tears of laughter from some family members
> other people in restaurant are looking and smiling
> get a smile of pity from one couple
> ate the rest of the cheese on my dry crackers
> made an escape to toilet to splash water in my reddening face
> came back and everyone still laughing and keep looking at me
> referred to at every family event since

This was 5 years ago and I physically wince when I think about it.

>>714929521
Fuck, dude, you: @re a;^ faggot. I'd beat your nerdy ass in real life and fuck your non existent girlfriend.

>>714928701
>>714929037
>>714929521
>I am superior
>You're intellect is vastly inferior to my own
>There is nothing you can do you lowly autist
>My intelligence is unbelievable and unlimited
>I have an IQ of 384
>I am undefeatable
>You cannot defeat me
>I've only used 1% of my full power

How ironic

>>714930057
oh gawd... why? How do you accidently say that?

>>714927344
only 4chan

>>714930015
These posts arent even the most autistic thing youve done either i bet.

My iq levels are over 9000 as well faggot

>>714930172
That's not even autistic, your family sounds annoying af

>>714930172
Doesn't sound that bad or funny.

You sure it wasn't in your mind quite a lot? Or maybe your family can be bumholes?

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>>714930170
2 they were really deep

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i posted this a few days ago.

oh boy, here we go.

>be me in 7th grade
>in class
>nice teacher for my math class
>we get to do a test
>writing down my answers
>put the test in the tray and try to go to sleep.
>period ends
>the next day
>walk into math class
>teacher beams at me
>halfway through the day
"Ladies and gentlemen, we have a perfect score in our class!"
>huh
>why is he announcing this
"Congrats Anon! You were the only one in all of the periods who got 100%"
>what my brain hears: "Congrats Anon! You weren't the one who was on their period! 100% positive!"
"Holy fuck some bitch was on her period? Wait what im not a girl that can't be what he said. Shit."
>say it out loud

>>714930675
Hah! You're female?

What did medical staffff say?

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>>714930162
>still asks for my number, I say "I gotta go".

>>714930186
You need placed in a concentration camp and used as a guinea pig. I would place you in a pressure chamber until your eyes bugged out of your head.

Hey autistic faggots fuck you squirrelly ass homosexuals

>>714930933
Fuck off autistic faggot cunt, what was in your mothers breast milk that made you this retarded?

refresh a thread on 4chan

>>714923462
I do shit like that all the time. I think it's normal. Your story is fucking hilarious though.

>>714930933
do you mean vacuum chamber?

>>714930648
>>714930660
They're not bad or malicious people, everyone had had a few drinks and I think they just found it funny that I ordered the cheese in the first place and then proceeded to eat the block of butter, which is pretty fucking stupid, I accept. I laughed along out of politeness, possibly why they felt more comfortable to laugh.

I am also an incredibly paranoid person, over think things beyond belief, so I'm conscious it may just be in my head about how bad it was.

Man reading this stuff makes me realize how hopeless autistic retards like myself are.

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>>714930865
I'm a guy
they were really nice they gave me an x-ray and some drugs then the Doctor put his hand in my ass and pull them out

Ok let's see
I actually have autism
So i win

>be 13
>eating a meal in a restaurant with dad and his new family
>don't like vegetables at all at this point in my life
>feel badass today so put a cherry tomato from the salad bar on my plate
>eat everything else first
>pop that sucker in my mouth and start chewing like a maniac
>partial swallow
>o god that unfamiliar texture
>gag once
>vomit dinner all over the front of shirt
>whole restaurant watching as dad escorts me to the shitter to clean up

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>>714932031

>>714927416
hahahaha

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Autism stories here we go
>be me
>awkward edgy 5th grader with a literal posse of tards following me around everywhere I went
>didn't even know half of them
>always called the ones I didn't know guy or person
>watch those shows where people constantly pull pranks on each other (impractical jokers,etc.)
>attempt to act just like I see them on tv
>today is my random day
>go to school wearing a cape shorts over my pants and a bike helmet (I rode the car)
>teachers make me take it off
>I'm shirtless under my jacket so they let me keep that
>say retarded things like "funny duck" and "silly willy"
>get bullied by this one kid nicknamed "Big T"
>call my mom
>she comes to school super embarrassed to be here, also had to leave work to come
>she's furious because she thought I was hurt
>she leaves and apologizes on my behalf
>Big T isn't done with me yet
>wants to fight me
>show up to fight
>grab my bike helmet and smash it into that fucker's face
>start kicking and punching him
>Big T starts crying
>nobody fucks with me for the rest of the day
>everybody respects me
next day
>back to my usual entourage
>mfw

