>>713407846 Don't do it. Get a little dog. Not like a teacup or anything. Look up really nice, long-lived little dog breeds. Most apartments allow them, and trust me, it'll help. Also, because they're smol, they require (usually) less effort and money to take care of
Everything on my life is going downhill... my car is starting to mess up and that's everything I've achieved since 2014 when I graduated high school. Tomorrow is my last day at work because they don't have enough "founds" to pay us anymore. I just got a letter from the hospital and I'm getting charged with us $4600. I really like this girl but I don't think she likes me, she told me that it would be weird if anything happened between us since we're all a "squad"... I feel lonely as fuck... I feel pathetic... haven't done shit for my life so far
Im thinking aboot getting a job at public storage. Its only 9 an hour but full bennifits and free 2br apartment. Seems like something i could do day in day out till i die. Ive kinda just given up on trying to be or do anything with my life. Everything just seems so pointless. I just dont really get the whole "life" thing.
>>713409464 i know, im desperately trying to do something for my life like getting a good job or becoming the best at something but i seem to fail at everything and im starting to see that i have wasted my life. i feel like the only way is to scape to another country and start all over again, but i cant i dont have enough money to even pay the tickets to somewhere.
everyday im feeling more and more tired, like i just wanna take a break from life.
>"you're so positive" >"i wish i was that pure lmfao" >"how are you always so happy?" >i try to make other people happy because i cant make myself happy >i helped my friend get with a girl i had feelings for >i always fuck up everything >fucking up in school >all my self-worth comes from other people >lack of motivation >don't even feel like the people i spend most my time with don't want to spend time with me >can't even play vidya anymore (four months) >at least if i give up i'll i won't feel like i wasted my life entirely >my entire character and personality is made of gimmicks >everyone thinks i'm happy except for this one person i've opened up to, and now i feel like they only respond out of pity >they check up on me and i say that i'm getting better but i'm at square one >if i tell other people i'm not happy i'll bum them out so i keep it to myself
Failing relationship, father diagnosed with leukemia, kicked out of my place, family moved away, found a place to live but can't pay next months rent so going to get evicted, no friends. Going to just off myself once I get kicked out from this place.
This has been pretty much the worst month in a while, I dropped all my hobbies because I just don't feel like doing anything, I haven't gone to school in a month and a half, but I've got exams to go to tomorrow, Shit just feels empty. Dumping a lot of stuff from my feels folder for you anons
I used to be seen as a happy person, but I've been depressed for years. I just became really good at hiding it. In my everlasting quest to hide and deny my own depression and keep those around me happy, I started doing the whole ironic suicide humor so I could talk about killing myself without depressing those around me. A while ago, some people within my friend group started doing it too. I always thought they were the happy ones, but now I can see right through them.
I know they're not joking when they talk about killing themselves, but I don't think they know I wasn't either. I thought I could keep them happy.
>>713405426 Don't worry; it can be hard to get rid of cemented feelings, especially for someone who you loved and thought loved you.
From one /b/ro to another, all I can suggest is find something to spend your time on, like a hobby or job, that you can use to feel good about. Hang out with friends and meet new people. Soon you'll find someone else, because she wasn't worth your time anyways.
>be me >be mentally really fucked up >my closest friend is my cat although i have real friends too >tired of life >failed at suicide a few times by opiate pills and alcohol overdose because good health >slowly turning into alcoholic and drug addict >going to psychiatrist to get antipsychotics cuz i want to feel totally numb and sleep 20 hours a day >considering suicide again >probably gonna do it when i get enough cash
>>713416923 basically gf left me on my hardest times, dropped out of school, lost my job. but all this really doesnt matter, the whole problem is in my head. been depressed for 4-5 years and this shit has made me literally insane. i cant function normally anymore, i sleep all day, do drugs drink alcohol and browse 4chan all night. this cant be explained properly
>>713417981 I fucked up my relationship. gf was unstable too but not insane. I was making her feel depressed with my suicidal thoughts. sometime I stopped telling her about my condition and pretended to be fine. after about half year she found out I was still depressed and stopped communicating to me on the day I was flipping shit and tried to kill myself. cant blame her really
anyway my point is, who the fuck wants to date an unhappy person personally i find unhappy people to be more intelligent and even funnier if you make them trust you. but talking to unhappy person who doesnt trust you is probably shitty yeah
Bitter feel anon. I'm sorry for your loss. But I wouldn't advise suicide! >Think about it Although you are in the state you are now, at some time there will be a moment where things WILL change.
