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Alright you fucking faggots for the first time in my life I need

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 151
Thread images: 21

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Alright you fucking faggots for the first time in my life I need advice and you are the only people I can really relate to

>be 30
>make decent money at job, promoted to supervisor 2 years ago
>make more than enough to live comfortably because no family
>esoteric hobbies, always been a loner, that's how I like it
>neighbor is a 28 year old chick with a 6 year old daughter, widowed, husband died in car crash a few years back
>I felt kind of bad for her at the time and I've been helping her with shit around her house, because she's an incompetent fucking woman so I change her motor oil and figure out why the sink wont drain, etc.
>lately we've been friendly, she brings me food sometimes as thanks for help
>about 5 months ago in december
>in garage working on a project
>she comes over and asks what my christmas plans are
>sigh and tell her I'm going to visit my family
>she says I don't sound too excited about it
>tell her yeah, they always give me shit about still being single and ask when I'm going to settle down and all this garbage, I hate visiting the family
>she asks if she could help
>laugh and say "want to pretend to be my girlfriend to get them off my fucking back"
>I wasn't serious at all, but she says sure
>so I introduce her/her kid to my family, they get along, we have a nice christmas, go back home and tell her thanks for the help
>things go back to normal
>Except they don't
>she's coming over way more frequently now
>asking me to come eat dinner with them
>being way to friendly
>As dense as I fucking am, I can kind of get the hint she might actually want me to play new daddy
>I absolutely don't fucking want to, I'm content with my single life and hate being around other people longer than necessary
>But she's a very nice lady and I hate to just tell her to fuck off
>What can I do to make her passively become uninterested?
>>
Well, there really only one thing to do OP. Since you're a faggot, tell her you're a faggot. Then she won't bug you anymore.
>>
Do it for the child, faggot.
>>
>>610301628
Just get in there or you'll regret it in 25 years when you have no one to love you in old age

You say you like single life? but how do you know the grass isn't greener on the other side
>>
>>610301628
Yeah, you set up something alright; if she's hot. Tell her a family member died and you need to be alone, idk. It all depends what she looks like.
>>
>>610301628
TL;DR you are a faggot
>>
>>610301628
gonna have to say, we be needing a pic to give proper advice...
>>
>>610301628

OP have you ever been in a relationship or had sex?
>>
If you find her attractive and actually like then go for it.

But if you're content with your single life like you say, either:
1. Tell her she sweet and all but you're not looking to get into a relationship
Or
2. Just say you're seeing someone right now
>>
Why the fuck did I think asking a website full of desperate virgins was a good idea for even a minute.

I'm just going to keep playing stupid and if she bluntly comes on to me I'll just tell her I'm asexual or something and not interested
>>
>>610301628
You've got social avoidant disorder. The reason you "hate being around other people longer than necessary" is because subconsciously you're afraid if they spend enough time with you they will see your inadequacy.

You just need to get over whatever it is you're afraid this woman will learn about you if you let her into your life.
>>
>>610302615
I've never taken a picture of her, and I don't know how to use facebook so I can't go find one there

>>610302664
no. I reached wizard status this year.
>>
>>610301628
no good way out of this. Other than being blunt but that's hard to do. Best trick of all is to get a girlfriend man- that will push her away surer than anything besides bluntness / ending all contact.

Your instinct, to stay away from this girl with kids, is a good one. Even if you don't have a GF, you can't get stuck being dad to this fucking kid.
>>
>>610301628
How does she look OP?

