Posted in a cringe thread earlier, got good reception.
Enjoy, the saga of the Beta, the Voice, and Y
>Have friend since kindergarten
>Go through HS together
>Like same girl since sophomore year
>I get over it around senior year, because fuck friendzones
>Betabro does not
>Thus begins the saga
>About a year after high school, we're all 19ish
>Just got back from the casino
>Won 50, spent 60
>Topic of sex comes up
>She's asking about our dicks, what we'd do in bed room
>Betabro exclaims "MINES 8 INCHES"
>Topic gets to oral sex, more specifically, technique
>Betabro says, and I quote
>"Well, if you let me do that, I can tell you there'd be a lot of kissing..licking, and sucking and you'd come so hard so many times"
>Die a little inside
>Excuse myself, walk my fat ass home
>Go to bed, questioning existence
>Be much more recent
>Like, 2 years ago
>Betabro, Y both still in my life
>Both come over to my place to visit me and the old lady
>Was planning to go see another friend of mine
>Decide fuck it, invite them along
Now, before i continue, might as well physically describe everyone involved
Y is about 5'3, slender, long dark hair, light complected mexican
Betabro is about 5'10, dumpy, beer gut, receding hairline
Friend we're going to visit is 6'1, big bushy beard, toned, deep voice
>Get to friend, lets call him Voicebox's, home
>Y is pretty instantly enamored
>Betabro, as he usually does, is following her around like a puppy. Standing way too close.
>We get lawn chairs to sit around bon fire. Beta bro puts his practically on top of Y's, that sort of thing
>All night, Y and Voicebox are hitting it off, getting chummy
>Betabro butts into the conversation, physically stays between them, or right up on them
>Eventually leave, because Voicebox was too drunk to continue
>Whole ride home consisted of Betabro downtalking voicebox, and Y asking questions about him
>Awhile after the last story
>VB and Y in full courtship mode
>Betabro in total meltdown
>Old lady decides we should take VB and Y to the river with us as a double date thing
>I like rivers, so cool
>Invite them both. VB accepts, as does Y she just has to finish up lunch with a friend
>You can guess which friend
>Who invites himself along
>I like trainwrecks as much as I like rivers, so, Cool!
>We pick them up, after deciding to carpool. Because gas
>On the way to pick up VB, betabro rode up front with me, the girls rode in the back
>As soon as we pulled into VB's driveway, betabro leaped from the seat, and hurried into the back. Putting Y in the middle of him and my old lady
>VB gives me a knowing look, then gets in shotgun
>Whole drive to the river, VB and Y are flirting up a storm
>Betabro is butting into their conversations, hanging all over Y, attempting to be alpha and flirt with her more
>Betabro, in the process of this, is also pounding beers
>Betabro is not a good drunk
>Betabro says shit like "The fucking government is just dark overlords ruling over us" and "I'm a hippie nomad" when he's drunk
>Don't drunk, betabro!
>It's too late
>Arrive at river
>Find a good spot on the shore, set our shit up
>Betabro dives in the water after throwing his shirt off, yells at Y to get in with him
>Y gets in, immediately calls for VB
>VB gets in slowly, hates cold water
>I laugh at VB, hiding how shrunken my testicles have gotten in the ice river
>After a bit of frolicking, Y gets back out, lays on her blanket, and calls for VB
>I'm sitting nearby, watching my old lady be drunk and swim
>Betabro comes upon VB and Y on the blanket
>And sits on the smallest available corner, practically in Y's lap
>VB gives me another knowing look
>He's not mad, he's just amazed at this display
>Literally, the Y is on one half of the blanket, with maybe a free corner
>VB's skinny ass is right next to her, leaving a big chunk of available ass space
>Betabro takes the corner
>Presumably to sniff Y
>Time flies, we freeze, decide to go to our friend, /pol/bro's house
>/pol/bro does not like betabro, but we're bringing beer so he's okay with it
>On the way to /pol/bros, betabro is getting more and more distraught, and touchy feely
>Arm around Y, kissing her cheek
>She's getting a bit uncomfortable
>Dis gon b gud
>Arrive at /pol/bros house
>/pol/bro and VB are bullshitting, Y takes off walking because drunk chicks do stupid shit
>Betabro follows her like a puppy, keeps trying to be touchy feely
>Y lays on the ground, Betabro is grabbing her arm tying to yank her up
>VB goes over, tells him to fuck off, asks wtf
>She asks VB to lay with her on the ground
>Betabro goes over to /pol/bros fence, red faced. Makes a phone call, and is crying on the phone
>Flips his shit
>Starts wailing and kicking /pol/bro's chain link fence
>Tell him to calm his shit, he carries on
>We decide to leave before /pol/bro turns into /k/bro
>Everyone in the anonmobile
>Go to liquor store in town. Because we're all young, and hate our livers
>It only gets worse
>Betabro has a meltdown in the parking lot
>Asking shit like "Why can't she like me?!" "Why him?! Why HIM?!"
