Funny Stoner Situations Thread! >"I was so high&quo

>>580156598
Second link got messed up here it is
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TyaAsZoLM0#t=115

>>580156598
Fucking moron

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>>580156598
gonna bump with comics til i remember one

>be me
>be high right now in a year
>wish there's a stoner thread on /b/
>find this thread

Fuck yeah cthulu you legendary god fuck

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4gHP2zF0NE

"Woah I better go sit down"
"Your sitting down bro"
"Oooo okay"

>>580157207
2nd line is supposed to say
>be high right now for the first time in a year

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>>580157207
>be high right now in a year
>right now in a year
>be high
nigga you high

>>580156598

tumblr gif.

/thread

>>580157272
OMG LOL

>>580156807
^this

>>580157370
it's been a while and my friend decided to put a gram of weed in one fat one with no baccy, good times were had

>>580157518
Dude don't thread your own reply, go mung a corpse

>>580156598
>be me
>just got home from smoking with friends
>chipotle to go mmmm
>about to eat burrito
>my dad and his friend had a steak making competition
>wanted me to try steak and say which is better
>tried one
>tried second but didnt swallow it
>ask my mom if i can just spit it out so i can eat my burrito
>mom gives me wierd look and just tells me to eat it
>mfw they didnt suspect a thing

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SAW YOU STEP OUT OF ROOM 209
SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND A TEARDROP IN
YOUR EYE. YOU'D BEEN STICKIN NEEDLES IN YER ARMS, ALWAYS SAID THAT IT DIDN'T DO NO HARM BUT LOOK INTO YOUR FACE AND WHAT DO i SEE?
MISERY AND DESPAIR LOOKING BACK AT ME.

ONE MORE DAY, THEN A LONG TORMENTED NIGHT.
ONE MORE DAY IN ANOTHER WASTED LIFE

>>580157863
Has anyone in this thread has ever gone to taco bell with some serious munchies?

>>580157819
who the fuck puts tobacco with weed.
What the fuck man

that's like how you are meant to smoke it

>>580157152
awww

>get high with friends
>decide to eat at ihop
>I am a bookworm goofy ass motherfucker
>all friends are athletes
>4 am after night out drinking
>cops sit next to us
>12 guys sitting next to 4-5 cops
>we are laughing having fun not giving any fucks
>studying for lsat and interning at a famous local lawyer
>cops suddenly decide they are going to break up our breakfast and be dicks
>we want to search your vehicles
>I take out my wallet
>pull out my business card
>I realize its not my business card
>its the owner of the firms card
>he thinks I own the firm
>defense lawyer
>ask him for a warrant or probable cause to justify him to search our vehicles
>"well hurr durr you guys are acting boisterous in a public setting and it befits me as a public officer to make sure your obeying the law and not holding any illegal substances"
>I burst out laughing
>Cop gets red faced
>friends are all ghastly and telling me to shut up
>ask cop for his badge number
>his name
>he gets red faced and says I don't have to give you that
>I can't breathe at this point
>other cops stand up and come over to help the 3 officers fucking with us
>"whats the problem?"
>this officer wants to search our vehicles without a warrant
>I continue laughing
>officer 1 hands officer 5 my business card
>older officer sighs and apologizes for the interruption
>they leave us alone
>we keep laughing
>go home and pass out

Woke up the next day and didn't remember shit it was pieced together by friends.

I could have literally been arrested and charged with possession of marijuana + dui + fraud for representing myself as a member of the bar.

>tfw I bullshitted my way out of a major offense and saved my career by not having any fear and laughing at a cop in a public setting
>tfw they were scared of my law firms clout
>tfw I had no idea how close I came to losing everything in the moment

>>580158214
walked through a mc donalds drive through and bought like 48 chicken nuggets!

>>580158383
Whatever gangsta it's the way everyone I know smokes it, always have done. I'm ukfag where you from?

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>420 in vancouver
>aimlessly stumble around while listening to Floyd, stoned as fuck just from breathing the air
>stumble into a random tent
>yo what're you guys selling?
>silence
>suddenly notice the cop uniforms
>suddenly notice the badges
>mfw i stumbled into the security tent

and then i got a japodog pic related

>>580158705
New Zealand
no one puts tobacco with weed here... ever
ruins the taste

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>>580158383
Lots of people. Especially British people. I'm not British, though. It helps spread out your weed if you ain't rich, and some people thinks it smooths out the flavor, or makes it smoke better, or whatever.Just adding a dash here and there spices it up. Not the blunt tobacco, but some shit like white owl, out of the tin, like prince Albert.

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ok anybody know a good name or can think of one? for a growing company in WA.
wholesale to dispensaries not retail.

Last night had mad munchies, went to 7/11 to get coke and ice cream, get to register to pay, pull out tv remote from pocket, wallet was still on couch.

Cashier looks at my bloodshot eyes and bursts out laughing, which made me laugh uncontrollably for a solid minute

Legend gave me shit for free and said go home and chill dude

Mission accomplished

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>>580156598
>Smoking weed
>Listing to Kid A
>Knock on the door
>Ohshititsthefuzz.jpg
>Pigs smell weed
>Tell us to show them the weed
>Say its on the phone book
>Tell us to show them the weed
>Say its on the phone book
>Tell us to show them the weed
>Its on the god damn phone book!
>They say oh... look at it and tell us to flush it down the toilet
>Done
>They leave
>Go to piss
>See weed floating in the toilet
>Dry it out in the microwave
>I smoked toilet weed with my friends

>>580156598
>be me
>be at friend's house, 1 am after night out at the pub
>grows his own in a closet, hydroponics
>we pass around a lovely spliff, he puts on Flight of the Conchords, funny shit
>eventually realize I have to run to my mom's house to let their dogs out while they're out of town
>"dude are you sure you're okay, this stuff is pretty potent"
>feelnormal.jpg
>walk to car, get in, start engine, find radio station
>push down pedal
>suddenly realize: time is moving extremely slowly
>car kind of stretches out forward as I push on gas
>guy singing on radio starts to get real base voice like a record off pitch control
>car rolls along slowly, barely moving
>approach a yellow light, stays yellow for about ten minutes
>eventually just turn anyway, sick of waiting
>car barely moving, speedo says 30 mph
>I put on on cruise control, my hands moving like glaciers
>Passed a cop and had to be careful not to look funny at him, I'm sure every facial movement must look like a spastic fit to him
>Radio now sounds like a low rumble in the distance
>Drive was 8 miles
>it took an entire week
>arrive at 1:20, let dogs out, they're basically floating in midair
>strip down to my panties and get in their pool
>the water is so heavy it's like quicksilver around my body
>the moon was full and filled up most of the sky
>I moved my torso up to the water-jet of the pool and had an orgasm that must have taken hours
>dried off, slid my clothes back on, let the dogs back in, got in the car
>it's 1:30
>Go home, I have to work in 8 hours
>Drive home takes six months
>In bed at 2:00 am, go right to sleep

That weed is amazing.

