Feels thread? >Christmas is here and she isn't.

>>713663933
Fuck christmas

>>713664351
>Hanukkah is here and your stock portfolio has taken a hit.

She told me " it doesn't matter if it's long distance we can make it, we love each other no matter what." Why did she stop? What did I do wrong? Why can't I make her love me anymore? What happened? Why can't I make her happy? Why do I feel so empty without her? Why am I like this?

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>>713665105
>Why did she stop? What did I do wrong?
nothing

>>713665105
Two words: black cock.

>>713663933
>she broke up with me
>next day
>text her why? Did something change?
>no answer
>feels bad
>she answers
>feels worse

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>>713666394
I'm sorry guys. Not forever alone anymore, but I'm worried I may lose the girl I love soon. Hopefully things get better for all of us.

>take a slice of pizza
>trip
>pizza falls to the ground

RRRRRREEEE

I now have depression and PTSD circle jerk me NOW

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Gonna bump for a bit

>>713667326
i wish you the best

>>713666838
this is legitimately sad

>>713667326

>>713667755

That reminds me of the end of All Quiet on the Western Front.

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>>713667916
When you forget the image...

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Comic time?

>>713666057

LBFT 1 was the saddest fucking movie I remember.

Plus, the VA of Ducky was murdered by her dad in a double murder suicide.

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I've been depressed for years and I keep losing people in my life. I'm alone and I've never felt an intimate kind of love. I feel like shit all the time and keep it to myself because when I try to talk about it with others they either don't care, don't get it or mock me for it. I have given myself 507 days to better my life. If that doesn't happen, I'm killing myself. And I doubt many would miss me.

I've been wanting to suck a cute traps dick for ages. I recently started talking to the cutest transgirl ever, she is a literal 7/10 in terms of girls, not even just trans girls. Most people go about without even noticing she used to be a boy.

My problem, she has had her dick removed 2 weeks before i got to meet her.

>>713668770

You're into dudes, not girls. Fuck off.

>>713666571
Will the crayon change color when she dyes her hair?

>>713666805
Honestly though, so many faggoty kids I know from my high school (18y/o senior before you start the whole "MODSBANPLS") talk all this shit up about "I have depression/anxiety/whatever" like no the fuck you don't. You want attention. Go be a hoe somewhere else.

>>713668925
I'm into girls mostly, i'm still considering dating her .. but i'm scared of fake vagina's.. i've seen pictures here..

>>713668770
>>713669038
You're gay, bro.

>>713663933
not even. just stupid.

>>713667326
I wish you: never said hi

>>713669038
your a fag bro

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>>713663933

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>>713668770
Thanks for ruining the thread with pure cancer.

>>713668961
No, the colour of her hair is a memory and the feeling associated with it. Her hair will always be that colour to him

>>713668679
damn, i can't imagine being in that position.

>>713668770
Impeccable timing for a chuckle, friend.

>>713670031
Like, lying on your back? How do you sleep then?

>>713668770
>>713669038
Stop pretending, you're a fag. End of story.

>>713668246
Exactly the same as you bro. I feel so lonely, and I don't tell anyone about it. Try to hang in there, though. I'm sure you could find something in 507 days.

>>713670501
I'm open to it getting better, but people have been telling me that things will get better for years, and nothing's gotten better. They've gotten worse. I've just given myself a deadline and hopefully something will change for the better for once in my life. The funny thing is I know what will happen when it finally happens. Someone will say "How could this have happened?" and act surprised because that's always what happens when a person commits suicide. And it's bullshit. People can see the signs but will ignore it because wanting the sweet release of death makes them uncomfortable and sad.

Hopefully it gets better for the both of us.

>>713668246
Find something you love and dont let it go, try a new thing every day, say hi to everybody and try to be a nice person anon, people will come and go in your life always so yeah, fuck the monotony in the ass and say to it "You are my bitch" Hope it cheers you up a little bit

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I want to kill myself, but I don't want to die. I drive myself insane.

>>713671021
A little of your back story?