From a karma standpoint it's a + 1000 award. Supporting a widow and her orphaned no dad child is a ticket to heaven hahaha (fuck yourself atheist fags, if no karma then do it to benefit humanity)

From a personality standpoint, if you wanna be reclusive your whole life and be a hermit them do so. You got a job and a house? and you're 30 years old man. Get of 4 Chan and see what this woman really wants... just air your hesitancy to want to continue things, cuz your neighbors and what of things didn't work out, hate for things to be awkward blah blah blah. Or just go and pound that pussy and see what happens. Your the man and you got the upper hand. But never downplay the power of the pussy man cuz she probably isn't getting smashed and her pussy is probably tighter than the bottom stones of the pyramids
>>
>>610302881
Fuck just go for it, when you're older and depressed you'll feel more accomplished
>>
>>610302881
Ah, a virgin. That explain a lot.
>>
>>610302782
Well you might be on to something there. I mostly don't like people getting close and learning about me. my sister has some stupid fucking psychology degree and always tells me I show 9/10 flags for being a sociopath and asks me to go to these meetings but fuck that.
>>
>>610302881

If you're being serious, you should accept her advances and finally get laid.
>>
>>610302881
This confirms my suspicion. People like you tend to avoid relationships because they feel so inadequate that a woman would never be happy with you.

So you convince yourself you're happy alone, but I'd bet you fantasize about the perfect relationship a lot don't you?
>>
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>>610301628
go for it op go for it op go for it op who fucking cares go for it I don't see anything bad with at least trying
>>
>>610302881
if 7-8/10 you best get on that.
with your attitude & borderline faggotry you will never do better

if 6/10 or less, keep looking, tell her some made up shit about your 'last relationship' and that you are just not ready.

>>610302708
grown ass man with 2 kids & wife/job here. you must be confusing me with yourself nigger.
>>
>>610302881
This explains it all... wizard status.
>>
>>610303081
People like you are usually riddled with something obvious like body issues, but you can't be too bad looking if shes showing so much interest, or it doesn't matter to her.

Be honest, do you have issues with your dick?
or was there something about your home life you tried to keep hidden from the world or something?
>>
>>610302782
Nice, first year Psychology major giving tips. Do you really think all those that are reclusive follow mental disorders? Read more books, that won't help you. Fucking idiot.
>>
>>610301628
If you really want to pass up a good thing. Just tell her you never want to get married or be in a long relationship. And make it clear you are serious. If she want's to be with you ANYTHING else you do will devastate her. If you do nothing she will get more and more connected and try harder. If you lie and she finds out, she will be completely crushed and ask herself why she's not good enough for you. Being honest is the best. She might still get emotional, but the longer you let it go the worse it will get.
>>
>>610303081
People who show signs of sociopathy to morons often have some other personality disorder like some sort of social anxiety or being on the autism spectrum.
>>
>>610303413
EDIT Fuck you 4chan there was only one sushi in your new faggot caphca!
>>
>>610301628
Get close to her

Bang daughter

???

Profit
>>
>>610303380
b b b but learning the whole fucking DSM-V has to good for something, right?
>>
>>610303583
Why did i lauph fuck you
>>
>>610303583
it took 28 fucking posts before someone suggests going for the daughter

what the fuck /b/, this should have been in the first 5
>>
>>610302708
25 engaged alpha to a 8-9/10 (depending on a day ). Make 80K a year in the medical mary j field.

Anyway. Don't be such a faggot. Go drink some fucking booze. Invite her over and talk to her nicely, get take out, drink with her, express your feelings. Never ever say you haven't gotten laid, study some porn ( even though you probably got a phd in it) and visualize practicing with her and smash. Your heart will race, you'll contemplate doing it, but who knows she may pull down your pants and suck your dick so hard you'll explode like a supernova
>>
Passively? Don't be around as much as possible, or move. Stop picking up your phone, and try to verbally give her the cold shoulder trough your manorisms (If you're being almost obviously rude about it but she still won't get off your dick, then it's time to be an asshole.)
>>
>>610303380
Nope, not a psych major, I'm a person whose done a shitload of research because I have a disorder, and I've met many other people with all kinds of disorders, now I'm at the point where the way someone words something can indicate something.
>>
>>610301628
is she attractive? is she cool?
>>
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>>610301628
>turning away a chance at a normal life
>muh awesome single life
>implying jerking off alone is better than a qt3.14 lover

God, you're a fucking homo
>>
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>>610303710

