Ilegal/Smart shit you used to do or still do >Early to mid

File: Ikj.png (286KB, 1222x979px) Image search: [Google]

286KB, 1222x979px

bump

The old hucklebuck

I crossed a street when the red light was on

>>589893414
used to always stuff shit in my hoodie at major stores, never got caught just dont go crazy

>>589893414
I Used to do a lot of Red Boxing and Beige Boxing some years ago. Haven't done it in a while though.

I used to fling gum right to next police car's tires and see it stick.

So gangsta.

>>589893414
Send people RATS (remote administration tools)

I would crypt them with a paid crypter
Bind them to torrents, fake hacking tools, fake paypal money extractors etc.

Then i would sy on their webcams and when they were away

FUCK UP the computers booting, Registry, steal all of their credentials, bank accounts, social network accounts

Usually ended it by setting their wallpaper to gay black porn and setting the windows theme to everything pink

Fun times

did it to over 100+ people

Never got caught, were some scary moments though

>>589895966
so leet haxor m8

>>589893414
cursors.io

>>589894444

nice quads faggot

>>589895966
what kind of scary moments?

>>589894444
nice quads

>>589896639
this

Always pirated movies, guess thats illegal.

>2007-2010
>Go to Walmart
>Buy PC games that require Steam and have a code
>Go home and install game to Steam library
>Return game the next day for full refund

Got like 8 copies of Modern Warfare 2 for my friends for free.

>>589897144
That's actually pretty genius

>>589893414
I do this exact same thing with earbuds. I just buy the same pair of $50 earbuds every time my old ones die and then return them for a full refund. Ironically, once or twice I actually had to return the new ones because they didn't work either.

I don't see how earbud technology still hasn't managed to make them last more than five months yet. I'm NOT going to spend a few hundred dollars a year on new ones.

>>589897144
today you cant get refund on games if they are open

>>589896639
I wasn't too smart with covering my tracks, i didn't even use a simple VPN

I would sometimes catch on to certain people that had a different name come up in my RAT program that wasnt set to "victim" as it should

And everytime they were on a barebones set of windows trying to trace back where its coming from, uninstalled the server real quick. cut off internet for atleast 30 mins.

I did to alot of illegal shit, so i always got worried and those types of guys would come up atleast twice a week,, and the whole way that it would connect to them was so awkward, just people smarter than me doing what they do best

The biggest thing i ever did was probably ssteal 3600 euros off of some russian ladies bank account that i key logged and she usually left open, then 300 euros off of her husbands

>>589896639

My mom walked in on me fapping it once.

>>589897359
how do you refund stuff if you've had it for longer than 30 days?

>>589897359
If you just want them to last you need ones with the reel thing. Usually they break because of the cables.

>>589898537
Buy new ones, return old in new packing.

>>589893414
>pre-torrent usa
>buy pc games that come in box with book-cover-like flap on front.
>ends of box have security stickers, can't open them without voiding return policy
>cut box open along inner seam of front flap
>install game, copy cd to hard drive with cdclone
>return cd to box, keep manual
>superglue box back together
>return game to face great suspicion
>pokerface
>stickers are intact
>full refund

Then torrents came along and made it all obsolete.

>>589898537
I think you misunderstood my post. What I do is I buy a brand new pair of the exact same brand/model of earbuds that broke (Skullcandy 50/50, decent) and switch them out. Then I return them as if they were the same ones I just bought. >>589898569
This is true, but you'd think someone would have figured out a practical solution to the wear and tear situation the cables encounter.

>>589899158
Maybe you're just treating them badly? I have got some sennheisers as a gift literally years ago and they're still going strong

>>589898845
Damn, i wish i knew about that back in the day, that's genious

>>589899158
ahhh! yes i did misunderstand that, thanks for the tip, will be doing now

File: 1417209723835.gif (958KB, 250x269px) Image search: [Google]

958KB, 250x269px

>>589895966
so that was you!

I've been canceling and switching the name on my cable bill now for 10 years between myself and my wife so I always get the new customers rate

I had to return some videotapes

File: 1387137298862068.jpg (23KB, 460x446px) Image search: [Google]

23KB, 460x446px

>>589893414
My go to missing work call was never "I'm sick", it was "Family problems". They never questioned it, it's vague enough and embarrassing enough that nobody ever asks

File: Second.jpg (8KB, 200x200px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 200x200px

>>589900733

Stole kinder bueno once cuz i was sooo hungry

File: woogyboogy22.gif (2MB, 425x305px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 425x305px

>>589893414

If you get pulled over driving , act deaf, usually communication in awkard and the cop just leaves>>589893414

>>589893414
You think this shit would still work?

