>>694839269 never underestimate the power of long distance relationships.
im in my 2nd year with one, frequent visits yes, but at first i thought she hated me. deadass was convinced she was so uninterested, but i kept trying my luck and she told me further into our relationship she had feelings for me too. its very hard nonnie, sorry ur goin through it too :/ but keep trying your luck, and having a mutual friend with her helps a ton.
>>694838288 I have this girl 2500km away who is crazy about me but long distance relationships with her havent worked in the past. After getting back together and breaking up every couple months for about 3 years, I have 2 years to get my feels in check and stop thinking about this girl, which was hard to do because shes really attractive and she really seems to like me. I dunno, I feel like if I let this opportunity pass I may never find someone better than her that would be into me. Anyways about 2 weeks ago she emailed me saying she misses me and I instantly go back into feels mode. I still havent replied and dont know what to do.
>>694842230 im the same man, it takes one word or one call to get me sucked back in and im fucked all over again.
the only thing i might be able to offer is that age old saying; it gets better. if youre in this much turmoil over her, maybe those words are the best help, because it certainly will get better, like one day you just suddenly pull yourself out of bed with more enthusiasm, you do more and arent in such a depressive state anymore, however if you feel like it could work id say go for it and push it this time, dont let the same thing happen again. maybe put it into perspective, its now or never with her yknow? no more second chances
>>694842527 Im in the US but i was homeschooled. I dont have any friends, no way to really make any. Im just that weird gamer anime guy that sits on his PC all day. Nobody would wanna hang out with me anyway if i tried.
>>694838288 Two months ago I told my now ex girl friend in a drunken meltdown that I was dealing with severe undiagnosied depression, and three days before our senior prom I wrote a suicide note, albeit I had no intention of following through with it. I now feel completely empty inside. She could always make me feel better. I can't believe anyone even knows about my depression now. I was extremely good at hiding it and for it to be out in the open is too much to deal with. I don't know why I get up each morning.
That I will never be on another planet in my lifetime and I will die just before space travel becomes common place (if humanity doesn't fucking nuke itself to shit) and how I was born just to early for me to be able to it enjoy it, I think of it every time I look up in the sky at night, Another thing I think about is how advanced humans could be if we put aside all of the petty wars and shit but we allow ourselves to get cucked by big corporations ran by people who will be dead in 10 years.
>>694842884 >save sheks >travel anywhere outside the us >slay all the foriegn pussy because in Kazakhstan they like white benis >meh no friends but at least you showed the vietnamese that america still owns them
Do this: 1). Turn off all your lights. 2.) Light a dim candle/turn on a dim light. 3.) Go to Spotify and search for the album Dead Words Speak by a band called Doom:VS. 4.) Play this album through something that has good bass, you want this to be the definition of atmospheric, you have to feel the music in your chest. 5.) Just fucking listen to it, maybe rear lyrics to some of it. Let everything out, get fucked up. 6.) Wake up feeling better.
Just let it all out, don't hold back. You'll feel better /b/ros.
I dated this girl for over 2 years and was completely in love with her. After a while she told me she didn't feel the same anymore and broke it off. It's been almost a year and I can't stop thinking about her everyday. Don't know what to do with myself tbh.
>>694849653 I dated this girl for over 2 years and was completely in love with her. After a while she told me she didn't feel the same anymore and broke it off. It's been almost a month and I can't stop thinking about her everyday. I know I'll be the same in 2 years.
>dating someone >you like them, maybe love them, but nothing extreme >they however are completely in love with you >break up eventually because reasons >love being able to chase a girl and make them feel good >but never again feel as loved as you did before
is that a thing? i think its the thing im feelsing right now. i sent my ex an email about it. there is something to be said about being appreciated, being loved. knowing someone cares that much, even if its not reciprocated, just feels good.
>Have thing with qt girl at work >Always flirt >Ask her out for a drink >Make out after >This goes on for a month >One night after a couple of drinks she tells me she would have sex with me >Never have convenient time/ place to do it >We both live with parents >Start to get feels for her >Go hiking one day >Sitting on a romantic spot >Wanna be my gf? >No, I don't have my shit together. It's really not you, it's me. I'm not ready. Sorry. >Starts ignoring my texts >Well fuck, it's definitely me >Stop talking to her at work It's been a couple of weeks after that and today I found out she now has a boyfriend. I'm not ugly or boring or too mean or too nice. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm gonna start being a complete ass to all girls. Idc anymore.
>>694847077 Don't worry about her. She'll go back to fucking the side nigger she has, as soon as you're dead. Nobody will show up to your funeral because you'll be forgotten so stop worrying you little bitch
>>694850487 Yeah dude! I had this 4/10 gf who loved me so much. Like she was obsessed with me. When I left for college, I broke up with her and she tried killing herself. Anyway, now that I'm almost done with college, I wish I could find someone like that again. But I can't. And she totally hates me now. So I'm fucked.
