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If you died right now. What would be your most badass event in

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 90
Thread images: 9

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If you died right now. What would be your most badass event in the history of your sad life /b/?
>>
>>597662351
searching for a severed leg in a lake.
>>
>>597662351

Dying.
>>
I cut up a hooker with a box cutter she ran away screaming!
>>
>>597662351
I dropped the rune essence price in runescape from 300 to 60 a few years ago by making a rune essence mining script for a large botting community
>>
>>597662351
losing a leg in a lake
>>
fucking an underage girl
>>
Convinced girlfriend and her sister to duck while the other made cartoon sound effects
>>
I stood up to a bully at work and made her cry in front of the owner of the company.
>>
Broke into a house and got a gun pulled on me, ran and hid in bushes somehow getting away with my friends
>>
Seeing someone looking for a leg in a lake
>>
>>597662535
/thread
>>
Getting arrested at gun point in Mexico, Happened twice, both times i ended up being free to go
>>
>>597662624

they should make a movie about your life
>>
seeing someone staring at someone looking for a leg in a lake
>>
>>597663222
>they should make a movie about your life
>>
>>597663425
>>597662979
>>597662668
>>597662428

So weird that there are a lot of lake stories in this tread
>>
fucking my gf for 7 straight hours
>>
Being a severed leg in a lake.
>>
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>>597662351
my brother and i got in a fight with thre other guys. im like 20 kg heavyer than my brother, and i grapled and took punches from two of the guys who where desperate to help his friend who was being mangles by my brother, i was almots pissing myself in laughter. the whole scene lasted like 2 min max, my brother rised from the ground, the fellow he bruised didnt, i tossed one of the two i was handling to the side and lifted the last one in the air and slamed him into the ground, my brother was fucking cracking up, the guy i tossed to him ran the fuck out of there...

oh, and we where fucking 11 and 14, they where 14-15


mexico is cray cray
>>
Having sex with a severed leg in a lake
>>
>>597662351
finding a fresh human leg in my local lake.
>>
>>597663222
Yeah it's pretty intense
>>
Eating congealed semen out of a severed leg I found washed up on a lakeshore.
>>
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>>597662351
I found a girl I couldn't fit in, on my birthday last week.

Still came.
>>
gettting my dick sucked by 3 girls in a hot tub
>>
I found a leg in a lake but it took a crane to get it out.
>>
>>597662624
thank you man, i remember that day.
>>
Cutting off some niggers leg and throwing it in the lake
>>
Eating a spooge covered severed leg I found on a homeless man's dick by a lake.
>>
Meeting the Rolling Stones.
>>
>>597662624
You're the reason rs is shit
>>
>>597664071
Thought runescape was shit because of the whiney tweens
>>
>>597662351
being a nigga, some KKK mothafuka axed off my leg and threw it in a lake.
>>
Dreaming about watching a guy who is starring at another who is in an idle gaze at some other dude who is visually locked onto some guy who could see some other guy looking at a severed leg in a lake
>>
I once threw my friend across his own living room. Literally, motherfucker flew like a ragdoll.
What makes that shit even more amazing was that I was 115 pounds and my friend 150 who does judo.
>>
>>597664071
I never really cared, I was there for the scripting
Even forgot the pass to one of my testing accounts which had 25+ mil

That's how badass my life is
>>
Some bitch gave me a box of beer to suck my dick.
>>
>>597664009
story. now.
>>
- Saw 3 public executions
- Best pal was headshot next to me in a playground (we wr10 years old)
Also had dem sandnigger henchmen hunt me down in a foreign country, trying to blow my head off before they realized it was a mix-up
>>
>>597664266
BADASSNESS ACCOMPLISHED.
>>
Probably when I was in high school and I had sex with a hot country girl out in the barn by her house.

Or the time I fucked a blonde stripper who was wearing crotchless underwear.
>>
fucked a fatty, 250lbs......went down on her
>>
>>597662624
That's actually pretty cool.
>>
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>>597662624
>>
>>597662428
For reals though worked as a lifeguard and had to watch over a boat lane and some dumb ass swam into a propeller chopped his leg off we pull him out of the water and let EMS take care of it but our Supervisor was like go find the leg was looking for like two hours never did find that fucking leg.
>>
>>597664358
but... why?
>>
Life
>>
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>>597663222
they should make a movie about your trips m80
>>
Made a girl orgasm for the first time in her life.
>>
>>597662351
If i died all of Europe will have exploded. My heart pulse is connected to a detonator on the gas line that runs all the way through the continent. So yeah there is that... nothing like taking others with you when you go.
>>
>>597664259
I dont think it actually happened the way you remember it :D
>>
Found a severed lake in a leg
>>
>>597662351
threesome with gf and exgf
or the day i saved some lifes in a car crash.... but the threesome was pretty fucking neat
>>
Getting arrested the day of my 21st birthday in Las Vegas for smiling in front of a reality TV camera while walking by. Officer slammed me to the floor and gave me a black eye. My charge was tampering with evidence. So badass
>>
>>597662351