>I do love betabro
>Known this sucker for 20 plus
>Try to explain that if it hasn't happened between them, it won't
>Just walk away, man
>Says he can't, its his dream, he loves her
>Try the at least he has a friend, some people don't even got that
>No man, i love her as more than that
>VB has taken the anonmobile, and the girls to the aforementioned library up the street
>Walk with betabro over there when he's calmed down
>He makes a beeline to VB
>No. He starts crying to him like he was to me
>Y is asking me what's going on, drunkenly
>I know she's getting stalked, but this broad has always been an enabler, and kept him comfy in the friendzone
>Plays ignorant to how he's been acting
>Eventally, lets us know she has to get back home
>Inform Beta and VB, Tell Beta i'm going to take him home first
>He refuses to leave until he knows Y gets home safe
>K, fuck, whatever
>Take her home
>She kisses VB goodnight. Goes to hug betabro, who goes to kiss her lips, but she moves, he gets cheek
>Take VB home
>Take Betabro home
>3 hours later, knock on door
>Wtf it's 4 AM
>Betabro, still drunk.
>Why me, god?
Got one more good one.
>Be last year
>Y's birthday party
>Her and VB have been an item for awhile now
>Betabro has been a passive aggressive objector
>Y spent a little time in a mental hospital since the last story
>Invited two of the friends she made there to the party at VB's
>Also invited betabro
>Night is eerily similar, due to how boring we are
>Bonfire beer and grilling
>Betabro brought heineken.
>He drinks the whole 12 pack
>Good god, no
>To his credit, he acted pretty alright, hit on the crazy chicks, didn't cause too much a ruckus
>Then, he made a toast to Y. Telling her how much he loved her, she was the best thing to ever happen to him, etc etc
>Again, Y is a hyperdramatic enabler
>Night goes on, she's fucked up, her and VB get into an argument, she goes to sit in the back of my car
>Old lady was in shotgun, high as fuck
>I remained by the fire, chillin with VB, buzzed off painkillers
>Notice lack of betabro
>Eventually, go to car, with VB, find Betabro is in back of car with Y, cuddled up to her, kissing her neck and shoulders
>Y is passed out
>VB drags betabro out, yelling at him.
>Other friends hold VB back, crazy chicks get Y out of car. She's yelling at VB for being mean to Betabro
>I get betabro back in car, take him home, him bitching and crying about it not being fair the whole way
>Don't say anything to him
>Get home, make sex with stoned old lady
Kinda lame, i know. Probably have more stories But I got a newborn screamin at me right now.
Thanks for enjoying the social awkwardness of people I know!
>140 proof beer
Alphalpha as FUCK
>you will regret this the next full moon
>you mess with me you mess with the pack bud
somebody hold me
i'll stop if you feed it... to me. picture it: real baby-back ribs. meat just drippin' off the bone
>literally cooked fish out of the aquarium
very enjoyable, Legitimately weeping that there isnt more to this, i pictured everything ( and ofcourse the relatable moments) only downside was the names, had no fucking idea who was who at some point.
I'm just gonna hope this is fake, and go to bed
>implying they're not all failing
I tried to set dude straight. Hell, the dude who set me straight tried to set him straight. But, alas, some people are just too comfortable in the world they've created to brave the real world
>names himself fluttershy
>f l u t t e r s h y
There's always a reason why people don't see eye to eye with these neckbearded virgins.
>George the hedgehog
>is a normal human schoolboy
I dare you to sit through this.
Bonus points if you raise your volume and close your eyes
This HAS to be fake. I don't care if it's not a usual part of the body, why is it so crusty looking? Why can't she fucking scrub and moisturize that shit? Idgaf if it might hurt or be sensitive, exfoliating takes like two seconds, chemical exfoliation doesn't hurt and neither does lotion, wtf so nasty
Says something about her cleanliness all around if she can't bring herself to fix that shit. It looks like it has 27 years of neglect and shit encrusted into it goddamn
oh fucking god, i cant tell if im cringing or laughing
You realize I'm white? I want to break your fucking teeth in real life just for fun. Seriously. Violent? I'm not violent. I just want to see faggots like you dead. I call racism fucking stupid and all you can do is resort to racism?
Go get cancer and die off, buy a rope hang yourself please and die the most miserable death you can and get the fuck off this earth.
"why are the lesser races so violent, /b/?"
Same as saying "the N WORD". You stupid faggot retarded cunt. Please, i wish the worst death for people like you.
faggot what are you band wagoning exactly. go hold hands and suck his dick for fucks sake you enabling faggot pathetic sub human shit loser rofl.
you can die off the worst death, get cancer and some of your family members as well for being related to you inbred fucks. die faggots and soon please.
>not voting is nihilism
Thread is kill by lame fuckin stories.
>mfw she grows facial hair better than me
left one always reminds me of james may
wow, he has a great collection of rare pepes
>kekked out loud
he's right, it is just as offensive as talking about blacks, gays and muslims; in that it's only offensive if you're a faggot and you let it offend you. Wrong about everything else, though. especially the accent: it does exist.