>>694847077 You think? If a doctor hasn't told you the magic words, there's no need to worry. If you do have cancer, however, your family, friends and girlfriend should be there to help you beat it. Don't expect much from anyone, though. People can be really fucked up. Such as this guy: >>694850835
I am about to lose everything because i am crippled and they wont approve disability for me. I have 9 damaged discs and 11 damaged vertabrae from a car accident that was declared no fault on my end. None of my friends want to spend time with me, and the girl i love doesnt want to be with me anymore because i cant work or do as much as i used to. Almost out of catfood, and i have only a few slices of pizza from a friends birthday. But i do have a shotgun
>>694851449 If you really hated it, you wouldn't be so antisocial. Or annoying? Or racist? You really just gotta be fake to get along with everybody. So idk why you want to have many friends. Having a few good friends is way better.
my girl was definitely hotter and definitely not as.. obsessed. I thought she was obsessed but looking back she just genuinely cared. not enough to suicide she wasn't dumb or anyhting. she just... loved me more than i realized or cared.
i miss that sense of knowing that whatever you're doing, someone is loving it.
I get a similar vibe from my boss now though so its comforting in a different way.
>>694838288 What got me down? Nobody will use my info on amazon... I found a loophole through amazon and would appreciate if you /b/ros helped me spend a shit ton of money Credit card number: 4266 8413 7648 6872 Expiration: 08/17 Holder: sebastian toczsk You can only use amazon, so I'm not giving out my security code.
I'm quite certain I suffer from dyslexia, psychosis, manic depression/major depression, and possibly antisocial personality disorder.
I meet 95% of the symptoms for all of the above. I hate my job, I hate pretty much everyone/disregard their existence, I'm extremely quick to anger/aggression. I have what I'd call a very limited range of emotion. Happy isn't something I ever am. Major life events never trigger any real emotion for me as I'm just undergoing the "to-do list" that every human is expected to. I am single, have no children, work at Wal-Mart and have virtually no money. The little I did have got stolen two days ago. I can NEVER catch a break.
I dunno /b/, anyone care to go all psychfag on me?
theres a reason those tests say not to self diagnose. its an excuse cocktail.
>i hate my job
so do most people. get a new one
>i hate people
you only hate yourself.
>i have a limited range of emotion
no, you have a limited desire to do anything.
>major life events never trigger emotion for me >except for how i obsess over how i just 'cant catch a break' despite being better off than the rest of the world.
i get it. the universe can be oddly awful for something people claim is indifferent to us.
This year I had brain damage, my father dropped me, I got attacked by my lyft driver, got bronchitis and lost my friends. throw in the gf leaving me after the brain damage diagnosis and its been one tough year.
and im allowed to be sad about it. and you're allowed to be sad about whats happened to you.
the difference is that I'm willing to work past these thigns that are over and try to be happy. you have decided that the universe will never let you be happy. the entire universe has worked to make you as comfortable in life as you are, yet do nothing with it.
Do youreally want to bet your life that was predestined?
dont catch a break. make a break. people have been managing to have fun in the shittiest situations ever. you can certainly find ways to have fun on the way to your endgoals.
the native americans had a spirit totem for the bobcat. those born under its guidance were meant to learn how to be alone without being lonely. this isnt to say that they were hermits, or perma single or anything like that. just that they needed a special appreciation for themselves that others may not experience.
>>694838288 >Fell in love with girl back in 2007 >Had our one night stands for a few years >wanted more >She moved >Went on dating other people >She moved back in with her mom in 2008 as she just had a kid and the father was a dead beat >Currently finishing last year in College >Says we should celebrate my graduation with drinks >agree and again a one night stand happens >She calls me the next day and asks to go for dinner >Agree as I had nothing better to do >Another night with her >Hopes set high >Ask her if we could possibly work together this time >She agrees >I'm over the fuckin' moon >Everything is fine until October of 2012 >Find a box of Magnums sitting on a shelf at her/her mothers house >Figure its her mothers because she likes to sleep around, and their obviously not mine as I'm white >Ignore it >Go grocery shopping one day and ask her if she'd like to walk to the market with her daughter >Everything was awesome until we got to her place after and I realized I didn't have a lighter So asked her for a lighter that was when I seen another condom (This time one that would fit) but it was out of place as we've only used one once in the entire time we've been dating >Brush it off don't want to seem too possessive >Talk to friends tell them I think she's cheating >No Anon You're just paranoid >Okaylol.jpeg >In one of the texts she sent she asked "Can I ask you a question" >I seen no harm in it >"Do you know what an escort is?" >ALL MY FUCKS >"Yeah, a classy way of saying prostitute" >she told me to come over later so we could talk >Go to her house >Fuck >So why did you ask me if I knew what an escort was? >I dunno >Umm... were you thinking about becoming one? >I dunno >Okay... Have you been propositioned >I dunno >Are you a fuckin' escort!? >Yes >Completely lose shit think of how many dicks have been in her >"Do you fuck 'em all" >"Not all of them" >DA FUCK!
