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YOU ARE THE FIRST HUMAN ON MARS What will you historic first

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 304
Thread images: 52

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YOU ARE THE FIRST HUMAN ON MARS


What will you historic first words on the red planet be?
>>
>>646940026
Ayy lmao
>>
"Sure is nice without any niggers around."
>>
I'm pretty much fucked...
>>
Titty sprinkles.
>>
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Also the first man to wack it on mars,
>>
You pigs, you. You rut like pigs, is all. You got the most in you, and you use the least. You hear me, you? Got a million in you and spend pennies. Got a genius in you and think crazies. Got a heart in you and feel empties. All a you. Every you.

Take a war to make you spend. Take a jam to make you think. Take a challenge to make you great. Rest of the time you sit around lazy, you. Pigs, you! All right, God damn you! I challenge you, me. Die or live and be great. Blow yourselves to Christ gone or come and find me, Gully Foyle, and I make you men. I make you great. I give you the stars.
>>
Fuck, I forgot the condoms.
>>
>>646940366
John Lennon and Yoko (Oh no!)?
>>
WHERE DA BITCHES AT!!
>>
Where is everybody guuuuuuy?
>>
"Where the fuck is the water?"
>>
>>646940026
It is a little step for me but a leap for humanity... and it should had happened 50 years ago.
>>
First
>>
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>>646940299
checked
>>
>>646940231
/thread
>>
>>646940026
Why did I come here again?
>>
Aaayyy lmaaooo
>>
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WE GOTTA GOTTA GET DOWN DAMNIT!
>>
Sheeeeeet.
>>
Now, there is life on Mars.
>>
>>646940026
dindu nuffin
>>
>>646940026
"Here we are. What's next?"
>>
>>646940366
reminds me of spongebobs lost episode...
lmfao thinking of it, and no, i'm not high
>>
Those earth people are niggers.
>>
Darn it aint red!
Now that i know the truth i they will never allow me to return...
>>
Hitler did nothing wrong.
>>
"And as I am standing alone in the middle of a massive amount of sand, I proudly declare this area sandnigger-free. Niggas better tongue their anuses"
>>
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>pic related
>>
>>646940026
>"Do you think they'll buy it aga- fuck, was this live?"
>>
I think I just sharted, can I change my spacesuit quick, and let's do this again?
>>
There are no memes here, I'm coming home.
>>
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>>
>>646940026
Where the white women at?
>>
>>646940026
Stay out of my planet normies
>>
If God made earth for humans to live in, then science has once again surpassed God
>>
rocket fuel cant melt mars beams
>>
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"THERE IS ONLY ONE GOD AND MUHAMMAD IS HIS PROPHET"
>>
>>646940500
This. Fucking this.
> we could have been a great people
>>
HABEEB IT!
>>
The game
>>
>>646940026

A Planet without Niggers is a clean Planet
>>
mars is green
i'm colourblind
>>
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>>646940999
checked
>>
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>>646940026
"Time for an even more giant leap for mankind."
>>
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>>
>>646940026
Why did you motherfuckers leave me?
>>
am i high
>>
Red planet standing by.
>>
>>646940026
FUCK YOU EARTHLINGS, THIS IS MY PLANET!
>>
Humanitys goal has been reached. A world without niggers, spics, jews, and muslims.
>>
The god of war has been conquered by peace.
>>
Fuck this I coulda just went to Arizona
>>
>>646940929
AYY LMAO
>>
wish I had took a piss before leaving home
>>
>>646940026
.....Yep. This looks exactly like I thought it would.
>>
Oh shit, I think I left the stove on!
>>
PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES PURPLE FUCKING CANOES
>>
MAMA, I WANNA GO HOME
>>
I left the oven on
>>
>>646940760
Wow it took long to post this.
>>
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"Curiosity_Rover_interracial_creampie_gangbang_all_holes_gloryhole_pussyrape_cumblast(1).mpg.flv"
>>
God is not real.
>take off helmet and die.
>>
>>646940026