>>580158929
I'm betting you guys probably get better quality than we can get over here seeing as you guys can grow it in the wild, could be why you don't have to mix

>>580159125
>>580158883
>>580158481

I fucking lost it. you guys are my heroes omg lol

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>>580159168
I used to smoke in this back room all the time, in my garage, with tons of different people. one day, I looked down and noticed the floor was COVERED in those loose bits that fall off after you grind the weed, sort it, roll it, the loose bit that falls out the tip of the blunt, all that shit.So I collected it all up, cleaned it and such, and I had about 2.5G.I smoked it with my sister, and it was pretty good actually.Imagine 2.5 grams of ground up weed, but it's like 100 different kinds of weed.It's like a melting pot of pot.I called it some "Floor weed", 'cuz its from the floor, and gets you floored!

>>580156598
125.238.133.251
ok

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>Be me and two friends need a place to smoke
>Ride bikes down to a field behind housing developments
>Smoke, good time, cool bugs, soft tall grass
>Ridin back to friends place
>Cop comes speeding down neighborhood rood and cuts us off in his truck
>Friends house literally 100ft away
>Yelling at us get off the bikes
>Grabs friends sack bag
>Shit had weed, papers, pipe and grinder
>we're fucked
>Cop keeps talking not sure what he is saying
>Points to the distant
>Woman had car window broken and shit stolen
>Dent look in the bag doesn't feel stolen goods
>Tells us to get out of here
>Calmly walk back to bikes and soberly as possible ride into the sunset
>MFW played that shit cool & munched out later

>yesterday
>slightly older friend can't really drive well
>Tells friend 2 to let him practice
>we're me and friend 2 are blazed as fuck
>this mother fucker is driving around the block making the worlds sharpest turns
>me and friend 2 burst out laughing and freaking out
>see cops and almost shit my pants(I had just bought an oz)
>they just drove by
I still have like 25 g of weed

>cold winter night
>on apartment porch having a smoke
>hear neighbors arguing loudly
>*POP POP POP*
>"YEAH NIGGA, WHAT NOW"
>imtoostonedforthis.jpg
>call cops
>"uhhh... yeah the nigger upstairs just shot her baby daddy?"
>spend 15 minutes getting redirected to different police departments
>get a call from officer responding, wants to meet me outside
>OHSHITACTCOOLNIGGA
>meet cop, tell him which apartment
>"Alright thanks young man"
>"No thank you officer, good luck, and godspeed"
>go back inside and eat my ramen
I love ramen.

>>580156598
>Freshman in college
>High school friends begging me to go the fall lay this year
>My old high school has always had the shittiest drama program but everyone pretends that it isn't
>Decide that I can't go sober
>Get fucking blazed and then lost on the way to the play
>Finally get there and get a ticket and get in the last row of the theater
>Terrible accents and terrible sets
>Fucking dying at the first scene
>See my ex got a shitty non-speaking roll and it makes my day SO much better
>Didn't realize this was an interactive play
>shit
>Begin to feel breathing on the back of my neck
>This fucking pretentious chick who has the same part as my ex is trying to scare me (it was a horror play) and breathing on my neck
>Turn around and it's her and my ex crouched down like they are animals or monsters or some shit
>Just look at them, they look at me
>...
>Leave after the first act and smoke some more
>Never going back to that shit hole again.

>>580159125

Fuck I am laughing so hard

>>580158929
Bro, where in NZ are you from? Chop is everywhere here man, chop and spliffs, you must be livin' way the fuck out man.

>>580162106
Born in chch living in Auckland all I and my friends and my dealers have ever done is smoke it straight up as a joint or in a glass pipe

the best way to smoke it! and I smoke tobacco!

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thoroughly enjoying this thread

>>580162817
Spliff is a gradual, mellow high. I prefer it. Joints are okay, I don't like pipes -- they put me right on my ass after like one hit.

stupid stoners give marihuana a bad rap, if you guys can just drink a poison that'd be great

>Be walking in the woods
>Walking along a path overlooking a valley
>it's pretty cool
>I see something off the path behind a rock
>it's some glass thing
>it's a bong!
>it's propped up like they stash it there and use it whenever they come by
>pretty nice bong with colored glass bent into shapes around it
>probably a $100 piece
>Why would some dumb fucks leave this nice bong in the woods?
>Because they're dumb fucking stoners
>I take the bong
>and smash it
>leave pieces where I found it
>laugh at how I'm drug free

>>580163557
thats the point

>>580163284
lol wow, I got some strong Indoor stuff best I have found, and can go through an ounce in 10 days. smoking from a pipe.

sometimes 3 bowls in one sesh

>>580163621
Drugs are awesome

>smokin a tree in my room
>roaming the land of azeroth
>fuckin orcs and shit
>damn this is cool
>mother decided to walk into my room at 2 am
>just took a fat ass rip
>had hood on cuz fuck i'm baked
>had window open to vent smoke out
>"why do you have your hood on silly"
>"it's cold"
>middle of fucking summer
>all the smoke i just inhaled pours out of my mouth
>oh fuck i'm so fucked
>"close the window then"
>walks out of room like nothing happened
>wat
>continue my adventures in the world of warcraft

everything went better than expected

ITT huge faggots

>Go to beach with friends at night
>Smoke out of small bong
>walk down beach trying to get to other side
>feels like we walked for hours
>give up and head back
>takes ten minutes
>Cops drive onto beach
>(Oh shit)
>Drop backpack with weed and bong on beach
>run and lie down (they wont see us here)
>see cops get out of car and grab backpack
>(shit they saw us)
>Go to cops and tell them its my backpack
>They let me keep my bong but tell me through the weed in the sand
>Through bag of weed on sand
>Office: No, empty it
>pick up bag embarrassed
>empty weed into sand
>go home

>>580163842
Drugs are bad, mkay?

Man, seeing these stories makes me miss smoking. My friends and I used to just get bakeeeddddddd and fuck with the group "beta."