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>>714923198
Made a joke about shooting up my school on 4chan and was v&

>Get on the train to uni, crowded as usual (peak hour)
>sit next to this 8/10 QT girl
>She's on the window side, I'm on the aisle
>Keep looking at her when I can. Australian summer so she's dressed hot
>singlet, short denim skirt, converse, choker
>Headphones in, pulls her phone out to change the music
>I stare at her phone to see what she's listening to because I don't know
>She catches me staring like a fucking mong and looks at me
>Shift my head slightly and pretend I was looking out the window
>say out loud "Nice view from here"
>no response from her
Fucking kill me. This happened 4 years ago and I think about it a lot still

>>714930172
Sounds more like you have a shitty uptight judgmental family than anything

i once turned down a job because my coworker was a bretty grill.

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>>714927344
So Hot.

When i was in middle school i brought a ukelele to school every day. I played it during every break, everyone wanted to kill me. Although i dont remember anything else from that time (ritalin fucks you up) ive been told by all my friends who knew me at that time that i had an edgy ~so intellectual~ attitude. I knew i was a dumbass faggot but didnt know how to stop, so i constantly wanted to kill myself, and tried a few times (to no avail)

Basically i was the cringiest peice of garbage ever

>>714930172
Your family just sounds like assholes. Autism and social anxiety is not the same thing dude

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>>714936071
fixed

>>714936071
ok now i have to fap

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>>714923198

I spent several hours photoshopping myself fucking my friend's sister then fapped to it.

>be me
>first year in highschool
>lunch-time
>sit around table with new classmates, trying to make friends
>some guy finish his milk
>hes about to get up and throw it
>i say "i bet you wont be able to throw it across map to the trash can"
>realize what i said
>people laugh at me
>dont know what to do so i say "brb 5 mins"
>meet them in class 20 mins later and pretend it never happend

>>714936793
Is this the result?

>>714927344
Kek

>>714934809
wtf lmao chill bro this isnt even that bad

>>714937048
this is like retarded dude, im sorry lol

>>714928701
I really, really, really, really hope you said full proof as a joke.
>falling for b8

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This still haunts me, but I almost lost my virginity but my autism protected it

>just graduated high school
>get invited to beach house party by popular senior girl
>probably only because her best friend likes me
>I like her too shes hot as fuck but im too autistic to do anything but stare from afar
>showup to party late cuz carpooled with idiot friends who have no time management
>everyone already drunk
>say hey to everyone
>popular girl starts conversation with me and hands me a drink
>says i should go talk to her friend and walks away
>look at her friend across the room
>looking hotter than ever
>i get the beta butterflies and just stand in the same spot for ten minutes
>she comes over and asks if i like the party and shit
>asks if i want to take a walk along the beach
>sure
>walking down this romantic path down to the beach
>see couples kissing on the sides of the path
>she turns my head to hers and we kiss
>put my hands around her on her back and she lowers them to her butt
>squeeze
>feelsgoodman
>she pulls away and asks if i want to go further
>i say ok and start walking further down the path
>look back and ask what the holdup is
>she just gives me a confused look and starts jogging back to the beachhouse
>walk back to the beachhouse and continue partying
>see her talking to her friend and looking at me the whole night
>I guess she wasnt ready and got cold feet, thats ok though we can talk about it later in the night or tommorow
>she never talks to me again

I seriously didn't understand how autistic I was until I told my friends what happened and they explained that I was a retard

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>>714923198

>Attractive girl in my group in chem class (group of 4, all sit facing inward)
>Awkward as usual, just avoid talking to her
>Leaving lecture one day, hear her say "Hey, wait for me!" from behind
>Do the cartoonish "look around, who me?" thing
>She actually was talking to me, walks with me to lab, talking up a storm
>She's outgoing and genuinely friendly, none of the usual female bs.
>Quickly warm up to her over the coming weeks, make small talk, crack jokes, etc
>She's fucking perfect
>Talking with her feels so natural and comfortable, I never run out of things to say
>until...

>Got hair cut, trimmed my beard
>Been a while, cleaned myself up quite a bit
>She notices, starts laying on the compliments
>in front of other people
>Fucking spaghetti everywhere
>She's telling me how nice I look, how well I wear the beard/hair style, all sorts of stuff
>I have no fucking idea what to say in return, just saying "thanks, you too" a million different ways
>I just wish she would stop, I'd give anything to make her stop fucking talking so I don't have to sit here in the hot seat and not know what to say

>Realize what a fucking sperglord that makes me
>Work quietly in shame by myself rest of the day
>Come back after the weekend, she's just as friendly and pleasant as ever, though I sense the slightest bit of distance compared to before.
>Not sure if it's true or me being a sperg again
>Now we're back to being comfortably friendly.