Dubs decide what I do next.
>>
>>646941371
>A world without niggers, spics, jews, and muslims.
jokes on you. first human on mars will be in far future and by then average person (=you) will be black-spic mix with a dual-religion jew-muslim
>>
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>>646940026
"If Hitler won this would just be a rest stop"
>>
>>646941379
that's actually pretty deep
>>
>>646940026
"Welp, time to fuck up another one."
>>
>>646940026
watermelon watermelon fried chickin' watermelon black lives matter nignig chickin' whip my ride nignig Martin Luther King
>>
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this is a nice planet
>>
>>646941806
That's what he said.
>>
in your face Neil Armstrong
>>
>>646940026
Finally, no muslims in sight
>>
"John Madden"
>>
>>646940026
"Niggers tongue my anus."
>>
>>646940982
We couldn't with all these fucking retards in our species and that's why we're NOT a great people.
>>
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Suck it Eurofags
>>
>>646941746
Shit burnie sanders you really don't want to be president do you
>>
"I really need to jack off"
>>
>>646940837
Kek
>>
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It's a small step for man, but a giant leap for JOHN CENA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
https://youtu.be/-cZ7ndjhhps
>>
I would ask my landing partner if they wanna fuck. If male, unzip back of their suit and stick dick in the butt. If female, do the same. If trap, do the same.

As my dick/their anus are shredded by the hyperfine sand on Mars, I would record it and broadcast it back to Earth on every channel.
>>
>>646940026
where all the white women at?
>>
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I saw an a Martian once when I was young. Now they're everywhere. The planet went and got itself in a big damn hurry.

The parole board got me into this halfway house and a job bagging groceries at the Mars Foodway. It's hard work. I try to keep up, but my hands hurt most of the time. I don't think the store manager likes me very much.

Sometimes after work I go to the park and feed the birds. I keep thinking Jake might show up and say hello, but he never does. I hope wherever he is, he's doing okay and making new friends.

I have trouble sleeping at night. I wake up scared. Sometimes it takes me a while to remember where I am.


Maybe I should get me a gun and rob the Mars Foodway, so they'd send me home. I could shoot the manager while I was at it, sort of like a bonus. But I guess I'm too old for that sort of nonsense anymore. I don't like it here. I'm tired of being afraid all the time. I've decided not to stay.


I doubt they'll kick up any fuss.
Not for an old astronaut like me.
>>
First
>>
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
>>
>>646940026
everyone stays silent the entire mission'
>>
"This is one small thread for op... one giant faggot for mankind"
>>
>>646940026
DEEZ NUTS
>>
I claim this land in the name of Israel! :^)
>>
Sweet traps finally got their own planet
>>
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>>646941804
We would be living on Kepler 62b if the Nazi's won.
>mfw stuck living with jews and niggers
>>
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Is there even question?
>>
a camp in the tent is as good as a donut in the asphault
>>
KUATO LIVES
GOT MY ASS TO MARS
I GOT FIVE KIDS TO FEED
COHAGEN GIVE THESE PEOPLE AIR!
>>
Houston, this is not the moon.
>>
Devil's don't come from the ground. They come from the sky
>>
>>646940026
"Mars macht mobil bei Arbeit, Sport und Spiel!"
Sorry, only German oldfags understand
>>
SKYRIM FOR THE NORDS!
>>
>>646940026
At least cum here doesn't float around the place.
>>
Oh shit theres cities and life! Ha ha just kidding its as dead as your wife jim.
>>
>>646942501