Anons, I'm finally facing the facts.
I'm lonely. I have a small "group" of friends, if you could even call it that. Last relationship I've had lasted three years. I was too busy with that to see these problems.
I watch these shows, where this guy finds the person he loves, goes through some drama, and lives happily ever after.
I play these games, where the protagonist is given a mission. A purpose. A story. Tragedy. Drama. Action.
Will I always be this week? Some sort of love addict or something? All I want is someone to hold on to. Someone to call mine.

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>>713664549

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I saw this a while back and it stuck with me. Anyone?

>>713671365
From a small town in northern Canada, and when I say middle of no where I mean it. There are few opportunities there and coming down south it's jarring how different life is. Mixed race and never felt like I fit in with either side of my family, or anywhere for that matter. My parents broke up when I was 6 and I moved around a lot so I never had roots in the places I lived, so any friends I had knew each other back when they were kids while I had just met them. I have no one to hang out with anymore and I've never been in a real relationship. I've fooled around with a couple girls longer than dating, but it wasn't satisfying at all, in fact I either didn't like them or outright hated them soon after. I decided to date one and it lasted for two days until we decided we hated each other. I ride a very fine line between a social drinker and a barely functioning alcoholic, one that isn't helped by my dad being a recovering drinker, whom I didn't know for most of my life and even went ten years without speaking to him.

A bit of a ramble, but that's a part of it. I try to remain positive but it feels like I'm just being delusional. Eventually I just feel like complete garbage again and all I can look forward to is going to sleep.

>>713671764
I can relate.

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im so tired /b/

>>713671021
Anon you replied to here, you should try talking to people that have been where you are have conquered it. They'll understand you, and it'll be nice for someone to actually listen for a change. Not sure where you would find someone like this. It just might help, though. You never know, maybe you'll find your reason to live there.

This sounds cheesy as fuck, doesn't it?

I've been sinking into a hole of solo drug abuse, i notice my brain lagging more and more in daily activities. My trains of thought loop in endless distopian post-modern vision.

I used to have friends, girlfriends, hobbies... But i wrecked all the relationships, lied, deceived and cheated. I still talk to woman and some times even manage to work myself up to a date, but quick after i notice i'm gaining in affection, i lose motivation to make a lasting worthy connection.

I used to enjoy making music and singing more than anything else, these days i barely touch my instruments and my voice is reserved for the weekly phone conversations i have with my mom, I pretend to be okay every time cause i don't want my parents to get hurt or feel worried.

Everything that used to bring me joy now brings me pain and i think i'm slowly starting to go insane.

The only 2 people that know my full story (psychoses, criminal / sexual criminal stories attached) got scared and ran away, completely ignoring me since the day they found out about the rotten abyss that i am on the inside.

I hate myself, isolate myself and above all slowly fade into a dark shell of who i once thought i would be.

>>713672192
Hold on my friend, hold on.

>>713672199
*that have been where you are and have conquered it

I fucked that up pretty bad

>>713672436
I'm trying my best anon

>>713668679
2/10

>>713665105
>"it doesn't matter if it's long distance we can make it"
>long distance

That right there is the reason anon, long distance never works. The only time it MIGHT ever work out for a couple is if they're already married or have been together for quite some time. And even then, it can be incredibly difficult if it's for long periods of time. Don't dwell on it anon, odds are you didn't do a damn thing wrong. Not all relationships are meant to work out, it happens. The last thing you need to do is try to blame it all on yourself and conjure up some horseshit reasons as to why it was your fault when there really just wasn't anything you or her could do about it. Nothing is certain, you know? People change, circumstances change, and not all promises can be kept. You've just got to keep pushing through the pain, accept what has happened, and move on. Maybe next time you'll end up with the right person, who knows?

>>713672778
If you need a friend, just ask, we are here to help each others.

>>713671021
You have to realize that nothing will get better on its own. You have to take initiative and it will take time and effort.

>>713672192
at least you have friends

>>713669296
so relatable

>>713673046
I have. I went to trade school, couldn't find a job in my field. Lost 40 pounds, still feel like shit. Moved to new areas in hope of meeting new people and gaining new experiences, what I got was attempted murder. I feel like every step forward I make there's something that happens to bring me two steps back. Like putting my hate for my dad behind me only for my 'best' friend to bail on me and basically start to ignore me because he's living with his girlfriend.