Could be worse I guess.

>>714930172
your family are just dickheads m8

>>714930162
you just think too much

>>714938179
Fuck her brains out faggot

>be me
>be 17
>get first girlfriend
>0 previous sexual experience
>sometimes after we finish fucking, I'd help her put her pants on, cause you know, that's totally what chivalrous guys are supposed to do
>after one fuck session, I put on my shining armor and go to grab her pants
>she just laughs and kinda rolls her eyes and says, "it's ok, anon, I got it"
16 years later I still wanna punch myself in the face every time I think of this.

>tfw when nobody posted butterdogs yet

Ignoring girls is probably the most autistic thing I've done. Girls that wanted it but I'm a fucking autistic pussy

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>>714927344
>>714936071
>>714936601
My sides are gone.

Modern teens will never understand the old struggle. One day on my way home from school, I found a Hustler magazine behind a chruch. I snatched that up fast and ran the rest of the way home. I hid it in the basement of the old tenement building I lived in at the time. Never brought it into the apartment.

I would jerk off once a day after school with the small window of time I had before I was expected to be home. That basement was nasty. The sewage line was broken, so it smelled pretty bad. The space I kept it the porn in was behind a dark wooden stairwell with only one opening. There was a dead cat skeleton inside, along with spider webs, but it was the only spot I could hide it. I got over a lot of fears because of that.

One day, the magazine wasn't there anymore. The stairwell was dismantled and replaced by a metal one.

I got into the habit of looking down when I walked home, hoping to find another tossed porno. I would find crunched up ads every now and then.

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way ahead of you guys

>>714926541
>In here autistic pussy.
No wonder OP is retarded.
>Two wrongs don't make a right.

>>714939068
Youre me cept you probably dont hav a small dingus

>>714939294
welp thats the fastest i killed a thread

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>>714927344
what the fuck dude

>>714927344
that gave me some hope. nice dubs btw

>>714934809
i wouldnt even give a fuck if she gave me a bitchy stare

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>>714929715

once in a restaurant with some friends instead of blowing on my food to cool it down i cough on it

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>>714940529

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when i was a kid i thought buttholes looked like balloon knots so on my birthday when i got balloons i would steal my sisters perfume from her room and spray it on the balloon

then i'd go to my room and close my eyes and lick and sniff the balloon while jacking off and pretend i was licking/sniffing a girls ass


now that i think of it thats probably why i love assholes now

>>714924482
/thread

Many keks, anon. I think that's it for all of us.

Spent several hours arguing with people on the WoW forums, I won.

Winning internet arguments is about as autistic as you can get.

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>be me 8th grade
>new social studies teacher came to our school
>pretty cool guy, very muscular, too
>my school had an activity night
>for those who don't know, it's basically an event where students also in the jr high come together and party at the school
>i left my butterfly knife in my pocket after playing around with it earlier that day
>my mom drops me off and i realized that it was in my pocket
>I find my friends and I show them the tricks I learned
>they thought it was aight
>my social studies teacher comes along and starts making social conversations with my friends
>turns out he's also a gamer, so thats cool
>well i thought to myself that this is one of the times where the school was very lenient on whatever the hell you do and what you dont do
>tard me kicks in
>i go up to him, and say
>"Hey [teacher], do you know what a butterfly knife is?"
>he turns to me and says
>"Do you have one on you?"
>i realize that i am in deep shit at this moment
>i remain silent
>"Come with me." he says
>iwannadie.jpeg
>he calls over the jr high supervisor
>he brings the two of us into a classroom away from the event
>this is when my muscular social studies teacher rips off his pants and totally rapes my tight little asshole inside out with his veiny, hugh mungus muscular donkey dick and the supervisor joins in with a strap-on
>ok that actually didnt happen, but
>he tells me to show the supervisor and himself what I have
>i pull out my knife, and flick it open
>quite contrary to what i thought was going to happen, all they do is explain to me why i can't have an item like that in school, and explain to me that they are also illegal in my state
>they then go on and explain an incident where some kid was pretending that his jerky was chewing tobacco, but he was suspended and had to go to therapy or some shit
>at the end of the day I only told what happened to my friends, and my parents werent even emailed about what happened either
>tldr, dont bring a knife to school

>>714929521
>What is 'rudimentary sentence structure'

Goddamn, all this bait being taken. I love it!