>be in high school
>be in swimming class for P.E.
>playing guard the pin
>it's down to me and one other person on my team
>we have 1 pin left
>enemy has 1 pin left
>my friend gets hit
>I'm the last one left
>fighting almost a full team
>leap out of the water while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!!" at the top of my lungs
>throw the ball
>go underwater
>come back up to a raucous applause
>I actually knocked the pin over
>win the game


I have not led an interesting life
>>
>>597664283
The guy owed me money. Of course I should have known to not trust niggers with financial matters, since they NEVER have any money. My local knights order gives loans out to people, mainly whites. This coon came to our doorstep, and asked us for a loan. I figured, why not. I gave him a month to pay it off. He promised me he would pay it back.

A month passed. we started looking for him. He was fleeing.

So me and the boys got in our pickup truck and we started searching the state. We eventually found him fishing on a lake. We rented a boat, and we went out there. I brought my hatchet with me. Real sharp, I use it to cut chickens heads off. We got out there, and rammed his little boat with such force we knocked him out into the water
>>
Went skydiving
>>
>>597664855
Did the guy lose his leg there?
>>
>>597664836

how does it feel to know that you "peaked" in High School during a game of Guard the Pin?
>>
>>597664855
We wanted our 75 grand back. We yanked em out of the water, and we held him down. I figured we could sell his organs on the black market over in indonesia (I have contacts)

So I asked him if he had the money, and he kept shutting his pants. The shit was starting to bulge in his pants when I dropped the hatchet on his big toe. The shit kept pushing it's way down his pant legs, squishing past my buddy's firm grips on his legs. It was seeping into our boat, mixing with blood from the stumped toe

>>597665137

He was going to, little by little

My buddy let go of his leg, which was limp, washed his hands off in the lake, and went and got some spaghetti from the cooler, and started eating it, watching the nigger try to flail
>>
>>597665327
I asked him why he was eating spaghetti when 75 grand was on the line. He said that it was his mothers special recipe, and he couldn't let it go bad
>>
sucked my own penis.,
>>
>>597665493
I realized that his arms were weak from holding the nigger down. I got another one of my friends who was just fishing off the side of the boat to hold him down
>>
>>597664836

Either that, or the time I told the entire C Lunch that I had herpes(I really don't)

>be 2007
>those Valtrex commercials are everywhere
>"I have genital herpes."
>"And I don't."
>"And we want to keep it that way."
>get an idea
>me and my friend are going to recreate that scene
>walk to middle of lunch room
>have random guy do that super loud finger whistle
>whole lunch room quiets down and looks at us
>now's my time
>I HAVE GENITAL HERPES
>friend is just laughing
>blows his line
>whole lunchroom starts applauding and laughing
>bow
>walk back to my seat
>Teacher in the lunchroom intercepts me and my friend and sends us to the office
>we explain the joke to the principal
>neither of us got in trouble

And that's how I became known as "That Guy With the Herpes."
>>
>>597665686
I finally pushed everyone out of the way. And swung the hatchet down. The leg bone shattered and the leg was sliced off...

My friend vomited on his sweater already, his moms spaghetti flew everywhere. Spaghetti flew out of my pockets as I threw the guy overboard. I started vomiting and mastribating uncontrollably, thinking about his nigger dick in my mouth. My friend shat a long dopey strand of poo and started smearing it all over my body
>>
>>597662351
I fucked Yuna from FFX
>>
I'm fucking shy and all my friends know about it. But...

I went to see a scort. This time I had money, so I went to see a young hot chick. We had a good time and she was really nice. Asked me what I was doing later and I said I was going uot with my friends. She told me that she would too, and maybe we could see each other (this is a small city).

So, I am at this club with my friends, doing what I always do, hold a glass and move my feet like I was dancing and not thinking about punching one of those faggots in the nose, while my friends are trying to talk to every girl in the place. They joke about "lower their standards" and going for the uglier and fatter.

Somebody screams at my ear "look at that one". That same girl I was fucking five hours ago is dancing, in a really tight dress, surrounded by assholes trying to get to her. My friends can't stop staring at her.