>>713673014
im in feels threads about every few days either lurking or posting

Is it possible to live without faith? Is there something wrong with not caring about being Happy? I'm barely content, often miserable sometimes euphoric. What a mess. Best to be humble, though, right?

>>713666926
Shit this hit home. Always fucking hits home.

Is normal to take comfort in the notion that I can end my life whenever I want? That thought has been helping me a lot these days.

could we get some stories in here?
stuff like that one of the guy who had a cat who lived outside his appartment?

>tfw I feel like my gf is slowly getting bored with me
>tfw its probably me getting bored with her

Post kik if you want to talk with someone ;-;

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hey b/ros, what're your best songs ya got for /feels/ soundtracks? Kinda been feeling lonely as hell and I just want to feel something before I hit the hay and pull another eventless day off tomorrow...

>>713671629
Love Addict? My friend, it's called being human. You can not control your feelings endowed to you since birth, you can only experience or repress them, but not control. You are not weak. The weak never know they are in love, and it is a hard and very brave thing to admit to one's self the fear of never having that love you hold which burns passionately for another returned. I cannot promise you that one day your story will end happily, but I can say this: Hold on. Look inward, and continue to admit to yourself that for all your flaws you are human, and it is natural to love. You are very strong to bear this burden, I hope one day your story ends happily like all the others. May you continue to feel love and hold hope anon.

>>713674720
Feelings fade by gnash.

>>713674720
>>713674783
Get ready for tears.

I've never had a Girl my entire life, I just turned 21 a few days ago and now I approach the coming months with intense loneliness.

>>713663933
about to get evicted and be homeless for the first time. I went from 40k/year to homeless in 3 months time..

>>713674720
Blue in Green - Miles Davis.
Stars - Nina Simone.
Way to Fall - Starsailor
I Can't Give You Anything But Love - Billie Holiday.

>>713674969
Drugs?

>>713674915
Don't wry anon you'll find someone promise ok

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this always hits me, no idea why

>>713671764
wow iv never seen this, but this actually feels like me. i always observe things i love to watch people. but when it comes to participating when people ask me i feel like i just can't do it. and i don't know why.

>>713674720
Hurt by Nine Inch Nails/ Johnny Cash
Everything Dies by Type O Negative
Love Hurts by Nazareth

Can we get a group theard hug going so I feel as if someone cares *hugs

>>713673150
More like this anon?

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>>713674783
>>713674834
>>713675080
Say, and this is a little unorthodox for a feels thread, but Ive been mulling over the idea to throw together a spotify /feels/ playlist for times like these. You anons think there'd be much interest?

>>713675080
Not drugs. Just got fired, for some dumb bs. Girlfriend left me. Unemployment is locked due to clerical error. About to lose my car if i dont sell it..

>>713667991
yea

>>713675608
Yes

>>713675657
Oh I'm sry anon

>>713675608
I don't see why not. Just don't fill it with r&b/pop and it should be fine.

>>713675657
That sucks. I know the feeling of paying into something and not getting anything from it when I need it. You can't really hang up on some asshole properly when you're not using an old phone.

>>713675608
One step ahead fam.
https://open.spotify.com/user/wesleykeith/playlist/2nnafsdzkAvSWw9i4bl54X

>>713675984
I know there are some mainstream/faggy songs on there, but there's plenty of underrated super feelsy songs. Give me a listen.

>>713675860
>>713675696
I mean, to be honest I'd throw it together and throw the URI up, and let anons pick and choose; keep it like a library. I doubt many share my same taste. (spotify:track:3XAwiQuEXzUth1zCd30wOg Sound of a Broken Man is what i'm listening to now.)

>>713676103
Sure, why not. Give me a shout too, if im on the right track with this one. (Peeled a few onions on last nights feels thread while listening to this shit. spotify:user:mxrider207:playlist:0ob4dlcchq0TODRmJDdGZS)

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I got a 8/10 grill, 80K jerb that I can bike to in 20 minutes. I have 3 good, close friends/couples that live in my neighborhood.