Thanks M8
>>
>>610301847
/thread
>>
>>610303884
Yeah blow that ass up like mcveigh.
>>
>>610304013
kek
>>
9/10 signs for sociopathy and you can't figure out a way to manipulate her into leaving you alone on her own accord? gtfo betafag
>>
>>610301628
Shit dude i'd tell her to get lost, I got stuck in the exact same situation 2 years ago and now I'm playing daddy for someone elses shitty kid. I could be doing all sorts of awesome shit like play video games and fuck other women but i'm kind of a moral fag irl and my friends and family love her, but I am miserable as all fuck and drink my self complacent every night.
>>
>>610301628
Tell her you're single because you feel attracted to children.
>>
>>610303305
The only things I hide are my powerlevels. I watch a lot of anime and own a ton of guns. I guess I'm mildly concerned about someone learning that because it's too much of a fucking hassle to try and explain "I like things" to stupid people

>>610303822
she's moderately attractive. like, 6/10 in stained t-shirt and sweats, 7/10 when she dresses up for something. I don't really feel anything when I see her. I feel like if I indulge the relationship just because it's offered to me I'll just be pretending to live a normal life and get tired of it eventually.
>>
>>610301628
Tell her "I'm sorry, I'm gay/asexual. Which is why I needed your help so much. I can't be in a relationship with a woman, but my family would never understand. Thank you so much for your help, and I'm terribly sorry if you had expected more to come from it."
>>
>>610304239
I said that was just what my stupid sister said, she's not too bright herself. I've never considered myself a sociopath. a narcissist maybe.
>>
Tell her your a cisfem and she needs to check her privilege before she triggers you
>>
>>610304432
Do you get paranoid if someone sits at your computer?

Toy guns or real guns?

Is there anime stuff on display in your house?
>>
>>610304277
Break it off then man. Shit ain't healthy for you
>>
>>610303715
President of the universe here, have 11s ridin my dick. Yeah, you didn't think 11s existed. That's how cool I am.
>>
>>610304511
Clearly been used by you before. Stfu faggot
>>
>>610304662
how old are you?

were you anti-social before you met her?
>>
>people telling OP to get with her or whatever
Fuck you. Don't tell him how to live his life. Either give him the advice he requested or fuck off.
>>
>>610304365
This, and when you tell her make sure you are wearing an ankle bracelet
>>
>>610302708
Thats the most retarded thing I have ever heard...

Tell her that you don't feel ready to be a parent, let things progress naturally.
>>
>>610304640
Never had someone at my computer before, don't know how I'd feel about it.

Real guns. 17 of them. I like target shooting on my weekends off.

Don't own any physical anime paraphernalia.
>>
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>>610304667
>President of the universe
>>
>>610304904
Just tell her "by the way I should notify you I'm a registered sex offender, but for some reason the online list is not up to date. But since we're friends I thought you needed to know..."

Some women won't run from that. But you should run from these women.
>>
put on cutoffs and go wash your car
/thread
>>
>>610304432
You won't get tired of the pussy for a while. A lot of times hesitancy is related to anxiety, of which is related to self esteem. Maybe it will be better for you. If it doesn't work out then you move on.

Don't be like every other beta and not do anything. I got friends who are dating fucking models and they watch Anime with their chick's and get blown. Everyone has a hobby and things they like. Don't let associations stop you
>>
Jesus christ, just fuck her already. Then fuck her some more. Then drink yourself pissdrunk. Drunk call her so she sees that you are not a fit. End of story. You lost your virginity and can maby have a better life and get a real girlfriend.
>>
>>610301628
op please don't turn down a chance at having a normal relationship, do you want to stay here forever or something?
>>
>>610304875
I'm in my mid 20s, I was/am pretty social
>>
>>610303150
not OP, but basically this is me, no relationship lasts longer than a year, im 29, never married, no kids, no future, bad job, but all my free time has been put to good use, im musical as fuck, so thats good i guess.
>>
>>610304667
Damn homie. I wish I was president of the universe. I'd be fucking pussy that's a 12
>>
>>610304943

17 guns? dang.