File: dj-nigga-fox.jpg (4MB, 4512x3000px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 4512x3000px

>>589893414
Put clear skateboard grip over your license plate, people can still see it but if they try to take a picture with flash they get a big blur back

>>589894444
Dubs?
Dubs.
/thread

>>589898845
Fag

>>>589898989

>>589893414
I always dress nice and just sit down in first class when im flying, no one ever asks, and god damn the seats are comfortable since im 6'4 masterrace

>>589893414
I like you OP

>Used to work for Walmart
>Keep uniform
>casually walk through the loading zone where I worked in uniform
>take whatever I want pretend I'm working
>go home

>>589900379
Explain a little bit more

I always movie surf for atleast 2-3 movies, its so fucking easy

>>589898845
Now that's fucking genius

>>589895966
Checkem

>>589903152
nice
Whenever I go to a big chain movie theater, I get my tickets from those electronic kiosks they have at the front, and I buy the child's price tickets. They're way cheaper.

The guy ripping the tickets never gives a shit. I'm always prepared to say, "Oops, did I buy a kid's ticket by accident? Sorry!" if I ever get caught, but I've done this at least a dozen times and have never been called on it.

>>589901816
Mah nigga

File: black-gangsta-gay-porn.jpg (164KB, 580x385px) Image search: [Google]

164KB, 580x385px

>>589893414
If you look like you know what you're doing, no one will bother you. To prove this in college, a friend and I walked into the student union holding a clipboard, walked straight over to a table, picked it up and walked out with it without anyone saying anything.

>>589901362
>>589901362
>>589893414
>>>589893414
>You think this shit would still work?
Absolutely, especially at a place like Wal mart where the customer service person likely has no idea what the card is supposed to look like

File: dogz r planes.jpg (54KB, 500x337px) Image search: [Google]

54KB, 500x337px

i distill my own liquors. in my state of residence it is a felony to do it and a misdemeanor to own the product

>>589903733
My friend works with me in the IT dept at our college (we're student workers). One time he walked right into campus safety and took one of their monitors and walked out. no questions asked.

>>589904021
If you're ever bored, try taking it a step further and see if you can get into places that you absolutely should not be allowed to. I ended up in a shareholder's meeting once by claiming that I forgot my ID badge inside when I went out for a smoke break. I didn't do anything and it was boring as fuck, but it's fascinating to know that I can.

>>589903812
I grow shit loads of mushrooms a month.more than the majority will see in their life.
10 bucks to grow a pound i charge 2000 for

File: tumblr_inline_ndaarr2gQy1sn4jdu.jpg (14KB, 500x297px) Image search: [Google]

14KB, 500x297px

>>589902545
If someone is battling you for the arm rest on an airplane cough into that arm then put it back. I fly a lot and shit never failed me

>>589904478
I actually did this one. The guy goes, "nice" then got up and changed his seat.

>>589904213

Magic 'shrooms, I presume?

File: 124.jpg (43KB, 493x361px) Image search: [Google]

43KB, 493x361px

When I was a young lad I'd go to new stands and put porno mags inside of newspapers and buy the newspapers.

(Keep in mind this was pre Internet)

>>589904580
Wow, you got even more elbow room than you bargained for

if you ever lose a phone charger, walk into any hotel and tell them you stayed there and forgot your charger. They'll pull out a box full of them.

File: Photo-10.jpg (872KB, 2592x1728px) Image search: [Google]

872KB, 2592x1728px

>>589893414
I am a student and I like to occasionally visit a local stationary store.

>Go to employee
>Ask to see expensive fountain pens, I want to buy one as a gift for a friend's graduation
>Some pens are kept locked in a large glass display
>She has to turn around to unlock it
>Meanwhile several writing instruments from other displays find their way into my pockets
>No cameras, only a couple other employees, store is huge
>Make her fetch at least 5- 10 different pens before I eventually buy a cheap one to avert suspicion
>Walk out like a boss with pockets full of pic related
>Usually just give them away to friends
>mfw they end up just losing or breaking them
>some other times I just go to other parts of the store and take shit that I need for school

Only once or twice a month though. My tip is always buy something when shoplifting.

this thread is gold

>>589904926
>
>Magic 'shrooms, I presume?

No, portabellos you fucking faggot

fuck this and go to >>589900683
this guy won 4chan

>>589902675
Smart. A bit on the risky side though. If you get caught you might end up getting it big time.

>>589900379
wouldnt they realise that its the same address?

File: cocaine.jpg (3MB, 3464x2309px) Image search: [Google]

3MB, 3464x2309px

>>589893414
A drug dealer in DC taught me to pick my nose if the police are staring at me. No one picks their nose if they think someone is watching them, so it's the ultimate way of being nonchalant

>>589905155
Show me the best pen you have taken?

>>589904213
I would love to get in contact with you I love shroomies

>>589905441

LOLing so hard

>>589905029
dude this i genius!

I did a thing like this when I was young aswell, i took out the cereal of a cereal box, then stuffed it with difference sort of candies.

>>589905441

Kind of expensive for portabellas, I can buy them at the grocery store for way cheaper.

I did a hit and run 7 years ago but nothing happened afterwards so I think they're all fine

>>589893414
They check every item inside to see if it matches up with serial numbers now. I don't know what backwards town you live in but the management in my city are on to criminals like that.

>>589897564
Teach me your ways

>>589905527
multiple apartments, same house

>>589897531

Damn you're retarded anon.