Lulz, used to hold lighter up to friends pants, give them two for flinching, shave heads, etc.

I was probably the worst fucker to smoke with, used to fuck with everyone.

>Be sitting in apartment
>Have mouse issue so mouse traps set
>Hear bang / crack
>Think "Fuck yes mouse caught"
>Pull out fridge and check trap
>"Fuck yeah mouse"
>Can't get building manager because weed stink, wait till morning
>Go to sleep
>Wake up go to get building manager
>Pull out fridge to make it easier for him
>Check trap again
>Fully set, untouched trap
>"Fuck I was high as balls"

>>580163904
Throw*

>>580163801
wow lol. yeah I am small and an occasional smoker and I like being in control once I am high, in part because of that horrible night on my buddy's time travel weed.

>be freshmen in high school
>new to smoking
>After finishing our 3rd joint of the night friends and I decide to walk to McDonalds for a midnight snack
>Walk all the way there stoned harder than a Muslim woman showing her hair in Iraq
> Sitting in McDonalds enjoying a quarter lb. when my friends father comes running through the door screaming about how dare we sneak out and smoke weed in his house
>Called our black friend a "nigger drug dealer"
>Laughed because he wasn't wrong
>All of the graveyard shift employees behind the counter enjoying the show
>He yells for a solid 5 minutes before driving us all home
>Flushed our stash

>Bought more and did the same thing the next weekend

>>580158214
I once bought 20 dollars worth of TB. You know how much fucking food you get for 20 dollars.

>>580159787
I've basically done that before, I call it "Carpet Kush"

captcha: owpitac edge

>>580158214
Did that first time I ever got really high, amazing decision

>>580159601
Screencapd for personal use, forty fucking keks

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>be third year in college
>decide to make some weed butter with housemates
>first time making it, we follow some instructions online
>not sure if that's how it's supposed to look....
>burnt like crazy, but maybe it should be that way?
>we were gonna use it to make brownies but now we're not sure if we should do it because we may have just toasted the shit out of that THC
>however, we want to know if the butter was actually good without baking it into something
>buddy comes up with 10/10 plan
>pour the weed butter into shot glasses and take shots
>shots
>of weed butter
>SOUNDSGOODTOME.mp3
>we're pretty drunk at this point too so why the fuck not
>have some other housemates to record this
>we pour this nasty burnt liquid weed butter into two shot glasses
>head to the backyard and take off our shirts
>lock arms like drunk Irish fucks and take the shots
>surprisinglygood.jpg
>shotgun a beer afterwards for good measure
>go about our daily business
>I start playing Skyrim
>buddy starts reading some philosophy shit for school
>hour later, still playing skyrim, feel a good buzz
>look over at my buddy
>he's passed out on his bed with the book over his eyes and his hand in a fucking Doritos bag
>laugh and continue my adventures as Dragonborn

>>580158481
well done sir

>>580164514
My dad bought me $25 dollars of Taco Bell the day I got out of jail. I ate ALL of it in one meal.

>>580165789
when they bring it out
in two seperate bags
heavy as fuck
and you give no fucks
cause your high as balls
that is a good feeling

>Walk into a Cumberlands Farms fucked up with some bros
>Looking for munchies
>Total qt behind register
>I fucking got this
>"Hello" she says
>"Good, how are you?"
>She smiles, rings our shit up
>"Do you want a bag with that"
>"Nah it's good"
>We leave
>Down the road, "guys i'm pissed, she didn't give us a bag"
>They tell me everything I just said
>dgaf got munchies

>>580165104
>be summer time
>be pretty good cook
>hanging out in cape cod with a bunch of folks, maybe 8 of us?
>one of my boys comes home with 6 pounds of fresh scallops
>make up a massive batch of green and brown butter
>(brown butter first for nutty caramel flavor then mix in tons of weed)
>do the scallops on the grill, perfect, cover in green and brown butter
>serve with almond and raisin wild rice, tons of fresh cilantto salsa & chips, home made grilled bread and MORE green butter
>homemade 'ritas, Hornitos and Patron Orange
>fucking nommmmm

I think I ate two pounds of those scallops.

>>580156598
>Break tolerance break
>go to b for the first time in a month

>>580166067
Nigga that some free verse poetry right there

>>580158481
I want to believe

>>580159601
if your mates say that its pretty good weed like that
than your way too high to drive

>>580165104
Irish lads don't fucking link arms when we take shots you arrogant faggoty american cunt. We man the fuck up and take the shot. I don't need some support to take a fucking shot.

>>580167463
Clarification, Drunk angry irish person living in a world of "haha, you're Irish" in England.

>be me
>smoking a fat one with some white trash friend I had at the time.
>don't feel a thing.
>whatever.
>go watch that one Jeff Dunham special with the nigger puppet.
>gets to nigger puppet.
>nigger puppet has regal flowing chinese robes and massive white bushy brows.
>wat.jpg
>turn to friend.
>friend is now 8ft tall and ripped.
>try to process this.
> ask if his mother knows he became a viking.

tldr: I was baked out of my mind and I didn't realise even it until halfway through a movie.

>>580159060
What do you got planned anon?

>>580164038
Yeah you sound like a dick

I haven't smoked in a month. The longest I've been without weed in 5 years or so. All my dealers are gone, 2 months until I move into an apartment and go back to college. That's basically 2 more months until I can scout out a weed source, because tfw no car. All my friends that smoke moved away for college, except for one stoner who works more than full time but has no drivers license, so I never see him.

FUCK.

>Be me year and 1/2 ago
>start smoking pot at 22
>everything is cool, keep it from mom, smoke with dad
>at work one day and a friend tells me our mutual friend killed himself
>wtfthissucks.jpeg
FAST FORWARD to next day
>still kinda upset that I was the last person to really see friend
>my bar was the last he stopped at before going home
>decide to smoke pot with the mutual friend since she was only one there
>smoke a TON cause it was slow all night
>3 cars show up out of nowhere with 3-4 people each
>big group from the jail our friend was a corrections officer at
>mother fuck myself for smoking at work
**mind you, this was maybe 3 months after starting to smoke pot, so it was still a new experience**
>more unrelated people show up
>get everyone's drink order and can't remember any fucking one of them
>go back around the bar getting drink orders and making them as I go
>some fatass decides he wants a quesadilla (fuck my bar, has mad menu and we have to cook too)
>the whole bar explodes into a near synchronized "Can we have a menu?"
>I made the best food I think I've ever cooked at that bar
>made over $80 in tips on a completely dead night
>solely based on the bad ass food I made cause they loved it

>>580167613
No worries, my buddy in that story is Irish. Just a joke mate.