I have seen it's magic before. Long story but i'll shorten it. >Me and my father were thrown out of my mothers house. (She was mentally unstable) >She sells everything I owned (I was 12) >Father began to drink >After a year or two he met a woman who helped him change his life
I believe in this "It will get better soon" I hope one day you might to Anon
>>713419601 my life has nothing wrong with it. i could get a good job again, go to school next year, start working out, basically get anything i want that money can buy. but i dont want to. it doesnt make me happy. i am heavily fucked by mental disorders. although I will probably stay alive as long as I have no problems with being totally numb abusing drugs and shitposting has actually made me happier than i was a year ago tbh
I guess it's my time to shine. This is a long one, and probably not worth the read, but I want to let it out. It started in 6th grade. I moved to a new school because it was better, and left all of my previous friends. I met a new group who were into vidya, so I joined them. The next 2 years were the best years of my life. I was on maximum honors and played with them every night. In 8th grade however, they stopped talking to me and would not answer my texts. The only person I had was my friend who I'm calling Andrew. Andrew was a weird white kid, much like me. There would always be an annoying jewfag that followed us around. Andrew too stopped playing vidya after a while. One day near the end of 8th grade, I got sick of the group's shit. I started texting them about all the horrible shit they had done, and in the end they all blocked me. 8th grade had ended, and I had nobody. For 9th grade, I went to a Christian school, and nobody I knew went there. I decided I should join the cross country team to make friends. I made 2 friends that I would sit at lunch with. My grades were decent, but not close to what they used to be. I I reconnected with 2 of my old friends that the previous group had distanced me from. We played vidya over skype, but didn't meet in person. On one cross country meet, they announced the winners of the race. First place was the biggest asshole of the previous group. The only thing that I was better than him at was running, and now that was taken away from me. My grades slowly got worse throughout the year, as did my mental and physical health. In January, I was diagnosed with scoliosis (my bad dun got fucked up) and my depression got even worse. Since my life was falling apart around me, I decided to just be the funny guy. Though I couldn't be happy, at least I could help other people achieve what I wish for. My grades are abysmal now. I have 3 f's and 2 c's. I go to school every day to entertain 3-4 people while dying inside. 1/2 to be continued
4chan feels thread. Is this it? The truth is, everyone on 4chan knows that pain. That's why we're here. Our pain is the worst. Your pain can be nothing but horrific if you visit these threads. All of our pain is. But we soldier on anyways. That is our way. When I die, these threads will be one of the last things I think about. These threads will be the last thing that a lot of us will think about.
All of us will. Don't forget the /b/rothers who've helped you up. Through all the "OP is a faggot," and the "cancerous thread is cancers," we really do love each other. If you haven't loved anyone else, you've sure as hell loved us. I love you guys.
2/2 I like playing video games because I still have to fake being happy, but at least I don't have to keep a smile. I want to kill myself, but I wouldn't do that to my family and I want to keep my friends happy. I now have to get back surgery for scoliosis. I just want the pain to end.