To both of you anons, I dated a girl for 2 years as well. When we broke up it was a train-wreck. It's been four years and I have a new GF. There are times I still think about her. But I know deep down inside it's best to never actually be with someone you are completely crazy over. It sounds tough now but we are men, our ancestors had to go through much worse things. We are strong if we just pull through. Guard your heart very tight, there is always more women out there. My current girlfriend of 1 year and I met over CS:GO. We saw each other many times in person and now live together. It's surprising but you will meet someone. I'm much happier now but I know I loved my previous girlfriend just as much. Don't treat life like a fairy tale and be a man. Beast of luck anons
>>694856187 Definitely food for thought on that, I'll remember that.
It feels as if I'm not good enough for anyone. Too young, too ambitious, or something that is a turn off. I think my issue is that I fall head over heel too fast for people who don't reciprocate it. I may not have found the right one.
>>694856846 Hang in there anon. I've been through some of the worst shit possible. I've beaten cancer and am still paying the medical bills. My girlfriend left me because she thought I was going to die. At least I'm alive.
seems to me you made the decision to be alone. not come to the realization that you will be.
you have decided that all these people who simply enjoy another persons company despite their many many many many many horrible flaws are allowed to, but you are simply in capable of finding a partner within your level on the playing field.
self improvement is important, but next time you want to approach someone, approach them.
then at the end of it ask yourself this >do they seem to enjoy you?
if yes, notihng else matters. if unsure, keep at it til they decide they have enough and remove themselves from your life.
you are not under any obligation to shield people from you doing what everyone else does.
>We dated for a few months longer >Every time she touched me I would jump, and it wasn't on purpose >I tried to make it work but it couldn't and wouldn't >I walked away from her, still having stupid fuckin feelings for her. >Almost 2 years later >Have been on countless first dates >Haven't kissed, fucked, or done anything sexual >Think I'm fucking broken >Seek medical help >Diagnosed with Manic Depressive Disorder >Great give me pills >Things going great meet another girl >Start to develop weird bouts of paranoia >Go back to doctor >They claim its nothing >Continue to date this girl >Really enjoying my time with her >See myself being in a stable long term relationship with her >Paranoia sets in >Somethings going to happen >I have to leave her >Stop texting her >Stop texting friends >Just go to work and come home >Go back to doctors as I can't deal living this way >Diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder >Years go by and I'm still in the same position (I do talk to my friends again) >MFW I don't know where the fuck I went wrong, or how I went wrong.
I met a girl off of OKcupid and we had a great first date. We got coffee, walked around and talked for what seemed like hours and then we made out and I drove her home. Scheduled a second date and she stood me up. It's the first real date I've had in over a year and it just ended like that. I should have not gotten my my hopes up or expected something good to come out of it
>>694857131 I think you're right. Maybe I have accepted to be alone. That everyone can be happy with their partners, and I'm always the one alone. Perhaps it's that plus being reclusive that makes it hard for me to find someone. I'm a bit intoxicated so bear with me.
>>694857674 Indeed, inspiration keeps me moving forward. Once I reached the point where I realized I can't control everything in my life doesn't mean I shouldn't try to change any outcomes at all is when my life started to matter for me.
The thing is, i've been finding it difficult to find any value in my life for a while now. I had a light in my life whilst I was in love. But that light left me and now, I don't know why i'm bothering to go on. I am aware im saying this to a cancer survivor, your take and perspective on your life is going to be vastly different to my own. But, thats the truth. With no one to love like I did I am finding it difficult to value myself. I've tried dating others but i've felt, disconnected or detached. I've been able to use the words that made people think I liked them, go through the actions and theatre but through all of it I felt nothing.
>you're right! >no... wait... never mind im 'destined' to be alone
stop that. if you want to be alone, be alone. if you want to be in the mix, go be in the mix
>BUT IM A RECLUSE
clearly you are not if you yearn for such relationships. a lot of people like to post
>im an introvert >why even live
they dont realize that what they really are is an extrovert who got stuck in an introvert lifestyle. if you want to date, make friends, etc. go do it. the bars and clubs are not the only option, far from it.