>living off campus
>roommates all left for winter break
>i had 1 night alone before going home too
>decide to roll up
>go on computer
>order chinese food
>gonna bake while it gets here
>decide to use my entire stash before i go
>holy fuck thats a huge blunt
>planned to smoke it all and eat
>smoke 1/4 of it
>chinese food arrives
>back to finish smoke
>decide to finish the entire blunt
>holy fuck im high
>stomach is grumbling
>now 1/4 blunt remains
>suit up and go get some subway
>come back home
>eat the entire sub
>sobered up a bit
>decide to finish my blunt
>munchies begin
>walk into kitchen to find some food
>mfw chinese food still on the counter
and it was the best general tsos ever

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>be me
>smoke up with one bro
>other friend who doesn't smoke starts poking me
>ThisNiggaSerious.png
>turn to her and ask what the fucks up
>Nothin' Anon I dont know what you're talking about...
>does it more when I'm not paying attention
>Turn around and shout at her BITCH IM HIGH NOT RETARDED

Pic related - Her fucking face when

>>580168445
That is amazing!!

>>580157605
This is fucking gold, sucks for the /b/ro getting nbome'd though. that shits fucking toxic

>>580156598
First time i ever got high, i had to, no shit, walk past the cops investigating the toaster steve incident. I lived in the building. Got high about 3 days after it happened and wished the officers a good day.

>dabbing for hours
>taco bell requires a car ride
>friend fell asleep on the highway while driving
>somehow survive and get 20 dollars of taco bell

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I once tried to mount Deamon Tools with Deamon Tools...twice. I think that was the most 'high' thing I've ever done tho I smoke almost every day.

>Semester in Europe
>Smoke regularly
>Smoke a joint, end up laughing my ass off for hours for no reason
>Come home
>First time back, buddy got liquid THC
>Nothing
>Another buddy says they have a little bit
>Smoke from her pipe
>Take a bunch of hits
>Nothing
>Say I'm doing it wrong, need to not smoke it like a cig, just take all that shit in immediately
>okay.jpg
>Huge quick HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
>Bad news
>can't stop it
>Let it out
>immediately projectile vomit over this semi attractive chubby chick
>She freaks and starts yelling
>I commence puking all over my buddy's flowers for ten minutes
>Finish up, walk back to group
>nothing
>Another bud is holding a beer waiting for me
>Suggests I start getting drunk

And I haven't smoked since. And I still love alcohol. The end,

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>at a friends house, high as shit
>friends mums friend is sleeping on couch like a bum
>we offer to smoke with him
>my turn to hit the joint
>"Ohshit man this ash is like reeaally long you gotta ash tray?"
>bum-friend offers out hand as temporary ash tray while we look for an actual one
>drop lit joint right in his hand
>burns his hand
>everyone laughs at me
>mfw

>>580169914
I've got a friend like you. He's a skimpy lil faggot too.

>>580170317

I'm 6'4" and was hitting around 260 at the time.

I'll just smoke once I get back to Budapest.

>Skimpy

lol, lil potnig

>>580163621
Where was this? Some faggot did this to my piece were I live

>>580160926
uncool man... that nigga probably get better weed then you

>>580169914
I dont enjoy alcohol ew

>>580164453
"Walk all the way there stoned harder than a Muslim woman showing her hair in Iraq"

Dude fucking lol

>>580170670
I bet he never offered to share either

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>>580170640

>>580166701
yo where on le Cape?

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Just bought this for one I get off probation. Can't wait.

>>580163621
>probably a $100 piece
Why didn't you sell it??

>2 months ago
>me and 2 of my homies sitting on my couch blazing at night
>boot up the N64 for some Mario Party
>50 turns
>all of us are retard level high
>spend what felt like a month playing the most intense game of Mario Party imaginable
>full of betrayal, laughter, hatred, anger..everything
>game is over
>the CPU set to "easy" beat us all by a landslide
>fuckit.jpg
>sun is coming up at this point
>walked to Circle K high as fuck and bought donuts
>most delicious donut I've ever had
>watched the sun rise in the Circle K parking lot with 2 of my best buds while feasting on donuts
>thisiswhatlifeisallabout.png
best night ever

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>>580171603
bcus drugs are bad mkay

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I'm getting a contact high from this thread

>>580171710
i remember when i was 16 and a virgin

>>580171710
im jealous

>>580171767
go spend that hundred on whatever you drug-free blokes do with your lives

>be me few years ago
>never been high
>obtain some marijuana
>allot of weed
>smoke like I drink
>till I black out
>smoke all the weed
>blasted to Jupiter
>monchie monster has arisen
>go to door
>forgot how to use door
>spend hour trying to unhinge dooor
>give up and freak out because ill never get out of my room
>cry untill I fall asleep

>>580171404
What is this son?

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>>580171912
don't disrespect the mario party

>>580172112
Is it like a scoop for wax?

>>580172002

Lolllllllllllllllllll

>>580171710
Weed makes "those small moments of life" better

>>580172225
its a pipe..

>>580172390
It looks weird
might just be the angle the picture was taken

>>580166986
damn, i just broke my 3 months tolerance break. and it's my first time on b for 3 months. fuck im stoned atm

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>>580172112
It's a a one hitter.

>>580172345
Yes, yes it does. It's weird man cause there are those moments in life that don't really seem that significant or memorable at the time but looking back on them you realize how happy you were in that moment. Weed makes me realize how significant a moment is AS it is happening. idk how to explain it.

>>580172713
That certainly makes more sense now

>>580172612
Awesome.
I wish i could smoke in my home,

>>580172713
A chillum?

Not funny as much as embarassing and made me look weird.

>smoke weed around baby's mom
>she's talking about a bassinet
>start saying "bass-wan-net" repeatedly and loudly, Tim & Eric style for no reason for five minutes
>stop and immediately look like I come off as fucking insane

>>580172898
Why can't you?
Live in some kind of apartment or something

>Be me a few weeks ago
>At friends house in the suburbs gettin' stoney baloney
>Have to go home
>Walk out to car and I see something run across the street
>Super dark, think I'm gonna get robbed
>Thing runs into the light of a house
>It's a buck, like an enormous reindeer type fucker, we'll call him Blitzen
>I'm so stoned wall Jackson.jpg
>I take out my knife
>Blitzen stamps his foot and says "Really motherfucker?"
>Shitzen Blitzen you're right
>Put knife away and run into car
>With the smug look of the obviously more alpha male, Blitzen disappears into the night
>This type of weird shit only happens when I'm stoned

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>>580172591
Here's another. Nothing fancy. It's got some weird looking cloudy shit in it and I have no clue hat it's from. Going to har I clean before I even smoke out of it.