This is all attainable to any of you if you put your mind to it.

There are feels out there. Good feels.

>>713676103
Not too bad actually

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>be me just got a girlfriend
>tell /b/ wat do they say leave this place run far away
>I don't, I stay
>find out a week later "girlfriend 'was just dateing me because of dare

>>713674720
This one hits me, I don't know why
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqzeNF2_eak

Dubs checkum

>>713676301
Can't manage to get it to work. Just post the link bud

>>713676316
I will choose not to believe you.

>>713676316
Then why are you on 4chan?

>>713676316
I doubt the validity of your story and that things will be achieved by magical believing powers. Some people have had shit lives for so long that these opportunities just don't happen.

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>>713676730

https://open.spotify.com/user/mxrider207/playlist/0ob4dlcchq0TODRmJDdGZS

Should be able to just paste her in the search bar. Oh well :D

>>713676948
You're right, they don't 'just happen'. You have to put in some modicum of effort.

>>713677073
You can't act on something that isn't there.

I have a story, idk if it's a feels and i'm shit at greentext so if anyone wants to hear it just say so. I have plenty of time.

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>>713669038

>>713665105
>>713666057
>>713672910
The thing is is that a long distance relationship is usually not a relationship. It's correspondence. You're not exchanging something of value, you're just reflecting impressions off of them back at yourself, the things you feel are imagined, internal, because to you this person is an "idea" or worse, an "ideal". You're paralyzed in a state of anticipation and indecision that gives you all the energy you need to make it through your day, at least while it interests you, but then that fades and people drift apart because there are other things happening in their real life physically around them.

The thing about love is, it makes you process an enormous amount of information, and doing so actually makes us feel pretty good.

If you're not there though, if you can't hear the sound of their voice and smell their hormones and feel the vibrations of their moving existing body, see the movements of their eyes and facial expressions, the way every word causes an emotional microreaction across the nervous system, ripples of telling emotions passing under the skin, communicating on a band that passes over all of your sense, if you don't have THAT, then you really don't have any romantic relationship at all, you just have the fantasy of one.

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>>713676948
>Some people have had shit lives for so long that these opportunities just don't happen.

i can't handle this feel

>>713677507
The thread isn't going to kill itself. I find this is the only place I can talk about the shit in my life, so go for it.

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>>713676396
>be me, got girlfriend
>find out even with someone else to share all the depressing thoughts with it they won't go away
>still hate myself
>still hate my life
>still not motivated to change in any way
>I'm the cause of all of my problems
>nobody can help me with this
>I don't know what to do about this
>I don't want to live
>I'm too afraid to die

A gf is never the solution to your problems. I was depressed before I met her, and I'm depressed now. I've just learned how to hide it better. I still rarely leave the house. I never smile. I still have thoughts about taking my car over a bridge. She knows this. She tries to help. I'm just a burden to her like I am to everyone else. Now there's just one more person in my life that I can disappoint.

Ive been in a long distance relationship for about two years now. I startet working in a different city, and the plan was that she would move in with me after a while, but suddenly she has started to seem uncertain. Its like she doesnt want to leave her old life behind, but I feel like we will never be able to move foreward if we stay apart.

Everytime we are together it is amazing, but leaving hurts like hell. I love her and I want to spend my life with her, but living like this is becoming too painful. If she decides not to come, I dont know what to do.

>>713677631
I feel the same way caue I'm to scared to tell my friends how I really fucking feel

>>713677876
What are these friends you speak of?

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>>713677507
Go for it anon, we're here and we're not going anywhere

>>713677876
I can't say you should do this or that, but it might be worth a try. Didn't work out for me when I tried to tell my best friend that I had been depressed for ten years and thinking about suicide every day when he called my issues 'first world problems'. This is coming from a guy I supported while he didn't work for nearly five years.

>>713672179
where are you now

>>713675184
is that the Bismarck?

>>713677847
seems like you want your problem to be validated more than you actually want to get better or be happy

>>713678124
BC. You know, where everybody is a hiking obsessed faggot. Winter lasts 8 to 9 months where I'm from, so I have indoor hobbies.