>>589896407
stop you faggot

>>589904926
no. regular ass fucking mushrooms. for $2000 per pound.
god fucking damnit

>>589906475
Back in the day, nobody gave a flying fuck nigga

File: 1334974345986.gif (2MB, 276x225px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 276x225px

At toll booths where you had to throw the change in the bucket....well on the ones that had no people stationed at we would stuff a tshirts down the collection bucket and leave it go for a day. When we would come back we'd have like $120 in quarters

>>589901816
Holy shit, this works?

>>589899158
why would someeone solve an issue like this
broken cables are the main way that earbud companies like skullcandy make their money

but i cant believe i never thought about this idea its genius

>>589893414
OP, didn't customer service open the box and actually check if the gpu was actually in there before they returned it?

>>589905645
Nice try.

>>589896407
fag

>>589907573
what?

>>589901816
Hory shet

>>589907573
Like I give a shit dude I just wanted to see a cool pen

>>589907533
Yes, but it was usually some nigger, or 40 year old woman, or even some regular dude. they had no idea what the fuck they were looking at , it just looks like technology to them, yes they check, but they dont know the difference, as long as something was in the box, you're golden

I spray painted 3 mattresses with the numbers 1, 2, and 4, then threw them in the pool. Took a crane to get them out.

>>589908212
Genius. They thought there was a third.

>>589908051
>it was usually some nigger

Ah ok, you must live in the south.

>be me
>be like 13 or 14
>hang out with this one family of beaners regularly
>they were all super trashy and dicks to e and everyone else
>i had no other friends so hanging out with them was about all i could do with my free time
>they get foreclosed on from their original house
>move into nicer house somehow down the street
>one day while i am hanging with them they decide to go into old house and fuck shit up, vandalize shit
>me, one of my lesser friends at the time, beaner brothers, and a few of their friends all go into the house, and just wreck the place
>walls all smashed in, banister ripped off, don't remember who but someone brought a fucking sledgehammer and destroyed the tiling in the kitchen, ceiling fan on the floor glass back door broken, you get the jist
>like a week later buddy that was there too told me that the beaner brothers and their few friends were going to court, for vandalism or whatever
>be shitting myself for a few days cuz i thought i was gonna get arrested
> not too long after my mom comes up to me one day and says "if i ever see you with those boys again, ill let them take you"
>tfw mom just let off the hook for that shit
>lifeofawhiteman.jpg

File: KFC-Obama.jpg (108KB, 900x897px) Image search: [Google]

108KB, 900x897px

>>589893414
Occasionally, when I go through a particular KFC drive-thru five minutes before closing, a three-piece meal order magically turns into an 8-piece with a large side or two.

>>589908303

Plus, they craved that mineral. Also, check 'em. No?

>>589897359
Planned obsolecense. Look it up. Thomas edison started it.

>>589908402
pennsylvania actually

>>589908740

Good movie called The Light Bulb Conspiracy covers this.

>>589893414
Always carry a gun in the glove compartment and a shovel in the trunk

>>589893414
this ones pretty good
>hang with these two guys every day
>the 3 of us were poor stoners
>one day we cut class and go down to the superstore to steal shit
>we go to the eating area and notice that the K-cup dispenser had like 2$ credit in the machine
>try to buy a coffee
>didnt work
>friend a goes and gets an employee and tells her that the machine ate his money (it actually didn't he just wanted the toonie)
>she walks over, types in a code
>a menu pops up (mind you shes doing all of this right in front of us)
>open change drawer
>"clunk"
>she pulls out the change drawer gives us the toonie, we can see the drawer is full of toonies and loonies
>closes it and walks away
>we all look at each other in awe

we all saw the code to open the drawer. we used to go there at lunch and on our off classes and steal like 45$ in toonies and loonies, and spend it on weed, pizza and cigarettes. id say since we started doing it till i graduated we pulled an easy 1000$ out of that machine without anyone batting a fucking eye

>>589905124
genius 10/10 will try

>>589893414
Create a great game for the IOS (iPhone / iPad), but litter it with In-App-Purchases

>>589909486
the fuck are toonies and loonies?

>>589905124
this isn't life hacks bitch

>>589901155
I'd never have the balls to do this

>>589909700
Canadian $1 and $2 dollar coins

>>589908051
I've seen footage on the news where people have done this and then security detains them and they get slapped with a petty theft charge. It's not worth it imo.

>>589901155
Did this once when I got called by the police for not pulling over fast enough. My brother picked up the phone and handed it to me saying it was the cops so I put on a deaf voice and said that I couldn't hear them because my hearing aid was broke. They dropped it and for the first time I had earned my brothers respect.

>>589909779
anon is a pussy

>>589909486
>toonies and loonies
[explanation needed]

>>589909849
oooooooooooooooooooooooohh
>Canadian

>>589893414
Once I took a piece of chewing gum and stuck it over the barcode of a toy at a K-Mart.