>tfw gay for one of my straight friends >tfw one day they confide in me they like their best friend who's the same gender >tfw their best friend is straight >tfw they'll probably never like me and just move on from their best friend
You fucks want feels? Well, sit the hell down /b/tards, I wanna vent. >be 18 and entering college >never had a girlfriend >meet 2 best people in the world >let's just call the guy John and the girl Jane >first friends i've had since grade school >learn social skills >gym++ >go from 4/10 to solid 7 >lose virginity to hoe at party >no ragrets >told Jane about it when asked >also told her I wish it was her >total_retard.gif >doesn't_feel_that_way.sad >still have John and some other friends >that feel when still no girlfriend time passes >John meets 10/10 QT3.14 in Deutsch 101 >literally perfect match for me >call her Anna >back off since bro code, even though not actually dating >banging other people to get over it >not working well >figure no harm in talking to her >hit it off fast >fuck fuck fuck damn shit >blatantly disregard bro code and ask her on date >success >John hates me, convinces all friends to stop talking to me >I'm thinking "it better have been worth it" >do everything together for a month >finally have balls to ask for some commitment >REJECTED >honestly confused, thought feeling was completely mutual >ask why >she says i'm too emotional >literally shocked, only negative time was telling her about cousin's death >receive zero further contact and leave the house as many times that week >John eventually finds out and forgives me >friend group felt like shitheads too and apologized >leave house and become normal person again >Anna ends up dating some other loser in our group >still can't understand, but eventually move on present day >still having casual sex >still lonely at night >still haven't had a significant other I have never felt more empty in my life, /b/.
>>713414259 I am a graphic designer living in an unstable part of Asia, believe me when I say I can also relate with your situation. I'm too pussy to kill myself conventionally, I can always ask for morphine to overdose or eat this poisionous plant that grows everywhere here.
However, happiness doesn't exist in my religion. We are taught that everything is an illusion from a young age, thats why my people seem humorless or cold to the average outsider. So I am not going to tell you to cheer up or try to stay alive, because the illusion that is life is how you shape it to be - down to the small details like what you choose to eat, who you choose to be with and where you choose to do your everyday things anon
>>713425094 No. I'm saying we get edgy 14 year old girls saying they're depressed and want to kill themselves, and we still listen and help. You're another human on the line, miserable. Or in the office or wherever. We don't give a fuck if it's retarded or, indeed, on the spectrum
I have a question for anyone who can answer: I have been to a therapist and he diagnosed me with a case of clinical depression. He says though, that because I don't show enough signs that I shouldn't be worried. The thing is though, is the signs he was talking about is the things I hide on purpose. I make jokes and stupid remarks to get a laugh as a coping mechanism for a constant feeling of dread (and I am being serious when I say constant, no hylerbolies).
So here's my question: how do I convince the people around me that I'm not ok. Every time I try to tell them subtly they think it's a joke, and I'm stuck. It's made me so afraid of being judged because of it I am unable to ask for help. So if any anons want to throw their hat I into the ring I am looking out for 'em.
>Be me 13 years old >Playing video games not giving a shit about anything >My 11 year old cousin came over >He had always been there for me >I said fuck off and he hanged with twin bro instead > Then he left to meet his father > He said bye > I said k > Last Time i saw him
My cousin got murderd by his own father in a extended suicide, It mentally fucked me up. And i never got the chance to say good bye
I dont know what to say I'm not good at talking. All I know is I need help badly. I went through 5 different types of pills i took each one for over a month. The last ones seemed to make it way worse early today I had a knife to my wrist standing out side in -20c unable to move. I'm in unbearable pain everyday and I dont know what to do.
>>713425358 it isnt probably good thing to say, but why tell other people about it? most likely they dont understand, think you are weird or something. maybe its just that i dont know what its like to trust somebody, maybe trusting is normal for other people. honestly dont know. but i understand your issue, i'm dealing with same problem sending good vibes to you anon
My 2 friends of 6 years always forget my birthday and I alays buy them. Gifts but they always skip out on even saying anything the friend I had from middle school is the only person to ever say anything ... I wish I choose friends more wisly
>be me >be schizo >be on /b/ like 10 hours straight >I actually beat suicidal thoughts and I feel semi-normal maybe because sleep deprivation >dont wanna go to sleep anymore anyone pls create hungergames thread, love those
I try to be nice to people because I don't want to be enemy's with anyone but but still manage to get made fun of when all I do is stay quiet and do what I'm supposed always get made fun of at work by customers and coworkers and people I talk to all I do is act edgy because I'm not funny and I can't talk to people like a normal person does
I have everything I could ever want, compared to you /b/rothers. I had this lovely girlfriend that would care for me every single day, but I didn't care at all. I have lots of friends, but I don't care about them. I have a lovely family which is open to help me with everything, but still, I don't care. Everything feels sloppy, I can't enjoy sex, drugs, alcohol, friends, anything. All feels, empty. Its like I don't know who I am, or who I want to be, my body feels like an empty shell. somebody feels me? please /b/ don't let me alone.