So she's a 6-7/10

What about you?
>>
>>610301628
ask for anal!
>>
>>610303715
billionaire here, right outside the door theres 50 10's waiting to suck my dick but my balls all dried up, haha it would suck to be you faggot.
>>
>>610304901
That is advice you fucking downie ree rain man, you had me at potato, water head mother fucker.
>>
>>610304875
Oh you got tied into that shit way too early man, 30's a bit of a different story, to me, I'd rather pick up a decent chick with a decent 6 year old than have a new one and have to deal with the worst 6 years lol
>>
so here's an idea

I'm going to drink a bit, not enough to get drunk but enough to pretend I'm drunk and treat her like shit. If she's still in to me after that, fuck it, I'll give her a chance, she might be manipulable enough to entertain me.
>>
>>610304943
Well you already are doing better than most 4channers
>>
>>610301628
Don't do it. You know that decent money that you make? She and her kid need it. The nice things you do for her that she cooks to thank you for? She doesn't like having to reciprocate and she is tired of asking nicely in the first place.

She sees what you have to offer, which is utility and resources. She wants those things for herself and her kid. Having a man to bang and all that is cool too but that's easy to get so its not really of value to her.

If you get with her I wager dollars to donuts that you will quickly find that she is in debt, doesn't think your hobbies are worthwhile, and expects you to change to suit her.
>>
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>>610305455
I'd take pussy any day over money hundrednaire. Sucks you make 14 an hour and got dried up balls
>>
>>610305514
Terrible idea. Slam that pig like the slam pig she is
>>
>>610305514
Don't take that approach, pissing off a woman who lives next door to you is a bad idea, angry bitches be crazy, she'll tell the cops you touched her kid or something.
>>
>>610305805
For all you know she does better than him. Dumb shit.

Her husband is dead and she probably wants to fuck her neighbor who's nice to her and shows compassion. So dense
>>
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>>610305514
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OP PLEASE JUST DATE HER IF IT DOESN'T WORK OUT SHE JUST DUMPS YOU AND THATS IT YOU LOSE NOTHING
>>
>>610306098
This
>>
guy what are you supposed to do when a girl thinks your cute? the girl in question also acts like a typical sorority girl
>>
>>610305115
/thread
>>
>>610305514

That's a pretty retarded idea. When the fuck did the idea of being a normal person about it go out the window? Just fuckin straight up tell her "i'm not interested in a relationship". I've done that multiple times, still got laid. Ya ever think sometimes the chick just wants a bone without all the baggage too?
>>
>>610305805
Also a valid point of view.
>>
>>610301628
why did her husband die?
she might be a man-eater so watch your steps
>>
>>610304912
Smartest thing in this thread
>>
>>610306346
Potato
>>
>>610301628
>you are the only people I can really relate to
my advice: kill yourself
>>
>>610301628
>only people i can relate too
You're already shit out of luck, you're beyond saving
>>
>>610306327
Also something to consider, she might one of the rare cases who really just wants the D from a /b/tard. Single mothers have needs.
>>
Suggestion: act like you really like her and generally like a bitch.
>>
>>610306624

Exactly. I mean, she obviously puts out lol
>>
pics nigger
>>
>>610305125
This is surprisingly good advice. Right up there with getting g close to her so you Can bang the kid
>>
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Haha good luck being a virgin for the rest of your life OP.
Haaaaa Gaaaaaaaay
>>
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>>610305924
so ur mad den?
>>
>>610306164
If she makes more money or not does not matter. Though we can agree that one of her motives is to fuck the nice neighbor, her other motives also include fucking the nice neighbor.
>>
Post a pic of her Op, let /b/ be the judge.
>>
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CAN SOMEONE PLS TL;DR THIS THREAD FOR ME
>>
>>610305218

Doesn't sound too bad and you're not a wizard. OP's next step is to ditch the wizard robes.
>>
>>610307563
beta tries to brainstorm ways out of going alpha
>>
Or... you could use the fact you live next door to train her into wife material.

At the moment shes trying to train you, rewarding you for tasks completed for cooking.

Flip the tables on that bitch, next time she comes over mention you'd like to try something shes cooked before again.