>when you give her the best orgasm in her life but she on her period at the same time
>>
In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree:
Where Alph, the sacred river, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.
So twice five miles of fertile ground
With walls and towers were girdled round;
And there were gardens bright with sinuous rills,
Where blossomed many an incense-bearing tree;
And here were forests ancient as the hills,
Enfolding sunny spots of greenery.
>>
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"time to unload the dirt bikes"
>>
>>646940026
"oh shit i forgot the laundry in the washing machine"
>>
>>646940026
Fucking hell,there's fuck all here
>>
"Can you help me dig this hole, I'm gonna be the first man to put his dick in Mars"
>>
JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN FOOTBALL JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN aeiou
>>
黑人舔我的肛门
>>
>>646943021
Fucking poets
>>
對人類的一小步,一大步,為人類
>>
>>646941521
I kek'd
>>
Hello world
>>
Obama is a MUSLIM
>>
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>>646943236
Thread/
>>
>>646943041
I like your style. Us dirt riders should stick together, we are like the only cool people on /b/, the rest never leave their chairs
>>
10 PRINT "Hello Mars"
20 GOTO 10
RUN
>>
Allahu Akbar !!!
>>
>>646940026
Lick that you cunts
>>
"While I am standing still,
I prefer the stillness here.
I am tired of earth, these people,
I'm tired of being caught in the tangle of their
lives."
>>
k cool can I go home now ?
>>
I liked Snickers better.
>>
There...there's something else out here. It's moving. I'm going to try and establish conta-OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK
>>
Öuga Бúgã Nigga Wigga
>>
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Deep fried Mars bars are real. The restaurant near me allows you to deep fry any chocolate that you provide yourself)
>>
You so fat, i can see uranus from here
>>
>>646940026
ooga booga... where all da white wimens at
>>
>>646940026
Fuck this gay earth.
>>
I see no god of war up here.
>>
>>646940957
Holy shit she is so fucking hot... I think I'll jack off now...
>>
>>646940026
allahu akbar
>>
>>646940026
Ooga booga, where da white womens at?
>>
Ground control to..........
>>
"We crossed the heavens travelled millions of miles and set foot on this seemingly lifeless rock, and yet, niggers can't even cross the mediterranean sea.. Heil Hitler"
>>
>>646940026
Fuck this gay earth
>>
steel beams
>>
ayy
lmao
seriously though, there are aliens here.
>>
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
>>
>>646940026
The Game.
>>
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>>646944165
>the power of diabetes and heart attack united in one bar
>a weapon to surpass the metal gear
>>
>>646944165
I love a good for fingered kitcat
>>
I declare war on earth.
>>
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FUCK YEAH LEGO BLACKTRON
>>
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>>646944165
deep fried creme egg
>>
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Some of you people on Earth are alright. I'd stay away from there tomorrow.
>>
Xichang, we have a problem
>>
"We need to stop Europa from self harming. Look at those cuts..."
>>
Kurwa!
>>
About fucking time.
>>
>>646944670

actually, it'd be more like "fuck that gay earth"
>>
>>646945390
Kek
>>
>>646945639
1/10 Polandball cant even into space
>>
>>646945597
and those muslims.
>>
>>646940026
Carve a very big swastika on the ground. Like kilometres across
>>
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>We Mars now.
>>
Jet fuel can't melt steel beams.
>>
>>646940026
"And I ain't even Matt Damon!"
>>
>>646945390
Ahh gg mein friend
>>
>>646940026

i claim this land in the name of the empire of Rome, those who oppose my regency in this area will be considered insurrectionists and will be quickly struck down by the legions. Long live the Emperor. Roma Invictus.
>>
DEEZ NUTS.HAAA GOT EM'''
>>
>>646940026
>>646940026

AYYY MARS TITS OR GTFO Also trips
>>
>>646940026
oooga booga where da martian wimin at
>>
My temper is out of planet with these fucking idiots in parliment. May as well be on mars
>>
My sides are on Mars.
>>
What a fucking disappointment. I might as well have gone to Iraq and at least I'd be able to shoot some sandniggers.
>>
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"Islam has spread to Mars"
>>
This is more of a Rocher than a Mars.
>>
>>646940026
How can I take this fart out of my clothes?
>>
ALLAHU AKBAR ISLAM WILL DOMINATE THE SOLAR SYSTEM
>>
>>646943041
EHEM. Froader right here. Got a M1009 blazer. Thing would be bitchen on mars.
>>
A small step for a man, one giant step back for martians.
>>
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>>646944791
you did it
>>
You think you're so fucking awesome because you know how to triforce? Well, I'm on Mars you fucking newfags!
>>
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Get your ass to Mars.
>>
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>>646940026
KURWA
>>
>>646942351
What the fuck am i looking at?
>>
>>646946824
Your mom's pussy
>>
>>646940026
BAZINGAAAA!
>>
George Bush did 9/11
>>
>>646945390
ayyy lmao
>>
HOLY FUCK HOW DID I GOT HERE
>>
>>646943236
this
>>
>>646943417