>>580172910
Yeah I guess but it's more of a baddie e cause it's so small.

>be me right now on 4chan
>be smoking a lot of weed
>be high and wanting to green text

>>580173137
lol

>>580172784
I feel you bro,

>>580172713
On mobile this picture looked like a weirdly shaped dick beside a dimebag. Laughed for three minutes before I opened it. Also I'm high as fuck

>>580157152
pet pooch is number one pal

>Stoned as fuck with 3 of my bros
>Drive to Buffalo Wild Wings
>Sit down
>All too high to even order
>Waitress asks us what we want to drink
>We all just laugh
>She looks confused
>We eventually stop and my friend orders a water
>Other orders a coke
>Now its my turn
>"Can I have a cooled root beer with ice and a straw"
>Friends loose it
>Waitress laughs also
>Funny ass night

>>580172784
That's a great if putting it.

>>580173727
lose*

>>580173779
Fuck I meant that's a great way of putting it.

>>580173032
I still live with my parents, im working tho, they dont care if i smoke weed, because i dont smoke cigarretes or drink alcohol, I have a healthy life, and a job, they are fine is i smoke somewhere else so yeah

>>580173727
underage pls go

>>580174167
Im 26 wtf are you talking about

>>580159168
When I lived with my parents I stored my weed in a mason jar in the toilets reserve tank

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>>580171710

>>580172945
I do shit like this

How i got cockblocked by weed
>be me at first uni party
>senior tells me to hit this magnificent 2 grand piece
>weed str8 purple i mean really fucking dank
>meh take one hit
>world dissapears
>feeling good as shiet
>talk to chicks
>see str8 hot chick start flirting like i been doing it for years
>while flirting start experiencing gravitational shifts
>hold on to girls tits
>scream on top of my lungs the world is turning upside down
>everyone laughs
>no fuck was given by me
>timeskip 2 hours later
>somehow walking with smoking hot chick to her dorm
>start talking about doing dirty things to her when we get to her dorm
>she falls for it
>while in her hall to go to dorm
>Walk opposite direction
>she says her dorm is that way
>I say I have to go tell my friend about her
>hug.jpg and tell her to have a nice night
>almost lost virginity
currently high as fuck can't greentext

>be me, sunday
>go smoking with a few friends on a road thats like a trail through the woods
>smoke a blunt
>smoke another
>pretty damn high at this point, then my friend pulls a grav bong out of his car
>havent hit a bong or anything like that since like the summer
>get the first hit on the g bong
>holy shit i forgot how high it gets you
>got so high every color melted together for like 2 minutes, it was just like you mixed all colors together so there were splotches of different colors
>literally couldnt hear for a minute or so
>i have a broken leg and im on crutches so i couldnt move
>finally hopped over to the car and just leaned against it with my head on top and just sat there for 10 minutes like that, hitting another blunt
>it was at this moment my teacher pulls up
>hes really ethical and moral and philosophical and he just stares at me
>he backs out and leaves
>we get in the car and bailed
>life was a video game and i was controlling the driver (my friend) the whole time
>went and watched my friends play pick-up soccer
>i was controlling the players like fifa
>i look so fucked up haha
>my dad's friend comes over and talks to me, i just look at my phone the whole time
>i look up at him and he was high too and we both started laughing in front of his 10 year old son and high five
>go home and eat steak
>yesterday at school i made eye contact with my teacher and he winked at me lol

it was a good day

another time:
>July 4th this last summer
>2 friends, their families, my family, and me at the beach
>spend all day drinking on the beach
>make a grav bong that night, i brought an eighth of good-good with me
>We each have a hit from the g bong when my friend's (the one im smoking with) dad walks in to the garage
>He looks at us
>He looks at the grav bong
>We look at us
>We look at the grav bong
>We look at him, scared for our lives, and he pulls out a little of weed lol
cont...

>>580159601
I don't make the rules. Tits or GTFO

>be in High School
>senior pretty hick school
>class only had like 110 people in it
>friends with everyone
>only friend of my nigger friend
>anyways go to bro who's mom is dating a pot growing dude place
>they like 40-50 so it's not really an odd couple
>get free weed because mom's boyfriend grows a lot
>try some dank shit i got from a dealer for once
>got too used to bros weed
>anyways was blue dream and shit was danka danka iykwim
>driving back to class
>with nigger friend
>drive straight piped 80s subaru GL
>felt like a rally driver coming back
>note it's like snowing
>nigger friend never really smoked good shit before and he's too pussy to smoke weed during school most of the time
>drifting like Mika Hakkinen back to school because country highway
>get back to school parking lot
>dude are you alright
>nigga looks like he just got off a rollercoaster
>dude you're a pussy
>nigger friend be like yeah because i felt like i was fucking floating coming back that's what made it terrifying
>start feeling like i'm floating while driving
>rear end friends shitty pathfinder
>go park like nothing happened
>pathfinder friend starts flipping shit at me
>i mean i only cracked his shitty fiber glass bumper
>pathfinder friend still bitching outside
>look at nigger friend
>bro you still floating?
>nigger friend go like fuc yeah mane
>we stoned as fuck
>idk i'm blazed

>bought a MFB cause my parents didn't know I smoked weed
>vape in my room and chill
>dad walks in "Stinks like weed in here"
>uuuuuh....yeah
>asks me what I'm smoking out of so I show him the cape
>sits down next to me and tokes up
>got high as fuck with my Dad