Whats got me down? The flat plain of my life. The fact that I have 20+ friends that i can sit inside of a room with all laughing and still want to kill myself. Having a beautiful wife and being hit on all the time but i still feel ugly. Hating myself and everyone around me. The fact that people care about me killing myself alot more than i do. The knowledge that my parents are soon to die. The list goes on.
glad I could help man. I was very lsot in my loneliness and was having lots of dreams or large cats. i googled around til i saw some that matched then just researched. its very interesting and I think it helped shape my outlook on life until I was able to find a proper spiritual mentor.
>>694858150 This is going to sound clitche' as all hell but you must first learn to truly love yourself completely before you can ever be ready for the feels life will through at you. Focus on your dreams, your goals. If you don't have any make some and make them happen. When you start achieving some of those goals you'll feel proud of yourself and notice new women with much bigger hearts be willing to be by your side every step of the way. If a girl leaves you, make it her loss not yours.
>>694853575 > this fuckface is so brainwashed into thinking most of this happens in real life > after the first one, most people never fall in love as hard, you always worry about the incoming betrayal > secret admirers are stupid highschool bullshit, secret admiration in men is for beta-males > describes something that happens more in anime than in real life. > most people have little to no opinion of most things. > sandwiches are delicious, i prefer them to humans.
Well said, my current goal in life is to do my best to achieve my goals and help as many other people achieve theirs along the way. Maybe my goals won't be achieve or might not make a difference. Maybe helping others achieve theirs might bring about the next great leader or step forward for humanity. Or at least one in he right direction.
If people really want to realize how little they mattered all they would have to do is compare the size of earth to the universe. It is my personal opinion that as long as energy isn't being wasted it has contributed something to the complete cycle of space and time.
Not to be all hippy, but time isn't linear. So everything that has happened, is happening and will happen all coexists simultaneously. Whatever shall be shall be. I just want to make sure my mark is something that might not be remembered but will help others reach farther than even I.
if you can trust my insight enough to say that was somewaht accurate, than please trust my advice.
you are already worthy of some level of love. sit down and write a list of everything you like about you. old memories, little things, the weird shape of your nose, anything you enjoyed for any reason at all.
keep that list. add to it. or just read it once in awhile but keep it.
then the next day you take a bunch of scraps of paper. on each piece write something you dont like about yourself. then go through it. think about if its something YOU dont like, or if its something others dont like but ur okay with.
if you truly dont like it, write it on a new list, and use that list to plan your changes over the next several months.
if you can live with it, accept it, understand it, then tear it up and forget about it.
start there. just dont be afraid to approach people. if they dont want you there they will make it apparent at some point. you are not responsible for their happiness. only yours. so work towards that.
and as for being a recluse, just externalize your hobby. Pokemon GO as proven that no matter waht your itnerest, there are ways to talk about it.
reading books seems solitary, but you can easily make friends with the same literary interests. i go to anime parties to meet other nerds. im not even a big anime fan, they just tend to be in to the more hardcore obscure nerdisms and more accepting of mine and make good friends.
spirituality isn't that much different from philosophy, at least in my experience. i think the key is nto to go looking for it, but to simply live your life the best you can and take those lessons wherever you find them.
I tried really hard to have a mentor because of how certain shows kinda hyped up that kind of relationship. buffy, scrubs, etc.
however i mostly found egotistical people wanting to stroke said ego, meet once a month to talk about stupid stuff, and it just sucked.
but then i got a job and my boss sorta 'fell' into that position, and thats kinda just how the world works.
we dont seem to choose our father figures any more than we choose our fathers.
>>694858941 > prepares for failure > fails im heading to bed, ive experienced allot of shit, would go back and stay alone if id known, i stand by my words on secret admirers and that glancing, blushing shit is for children or cartoon characters, but if you enjoyed it... im happy for ya man, good night, this has been a shit B-day, with any luck, it will be the last.
idk if you're a big believer in spirituality, but my boss breaks souls down into two categories
there is 'change' and validation. none are really superior per se, but change is less evolved.
Change people reincarnat eto learn a lesson. then another. then another.
Validation people incarnate in order to validate their existence, essentially by taking what they learned from their 'change' lives and putting them to use. often the result is helping other change get closer to validation, helping them in some way, however miniscule.
sounds like you're a validation to me, or at the very least, thats what you aim to be.
>>694858580 >This is going to sound clitche' as all hell but you must first learn to truly love yourself completely before you can ever be ready for the feels life will through at you. Focus on your dreams, your goals. If you don't have any make some and make them happen. I tried this. I decided that if I could give them 100% of me, then I need to be that person for myself. I decided to work out. I've always been a fast bastard, but now im a 40lb lighter fat bastard. It has been interesting watching the scale count a little lower each time. People notice, they congratulate, they praise, but all of it bounces.