>>713675984
Oh btw, half the songs on there bring me back to my childhood. Glad you posted it. Thanks /b/ro

K guys it's pretty late so I'm gonna go to sleep see you in the next theard

>>713677631
Ok, so lets start on a little backstory

>Be me, basic white kid in small town in AL, dad's a drug addict and grandparents are always getting onto me or complaining about something I did.

>2 people... My uncle, and my mom
>My uncle was pretty much my father, he got me into games and taught me how to be a man
>Mother took care of me, always getting me cool things and was overall a fun person.
>My dad has probably been out of prison for about 4 years of my life, he just got out again.
>We move out to Louisiana to get our bearings, we have family there
>Our landlord sold our place while we were gone, leaving us to deal with our grandparents and shitty aunt.
>granparents spoiled my cousin, she always had the new phones, clothes, and got to go on vacations.
>I worked with my granfathers chickens.
>Hundreds of fighting chickens
>I would feed and water them for about 20 dollars a week, but with my interest in gaming I couldn't do much with that
>Met some kid at my school (very small school, 99% whites, but they were the preppy type people)
>Get into a crowd, the stoners and stuff
>Start selling drugs
>Mainly weed and Xan, the kids ate that up
>Thats how I bought everything I own.
>All of a sudden we move again to some shithole in the middle of nowhere, and my dad was in prison again, and I stopped selling drugs since my family was apparently well know for them
>Go back to being shit poor and nothing to do

Ok it's kinda shitty but its just a part of it
Cont?

>>713668246
You have got 500 days to live, make them count.
Fuck everyone and everything

>>713678659
cont

>>713678631
Goodnight Anon
Don't die in an unexpected tragic event

>TFW you're so autistic you break down crying because you're put on the spot of "whats wrong" and they don't stop asking

>>713663933
After the last few days I'm drunk and haven't cried, nor do I feel Iike crying.
I feel okay, I feel like I can be stronger now, and I have some actual outline to improve myself.
Even though I was pretty broken for the last year or so I'm taking the steps to get better, and I want to thank a feels thread anon for genuinely helping me.
I know I can't take care of me without taking care of other people, so I have really embraced being a hero for other people while still protecting myself.
And not in the clamshell way I was protecting myself before, it feels a lot different now.
I still have a lot of work to do in expressing my emotions to the people around me, and I assume there will be plenty of tears in the process of dealing with it all on a personal level, but the baby steps are becoming the longer steps of a small child and I feel okay.

>>713678857
That's pretty passive aggressive

>>713674915
Don't worry mate.
I'm 20 going on 21 too.
Never had a girlfriend either. But I yend to keep myself occupied with hobbies like painting, writing, and evening shooting. It's not the people who make the man. It's what the man is willing to do in order to get good people around him. Stay strong

>>713679134
I meant it sincerely though

>>713676986
I like o:

>>713678307
i'm in montreal. I'm free to talk, if you want to send me some means of com. I havent been where you've been, but I've experienced things. I think I've gotten past them. i'm always free to talk to.

>>713667326
Should've done radio buttons.
Damn form-illiterate kids.

>>713678691
We'll see. Another way to look at is I have 500 days to find a way to end my life quickly, painlessly and without fail.

>>713679041
Saying 'fine' has become second nature now and nobody follows up. I'm glad you have someone that presses the issue and wants to know the truth, not just the small talk version.

>>713679267
I have skype, that's about all I post on 4chan. I need to get to sleep soon so I'll creep the thread for a bit more before then.

>>713679106
That's great
Good luck Anon

>>713679401
Thank you man
It feels a lot better than I ever could have imagined, I'm taking the small victories as they come.
I owe people like you so much, this is the only place I've been able to be open, so I hope I can take what I say here and let a fraction of it into my life outside of here.

>>713679327
if you want to message someone, I'll reply. send me your skype. I'll be going to bed soon as well.

>>713663933
Well this certainly strikes a cord with me. I almost exclusively jerk it to pov porn for that virtual feeling. I refuse to let it get me down though.