I smoke joints with my Dad nightly now. Shits cash

>>580173727
gtfo u fuckin tween

>>580156598
>be me six months ago
>sunk 8 cones in the space of 10 minutes
>last one was a monster cone out of a cp twice the size of the others
>had a train to catch home, 5 hour ride, bent = goodidea
>cant even carry bags to train, fried cunt.
>friend i was staying with takes my shit
>get to train station, eyes are bloodshot, too high to pay for ticket, need to sit down
>rush onto train, sit down
>enter the realm of marijuana
>brain going nuts for 10 minutes
>start feeling the overwhelming urge to chuck
>greening.jpg
>lie down, suppress as best i can
>train keeps shaking, i have my eyes closed, not good
>so fucking thirsty at this point
>friend boarded train with me cos he didnt think i would make it to central
>no energy in my blood at this point, manage to weakly warn friend of incoming spew
>he shuffles down the other end of the opposite seat
>groaning terribly at this point
>old lady across the row staring at me in shock
>ROAOSOOROAROOAROROROASSPHLHPSPHLSHPHLS
>conversation on carriage ends, all heads turn to me
>second wave imminent
>puke splattered all over floor and seats, velocity was so high my legs got drenched in splashback
>friend freaking out, gets me up to move to next carriage
>made a feeble attempt at cleaning my legs with shirt, discard in carriage
>hurridly move to next
>distinctly remember people in previous carriage asking each other if they smelt vomit
>walking through carriage, people saying that they smelt vomit
>a guy looked right into my bloodshot eyes mid sentence, his eyes widened by a factor of 15
>lie down in the exact same seat (carriages identical) in the next carriage, proceed to sleep, feel better now
>caught bus the remaining 2 hours of the trip, ended up shitting myself but too fucking fried to move
>sit in my own diarrhea for an hour with a pounding head
>get home
>walk straight to shower, mum asks me whats going on
>sit in shower, cry of joy that it was finally over
>feelsgoodman

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3sdKEGXak0 DUDE WAT?

>16
>new to weed
>my friend got the aparment for her self (her mother was working night)
>her boyfriend comes over with 5 gram of really potent weed
>he rolled 2 spliffs and light one up
>first spliff goes around couple of times and im sitting there with my hand in a chips bag eating like a robot
>boyfriend leaves and the other 2 are laughing like hell in the other room
>still not feeling high enough
>light up next spliff
>realize after 1/2 of the spliff that this was supose to be very potent
>right after i feel like someone drop kicked my head
>feel like i need to vomit
>stand up to walk to the bathroom and my legs doesn't work and i just fall to the floor
>start crawling to the bathroom, not gonna vomit in my friends apartment
>finnaly got there, after 2 months (it's 5 meters away from the chair i was sitting in)
>doesn't vomit even after i put my fingers back my throat
>start crawling to the couch cause i feel like i will pass out any time now
>crawl for another 2 months
>reach the couch, calls her boufriend to ask him about whats happening (im very new to this)
>explain that im cold and sweating like a fat man
>tells me to chill and that it will get better after i rest
>passes out
>wake up 4 am
>shit school starts in 4 hours (it's a 5 hour walk)
>thinking "i will never smoke again"
>bought 10 gram next week

>>580174729
>the best weed ive ever seen, i mean this was some DAMN GOOD mariganja
>this weed looked like a mini evergreen tree covered in snow because it was so frosty
>Spend the next 3 hours in the garage smoking all of my eighth and his 4 g's
>We each had 9 grav bong hits
>We rolled 4 blunts
>We rolled 2 joints
>We smoked a decent sized bowl
>We were so fucking high

That all i remember, but my friends told me about the rest of the night the next morning

>after smoking, go inside and wake up non-stoner friend
>We start drinking
>I have 8 beers in the house
>We decide to go to a party like 30 miles away, and my blacked-out self drove
>First we stopped at a 24 hour dq for some munchies and listened to afroman (the only other memory i have of the night)
>Get to party, like 400 people there because it was at a mansion
>I proceed to drink a whole quart of evan williams by myself over the next 45 minutes
>Apparantly i was fucked up out of my mind, and it was about 4 am at this point
>Go into the back room and smoke hookah with a bunch of dudes tripping on acid
>Throw up in a plant
>Go do shots of wave
>Smoke a joint with hash in it
>My friend and i found 2 girls and they dragged us to the beach with them, but i had ( and still have) a girlfriend who i love a lot, so i wasnt gonna stand for this sloot's shit
>Standing on the water's edge on the beach
>She goes for the dick, and my blacked out self shoved her down into the water hahaha
>My friend literally pissed himself laughing and the girls left
>dude changed shorts in his car, left pissed in pair in drive way
>Went back inside
>did general party stuff for like an hour
>find my 3rd non-stoner friend passed out in a bed
>we carry him to the car, and i drove back even though i was still blacked out
>Made it back around 6 in the morning, jumped in the pool, dried off, and fell asleep until 3 that afternoon
>Made myself a bloody mary to get over my hangover.
>Had a great day after that :)

Another time was
>be me at party
>girl calls me to follow her to a room
>be me sitting in chair gone beyond the realm of space DMT plane
>dont move
>girl ask why am I not coming
>still dont talk
>girl comes to me and tries to get me up
>tell girl
>I forgot how to use my legs
Grav bong not even once
Anyone know where i can get some DMT and should i do DMT?

>>580174784
>>580174784
>senior pretty hick school
>class only had like 110 people in it
nigga
My graduating class only had 9 and it took a 16 minute drive to get to the school
It was an awful time

>>580173137
>This type of weird shit only happens when I'm stoned
no shit

Everyone in this thread is either 15 or a pathetic faggot. I'm having a fucking ball watching you retards fail at being interesting.
>sobermasterrace.png

>>580172002
>smoke like I drink
>till I black out
mah nigga

>>580175343
yeah man. Everyone fucking knows each other so shit got around quick. Yeah small schools are boring as shit.

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>>580175529
>sobermasterrace.png
Look who doesn't like fun guys

>>580175529
Watch out guys, we got one badass motherfucker right here.

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>>580174723
laughing my ass off and saved

>>580164038
that just ruins the mood.

>>580174871
Story 2 (by now mum knew i smoked weed)
>school night so i stick to J's
>have two with my bro
>get bent, decide fuck it and make a billy in 20 minutes, watching TV show
>sinking cones one after the other
>TV felt so loud..
>tell bro to turn off TV
>abouttogreen.png
>noise permeates my head even though there is none in the room
>rush to bathroom, bent over, no energy to hold self above sink
>think ive got it under control
>nope.avi
>throw everywhere
>feel so fucked at this point
>call weakly for mum
>mfw she hears me
>so happy at this point, thought i was gonna die in there
>mum to the rescue
>cleans me up, gets me in bed
>get horny, try to fap, stop halfway through, too tired
>asleep

I dont know whats going on but 1/5 times I smoke weed i end up like that.. If i have more than a cone every 10 minutes I begin the "nausea" stage. Sigh, fuck my life.