I only work out as for the time I do I can escape my thoughts. They always come back.
These things I am told take time,. Time has just helped make things feel worse.
>>694858826 >you decided to base your happiness on the most fragile of human relationships I didn't decide to base happiness on that but I discovered thats where it dwelled.
>>694859709 Interesting sir. Thanks brother, "we don't choose our father figures anymore than we choose our fathers" I liked that man. I will consider what you said. I can't even begin to explain how much this means to me bro. I haven't had someone to talk to in over a year I mean besides work but that shit is all a front to me just smile and wave right? Ha.
>>694838288 About to start college. Have to pay for a bunch of shit. Working at mcdonalds which was fun for a while and my coworkers are cool but we got a new cunty manager and I'm working the next 3 days and she makes me really depressed because she doesn't really let us get away with having fun or not doing work when we aren't busy
i feel ya man, glad i could help. I come to these threads and try to respond to everyone but truth is, the only time anyones ever responded to my own initial posts is when i make a second post asking why i was ignored for so many years.
dont be so quick to dismiss those at work. you spend most of your life at work. those people can grow closer to you than your own family. its not secret that my boss is like a father to me.
I feel so fucking ugly. I hate myself, I hate who I am, I hate how I am. I hate it all. Nobody likes me, loves me or cares. Everybody pretends just to get something out of me and it fucks me up everytime and I cant do it anymore /b/. I just want it to end
>>694860471 I wish I could man but it just doesn't feel right. I mean I know like 1 guy who is trustworthy but he is a minister for a Jehovah's witness church and is always pushing religion on me. Great guy, full of wisdom but it's like fuuucck I can't do church.
Im glad I responded to ya man. World needs more people like you bro just offering anonymous help and wisdom to people completely lost and alone in life.
>>694859940 I'm actually not very spiritual but I do see a very excellent point to what he said. I'm more into philosophical thinking. My favorite past-time is theorizing what would be the outcome of different events. Such as we discover aliens but we turn out to be the most advanced species in the galaxy. Not saying we are but I enjoy theory.
>>694860142 >it all goes back to joseph gordon levit here I read that pic on the way down the thread. I've heard similar sentiment. But I was in love with the actual person, not just the idea of a person. But with that person themselves, their mannerisms, personality, little qwirks etc. I'm not trying to argue here for the sake of it, just trying to explain my head to you.
>>694860789 >What would you picturing yourself doing to be successful? What in your past gave you fulfillment before a woman fell into your life? Actually was a man, I am homosex anon, pls no hold that against me?
But eh, nothing, I spent much time before that feeling empty and listless. Waking up, going to work, coming home, going to bed, waking up, going to work, coming home etc
i feel ya, i mean you know them better than me. just try to keep it open.
I never thought a 75 year old psychic would end up being my mentor, let alone one of my best friends, but yesterday i celebrated two year anniversary at the company and i could not be happier about it all. but i get it. you do actually know them. just dont be afraid to explore if some common interest or dialogue shows up.
good luck man. glad i could help. and just thanks for acknowleding it all. makes me go to bed a lot easier, as attention whorey as it is.
dude, we'd get along over some nice beer for sure. I have (or rather, had) friends who refuse to entertain discussion of certain things just because science says its not a 100% guarantee. for instance trying to bring up these mother fuckers:
from the documentary 'the future is wild'. real fucking scientists made these projections, and while we cant account for what will actually happen and have limited scope as it is, my friend refused to dive into it at all just for a fun discussion of possibility in evolution.
but if you'd be down to talk the what ifs of aliens and flat earths and all that nonsense, we'd have a great time.
funny little tidbit (sorry if im getting off topic) >suffered from brain damage this year >convince a qt of tinder to come over and keep me company one night >unfiltered cuz brain damage so just rattle off nonsense about everything >Strong focus on a flat earth documentary i saw >we eventually go to my bedroom >she sees i have a globe >says she feels 'betrayed' because i had convinced her i believed in a flat earth
>>694861357 It's all good anon. We are all friends here. It was my bad for assuming.
It sounds like you've never found a purpose for yourself and when you began dating felt that man was your purpose. That is a bad place to be in for certain. Figure out things you would like to achieve before you die and make them happen. Don't hold yourself back hoping life will just fix itself.
>>694842361 Last year I sat at home by myself (on my birthday) as my partner was at work and I live far from my family. My parents did order a small cake to be delivered from some shop so that was nice.. Just sitting alone though makes you feel shit.
I remember an anon talking about his dog dying and it was the first time I'd ever lost in a feels thread, and then my own dog Dolly was hit by a car and I felt little. It took two weeks to register my own loss and then I started sobbing.