kek
>>
>>646940026
"i'm horny, any1 down 2 fuck?"
>>
I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.
>>
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
>>
This is Commander Mars, god of war, scourge of the sol system, tyrant of the red planet.
Death to all earthlings.
>>
>>646942601
>Huston
It's Houston you retard.
>>
>implying Mars actually exists
>implying the government isn't just using it as an excuse to spend billions on secret super weapons
>>
JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHN CEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENA
>>
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INDEED
>>
execute order 66
>>
>>646940026
Goddamn its good to get off that fucken spaceship.
>>
OP is a faggot
>>
>>646947601
JAFFA KREE SHOL'VA
>>
time to lose one of my balls to cancer.
>>
>>646940026

Ok ppl, move your asses, lets get us some ore.

>sticks some private company logo flag in the ground
>>
OK, so where's the fucking pub then?
>>
I see no god
>>
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but first

let me take a selfie
>>
ayyyyyyyyy lmao
>>
Whites only
>>
>>646947722
W's!!!!
>>
>>646946824
tripe. looks like crap but tasty
>>
red leader standing by
>>
buying gf
>>
Look where the patriarchy took us!
>>
Man long gazed at the stars. His intrepid nature lead him to the first checkpoint in our journey to the cosmos. I now stand as proof this journey will continue.

>Almost certainly words to this effect
>>
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>>646948700
>>
>>646941806
shut the fuck up
>>
This one's for you, Carl Sagan!
>>
Ok Google
>>
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"Has anyone really been far as decided to use even go want to do look more like?"
>>
W E W L A D
E
W
L
A
D
>>
Ravioli, Ravioli, We have grabbed the formioli.
>>
There goes the red planet.
>>
It appears the 4chan space program has been a success. I want to thank all frogs, and other animals, who made this journey possible. God bless you, and god bless Amerrica, the greatest nation on Earth, the moon and on Mars. Soon in a galaxy near you.
>>
>>646949010
Are you high?
>>
“When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer.”
>>
newfags can't into space
>>
>>646940026
Damn it really is red
>>
"Tea. Earl Grey. Hot"
>>
>>646940026

>niggers tongue my anus
>>
I SHAVED MY BALLS FOR THIS?!
>>
Why did the American cross the universe? To put their flag on yet another planet!
>>
MARBLECAKES ALSO THE GAME
>>
"Traps are girls."
>>
>>646940026
Hitler did nothing wrong
>>
>>646949777
Lucky slevin decides!
>>
Shit on my balls and call me a wanker, this place is gay
>>
Definitely number two on the list of my greatest moments in life. Right after getting quads on 4chan.
>>
>>646940026
fuck you dad.
>>
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His name is Benedict Cumberbatch!!!!!!!!
>>
youtu.be/zA52uNzx7Y4
>>
>>646940873
Oh god what
>>
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>>646940727
my exact thought lol
>>
Have you ever been as far as to do want what more like
>>
Yo, Obama. I spread my man juice all over your chair in the White House.
>>
>>646940026
Oh great...the expert opinions of the aluminum hat crowd....quit playing dungeons and dragons for a second, take off the spock ears and crawl out of your moms basement for a sec and take a giant wiff of reality...theres fucking pictures of airplane debris all over the Pentagon lawn if you look at something other than a video produced by some level 3 wizard wannabe with a mask on and voiced disguised....quit being fucktards
>>
"this is orange wtf"
>>
Fucking hell this is embarrassing... I forgot the flag on Earth.
>>
I miss home...
>>
do you have time to talk about or Lord and saviour Jesus Christ?
>>
i'm now gonna cum all over mars and create a new lifeform that will evolve and conquer earth in 100 years
>>
I will eat Mars and assert my dominance
>>
>Be the first person to hit a blunt on mars
Ayy lmao
>>
You don't float in space, you fall in space. Fuck those who think astronauts float you fucking morans
>>
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REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FUCKING NORMIES
>>
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>>646940026
comics cant melt mars the planet or
shemales are females
>>
>>646950910
No oxygen on mars
>>
Fuck off space niggers, this is my rock now.
>>
>>646949575