No clue why I did it, but I did

>>589909700
cartoons m8 like on the telly

>>589893414
Steal toilet paper from bathrooms

>>589909700
newfag detected

>be 1980s.
>get involved in stock market
>get involved in insider trading.
>get hooked up with swoops (google it)
>make 28 million in 18 mos.
>SEC gets wind of it.
>Come down on me like house on wicked witch.
>end up making deal
>Give it to them or go to prision for 20 years.
>Don't wanna share a cell with Bubba.
>Give it all back to them. no jail time.
>Permanently banned from stock market.
>Broke again but no fucks given.
>Walking free.
>My face when.
>No face.

>>589893414
Tell a girl you can never finish from a blowjob. everyone wins

File: image.jpg (18KB, 375x375px) Image search: [Google]

18KB, 375x375px

>work at store between 16-18 yo
>me and accomplice would work tills / checkouts
>steal around £100-200 a week, making sure we crashed the till computer after each shift
>never got caught but suspected
>because I was on tills I could let people pass through without scanning some items
>family / friends stole around £600 of stock during my tenure

my old boss used to think I was lazy for not working many hours a week

>>589910628
i woulda stopped right at 1million
come on bro you coulda had your life pretty much done

File: 124629996.jpg (201KB, 1280x1024px) Image search: [Google]

201KB, 1280x1024px

Ugh fuck this one should be kept a secret but whatever. Next time you're at your dentist or any place that has a layout of various magazines, take a picture of the barcode, address, and name. When you get home thats all the information you'll need log into the online version of the magazine. Either that or set it up on your iPad and enjoy free versions of magazines forever.

>works for rolling stone, time, economist, etc.

>>589909849
Barney Stinson makes fun of Canada: http://youtu.be/LAwhYbik3bg -relevant

>>589910628
you miss them ludes bro?

>>589911242
Nice

>>589910079
1$ and 2$ coins from canada
im just too used to calling them by that name sorry for the confusion

>>589911242
who the fuck reads magazines
who the fuck needs magazines to the extent that theyll do all of that?
>this one should be kept secret but whatever.
wow man wtf

>>589911106

I was shooting for thirty mil when busted. Damn near did it, too.
At one point me and some insiders got word on a swoop on some major hospital supply stock that was going to be bought up by some huge corp. Put up five mil. If that'd come off would have netted about 20 mil. Buyer never came through, stock bottomed out. Lost the five mil, plus 2 more. Bad day, man.

>>589893414
Call up your TV provider, and tell them you want to stop using them. To keep your business they will offer extra channels. When the channels run out, repeat the process. I have had NFL Sunday Ticket on Directv for 3 years straight now for free.

>>589910441
I used to do that when I was homeless. I would also fill a plastic sandwich bag with the soap in public restrooms.

>>589911242
>set it up on your iPad
what if i dont have an iPad?

>>589911489
kek

>>589911857
damn dude, i dont even know how id be able to go on after losing that. everyday i would be pissed the fuck off that i couldve been rich

File: Filthy_Frank.png (624KB, 707x576px) Image search: [Google]

624KB, 707x576px

>>589893414
Here's a classic. Drive over to your 7/11 of choice. Fill up a Slurpee and drop some candy bars in that bitch. Make sure the candy bars aren't showing. Cover the Slurpee and pay for it. Free Snickers bitch.

>>589911106
I agree, you'd have to be pretty dumb to make yourself stand out with something like that.

>go to nice restaurants as a kid
>ask to use the phone or bathroom
>walk around stealing tips off tables if they took their eyes off me

>>589911745

>Toonies because two dollar coins.

>Loonies because loon (bird) on one side.

>>589912336

It's just money. You learn to think of it that way. No attachment.

>>589912637
still a cool fucking story though

>go to mcdonalds buy large soda.
>save plastic cup
> free refills for life

>>589912336
it's just a lie, the stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Damn! So much bullshit trailerpark penny annie shit. Not even worth the time if you get caught. Too stupid for me to even think about. Six months for a snickers bar? No thanks. Y'all are fuckin crazy!

>>589912380
Well shit, that's a good one.

>>589912904
lol i do that all the fucking time
>car littered with mcdonalds drink cups
>grab one that theres nothing festering in the bottom of
>walk in, fill it up and leave
free pop lol

>>589912903

Nice thing is it really happened. God Bless Ronald Reagan for deregulating everything!

>worked at investment bank, IT
> seconded to a satellite ( small) office
>responsible for hardware
> rope delivery guy and other teammate into stealing equipment.
>walk out in broad daylight with 3 cages worth of computers and crt monitors
>planned it like oceans 11

other time
> support for planned power down ( no power in building to check resiliency)
> realise no cameras will be on.
> Steal a projector, hook it up at home
> panicked women comes around days later asking me if i seen projector
>nope.

>>589894444
Quads
>>589896499
Dubs
>>589896688
Double dubs
>>589901818
Kind of dubs?