>>694861682 Hey, congrats man I'm glad you're happy and willing to help others find happiness. I will rest and ponder what we spoke about and once again man thanks brother. Im glad you care for your fellow man, I will always acknowledged that when i see it bro. Thanks again & goodnight anon
>Be me >Be 16 >At mall with Gmaw >sweg.jpg >At sears >See qt grill >Try and talk to grill >hardtoget.png >Twist back snap back >Pop 2 tictacs orange >Push up collar >Try talking again >I see her eyes shine >She digz me >Go in for kiss >Get kicked from mall for kissing merchandise
My favorite theory is that the reality we live in is just a simulation. Their are many physicists who actually back up the theory with data. We are only maybe 10 years away tops from being able to run such a sophisticated simulation as the life we live in. It's intriguing and hopefully will not mess with any of your religious beliefs.
Check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXrASt3EBsk
>>694847079 >good news for you call ASAP >call your mom Imagining that these were sent in the same day breaks my fucking heart. My relationship with my Dad is so much weaker than my relationship with my Mom. I'm just so fucking depressed and I don't even know if my Dad has time to deal with my emotional shit when he's at work so much. I don't want to infringe on his only relaxation time just to tell him I want to work on our relationship. Would him and I even get along well if we hung out? Maybe that's what I'm more afraid of than anything, finding out we don't. God I'm sorry /b/.
>>694849653 Are you me from another reality? I love that picture. I miss her so much but I lost her because I cheated on her. Sometimes I wonder if she'd have left me anyway though, the way she did it. Maybe you're the me that didn't cheat and still lost her.
my religious beliefs are mostly... well they're more personal than anything. the whole idea behind the change and the validation is that what we teach does virtually nothing to help change.
which at the end of the day ,in a purely scientific world just means that we teach certain philosophies that only work for people who happen to respond well to them, and we have a backstory in case they are curious as to why.
not saying i dont believe but... spirituality is complex like that.
i remember hearing the simulation theory, i was being told that some scientist said we have a 1 in 4 chance of being a simulation.
i for one, welcome our new programmer overlords. but seriously yeah, thats the kind of hting i couldnt evne bring up around my friend without him shaking his head judgementally.
My mom passed away when I was born. Her sisters had to take care of me, for some reason my dad never wanted to be around them so he just minded his own business. While growing up I always thought I was different than everyone and it was true, I was constantly getting beat up I though it was because no one liked me but it was because of the legacy that my mom left behind and I had to follow her footsteps. I finally got me a cute paki looking girl so I'm not always with my mom's sisters anymore. Life is strange but if every pork chop was perfect we wouldn't have hotdogs
>>694838288 Sorry it’s a little long, but I need advice, and have to give backstory.
November 2014, meet this girl. She’s amazing, funny, smart, caring. Seriously the whole package. Somehow she likes me. We date for a few months, seriously falling for her. One conversation she mentioned selling underpants when she was running out of money. I was shocked, but thought “oh, I can get past this”. Few more weeks pass, and I need to send an email. At this stage we’re still not “official” yet. She was at work but told me the password to her computer, type it in, first fucking thing I see is emails with this guy arranging to meet for sex, for money. No ifs or buts, prostitute. I call her to say it’s over, she cries etc, drives back to me, we have a long conversation. Apparently she hasn’t done it for long, doesn’t do it much, and stopped since meeting me. I’m in too deep, so I agree to give things a shot.
Fast-forward to today. She’s open with it about me, I can talk to her about it etc. She doesn’t lie or avoid anything. Perfect in every other way. But recently she’s been getting angry at me for asking, saying I should have gotten over it, or why do I care. The issue is the more I like her, the more I hate that she did that, and I wonder if a) she thinks about it and b) compares me to these people? If she’s getting mad at me for still wanting to talk through things when I’m not feeling great, should I leave her?
>>694863178 Hang in there anon. Not to compare your brain damage to drug usage. I did quite a bit of drugs for a 3 month period and even though I've been totally clean, since then I've never quite been the same. In a strange way I have a very unique perspective which I see in you as well. Hidden wisdom few obtain. I often wonder what parts of the brain if damaged might also bring about increases in activity in other areas. Such as if you go blind your hearing increases. So thus if certain areas of the brain are damaged wouldn't the other areas grow stronger to make up for it?