wow anon thats very deep, thank you for this, it really makes me think about life and stuff wow
>>
hey www.inb4.media
>>
>>646951129
dont need oxygen when your high as fuck
>>
>>646940026

Hot monkey dick
>>
Would a human voice on Mars sound deep or squeaky? The atmosphere is much less dense.
>>
>>646940026

One small herp for man, one giant derp for mankind.
>>
No words. Id stare deeply into the camera and jerk off furiously and deliver to the soil of Mars its first life in billions of years
>>
>>646951263
Fully retarded
>>
THIS WAS ALL STAGED BY THE US GOVERNMENT OH FUCK THEY'RE COMING FOR ME

[IMITATION OF GUN SOUND INTENSIFIES]
>>
>>646942351
Amazing. I love it.
Underrated.
>>
AAACK! ACK AACK! ACKACK AAACK!
>>
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I shall return.
>>
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>>646951263
>>
I think this is a good time to say this. Dad, I'm gay.
>>
"...sponsored by Google and Wang Computers"

/mostaccurateanswer
>>
>>646940982

Someone has to pay for all these nigger refugees
>>
>>646949575
So deep... I have a huge ameriboner right now
>>
fake and gay
>>
Jet fuel cant melt steel beams
>>
>>646942351
Fucking Jesus that looks disgusting
>>
>>646951418
Kek
>>
>>646951579
You're not gay Boy, you're MY SON!
>>
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>>646951449
>>
>ALLAHUAKBAR!
>background music: Saleel Al Sawarim
>>
"When is No Man's Sky coming out?"
>>
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>>646950910
>>
lol overrated I'm going to hawaii next year
>>
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>>646940026
poopoo is the best meme
>>
too soon
>>
>>646951858
LMAO
newfag comfirmed
>>
The moon landings were fake. Neil Armstrong was just an actor.
>>
>>646941532
All day mate. All Godamn day.
>>
>>646940026
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis!
>>
niggers tongue my anus
>>
>>646952009
>Lol newfag xDDDD am I cool guys?
Suicide is your best bet
>>
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>>646952009
Mfw you're the newfag.
Praise the sun nigga
>>
>>646945390
Top kek
>>
>>646944583
kek
>>
It's an ugly planet. A BUG planet! A planet hostile to life...
>>
HOL UP
*smacks lips*
SO YOU BE SAYIN
*adjusts sagging spacesuit*
SO YOUS BE SAYIN
*assaults white cosmonaut on his left*
DAT WE SUM KINDA LIKE
*drops freeze-dried foodstamp*
SUUUUUUUUUUSAAAAAAAA SKWAAAAAAAAAAAAAD
>>
legalize child pornography now
>>
It's too cold here, I want to go home
>>
>>646952261
Yeah it's 1017 today so bricksquad
>>
>>646940026
do you marshains know how to install minecraft mods
>>
>>646952255
Klendathu isn't real
>>
>make thread on /b/ before landing
>quints decides what I do
>end up shoving a sharpie up my ass in front of billions of people watching the landing live on TV
>>
#mars
>>
As the leader of Mars, I hereby declare war on Earth.
>>
>>646940026
Fuck you NASA

>>open helmet
>>
>>646949222
checked
are u new here faggot?
>>
>>646952692
#redplanetlife
>>
>>646941746

Only intelligent people can become astronauts
>>
do think the marshains would join my minecraft server?
Thread posts: 304
Thread images: 52



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