>>714939025
lol thats good

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>be in drive-through at Wendy's
>Order my food with minimal spaghetti
>Proud of myself
>Pull up to window
>Ask if I can pay in quarters because poor
>"Uh...I guess"
>Reach to hand person my quarters
>hand grazes car door
>drop approx. $6 of quarters in the drive-through and in my car
>Panic
>Foot comes off clutch
>Stall the car
>Fuck
>Fumble with seatbelt
>Open door and begin collecting quarters
>People in line behind me
>Give quarters to now agitated cashier
>Hands me my food
>"Enjoy your meal"
>"you too"
>mfw

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>>714929521
>be me, current age
>bellow average IQ, 1.2 high school GPA
>go to community college because working retail sucked
>can't even into CC classes but teachers give everyone a degree at the end of the semester
>end up with 3.4 gpa for reasons I still don't understand, get into best in-state public school
>Advisor has me take paper test to pick a major, end up with bioengineering even though I never took Biology in my life
> BS my way through two years of UNI coasting on luck and the charity of others
>other kids complained about hard their classes were while I did fuckall and never got anything below a B- because all my professors liked me
>graduate and get entry level job in a research laboratory that consisted of making sure the labels on bottles matched the writing on my clipboard for ~60k a year (in 1993)
>boss liked me, after two years I got a promotion w/ raise where I drove to different locations reading the labels on their boxes and making sure they matched the ones on my clipboard
>skip to now, mfw I drive ten minutes three days a week to stamp some papers for a few hours while enjoying the same salary for almost none of the work
>still wondering what I did to make life go so right
The moral of the story is all success in life comes from a combination of luck and connections. I made it through four-year because my teachers like me and gave me good grades "because I applied myself" (???)
I landed that Bioinformatics gig because the last guy got a face full of Nitrogen Dioxide because he couldn't follow high school level lab safety
Intelligence will get you made fun of and not much else.

>>714943084
Kek. Feels: autistic edition

>>714929521
>>714930015
>>714930933
Calm down, /b/ros. We were all edgy cringelord 13yo's at some point, so find it in your heart to forgive him and PUT THIS LITTLE FUCKER INTO HIS PLACE

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This happened back in July of this year
>Be camping in cabin in Hickory Hill
>Place is in rural NY
>Limited internet access pissed me off
>Shared cabin with mom, sister, and mom's boyfriend
>The times I did have internet I went onto Youtube and other stuff
>One day I decide to go to porn sites
>Next day the wi-fi connection I used to access Pornhub was gone
>At dinner that night I confessed that I went onto Pornhub and that the camp might have cut off access for us because of me
>Family laughs at me and mom's BF jokes about it
>Next day the wi-fi signal I used was back on like normal
>tfw I just admitted in front of my family to watching porn for nothing
>wound up using all my phone's data because of this trip

>>714931053
Formula is what made this kid retarded, not breastmilk. Oh, and the flu shot.

Swimming to an egg

>be 12
>recently moved next to a fucking highway
>I used sillyputty as ear plugs
>it fucking worked
>better than expected though.
>now deaf
>it stuck to my fucking eardrums
>freak out
>run
>tell mom
>taken to to hospital to get it removed
I was not a bright child.

i used to show my drawings to teachers in primary school. they were always of gore or gay porn. got into a lot of trouble. one of my biggest drawings had exactly hundred dudes fucking eachother in all kinds of positions. i feel proud of this in a way because it was original drawing that at my age, and the drawings were decent but also cringe at some aspects of it such as when i showed it to people and expected them to think it was "cool"
also cut myself on purpose once and showed my teacher how deep it was. another time i asked my mom if i could have a scar over my eye like sub-zero. almost had to go to counseling.

and another time when i was maybe 10 i brought a knife to the cinema and threatened to cut off of the ear of the person in front of me if he didnt shut up. i just assumed he knew i was joking. my parents found out about this and took all my weapons. thats all i can think of, i dont get into many awkward situations because i never go outside

>>714944952
you, stay inside

>>714923198
I used to record the scrambled porn on the Spice Channel from 1995-97 on 8 hour tapes, then I would play them back and cross my fingers for something, anything. When I would come across a nipple or a vagina lip, I would pause it and put tracing paper onto the screen and try to get a good drawing of it and then turn it into a drawing of a naked anime character I saw on SciFi Channel like Project A-ko.