>>713679569
Kinda inspirational

>>713679591
[email protected]

>>713680008
dl skype now, don't use it myself. send me stuff so I know where you're at man.

>>713678853
Ok
>We moved into a trailer, where I spent 6 years of my life.
>Really depressed until I come home from school and see my dad sitting there, I was about 11 at that time.
>He got my uncle to buy me a pump action .243 rifle and he got me a old manual transmission quad
>We'd go hunting every day, I wasn't a huge fan but I wanted to spend as much time as I could with my dad before he inevitably went back to jail
>He sold my quad for drugs, and I had my uncle keep the gun, so it's safe
>I went "hunting" every day, mainly just sat in the woods and cried
>By then my mom completely left me, she stayed in her room all day and slept.
>I hunted for food and taught myself how to skin squirrels, my grandparents would sometimes stop by to bring us food.
>About 4 out of the 6 years I stayed in that trailer living for myself
>We couldn't pay the rent, so we get kicked out
>Homelessness is pretty shitty
> My family was homeless for about a year, and my dad returned home again, so he got a job and saved up
>We got the nicest house I've ever lived in at that time, a doublewide trailer
>Pretty much numb from emotion, still am
>My mom used to cry about how she didn't want me to live like I have been
>whatever
>A new guy moves to the school, Nathan
>I get out of my hermit personality and we start doing shit together.
>He smoked weed so I showed him who to get it from, so I pretty much lived with him and smoked weed and shit
>I was 13 at the time
>Dad comes home after about 6 months in jail, and we're doing alright.
>Almost have enough money to buy a PS4, and we fixed the house up, so I was living the dream, at least, I started getting out of my depression
>Parents hang out with the wrong people again
>One of their friends get's busted with meth, so they blamed us for it
>police come and search our property without a warrant, and then say we had a meth lab
>No chemical trucks came by, just cops loading the "evidence" into the back of a truck with their bare hands
cont?

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>be me. 31 years old.
>spent last 10 years living alone, working on putting my life back together after a series of stupid mistakes (OUI, lost license for 10 years, rape charges filed but dropped still impacted reputation, high school drop out, no friends, no money or credit or anything really)
>Work for 10 fucking years at the same company, from the very bottom, all the while living in the same shitty efficiency apartment alone.
>get promoted a few times, eventually given my own location, make a lot of friends, slowly stop being depressed and start to feel like I belong.
>Get car, credit, feel secure, tell myself I have done the impossible and turned everything around.
>Meet girl, court girl in ol'fashion way, talking to her in person, getting her books and flowers, taking her out with what little spare time I have.
>She meets my friends, gets along with them, tells them how much she loves being with me.
>Best 7 months of my life go by, sex is incredible, bonding even more so, we do everything together when I am not working.
>Decide I want more out of life, job isn't paying me well and I'm working myself to death under a bad salary (under $40k, 75 hours a week) and I want more time to spend with her.
>Quit long time job, find new job. More pay, less hours.
>Week into new job, find out she's been cheating on me, she tried several times to kill herself, takes my car and drives off, have to track her down. Her friends call me in a panic that she is going crazy.
>I am devastated, but try to salvage things, just not ready to give up.
>Cut off contact with her eventually, but think about her every day.
>Couple months into new job, they are scaling back, firing people that make too much money to replace them with low income foreign hires, tell me not to worry, they need me.
>Fire me unexpectedly a week later.
>My birthday is coming.
>Birthday night, best friend is killed in car crash.
>have some interviews coming up, just want to put my head down and work until I am dead

>>713679989
Hearing from people here is always inspirational in some way.
I haven't been able to change myself fully on my own and this place has given me small nudges in the direction I need to go.
I have had people ask me why I would want to hurt something someone loves and it gave me the inspiration to slow down, then eventually stop self harm.
I had an anon who made me see that I can still try to be the hero to others that I want to be even when I can't help myself.
As much cancer as this place holds, there is kindness here, and there is love here.
It is okay to be weak here, it is okay to need help, and the people who are kind here can provide the words to dredge you up from despair.
Anon if you need anything I will do my best to help, I am still weak but I can provide whatever insight I have in me.