Just got a phone call today saying my dad was in the er my mom always hated my dad so when I found out she said she was glad and well we fought and now I'm questioning even living anymore because i have nothing going for me and i really don't wanna deal with anymore shit
So, my mom just told me why I never met my dad. Turns out, my mom was raped at 17 and had me. I'm 24, married with a child on the way and I have absolutely no idea how to process this. I feel like everything I've ever done and everybody I ever met is somehow tainted. I wish I never asked.
I love my girlfriend completely. It's just she's a flaming prude. She's refuses most sexual contact I have with her, but she'll still give me handjobs and shit like that. She says it won't always be this way, but she just doesn't want it right now. It's fine, I get it. But she also shuts down any sexual talk over text and will not send a nude no matter fucking what.
I'm just a guy who needs to feel some kind of sexual affection, I don't even want to cheat or anything like that. So I tried to catfish a chick, and we hit it off great as fucking FRIENDS and there's no sexual spark at all. It's pretty much equal to the amount of Scoville units a pickle gets. She really likes me, and I tried to get those subtle advances in there, but she just ignores it.
I'm just sick and tired and deprived, I don't understand why I'm not allowed to have one thing I really want. There was this one obese chick from back in highschool who's always been hungry for my dick, so I'm almost mentally stooping low enough to hit her up. But I bet you at this rate she'll probably even turn me down.
I'm not even a fucking creep. I'm in great shape, I'm actually attractive, and I'd like to think I have a good personality (but now I'm second guessing myself there since apparently I can't spark a sexual conversation anymore.) And the worst part is some people are probably going to tell me I'm complaining about nothing but this has been practically frying my brain for the past several months.
I'm still not over someone I only dated for 3 months and we've been broken up for at least 6 months. I almost lost all my friends because of my depression, I rely on Chewing Tobacco and anti-depressants to get me through the day. I have to see her everyday in class. She broke my heart and doesn't even care. She told me she loved me, that I was the best. I guess it was just a lie. I don't even have any motivation to talk to any other girls. I have no motivation to do anything. I've thought about killing myself, but i think it's a selfish thing, so I'll never do it. Just had to get it off my chest.
You looking over i guess I should consider myself lucky as I really don't have any problems just minor issues that are easily fixed so anons hang in there there's only so low you could go but no limit to how high you can climb
>>713404655 I usually really enjoy drawing, but I keep it to myself because in general I am very afraid of rejection, and I have a pretty fragile self esteem. I recently told a friend about my drawing, a friend who I admittedly am infatuated by, but since then I'm struggling to draw because I don't want to make something that isn't of the best quality. I have something that I'm working on but I'm afraid to fuck it up, I hate feeling the pressure from someone who I'm sure would be kind regardless of what I make. How do you push yourself to create something when you're afraid of the criticism?
>>713439568 I guess my problem is the same as my emotion, I hoard everything for fear of disapproval. Any chance you'll post something you'be drawn? It would be nice to see. The only place I can find any solace from myself is here, because it's safe here in the anonyminity.
I hate everything about myself and my life. I'm fucking up in school, I'm a complete failure with women, and I have no discernable talent. I don't want to tell anyone that I feel fucking worthless because I don't want to feel like a burden or for people to feel sorry for me. I want to fix things but I feel so overwhelmed by everything at all times that I just freeze and do absolutely nothing.