After she brings you food, help her with something, or just let her yap at you for 10 minutes.

begin to taper off the amount of attention you give her as a reward gradually and she will continue the behaviour out of habit.

More tips on dealin' with bitches from Cesar anyone?
>>
>>610301628
it's too late, you've engaged a chain of events, that does not end well for you
another fine fellow goes straight into the trash
>>
>>610301628
instead of being a bitch about it, just politely tell her that you are not interested in a relationship.
>>
>>610307563
Where does this pic come from?
>>
>>610302246
FucK off reddit
>>
You sound like me, I started playing guitar in the free time to feel productive while my life didn't go to plan around me.
>>
>>610307704
sometimes i feel angry that it doesn't bother me like it should, like i'm missing out on something I don't really want that much, and what is wrong with me for not wanting it? idk but my goal is to be one of those dudes in a nice hotel or some ballroom playing the piano all night, it's a weird fetish i have, do something really well in front of a large number of people and be completely ignored

i probably shouldn't still be thinking like a teenager at 29, but fuck it, can't be helped
>>
>>610301628
is this a movie? I feel like i watched it before
>>
OP i would cut my left sack to be you right now
>>
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>>610307915
idk
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>>610301628
Just because you don't want a relationship with her doesn't mean you shouldn't bang her.Its like getting free milk without owning a cow.
>>
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>>610305514
nice guy got drunk and is having issues
>maybe I can fix him
>>
>>610308136
You have multiple scrotums?
>>
>>610308054
You might be getting angry because you've convinced yourself you don't want something you feel like you cant have.

If you feel like a relationship is doomed to fail, you probably have anxiety.

Being a 30 year old virgin has probably left you with so much performance anxiety it's manifesting as all kinds of negative feelings.

This is going to sound retarded but I suggest telling her you're a virgin.

You might feel a weight off your shoulders, and she obviously thinks you're a nice guy, she'll probably be more understanding than you think, it could change your life dramatically.
>>
Bro just date her. She likes you. Take her out on a date and atleast see if you are compatable in any way. If not just smash and leave. I mean if she isn't that attached shes gunna leave anyways because your first time fucking her is gunna suck ass because your a virgin. Just do it man
>>
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>>
Either A: you get over it because this is probably your only chance or /b/- you tell her youre a faggot and not interested. Then live lonely for the rest of your life
>>
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Spend more time in that bitches house, she'll think you're getting closer.

When she does something good like bring you a drink or a sandwich, ask her how her day was.

When she does something bad like ask you to babysit, suddenly leave with an excuse.

Repeat this pattern over a few weeks and she'll learn to keep you happy and avoid boundaries.

You have all the power in a relationship where you can just walk next door and go home.
>>
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>anti social loser throwing away undoubtedly his only shot at happiness at life
>too much of a stupid edgelord to even realize this
Feels good.
>>
>>610301628
Get her to suck your dick
>>
>>610307747
Kek You know your bitches.
>>
>>610309560
This op :D
>>
Your bitch has a puppy, use this to your advantage.

Use the kid both as a fast lane to blowjob town and as a way to play vidya with no hassles from her.

He might suck for a while but 6 year olds pick shit up fast.

If you 2 are playing vidya, she'll both be happy a man is paying the kid attention, and desperate to maintain the peace, so she'll bring you snacks so the kids attention doesn't need to broken by inconvenient pauses.
>>
>>610301628
Stop wiping properly when shes around, the subtle dried shit smell will keep her away.
>>
The night after the first time shes left you alone with the kid is the perfect time for surprise anal. You can quickly defuse anger about the intrusion with a "c'moooonnnn, I watched your kid"
>>
>>610301886
THIS.
A kid growing up without a dad will be damaged for life. If the the kid likes you just fucking go on and fuck that milf. You also get to have a kid with the annoying diaper shit already done.
>>
>>610308783
>>610312134
So you're saying if I wait 10 years for the daughter to be 16 with daddy issues, I can bang the daughter
>>
>>610304667
fucking kek
>>
>>610301628
If she's fit you fuck her and raise the kid as yours.