>>589895966
im forwarding this post to the fbi because fuck you

>>589913048
ive been caught stealing from corner stores about 50 times. they're not gonna bother calling the police over a fucking candy bar and even if they do the police arent gonna do all that paperwork over a fucking candy bar. they usually just tell you to put the shit back and fuck off

>>589906542
RAT's lets you see the other persons desktop and what they are writing without them knowing. you can also control allot of things on their computer without them knowing via the RAT. like change background, see and copy what ever file on their computer with out it showing up on their screen.
just google how to use rat.
you get a tool that creates viruses (trojan horses) that lead to your ip
then you get a crypter that make it so anti-viruses don't detect it.
rename and change the icon to whatever you want
profit

>>589912919
Obvious newfag. Everyone knows that is only there in case FBI raid the place again.

>>589913048
That is a fact of life anon: committing crimes is not worth it if you are caught. The government makes sure that punishments always outweight monetary gain. Unless of course you are some giant super corporation

File: st_swisher.jpg (129KB, 549x598px) Image search: [Google]

129KB, 549x598px

>>589913048

>>589895966

Congratulations! You just won the Biggest Faggot Of The Century award! Now pull your pants down and bend over so I can give you your trophy!

>>589897564
now i know you are full of shit. you cant just take money out of a bank account online without the bank know or returning it the next day. fuck off scrub

>>589893414
robbed 12 spray cans by simplying putting them in a sting bag walking out with them then proceed to climb the same store with my friends and draw a sizeable coloured cock on the building which was visible for about half a mile not really smart but its illegal and i got away with it

>>589913182
If you come into my McDonalds, I would gladly tell you to fuck off. That shit never works.

Worked at a Mcdonalds for a while my freshmen year, most of the workers dont get paid enough to give half a shit anyway.

>>589913399
>one out of every 10 posts ends in dubs
>still thinks its something special or unique
>derp

>>589913605
If you believe that story then you'll definitely believe the one where I fucked your mom up her ass.

>>589912919
nigga fuck you

>>589904213
Where do you buy your spores?

>>589914026
You jelly at my double dubs niggah

>>589913285
dont forget your autism meds

If you buy a can multipack of Pepsi, monster etc. Use the self service, twist the can inside the plastic wrapper and use the bar code on the can rather than the wrapping. It means you get 6 for the price of 1.

>>589913964
The actually pay you enough to give a shit? kek

toilet paper packages have plenty of little holes you can drop shit in, free chapsticks and what not.

At wallmart the under carriage of shopping carts is a place to put dog food bags or whatever large shit you want look for the shortest cashier you can and sometimes you can get by them as they can see over the dam counters, just makesure your allready buying a lot of shit first or it will be obvious and all the bags block the view on your way out.

>>589913964
and id tell you to fuck off as well. how do you know i wasn't just eating my food in the car park and decided i wanted more pop

I routinely park more than 18" off a curb..because I'm a rebel.

>>589895966
awww thats cute a script kiddie found his first rat that was probably backdoored and the op was being spied on himself. how ironic.

>>589913964
during lunch rush you wouldn't notice.

File: 232224e2.jpg (35KB, 576x432px) Image search: [Google]

35KB, 576x432px

>>589893414
>Used to "crack" passwords for pornsites for fame and fortune
>Stumble upon a flaw in a sites CCBill script
>Gain access to the server
>Database filled with thousands of credit cards, unencrypted
>Card shit for months and send everything to a friends house, he was cool with it as long as he got a cut
>Pawn mobile phones and other shit
>Nobody ever got caught

Ahhhh, the early days of interwebs.

>>589905541

I would never shake hands with you!

>>589903733
Hahahaha....we used to steal traffic cones like this, when I was in the army. We'd just get out of the car in uniform, pick them up, put them in the trunk, and drive off. Don't look around and look suspicious and no one is gonna say shit.

>>589914490
or maybe the RAT was backdoored, and the guy spying on OP was also being spied on because of a double-backdoor.
..or a frontdoor

>2014
>befriend people on Steam
>get close to them, eg find out facebook, etc
>d0x them
>black mail them with their details
get free games, skins, whatever I want really.

>>589914410
Because it's called soda, midnorth fag.

>>589913834
How is middle school going for you?

>>589914037
13 year old confirmed.

>>589914511
you are full of shit fuck off newfag

>>589905541
Or looking nervous as fuck

>>589915050
Did It ruin your fake story samefag?

>>589913834
hahahahaha yeah man middle school was the shit.
just running around being little assholes for no reason

>>589914970
>midnorth fag.
i live in canada, literally everyone calls it pop here

>>589915093
No.

>>589912185
steal one nigger

>>589915367
this nigga still goin on about some stupid bullshit
just dont reply brah

>>589914296
self checkouts have scales.

Laminate a $5 leave a long tail on it slip it in coin changer get quarters pull $5 back out by tail

>>589915116
this

>>589914037
keked

>>589914401
forgot to mention obviously have the money to pay if you get caught, the main part is to take you time unloading the shit out of the cart so by the time you have half the shit out you have have a few bag sready to go blocking the bottom of the cart.

used to shoplift porno mags from convenience stores and sell them round school.

>>589914296
Most self serve stations have scales

>>589915637

Saw some homeless faggot do that, once. Cop saw him. He tried to deny. Ended up getting the shit beaten out of him by five cops for being asshole. Ended up in hospital then jail for a year. All that for five fucking dollars in coins. What a dumb shit!