>be me >youngest of 4 children >father town drunk >mother beat the fuck out of us >oldest sister left home years ago and nobody has heard much from her since >second oldest is a recovering heroine addict who stole from me and also beat me >she has a daughter now and is trying to get her life back together >all I can see is what she's done in life and hate her for it >don't even like talking to her kid >third oldest sister is also an ex-addict >she went to medical school, had a son, mildly successful >she acts childish and blames our parents for everything wrong with her life >has called me up crying about our childhood on multiple occasions >I don't feel anything for these people anymore, and I wouldn't care if any of them were gone >family considers me the well adjusted one >Collect porno mags and dildos to deter myself from killing myself through shear fear of them being found
>>713442557 You can't reverse the things that happened to you, all you can do is try to move past them, and to see the people in your life for who they are now. Your sisters dealt with it in the ways that they could, and you need to do the same. If that means disconnecting from them and your family then so be it, if you need to throw rocks at the moon and yell till you're tired then fine. But do not ever admit defeat, and don't ever let the burdens of other people overshadow you. It sounds like you have already, so you need to prioritize yourself and take care of yourself so you can be present for the people you choose to have in your life.
I feel the worst that I ever have in a long time. In fact, this is my first time visiting and posting on this board.
I'm typically the type who is bursting with confidence, security and general happiness, and most of that is still no different. The confidence has not left me, nor has the security, but I have the biggest sinking pit in my stomach as I type this.
I fucked up with a girl who means the world to me and is probably the best match I've ever encountered in my 19 years on this Earth. Everything clicks, we get along brilliantly, she's gorgeous, everything's perfect.
Several months ago, this was all still going strong, but I didn't have any intentions of dating her because of complications with my job and schooling. Little did I know she had massive feelings for me that she suppressed because she was nervous about how I'd react and whether it'd damage our immaculate friendship.
Fast forward to now, and she's slowly growing more attached to someone who pales in comparison to what I could provide for her. Our conversations aren't as lively, and I feel as if the apocalypse comes nearer with every message she sends.
I don't want to come across as some jealous bastard, nor do I want to hurt her in any way because I genuinely do care for her, but god have I missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime. I want to die
>>713443576 I'm literally going through the exact same shit man, she actually doesn't even text me back anymore. It just makes you wish you could go back in time and say it to her, rather than saying it now and seeming desperate.
Well I guess I'll post my pathetic fucking life since it's not like I have anything else to do.
>be me >19 years old >moved into my first apartment this year in June >lined up a bunch of jobs while I was living in the college town but I had to go home for a month before I could move in >all of the jobs fell through and no one was hiring >I had no money for food and barely enough to pay my rent >the only future income I had was my student loans in August >I had to make it for 2 months with no money >started getting really paranoid >hearing voices and seeing things >I would talk to myself out loud in public about fucking weird shit like aliens and the government >I'd take the free buses in town to the grocery store with my backpack >probably stole $50 worth of groceries over the entire summer >mostly rice and chicken or canned food >every time I'd check the food bank it would be empty because everyone leaves during the summer since it's a college town >still feel like a piece of fucking shit for stealing >wanted to kill myself constantly and I made several detailed suicide notes because I stopped sleeping and I had nothing else to do besides apply for jobs I knew I wouldn't get >probably spent at least half of those two months going without sleep or barely sleeping at all >finally went and saw the free campus therapist around the middle of July >diagnosed with Bipolar I >great I'm fucking insane >start taking Lamictol >turns out I'm allergic, I got nasty rashes all over my arms, legs, and stomach and my throat started to swell up >called a taxi instead of an ambulance because I'm poor >doctor said I need to buy some Benadryl and it'll go away >fucking $120 medical bill just for that >paranoia takes over and I assume the government is poisoning me >now I realized it was just mania >classes start and I'm failing almost all of them >I crashed into depression and now I can barely shower or get out of bed >stop going to therapy until the end of October >now I take Lithium
Drop out and take some time to collect yourself, regardless of what your circumstances are. It may seem as if everyone is rushing through life as quickly as humanly possible, but you must realize you've got plenty of time to go through these motions as well and it doesn't reflect poorly on you to take a different path because of your material conditions and mental health.