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>>580156598
>Visitng NYC
>3am
>decide to smoke in central park
>hide behind a huge rock, down a hill. in front of a lagoon
>toking
>feeling it
>almost done
>blue lights across lagoon
>immediately bury the roach under/next to the rock
>friend lights cigarette
>cop circles around and calls us over
>"What are you guys smoking?"
>cigarettes
>trollface.jpg
>"it dont smell like cigarettes does it"
>mfw
>cops takes our id
>has a look around
>doesnt find shit
>lets us go under the bullshit pretence of being nice to us.
>"gee thanks officer nelson, we will behave now bye"

fuck you pig.

>>580166701
Cape cod ma nigga washington

>>580175854
noice

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>>580159601
>strip down to my panties and get in their pool

>>580164038
0/10 would not smoke with

>>580174989
good stories anon

>>580172898
my parents live in another country and i got my own apartment now. after all those years of sneaking out at night to take a few hits and clean your cloths in secret to hide weed smell, all that shit... gone. never been happier

>Be a taco bell high as shit
>just chilling inside to avoid going home high
>see gang of hoodlums walk in
>get nervous and decide not to look them in the eyes
>friend quotes forrest gump
>i laugh while looking hoodrats in the eyes
>"Are you fucking laughing at me"
>"no, my friend said something funny"
>"whatever"
>taco bell later closes
>walk out
>hoodrats in car starring at me
>"hi"
>they pull out gun and point it at me
>my high friend walks between the gun and me not seeing the gun
>hoodlums leave
>smoke more weed

>>580176363
Richfag
>boston reporting in

>speeding while fucking high, car full of friends
>cop lights oh shit
>he talks to me, breathalyzes me
>gets me out of the car, has a massive chat with me about how bad I'd feel if I killed my friends
>then he's like look at the radar, the speed limit is 60, how much over were you travelling
>fucking simple sum, but I'm freaking the fuck out totally fucking high minds like fuck tryna do calaculus thinking about if the elctric train is driving and then which way the smoke is going and then if you substract while converting to yards and holy fuck I have paused waaay too long he's gonna know I'm high just fucking say something he's staring at you holy shit why is he so close to me I can almost feel his 6 ocklock shadow roughing up and down my cheek holy fuck just say something 23!
>cops like, what? Genuinely confused with me
>quick fuck explain yourself you are totally wrong comon sort you-
>just then my genius self steps in and brushes the lil nigger cogito aside and says three words of pure innocence, "I have disbraxyia"
>hope like hell he knows nothing about it because I don't except it's to do with numbes then he tells me I was this close to losing my licence (makes little pinchy hand sign like a crab faggot) and writes out a 320 dolla fine

Lucky really. Had over an ounce in the car between us, unlicensed handgun, over an 8ball of coke 15 or so hits of acid and one of my friends had an arrest warrant lucky he wasn't checked

My niggas

>Be me
>always a leightweight
>Go to friend 2 house with friend 1
>He is toking up
>Starts rolling a fatty
>Brother there says he smoked this shit when he first started, fucked him up.
>Lights it
>Asks me and friend one if we want some
>whynot.psd
>I take on giant fucking hit
>Feelnothing
>As soon as i leave hits me
>House is two blocks away
>Takes nine hours to get there
>Go to bed when im there
>Wake up
ONE HIT FUCKED ME UP

>get stoned beyond all comprehension one night with bros
>chill out and play bf4 for a bit...wrecking shit
>munchies.jpg
>decide to head to good ole mcdonalds at 1am
>listen to glorious trippy jams on the way
>Role up to the drive thru,I'm driving and my bros are in with me
>bros order then me
>yeah can I get 2 large fries and a oreo mcfluffy
>cashier dude giggles,my bros lose their shit
>what's so funny guys
>still laughing
>get food and cashier guy plays it cool
>heading back, bro says I ordered a oreo mcfluffy
>mcfluffy

That was a good night

>>580171160
Dennis. Near Swan Pond.

>two days ago
>wanna skate with my smoke buddy
>8pm we pick up a couple gs and our boards and head out on the town
>decide to smoke in a park
>smoke fat bowl
>proceed to get lost as fuck in the adjacent neighborhood
>spend an hour and half skating through this neighborhood high as shit
>finally find main road, we only traveled a quarter mile down the road from the park we smoked at in an hour and a half
>hungry, skate to Denny's
>walk inside, talk to server
>she asks us if it's cold outside, we say yeah
>she says that we smell like winter if you know what I mean
>we sit down, I realize I spilled my bubbler in my backpack when I didn't dump it all out
>all you can eat pancakes
>skated 9 miles that night

>>580176934
kek I'm a poorfag cause college. And I don't live in cape code just visited around there a few times. I'm in seattle

Much2br00tal4u
Plox skype me
Going to spark then go to bed
Would like someone to talk to for a little while beforehand?

Yo I fucking love this thread.

Any1 near the dartmouth area
trying to get real dank kush all they got is some shiet at Umass beside one kid who got really dank kush but on the dankness scale of dank kush its like a 5/10

>>580176479
Lol I should point out, their home is in the middle of the suburbs, maybe 3/4 acre? It's like a golf course, too, their pool is plainly visible from like 8 or 9 other houses.

But if it's late and it's a beautiful night I'm going in there naked, shit is so cash. Gotta be quiet though.

They got the pool after I left for college, so I never got to party there really. assholes.

>>580161119
Why am i laughing so hard

Is discussing how high you are/were amusing for anyone older than 18?

>>580171981
me too m8

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>>580178612

>>580156598
>Got high once
>Was so high
>Got high next time too.

>>580177405
Dude I'm a lightweight too and I've had the same. One bong hit can always fuck me up because I don't smoke regularly.
>Be 16
>Moms gone for 3 weeks and I'm home alone the whole time. She thinks I'm perfect child
>Fucking awesome
>Well I gotta do something well shit
>Decide to have a bunch of people over and get ripped
>Friend brings the finest weed possible. He also has a shit ton of kief in his grinder
>We pack a kief bowl in my bong
>Decide to put THC oil in the bowl as well, and wax too
>My friend wants me to hit it first so I happily oblige
>Breathe in super slowly, making it super thick. I literally take a full minute to get a full breath of it.
>When I'm done the bowl is on fire cause oil
>One of my other friends is his first time smoking
>I'm taking pizza out of oven and explaining how to breath in right and shit
>Holy fuck I'm high
>Trying to explain how to use a bong when high as fuck. One hit and I'm fucked up already.
>I end up smoking a gram of kush, keep in mind I'm a lightweight and I haven't smoked in several months
>One of my other friends filled up the sink with water and is filling up his cup by dipping it in
>Tell him hes doing it all wrong. Realize I need to drain the sink so I get a roll of paper towels
>These paper towels suck I literally go through like 7 rolls and the sinks only half empty now
>Realize theres a drain

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>>580179020
it reminds me of my youth. Back when getting high was an adventure and not a habit.