She stops dancing, walks to a side of the dance floor and I drink my glass in one shot and drop it (seriously, I droped it), walk to her and say hi.

So from my pals point of view, I talked with the hotter girl in the city for five minutes and then we kissed, dance and left the place together. And I become a legend.
>>
>>597662351
Toured China with my band.
>>
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>>597667218
That's not bad for a shy guy. Hope it gave you a confidence boost.
>>
>>597667563
nope. I still can't talk to girls I never fucked before...
>>
>>597667619
You should treat them the same as if you fucked them before. Fucking you doesn't change them.
>>
Convinced my wife to let me put it in her ass. She took the pain, I took the glory .
>>
Approaching girls, being cool, and having fuck buddies. But then i got into smoking weed and i became retarded
>>
>>597667847
Yes, it does. I'm really good at it, honestly. So before fucking, I'm just a shy and fat weirdo. After fucking, I'm a cool guy, but she's a whore. I'm stuck in that loop.
>>
>19yo
>Fresh out of high school
>Addicted to acid
>took 2000ug
>was peer pressured into driving
>halfway to destination
>start getting ultra paranoid
>convinced my two best friends are feds
>basically hold them hostage in my car for two hours by threatening to crash the car at ludicrous speed
>end up crashing in soybean field
>gets out of car
>run around in the field for a minute
>become convinced that everything is some fucked up simulation and that I need to kill myself in order to become one with myself again
>go back to car
>grab 3ft bong
>break bong on gravel and chase friends
>slice the fuck out of my throat but don't get fatally wounded like I intended
>farmer comes out of his house with a pistol strapped to his side
>all I can think about is the gun
>everything became a blur
>I'm right next to the farmer, and he's pointing the gun at me
>try to force the gun out of his hand
>fail
>he hits my head 3 times
>Become super soldier
>rip the gun out of his hand
>try to shoot myself in the head
>cant get gun to work
>run off into the woods
>bash head into tree full force with running start 3 times
>no results
>finds tree stand
>climbs
>stays there for a minute
>jumps off
>no results
>jump in creek
>tries to drown self
>no results
>decided to give up and resign to my fate
>picked up by swat team a few moments later

I left some of the uneventful parts out. I was charged with home invasion (I accidentally walked through his house, but I didn't do anything) and assault and battery 3. I made a plea deal(the home invasion charge was dropped) and given two and a half years on probation with the stipulation that I was to see a mental health professional as well as some sort of drug counseling for the duration of my sentence.
>>
Survived a car crash.
>be around 8
>christmas in Ecuador with family
>going from one party to another
>ecuador doesnt have normal roads
>everything is on the side of a fucking mountain
>driving up this mountain
>im right in the middle of the back seat
>dad is drunk
>im getting sleepy
>wake up on my side
>headlights blind me
>realize im in the trunk popped open
>"hes waking up!!!"
>some lady runs to me
>see mom crying in the distance
>end up taking taxi to hospital
>fall asleep in hospital
That's my memory. What ended up happening was we were in a crash. Mom said I flew right through the windshield about 30 feet. Cracked my head. Had to get stitches.
>>
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Jumped out of a plane.
Dropped acid in Iran.
Had a gun pulled on me by Serbian mafia.
Flew a dead body with my brother back from a remote town to hand over to the police with on christmas day.
Smoked a black widow spider rolled into a joint.
Swam with a wild dolphin.
Crashed a motorbike drunk.
Had sex with a woman once.
>>
>>597662793
autist detected
>>
>>597667979
Seriously though. Stuck it right in her virgin ass. Deep pain for her, massive satisfaction for me.
>>
>>597662718
same
>>
>>597668706
Can't seem to get back in there though...anybody got good painal?
>>
>>597668215
Yeah, I can't watch the Matrix when I trip or the same kind of shit happens to me, like assault 1, disturbing the peace and reckless endangerment
>>
>>597664531
dat feeling
>>
>>597662351
My daughter was kidnapped by some albanians
I tracked them down in paris and killed their ass and rescued my virgin daughter
>>
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I was shot in my chest by a 40 cal. And lived.
>>
>>597668215
I thought my drinking binges were bad, thanks anon, I feel better about my life now.
>Still here
nvm.
>>
Why the fuck did I friendzone my crush when she came on to me
>>
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Making a gif that has been posted outside of 4chan by people other than me.
>>
>>597662351
climbing like fucking spiderman on abandoned building
Thread posts: 90
Thread images: 9


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