>the Lithium helps but I just started taking it >I just want to feel normal >if I fail my classes this semester I'm going to drop out because I don't want to repeat them and I'm constantly stressed out >my degree is worthless anyways I just wanted to learn how it works because I would like to be a professional musician or sound technician >now I live in constant fear of my student loans and I will only take out more if I don't have to repeat anything >if I drop out of music school my family will be even more disappointed in me than they already are but I stopped caring >I'll just end up in a loony bin anyways >my life as an adult is still better than it was when I was living between my mom and dad's houses in a shitty redneck town >I just want to get a job so I can buy a house and work at a fast food place or something for the rest of my life >maybe I'll just blow my brains out >the only reason I'm alive is because of my friends and my younger brother >maybe things will be okay >probably not
I think I'm going to drop out. If my grades improve my degree will be much easier next semester but so far this year has been terrible. Thank you, I think I might take a break. I don't know how much more I can handle.
>be me, a few years ago, about 14 >Me, my sister, and my parents fly to California for a few days to visit my grandparents >Me and my sister in the hotel room, doing whatever, watching TV and ordering room service >One night, my parents are out drinking with my grandma >Grandpa doesn't drink because of bad liver or something >Eventually we get a knock at our hotel room door >My grandpa and an officer are standing there, grandpa in tears >Officer tells me that my grandma and both of my parents died in a car crash a few miles away >I'm 18 now, my sister is 15 >Cry almost every day
There's absolutely nothing wrong with acting for yourself and I think removing what is, by my perception, a huge source of stress in your life is a good first step to take.
My closest friend is schizoaffective and was in hell 5 years ago, today he is engaged and living what is on all accounts a successful and promising life. That anecdote might be useless to you now, but you're not in an impossible position.
Long story short Date this broad for a couple years Valentines day last year She dumped my so she could ho around for the summer >>didnt see it coming >>depression >> shes absolutely fine and moved on >>Literally went from talking everyday to never hearing from her agian
Tried moving on >>only left me feeling more empty inside.
>>713445103 Take it from someone who is a serial friend abandoner, odds are it isn't your fault at all. Some people get so scared at the thought of being close to them that they look at their friends under a microscope just to find something they don't like so they can pull away. It's entirely possible that you have done nothing, it hurts but it may be some help to understand why.
>>713445881 Thanks, anon. I think if I end up doing alright on the final and I don't fail my main classes I'll go on to the next semester but I won't be able to continue my degree if I have to repeat this year.
Hearing about your friend is helpful, I think with enough treatment I can deal with my illness but right now it's just too much to handle. Thanks.
i want to text her i know she misses me too , misses me and loves me but if i text her what would it change ? im stuck between if its meant to be it will be but also if i want to get it go get it. But i also think if she wanted me she would text me too but what if she is thinking the same thing hoping to see me text her first her bday is coming up soon i dont want to text her and ruin her bday but its so hard to fight the urge to not text her
>>713446050 Of course. I wouldn't mind staying in prolonged contact with you if you've got some kind of non-personal method of communication. Your skype or telegram or anything like that could be worth sharing?
Yeah, I did that. Well, the big thing is to practice. I've practiced conventional art seriously for about a year. If you want to get into digital, get a half-decent drawing tablet. Mine's a piece of crap.
Look at things. Find the lines, the curves in them. Watch movies, read comic books... find what you like, and copy it. The first picture I posted, the ninja, is what's called a gesture drawing. It focuses mainly on the kinetic form rather than shape and shadow.
I also strongly recommend this site: http://drawabox.com/
>>713435207 with my gf for 3 yrs now. Same as you no nude no nothing. Actually worse than you not even handjobs. Zip. Nothing. I felt bad, still do. Im in a pretty good shape too, but i live in a place where young adults like me dont have sex. Its tough, especially when you are in love with someone and all your sexual energy is concentrated on that person. I've found out something useful recently though. I found out a rather beautiful pornstar. Tried my best to fall in love with her and concentrate my sexual energy there. Fap is getting better. Its pretty good. You should try it. #stayBeta
>>713446910 Yeah I fap every day anyways. It's just I need sexual attention. Like the feeling of someone being sexually attracted or wanting me sexually. In a way, it makes me feel like no one wants me.