>>589914247
>lieve that story then you'll
algora

>>589910372
the fuck is a telly

>At high school
>Teacher had to go for some reason, told class we have one hour free until she returns
>We walk around the empty halls for a while, everyone else is the classrooms
>Eventually everyone decides to go outside and chill
>Play some football, derp around doing typical high school stuff
>suddenly I have an epiphany
>a cunning plan starts to take shape in my mind, as if satan himself had whispered in my ear
>pretend to be going to the bathroom
>I go back to empty classroom, see everybody's schoolbags n shit is just laying around
>thisisit.jpeg
>decide I want to play a big prank on this girl
>open her bag
>she has a phone
>mfw phones are banned at our school because muh microwave raydeeayyshun gon fry ur brain
>it's not even locked
>yes.webm
>now thinking at 1000 gajillion teraflops per second
>the possibilities are endless
>must search for nudes
>search pics, nothing
>must search for embarrasing messages
>or text/call someone she knows?
>maybe steal the phone
>ain't nobody got time fo dat
>decide not to hang around any longer in case I get caught
>she had it on silent, I put it on full volume and set an alarm to go off during the next class
>sure enough it does
>she is shocked and embarrased, starts crying
>teacher is strict as fuck, she gets detention
>they never even suspected me

aaahh... good times

>>589916200

Fuckin eight year old detected.

>Telly's a fucking television you aspie retard fuck!

>>589916200
the sticky fluids coming out of your moms vagina

>>589915497
i live in toronto and almost everybody calls it soda

>be me
>go to home depot
>go directly to paint section
>grab the designer paint $40/can
>take 2-3 cans directly to return section and refund with no receipt
>do this 3-4 times per week at diff stores, the bay, eatons, anywhere that didnt require receipt for return
>do this all through high school and never got caught

>>589915999
Unexpected item in fucking bagging area!!

One of these days I'm gonna put a fist through the screen.....

>>589910628
How can they even proof you had insider knowledge? I mean suspicion is one thing but if someone tells you what will happen, that person would be an idiot to confess because they won't have anything on him.

File: 1310481500822.jpg (36KB, 805x669px) Image search: [Google]

36KB, 805x669px

>>589916200
It means telephone you silly goose

>>589909349
i live in england

File: 060.png (78KB, 500x475px) Image search: [Google]

78KB, 500x475px

>>589916414

File: da-fuck_o_166514.jpg (27KB, 500x340px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 500x340px

>>589914261
choose not to believe me if you wish.. dont le tthe fact i'm tryping this out on a hp z6000 dual quad knocked from another investment bank deter you.

IT runs the bank.

>>589916414
wow, you're a criminal mastermind

>>589916414
wow edgelord3000

>>589916527
thats because you dont live in canada, well technically you do but everyone knows toronto is basically the us. and also mudslime central ew

>>589916562
Or calls the attendant

Pop ftw. 585

>>589916527
That wouldn't work because the item is still scanned inside of their database. Nice story though.

>>589916568

Early days of stock market tracking computer software. Inside buys/sells have a unique pattern in stock trade records. If buy before a corp buys stock or announces buy, is always suspicious. SEC watches for shit like that. Covers (the guys I worked with) swore we wouldn't be tracked/caught. Nope.jpg. Always risky in any case.

>>589917058
same when i lived in vancouver. u just dont wanna be wrong huh

I post fake job ads on craigslist for positions I am interested in. I get tons of resumes from people who are looking for similar positions in my area. Then I make sure my resume stands out from the rest when I apply for a real job.

>>589916806
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

>>589904580
>win

>>589912919
moot wrote this. moot is a gay black jew.

>>589917186
what you said doesnt even make sense.

also, the only thing that didnt work, is a lot of stores had policys about no cash refund above $150 or so.

>>589912380
Did this a bunch of times, then they switched from paper cups to see through plastic :(

>>589917264
Genius... How you don't have a solid gig?

>>589917748
It makes sense to anyone above the age of 12

>>589912919

>Proof it didn't happen or GTFO!

File: w89efwoiejf.jpg (57KB, 720x540px) Image search: [Google]

57KB, 720x540px

>>589916414
full autism mode activated

>>589917257
>vancouver
>implying its any different
apart from swapping out the mudslimes for gooks

>2015
>living in canada
>not sticking to the maritimes or alberta
yeh have fun with that

>>589913048

File: Bananas.jpg (1MB, 3008x2000px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 3008x2000px

When using a self-checkout, weigh everything as if it were bananas. One pound of Starbursts? 38 cents. Earbuds are bananas. Drinks are bananas. Everything is bananas. Plus, you walk out with a receipt so nothing looks sketchy about it.

>>589917264

That''s some good shit. Bravo

>>589917031
this...ha

>>589914410
>>589914970
It's called coke, you yankees....

>>589909349
You...must not live in America...

File: X0lOwH9.jpg (183KB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [Google]

183KB, 1920x1080px

>>589918010
This shit is bananas...

>>589918042

First truly cool thing I've seen posted here that wasn't aspie retard hurr durr "I stole shit" post.