>>694864112 No, stopped when she met me. All in the past, which is why she's getting angry with me a think. But it's a pretty fucked up situation for me to process, and 99% of the time it's fine, but here and there something will remind me of it. Not doing it to guilt trip her, I'm just trying to work through it.
the major part of the brain damagei s thankfully over. i was a drooling retard for a month but im back to running my business and living life. ive certainly come back different and other lesser parts of my brain are damaged to a lesser degree.
coordination is way fucking off, memory is swiss cheese, but im just as functional as before so im just grateful to be human again.
its interesting to think that it might have made something new in me but i havent noticedi t yet. maybe its subtle but great in the long term of how i (or we) live life. its hard to say.
the only thing that really bugs me at this point is that I used to live for writing, but since the brain damage i havent written much at all. i redrafted one script and it came out admittedly worse. its like the parts of my brain that create and the parts that type arent connected right. kind of hard to explain.
trying to dedicate mor etime to it as its not something i can seemingly tackle in a few short hours anymore, if at all.
i just want to write again. blocked off my whole sunday to just submerge and explore, right down the rabit hole.
>>694864365 Get over it man. Dont let past shit ruin something that can be beautiful. I know its pretty shitty, but focus on her in the present. Dont let the past weigh you down and keep it back. Please trust me. This is coming from a man who lost the one he loves. Hold her tight.
Recently I've been having increasingly vivid dreams. When I sleep it's as if I wake up in another life right where I left off. When I go to sleep in my other life I wake up in this one. In my "Dream-Life" it's the year 2116. Humanity has begun colonization of our solar system. I'm much happier their, I have an assigned wife and we've already had two children. Every day in real life I rush through my day just so I can hurry and go to sleep. I can't hardly tell if my "dream-life" is reality or this one is. Both when I wake up seem just as real. Both I have real memories of my entire past in that state. Is this the dream? Both are perfectly sequential one day to the next.
Tell me what you think anons. No doctors or therapists have ever been able to help me.
>>694864907 Hold her tight, never let go, dont you dare. >>694865101 Dont listen to him. You can make this last. Just work everything out as soon as the problem happens. I think you should put her past behind you. You are dating her now, not her from the past.
>>694865052 Bro. After we broke up I got into college (computer science) to keep her out of my fucking mind because I read here on /b/ once that I should become better person than her. I just finished second year, passed all my exams and it didn't help for shit. And now all I have now is a hope that that switch will come one day.
>>694864527 You can still make it anon. Not to be biased but you've already proven to me you are far stronger than any other person in this thread. You are one of the finest exampled of humanity and human inspiration. You were hit hard in life and kept pushing forward. Keep writing. You may find yourself one day writing the best work of your life. Never turn someone away who might help you either. I've been trying to create music again recently. To you I can relate a great deal in the struggle to connect the dots again. What I have done is switched from real instruments to playing electronic instruments. Certainly a crutch but it works. Maybe start slow writing a blog? Just a few thoughts.
I've been down recently because I can't seem to hold a relationship. Seems like a common thing here, but I digress. When I say "Can't hold a relationship" I mean that my partner usually ends up leaving me. Idk what it is, but it's either they get tired of me, or they didn't end up wanting to be with me in the end. And in those relationships I tried so hard to be the best I could and somehow it's not enough.
>rewind 10 years ago >be 12 >elementary school, 8th grade, basically a 2006 fuckboi, but instead i hugged and chilled with girls in my class >crush for this one girl >fast forward to prom >for no fucking reason start dancing like a fucking autismo, doing the cringiest fucking moves in history of cringekind >everyone that saw me will never ever forget this >still wondering why i have no gf
>>694865375 I'm not really certain, in my "dream-life" I actually call this reality my "dream-life". Sadly even science of 2116 has nearly no understanding of dreams. They can make subtle recordings of them though which is interesting.
>>694865735 Tru, I don't really feel like going out most of the time.
I don't know anyone and it'll just be awkward. I know there's heap of excuses, it's not like I live in a tiny village or whatever, I actually live in a huge city but it's the fact that I can't really connect with people.
The one good friend I have always wants to stay home with her partner or says "I'm tired/have a head ache I'm not coming over", after awhile the excuses make you give up my dude.
thanks man you really are too kind. definitely made my day, but wayyyy too kind. just thank you though.
definitely not giving up, never my intention. thats what sundays all about, and its just the beginning. as scared as i was of the possibility that this is permanent, nothing excites me more than going back down the rabbit hole and seeing what comes out. I've spent hte last two weeks fading out all my social obligations so i can be more like i was before, which was mostly just free to write. I've talked to the various projects im on and considering the brain damage they're letting me focus on whatever it is that comes out of my brain for the itme being, so its very lax.
we'll see what happens, but even if its really fuckign awful, ill just be happy to be typing up a story agian.
its 1am and i gotta go to the beach with some pokemon GO friends in the morning, so i need to catch some Zs man.
thanks for thanks, and thanks for the extra push. just made my burden a tiny bit lighter as i dive into this sunday. im pretty stoked.
ive missed late nights on /b/ like this. im usually asleep by midnight these last two years, and while i love it, there really is something to be said about the depths you and I can get into at a late hour.