>>713680233
Sorry about things but they might get mixed up. Most of my life has been a depressed blur

>>713676419
Damn I really liked that

>>713679106
Makes me glad to hear someone is making progress. Keep on dude

>>713680442
Thank you
Reading that honestly helps a bit

>>713663933
i have an exam tomorrow but i'm coming down with the worst cold ever. I feel so depressed. I've smoked weed every day straight for a month. It started as a way to kill time, to experiment. I never smoked more than twice a year, at most usually. I just wanted to see what it was like to be high a lot. It's fine, but whenever I get high I eat a lot and I spend a lot of time making fun of myself and trying to tear myself down about how ugly I am, or how much nobody likes me, and how I'll never be successful. I even went ahead and bought some tabs of LSD because I wanted to trip so bad and figure out my issues with my own self and why I hate myself so much. I realized it was a really bad idea after a couple days of holding onto them so I haven't gone ahead and done them.

My parents are trying to crack down on me, but they don't understand how university works. I'm not allowed to lock my door any more, and honestly the whole situation is bizarre. I haven't had pussy in a year since I left my girlfriend for a girl I thought I was going to marry. It turned long distance, and didn't work out. But I don't think about it at all..
My teeth are really hurting too. They got really sensitive. I need to fill my cavities. It isn't a money issue, it's a scheduling issue.

I really want to work out again. I've gained weight since my back injury from lifting. Feels so bad man... I feel like I have no real friends either. I feel like if I didn't message people first they'd forget I exist. I have such a big history of depression every summer when I remember nobody cares about me.

>>713680673
I'm going to try
Thank you man, you guys keep me going and pick me up when I'm at my lowest

>>713679327
It was only my mom, I don't know if that makes a difference.

>>713680769
You're welcome
If there's anything I can help you with let me know, I'll lurk this thread until it dies.

>>713680233
cont.

>>713680895
One person is better than none.

I'm so emotionally unstable, but everybody tells me I'm very academically gifted. I don't want to waste myself, but I can never force myself to study. It feels so artificial to me. I'm really scared to disappoint my well respected and educated family.

>>713680570
Are you currently 15?

>>713672276
I can talk to you anon. I just had a miscarriage and I'd like some human interaction.

Let these meds flow.

I can sort of feel myself slipping mentally. When I do things I can feel that it isn't right, or it is crazy but I can't make myself stop. I know it's unethical, I know it's wrong, but it just feels proper to me. I can even acknowledge that I wasn't in the right state of mind mentally after it has passed, like a few days of psychosis for some reason. I can't understand it. I can't understand me.

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I've grown to hate myself beyond belief
I've been depressed as Hell for almost 2 years even after trying my hardest to be happy
My best friend recently passed away and its my fault
And worst of all nothing helps and I can't kill myself, no matter how much I prepare or think about it, because I'm too afraid of dying
What am I even supposed to do with myself?

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2 years

>>713681803
How is it your fault?

>>713680233
cool dubs, but here's a cont ig
>I'm sitting with my dad on our back porch, he's in cuffs and we both know what's gonna happen
>yep
>Both of my parents went to jail, and I was right next to them when they were told
>fuck me
>Cop says I got 20 minutes to get what I need
>I look at the top of the fridge where I kept my ps4 money, I was 50 dollars away from getting it
>Dad took the money and bought drugs
>I have nothing now, I'm living with my grandparents, but I still go to my uncle's house
>He's changed alot, he's barely home, he left his wife and kids there, so I just chilled with his wife and helped watch the kids
>My uncle was my best friend.
>He taught me how to shoot a gun, how to drive, hell, even how to be a proper person
>the last one didn't stick too well, I was socially awkward because people didn't get me
>I was quiet and kept to myself, except for my few friends
>I managed to get a girlfriend somehow
>2 months later she broke up with me, turns out she was dared to date me
>she gave some good head, but I really liked her
>Go back to the same routine, out in the woods pretending like my dad was there, trying to catch any time to spend with my uncle, and chilling with Nathan
>dad got out of jail after another 6 months
>Can't stand his parents so we move
>live in hotels for about a month
>Depressed, my dad started crying when he was talking to me when he said he spent my money
>I'm still around 13, im not sure
>I thought about just running away, im not sure what I was going to do
>Nathan moved to Ohio, there goes my best friend
>I just sat in my room, in the same state as my mom, just never left the bed
>Always tired, I skipped school alot
>Dad got back on drugs, I had to actually sit him down and tell him to fuck off or I would make him go
>His friends come over to try to talk to him and get some drugs, spend forever driving away crackheads>>713681188
>Are you currently 15?
Yep this has been my life for the past 3 years, at least the worst bit