>Two internets for you, sir!

>>589897531
you return for a new copy son

>>589914991
im from the uk so i have no fucking clue what that is but this all went down about 12 years back maybe more or less

Years ago I didn't want to tollbridge so I took shortcut. I'm only car on this alt bridge. Thought that's weird. other side construction workers saw me driving looked at me like I was retarded but fuck you guys didn't have to pay toll.

File: 1406082277309.png (81KB, 161x208px) Image search: [Google]

81KB, 161x208px

>>589915604
>>589915999
>>589916562
>Unexpected item in fucking bagging area
>"Not bagging this item"
Do your walmarts not give you this option? Always does for me.

>>589918196
>wants some root beer
>hey can i get a coke
>this isnt fucking root beer what the fuck
logic.....

>shoplift at virgin megastore and HMV oxford street London - best haul was way over 300 pounds worth of games and dvd's (not bad for 14 year old)
>sign up fake referrals to amazon's refer a friend (£5 each "friend") by using fake email addresses I set up made a lot of money doing this.
>use fake emails to get free stuff - telling companies I was from official magazones and getting stuff sent to 'review'
>working at a checkout and stealing card info to buy shit off amazon
>signing up for credit cards with fake names to empty addresses and stealing via post getting pin and info, withdrawing up to £7k via ATM's wearing motorbike helmet.

>put hand between ass crack and wiped it in large Maccas/king refill cups and left them around the store/in and out.

>>589918632
to elaborate you put it on the floor, the pallet of whatever you're paying for just one of the item of

>>589893414
Putting pennies up my ass. always gives me the upper hand

>>589917264
Anon has reached level 50.
Anon has learned "How to make his CV stand out".

Thank you other Anon, this Anon is actually quite grateful.

>>589914401
this.
and if you build shit and need like 20 pieces of plywood, snag a sticker off cheap shit like underlayment(about 6$/sheet) and put onto say, cabinet grade plywood(40$/sheet) and ring up with stupidest looking nigger. they dunno wtf it is. added bonus-if you dont need it you can return without receipt and get gift card for what you do need. or be a crackhead and sell to someone for 75% of value.

>>589913048
>penny annie

It's penny ante. You'd know that if you were old enough to have played poker for money.

All you dumb shits are going to make Bubba very happy!

>His dick will never be dry again!

>>589916069
explain how you know the length of the random homeless mans jail sentence

>>589916596
hahaha... no.

It means TV.

>>589912637
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AS FUCKING IF
you'll die having a fraction of the amount of success and happiness you could have had if you'd just played it safe
Although you probably would have fucking it all up if you had money anyways.
9/10 It's the person not the company

>>589919154
ohhhhh caught out

THIS THREAD IS FUCKING GOLD

>>589918786
Well if you're from somewhere where coke is the term, the other person would ask, "What kind?".

>>589919381
>yeh ill get a root beer coke
>or a coke coke
>or maybe a 7up coke
its fucking retarded

>>589919154

Because I was the security guard that saw him doing it, pointed him out to the cop that was there talking to me. Saw cop later that week, told me the guy got a year so fuck you and your penny annie brain.

>>589919154
What if Anon was homeless man. Then who was phone?

>>589917833
>>589917264
because hes autistic most likely

Go to an all you can eat ribs place and ask for a box to put the bones in for your dog. This way you can put whole ribs in for later consumption.

>>589917833
holy fuck this is so brilliant.

>>589919381
Here in Ireland it's coke, hardly anybody drinks anything but the normal stuff here anyway.

>>589919652
penny ante you moron. Also, cops are not legally alllowed to give those details out and most of them don't even know the information from the trial themselves.

>>589919135

Okay, dumb aspie shit. Who was the president in 1976? Who was he in 1980? 1984? 88? 92? (this one always gets those who weren't alive then.)

>InB4 googleit. NO YOU CAN'T GOOGLE IT FAGGOT>

>>589919589
That's not how it works dumbass.

>>589917200
Ah, ok thanks

>>589920133
oh well im done arguing over fucking pop anyways. i need a life

I used to sell drugs when I was younger. I lived in a large suburban area, and there was a fairly sizable Mormon population there. Whenever I'd go to re-up (only time I'd ever have drugs in the car) I'd dress up as a Mormon (white short sleeve shirt shirt tucked in, black tie, black dress pants) and have a copy of The Book of Mormon and a banana sitting on the front seat. I got pulled over once and he left me off with a warning; I had two pounds of pot in the trunk.

>>589919950

>12 yo definitely detected. If your faggot detector is going off the scale it's because you're pointing it at yourself.

>>589919589
I'm from the south. All soft drinks in general terms are coke.
Went to Michigan, got offered pop when I was like 13...literally thought waitress was offering me drugs.

>>589920072
The autism is strong in this one.

>>589912380
nice

>>589920394

>You're pointing the detector the wrong way. Stop scanning yourself.

>>589920353
lol

>>589905541
genius I love it

>>589919031
ASS PENNIES!!!

>>589920353

>Grape drank!