Maybe if I get into those videos where the girl talks to the watcher all cheesily, but I highly doubt I can bear that
>Too depressed to work >Legit get panic attacks and shit when I think of filling out applications >Live with parents, they take care of me >Can't get healthcare without working >Need healthcare to get the pills that will make me feel better >Dad brings home applications for me every couple weeks >Can't even look at them >I know they resent me >No one to talk to >Suicidal as fuck >Don't want to be more of a burden on my family >Know it will destroy them if I died >They do everything for me, and if I killed myself they would think it wasn't enough
>broke up with gf of 5years >doesnt want to find love >find it with a close friend of ex and mine >she digs me and I dig her >2afraid to ask out so I don't end up fucking up this friendship anyone else would of been ok if they rejected me why did I fall for a close friend
>>713447527 "in a way it makes me feel like no one want me" very true anon. I feel the same way. To make matters worse, i dont have any friends and i spend all my time alone and that makes me think too much and i always end up feeling sad. The trick is to not think too much about her, i know, easier said than done. Try to focus more on your life, if thats possible. For me i do that pornstar love thing and i also concentrate alot on my gym workout. Reliefs the pressure alot. And i try to spend most of my time on memes and not thinking about her
>>713446489 Honestly I'm pretty on and off about drawing, but husbando got me an iPad and pen to draw with so I feel compelled to do so. I have all the materials and none of the inspiration, which you are currently providing. You have lovely art though, for what it's worth. I think I'll push on when in sober again, both for me and the guy I'm trying to impress.
>Mom died 21 Jan. 2016 >Been sick for a while, always hoped she'd get better >I was away at Uni instead of by her side >Great way to start the fucking year >Can't focus in class any more, not that I did too well in first semester anyways >Weeks of missing school, still go to labs even though I keep messing up >Write a letter to her and burn it up by the beach, break down crying >Oddball of the family, only really ever was close to her so little support >'Friends' don't bother to care after first few days of sending condolences >Summer spent doing nothing of value, just sitting around being a NEET >Decide to get better, start taking antidepressants >Starts to work for a short while. Do okay even though I'm still in first year standing. >Forget to take it one day, literally can't sleep. >Life begins to crumble day by day, to point where I haven't been to class in weeks >Present day, exams in a week and I don't know shit. May kill myself if I'm stuck in first year the third time around.
Call your mom or dad or someone you love before they're gone anons.
>>713447899 Listen, none of it is your fault. Adulthood is a fucked up life to get used to. But that's just it, you get used to it.
Jumping into adulthood, especially in ways like filling out applications and even working your first job, it's like jumping into a freezing cold pool. That doesn't sound appealing at ALL. Quite the opposite actually. But everyone else is down there in the water already. You know you and everyone else would be happier if you were in there, but you're nervous about the act of jumping, the freezing cold water below, the fear of failing. But at some point, you have to essentially cut your brain off from thinking and jump in, because it's all this overthinking that is keeping you from it in the first place. It's like you're overriding your brain and going against your inner will. If you can pick up what I'm putting down. You have to jolt your body to work against your logic, against common sense. So basically you kind of have to train yourself to just stop thinking altogether at times.
I find that the key to doing things... is to not think about them. If I can get myself to do it before I second-guess myself, or before the voices tell me it's wrong, I can see it through to completion.
Good luck! And for what it's worth, this random stranger on the internet believes in you.
>>713448675 I thank you my friend. Usually my ideas start out like that, then falter when I take them seriously and I get frustrated at a lack of skill This is what I have so far, I love it and I'm so scared of fucking it up.
>>713449344 I feel like you draw with a confidence that I lack, which is why I really like what you have. It looks true, and it looks natural. That's the only thing I've drawn in years that feels right because it's how I feel. I've got a name for it already, Shield, but I'm so afraid of messing it up for myself and for the people I want to see it and feel what I feel.
>>713448565 I'm 21. I've had jobs before, so I have been right down in the water.
I had my first hospital visit because I messed something stupid up at work. I worked at a bookstore and stacked some books wrong, and my manager kept making me restack them.