Old rule, give the girl a week for every month you were together, by then, a real man is over her and you move on. For me, I have two more weeks to deal with this shit.

>>713681803
What do you like about yourself?
Even the smallest things, like how you always get up on time, or how you can always see when someone is sad, or you have an uncanny ability for spotting dogs in a public place.
Anything you have an inclination for is something to be proud of, even if it isn't marketable.
Sometimes people are hurt by you, whether you mean it or not.
A lot of what we do is to protect ourselves, and while it may make you feel guilty and selfish that is not a terrible thing to do. It's a natural reaction to our envionment.
Death is frightening, death is the end of your story, and suciide is a quick and unsatisfying ending to your story.

>>713682050
Damn man, life hasn't given you a break. I hope things start looking up for you, anon, you deserve it.

>>713682050
think this may be the last part, this is the past year of what's been happening
>My uncle, the one who was my father figure pretty much, was a meth addict, and he's in prison for life now.
>Never get to see him again
>We move up to a new place
>New school, full of ghetto nigs and shit
>Meet a few people, finally get a ps4
>I've been saving for a new gaming computer, so I can get a VR and maybe start saving for a car
Man, I know it might sound kinda pussy for fucking me up, but it's whats happened for now.>>713682607

This is it, for now at least.

>>713682043
She had serious problems with depression (and another problem I won't mention) and I was one of the only people who knew about it and that she could talk to about it
For over 3 years I helped her get through all her problems but she started getting worse and one night I muted my phone and went straight to bed after work and it was particularly bad that night for her
She killed herself that night
She sent me message after message asking for someone to talk to, going through internal hell, while I slept
If I had messaged her I'm sure she'd still be here

>>713663933
how about
>christmas is here and no one is, friends or family

>>713682551
I can't really find anything I like about me
Honestly, I think I'd rather be anyone else

>>713682607
Well, thanks anon. This is the only place where I can actually talk to people.

>>713667755
>>713667991
This is actually a very good representation of the mentality snipers go through while "camping" in a snipers nest for long periods.
>>713674969
I know that feel bro. Back in 2012 they closed the Verizon I worked at and got laid off as part of "A reduction of workforce" after working for the company for 3 years.

Went from hero who donated to charities all the time to begging for charity myself in 2 months flat.

>>713683092
Not a single small thing?
I read your post about what happened, and I am very sorry for it.
But whatever you did you did it to protect yourself, which is priority no matter how bad people try to make it look.
Is it incredibly damaging? Of course.
I still feel guilty for an acquaintance dying because he took a lacrosse ball to the head when I was 11.
But despite death you are still here, and you can carry on.
You can take all that pain, all that guilt, and pour it into other people.
Take care of elderly people and give them reprieve before they die, improve everything you can to make up for what you feel so much guilt for.
If you truly blame yourself then it would be a disservice to end it, because your impact on her would be a waste.

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Anyone want to hear how I'm slowly recovering from severe depression and mental breakdown?

>>713683509
Let's hear it

>>713675860
yeah, maybe things will get better, ive sent my resume out to many places. I'm in IT with 3 years experience, it shouldnt be this hard to find a job, or at least an interview..

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>>713683556
Sounds good man. Let me just finish up dinner and down my beer.

Just got home and I'm exhausted.

>>713683503
Not really
It's all i've been able to think about for weeks
She was literally my whole world
I would love to do that but I'm not great socially
I do community service here and there already to try and be productive and give back but it doesn't make a difference and I haven't been able to keep it up

>>713683922
Alright, I have plenty of time.
Nice dubs btw