She sounds nice OP don't be a wasteman all your life
>>
>>610302881
who the fuck doesnt know how to use facebook these days?
>>
>>610301847
I support this.

>>610301628
/b/ is full of normals. So dont talk to them. This place is only good for porn.
>>
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>>610301628
>needs advice
>asks 4chin
>is wizard status
>doesn't at least want to lose his v-card
>or de-flower a bitches asshole
If she's fuckable
>I need say no more
>you can fuck her without getting entangled, just think logically before acting
If she's not
>begin by declining the smallest invitations
>lead that subtly into full-scale distancing
>prophet???
>>
>>610305514
Noooo. Dont need to be a jerk. You could need something from her in the future. Just tell him that youre gay and that you trust her to keep your secret because shes your friend.
>>
>>610301628

you lost me at the part where you gave any fucks about your family's opinion
>>
>>610301628

Show us a picture of you...
>>
>>610307747
top fucking kek
>>
>>610301628
Sounds like you need to fuck her in every hole and take it to the point she won't talk to you. Public nudity. Anal fisting. Sex Club Gang Bang. Get like 10 niggers to impregnate her and then say you'd never raise a niglet and leave. Fuck anon be creative you faggot.
>>
Step 1: Dress up like Babadook
Step 2: Creep into neighbor's house at night
Step 3: Leave creepy babadook book in house on child's bookshelf. Write in rhymes and talk about being let in or some other nonsense.
Step 4: Only show yourself to the child after the child reads creepy book, this will wear on the mothers psyche as there clearly aren't real monsters.
Step 5: Once the mother is on the brink of insanity, show yourself to her and convince her that your her dead husband.
Step 6: Convince her to kill her child to be with you
Step 7: ????
Step 8: Profit.
>>
>>610312619
the fuck nigger?
>>
>>610301628
Find a new girl, a nice one, preferably with a better body and slightly younger than the neighbour.

Bring her round frequently, remain friend-zone style friendly with the neighbour, be polite, help her out from time to time, but less so - because you are busy with the new girl.

If you pussy foot around, you WILL end up taking care of another man's child - and in that case, you might as well put an apron on and castrate yourself. It's like a permanent cuckold state.
>>
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>>610307747
Moar
>>
>>610316410
lol'd
truth right here
>>
>>610308977
I cancelled my wizard status and the powers that go with it at 31.

Took me quite some months to become used to fucking, and quite a lot of practise.
In the years before that, I had built up towards being a social animal, had females interested in me and so on. Glad I dug my way out - I never should have been in a hole in the first place.

This dude gives halfway decent advice - try it out with your neighbour - let her teach you some things - then drop her if you don't see a future.

Might be awkward though, because you live next door to her, and also might be a problem for you as you will become attached and feel guilty about dropping her.

So, in other words - stay away, keep your distance and find another female to sex.
>>
>>610307747
haha

I can't the face of that spooky little fucker though.
>>
Why don't you go for it?
This is probably the best you'll ever score in your life.
>>
OP you should see where it goes, you said it yourself that you enjoyed Christmas. It's not all rainbows and dank shit but it's good you fucking faggot.
>>
damn, i wished i had OP's luck
>>
>>610310891
underrated post
>>
OP here, on lunch break at work, mulling it over and might ask her on date to try and gauge what exactly she wants from me. How to first date as 30 year old wizard /b/.

I can't reply much because at work on phone but will be reading.
>>
>>610319775
She'll make it very easy for you - given she's already had a hundred dicks inside her including the one that chuffed a sprog up there.

Don't become too attached dude - you really don't want to end up with another dude's child around - it will fuck up your life and the lives of your children (if she lets you have any more) forever.

She's probably the typical fuck anything that moves while she's young, then seek a harmless beta to provide for her bastard child when she hits 30 and starts to decline.

Use her to gain experience, find out what you want - then move on.
>>
>>610320560
While you make some good points, the bit about getting experience and moving on probably won't apply to me. I'm not the type to go out seeking relationships. Either it turns out her company is tolerable and I keep her around or she annoys me and I end it
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