I went home that night and cut myself for the first (and only) time. I don't even know why I did it, I just needed to feel something other than crushing despair. If I can't even stack some fucking books the right way, what hope is there for me?
Writing it out makes it sound even more stupid, I hate this.
Hah, I have no confidence in my art. That last guy's hand was all fucked up. I've had a couple of drawings that I've left half finished because I didn't want to ruin them, but now... that seems even worse. It's worse to leave something beautiful undone than to finish it and have it end up imperfect.
You have to at least try.
Shield looks badass, by the way. Love the spikes, the neck, the hollow chest... it's beautiful, but scary.
>>713449667 I'm sorry that you don't have confidence in your artz If it means anything I think it's wonderful, and it's raw, and it feels right to look at. Unfinished drawings are nothing to be ashamed of, they're the purest for of your inspiration. It's perfect in its own way. I'm glad you like Shield. In a way it represents everything I've been blocking out, maybe that's why it's my baby right now. The vulnerability of a tiny creature who generates and hides inside something horrific.
>>713423102 Are you me? This is actually really close to what I went through. I was even on the cross country team. Except... I started switching schools since third grade. I made quite a bit of friends that genuinely missed me after I left that new school in 4th grade. Fifth grade I met a qt3.14 and she had an on off relationship with me. It ended not too long ago, in August. 7 years... Fuck. Now I'm depressed and just browsing /b/.
>>713450075 ((underpressure)) I can only perform between the hours of my first drink and third drink but I hope to god I can finish this because it's my precious brainchild and I don't want it to be aborted.
>>713449486 It's not stupid at all anon. It wasn't even the books you were upset about, looking at it. You felt hopeless, stupid, embarrassed and degraded. Maybe a combination of things bothering you from previous experiences that flared up because of this.
But it's important for you to know that you aren't hopeless, you aren't stupid, and you aren't degraded or seen as "low" in anyone's eyes (anyone important anyways).
I know this is probably the cliche dad speech sort of thing, but EVERYbody makes those sort of mistakes. I'm sure your manager's probably even done it at some point too. You can only do what you know, and you just simply didn't know it at the time. Now that you made that mistake, you're less likely to do it now that you know. A good portion of life itself is making mistakes, then feeling stupid, and the impact that had on you will lead to you not making that mistake again. The only one who thinks you're "stupid" is you, so drop the overthinking and look at the big picture here.
And the whole cutting thing, I get that too. Your emotions always come to a head. You're learning in this area too; this time with how to respond to these kind of failures. But there's a difference between failing and being a failure. The people who are in high positions and have lots of experience are people who have failed a SHIT ton and coped and learned from it. The people who are living in a lull and go nowhere in life are people who failed a few times and said "fuck this I can't do it"- those are the failures.
I am the guy who post things in my dick 2 time a year on here.
It was my birthday Oct 7 , On my birthday both my Mom and Girlfriend Both had mental breakdowns for stress and anxiety. On the 17 of October, my mom was hospitalized, she had terminal cancer. A week later I was expecting my Pokemon cards I ordered for my birthday to show up( Mom paid for me to order them) Sometime after my neighbour that I was arguing with stole my mail as an act of revenge for calling the cops on her. She left a tag of a Pikachu Magicarp Cosplay Plush tag on my doorstep as some kind of omen. (She was noisy and beat her puppy because she was not letting it out so it was shitting in her apartment ) On November 23rd I found my moms body in her apartment. She took pain killers for her cancer but took a few too many and her heart stopped working, and she fell asleep pain free. She died alone, we didnt get a chance to record her stories like vlogs,. for her children, Its been a bad 6 weeks.
>>713449486 Level with your parents about how badly you need psychiatric help before you can work. You won't be able to make anything in your life work until you get out from under this crushing anxiety and depression.
There are ways you can get expensive psych meds without having medical insurance. A doctor can give you free samples, some of the pharma companies will give people meds for free if they need them and can't afford them, or you can go to a public mental health clinic if your parents can't or won't put you on their insurance.
Some people need psych meds to get to the same baseline other people start at. It sounds like you're one of them.
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