My highschool sweetheart of 7 years ( I know I know ) broke up with me about 7 months ago. I'm glad it happened, it was for the best, and I'm in a much better situation because of it, but I still have dreams about her. Almost every other night she pops up in my dreams, be it a random encounter or a sex dream. Is that normal?
>me and friend walk by sex shop >decide to go in >we are new friends so its def awkward >we go to dildo sectin >i insist we each pick a dildo out and explain why we'd use this dildo if we were into dildos >he plays a long 'probably one similar to my own'
turns out im a fag too, but we got a little closer as friends instead of me just admitting i was looking at dildos.
>>694854310 I was severely depressed for a decade until someone was kind enough to take me to a shrink. I was cured in a year. It was 60% the desire and willingness to get better, 35% the mess and 5% the therapy sessions. It will be really shitty at first. The mess will make you feel like a zombie. It made me stutter, restless, it was hard to pee and I couldn't cum at all. The side effects slowly abated after 2 to 3 months in it.
>>694854310 The only way is to find ANY kind of job and after a year or so, you'll get loan from bank. Work and study at the same time and after you finish your school, you'll get better job and better life.
i met a girl, dated her for half a year and she went back to her ex we had no contact for a couple of months started to text each other again told me how much she missed me yada yada she couldn't bear it again no contact for a month then out of the blue she asks if i'm down for grabbing something to eat she'd be in my town for a day
and just with that, she starts texting me as if nothing ever happened tells me she thinks she's now okay with texting me and that she feels meeting up will be fun.
now i don't care about friendzone or whatever bullshit i might've gotten myself into, i accepted that she's with that guy but i feel that it's bringing me down again, knowing that i'll see her just for shits and giggles and now being able to be around her like i used to
i accepted the offer we've been texting like nothing ever happened, besides her going all up in arms when i'm texting innuendo-ish stuff
last thing she wrote was >i'm gonna be away for this evening i do not care i do not care if she gets fucked by her guy with whom she has bad sex, she literally told me
>>694838288 That I have almost no ambition. I can't commit to anything, and I find I'm unmotivated to do much with my life except sit around and game/watch anime. I'm average overall: intelligence, looks, social skills, and I have plans for my future, but I never act upon them. I'm going to start college this year, attended orientation, but that was a while ago and I can't even bring myself to finish signing up for classes. I took all ap classes through high school, participated in several national competitions for technology (3rd place nationals) top 10% of my class, but I feel like I just accomplished these things by going through the motions and not actually trying to do better and/or caring. I procrastinated all the time because I was just completely lazy and unmotivated. I see my friends around me all at least trying to do something with their lives, but I can't bring myself to do that. I'm a lazy piece of shit loser by choice, browsing 4chan at 3 am, and I wouldn't even be able to explain to you why that is so.
One of my regulars at the bar I work at just died of brain cancer three days ago. It has been bothering me a bunch.
He was diagnosed in the fall. I remember the night he told me very well. He texted me and asked I would meet him at a local bar. I went, but was only going to go for a drink to welcome him back to the area. Glad I fucking did that. He told me about how he was in a grocery store reaching for some produce (while on vacation) and just felt these jolts of electricity shoot up and down his body. After these minor seizure like things he drove himself to the hospital and the next morning found out it was Bilateral Glioblastoma. Shit did not look good prognosis wise. He never gave me numbers his doctor gave him but I know how to read and it was at ~5% survival rate.
The crazy thing is that how fast this went from being undetected to dead. It's no fun losing a friend. I have a bottle of wine that he gave me and I'm trying to figure out the best time to drink it. I think i'll down it with a mutual friend sometime in the next few weeks to celebrate his life.
>>694872109 >>694872552 another thing even is that, ive taken to talking to my guns and sometimes sleeping with the unloaded ones, im pretty sure my family thinks i have mental issues, and honestly im begging to wonder myself if somethings wrong with me
>work a shitty job at walmart photo shop; just started >teenage kid walks in wearing black slacks and a black shirt >he has pit stains and his eyes are blood red >kid asks for cheapest finish, single picture >load it off his phone and he pays using coins >coworker and i are laughing our ass off because of how high we think this guy is >i tell him it'll be a couple minutes >waits outside by himself literally looking at the sky >i give the single 4x6 to him with a chuckle and say something stupid like "kids these days..." >he immediately breaks down >literally on his knees with snot and tears dripping out of his nose >the picture is his mom (i presumed) and him at a pumpkin carving >he blabbers something out about how he's gonna kill himself and how he misses his mom >im so fucking stupid >manager calls the police to pick him up after he won't get off the ground
I just needed to type this out because I'm crying like a little bitch Idk what happened to him. Fuck I wish I had done more
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