>>589893414
>be me
>be working at dick's sporting goods circa 2007 as baseball lead
>be out of baseball due to age (22) but still have little brother playing high school ball
>brand new Hybrid bat due to come out, we get first shipment, not in the system yet
>i plan swiftly and flawlessly
>i open a yoga mat and roll one of these bats up inside it ($500 bat)
>plant it in the soccer aisle in a cart.
>friend nonchalantly walks in, grabs cart, buys mat with cashier i've already recruited.
>stashes bat in my vehicle
>drives to different location two days later and returns the yoga mat for full refund.
>Give little brother the bat for 17th bday gift. he was aware it was hot merchandise lol

>>589918010
That's , a very good idea. Would love to see the look on a cashier if he suspects something and you have like 20 different bananas there.

>>589916414
made me laugh because you are so stupid, nice story man

>>589919950
>implying police follow laws

File: 1419998385648.jpg (470KB, 711x1000px) Image search: [Google]

470KB, 711x1000px

>in high school
>they got new desktops
>Become head of school newspaper
>last one out of class
>steals a shitload of computers piece by piece
>Sold on ebay making anywhere to 20.00 to 130.00 a pop on parts

>years pass
>work at staples
>fix computers
>used to take out ram, swap hard drives and steal the 'recycled' desktops
>sold parts on ebay and made about 4000.00 a month
>never caught.

>Be last year
>works a walmart
>In charge of high ticket electronics
>daily I have to lock computers and games up
>no camera in Electronics(shitty walmart)
>Steals about 4 games a week and laptops
>Manager finds out-
>that I stole a Energy Drink
>Fired but made tons of money

>Be Present
>In military
>Work a Weapon Pool and live in barracks
>Steals Parts to weapons(mostly M16/a2 parts and ammo)
>Steals high ticket electronics from barracks rats
>Make killing weekly
>military pays me 2100.00 a month
>Profit about 1700.00 weekly.

I need a new hobby.

>>589920790
grape drank is for niggers

>>589919589
>coke coke
lol'd

File: image.jpg (42KB, 551x368px) Image search: [Google]

42KB, 551x368px

>>589913344
Will do

>>589921350

If you're that good, keep doing it

>>589905441
My fucking sides

File: 1409453976106.jpg (10KB, 251x223px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 251x223px

>>589918010
except the guy weighing all his items

>>589916176
Agora deepwev or spain algora

>>589920072

Dude, anyone can google that. But here's your list.
>1972: No clue. Carter Maybe?
>1980: Reagan, 8 years
>1988: Bush Sr., 4 years
>1992: Clinton, 8 years

>>589902545
>finding a way to squeeze "your" height into the post
>completely irrelevant
If being masterrace is only about height, and not intelligence, you win.

>>589919652
Because people who break the law are totally sentenced within the week

My brother is friends with a bunch a luddites, they want free movies. I buy a cheap portable hdd, load it up with shit loads of TV series, movies, music. Everything I usually torrent for myself. Sell it on for usually £30 over what I paid for the hdd.

No shortage of morons.

>>589922042
nice. you just did this kid's homework.

>>589904021
At our school we do this with old computers... Everybody knows that we're from the computer science class, so nobody gives a shit when we're carrying computers out of school

>>589922061
shortfag detected

>be me going into gamestop to buy new game.
>Go to counter, gorgeous woman working there.
>I fall instantly in love but beta shy as fuck.
>Try to talk to her, spaghetti falls out of my mouth onto counter.
>Choke back stray sketti strands, try to smile.
>She giggles, looks at me like I'm cute or something, starts going all shy, too.
>Tries to say something, spaghetti falls out of her mouth onto counter.
>We both stand there staring at it then at each other.
>Suddenly gorgeous counter girl tears off top like raging ape.
>She leaps over counter, snatches me up like mad sasquatch and races out the door with me under her arm.
>She hollers something incomprehensable and we're off flying, spagetti flying from all pockets.
>Land in remote forest region.
>She grabs her head and pulls.
>Off comes mask and she really is magic purple sasquatch.
>HUGE BOOBS.
>She throws me to the ground, spaghetti flying everywhere now.
>Happily rapes me into blissful unconsciousness.
>Shit was so cash, man.

>friend worked, closed liquor store at night.
>friend turned lights off in store before closing.
>we then raided store for free booze. Got fucked up just about every night.
>sometimes we'd go back to store to restock for our friends and the occasional slut.
>owner never kept up with inventory. Seemingly didn't give a shit. He owned a golf course too.
>fuck those were the days

>>589922560

Good. Teachers that give homework that simple are obviously morons, and their students have better shit to do that spend time googling presidents.

>>589920072
>president in 1976
jimmy carter - And he continued to be jimmy carter for the rest of his life.

you're retarded.

>>589922681
Ok.

>>589921350
nah man just keep going, you're doing something right.

>>589914970
*FIZZY DRINK

>>589907268
This is fucking gold

>>589917264
I like it

File: 13 of 10.jpg (93KB, 640x427px) Image search: [Google]

93KB, 640x427px

>>589922978

lul