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>>580179615
Deep.

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>Bored as fuck with bud
>Random kid from town messages us wanting to hang
>Kid comes over with hella xanax and beer
>Get drunker than hell and barred out
>Kid decided he wanted to get a gram
>soitbegins.jpg
>Can barely walk to the car
>Dude slams it in reverse
>Instantly know were probably gonna crash
>Somehow manage to get there and buy the gram
>Heading back to my house
>Ask the kid if his suv is a v6 or a v8
>"Does this sound like a v6?"
>Floors it down some neighborhood
>Going 55 in like a 15
>Look in backseat to tell my friend he should probably buckle up
>Motherfucker found a motorcycle helmet and put it on
>Hes more prepared than I am
>Hear dumbass kid yell"FUCK THAT STOP SIGN"
>Fly passed it
>Dude is trying to drift this giant ass suv going like 60
>Loses control and heads straight for some house
>Slam into telephone pole going like 60
>Pole falls over
>Dude is knocked the fuck out on his steering wheel
>Owner of the house we almost obliterated comes out with a gun
>Yells at knocked out kid not to fucking move
>Look at my friend in backseat and hes awake
>Tell him we need to get the fuck out of there
>Grab the weed so the kid doesn't get busted with it
>Book it to my house
>Make it there safely
>shittingbricks.jpg expecting the cops to roll up on us
>Hiding everything illegal
>No one came
>Didn't hear from the kid for like a year
>Apparently he had to pay 10k for the damages and go to rehab
>mfw I could have been a part of that

>>580179020
I understand your viewpoint but wouldn't that go for 90% of shit on /b/?
Why continue discussing chicks you scored nudes of like a college kid ?
Why discuss video gaimus dont younger people tend to play those?
Why be an asshole, anon.

>>580179752
>Just limit yourself to once every two weeks. And don't do it on the same day ever time. Break the habit

>>580174989
I'm too much a scared bitch to do that

>>580164038
lol fuck you D

Does anyone else get so high that you have trouble operating bongs?
I do
and it is hilarious

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>>580159787
"floor weed" the legendary creativity of the stoner.

>be me last night
>smoking trees and dabbing oil
>very high tolerence but haven't dabbed in a couple months
>take MONSTER rip out of an oil rig
>5 mins pass
>vision starts to blur and fade
>stand up to go to the restroom
>get a massive head rush
>still concious
>vision goes completely black, cant see shit
>loud pitched ringing
>fall downs stairs

9/10 would do again
I just realized I smoked myself deaf and blind.

>>580171710
>Tfw I'll most likely never experience something like this again

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>>580179752
Wait when did I get a picture of Captain America riding a raptor?

Jesus fuck maybe I am high

>>580180247
What I do is with every purchase I make I put up to .2 grams in a jar depending on how good it is. Eventually you have a superstrain of weed

>at a wedding
>wedding is at a farm
>farm is middle of fuck nowhere NY
>old hippies getting married
>I'm taking pictures with my big old thousand dollar SLR
>lots of drink, wedding cake full of green
>supposed to be camping on their farm
>ate a slice of cake or two or three IDK
>piece of shit boyfriend has passed out at a picnic table, he was shot racing the oldfag groom
>starting to feel weird, go to set up tent
>forgot the tent stakes
>wake up boyfriend, he stands up and immediately spins and falls on ground.
>all up to me to figure out this tent shit
>businesstime.gif
>I slip and fall too, manage to twist in air
>holding camera straight up in the air with face in the dirt
>completely fucked up
>stand up, walk to car about three paces.
>fall down, face in the dirt near back tire, cam held high
>work my way on one hand and knees to the back door of car
>probably took a half hour
>camera held high the whole time
>open door over my head, reach hand into back seat and carefully put camera on the floor
>slide into front seat, one leg still outside the car door
>blackout
>wake up, realize door is open and one foot outside, pull foot in and shut door
>blackout
>boyfriend climbs in back seat at some point, w/e he's a retard
>blackout
>car too hot, start car to open windows and accidentally put in gear, car rushes forward towards ravine but I pull the e brake just as wheels start to go over
>blackout
>wake up next morning, half of $300 satin dress is covered in mud, legs covered in mud, mud everywhere in the car, boyfriend never made it all the way in the backseat and it's a miracle i didn't run over his stupid ass
>camera is perfect.

>>580179937
damn bro

>>580180615
Is mixing weed good?
I mean it would be like a hybrid

>>580180756
This is gold

>>580180792
I don't know why it would be so, but I do believe it is quite a lot better than any single strand, including hybrids. No idea why this would be, I could be imaginging it

>>580180756
God why don't people always put on the e brake? It literally takes no additional time.

>go out to take hits
>go back inside
>feel the urge to smoke hella more
>its only been 10 minutes
>shitmane

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Well this was a fun thread
I will go to sleep high as fuck now
goodnight fellow weed experts we shall meet another day
/b/ didnt fail me today

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>>580181182
what if you mix your already mix werd,
with another already mix weed

>>580181101
Sad shit is the old hippies broke up. They were so cute.

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>>580181525
Today was a good day

>>580181439
I was extraordinarily fucked up and can't answer this question. It was an 8 yo Passat with a fucked up clutch so I assume at some point I had the e brake engaged; maybe it was poking me while I was sleeping. Sleeping in a driver's seat is NOT a good time.

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>>580181547

I'm all out of weed fuck. and I don't have a dealer anymore

Got a couple.

>Sitting in friends room smoking a bong
>really fucking baked after a few min
>playing PS3 when I see my friend pick up a piece of his broken blinds off of the floor
>he has his window fan on the highest speed
>drops the broken piece of blind
>fan sucks it out of the window at light speed
>we look at eachother and laugh for 20 minutes straight

Story 2

>get Pokemon Platinum
>go back to my house with other friend
>hanging out in the kitchen and smoke
>good and stoned, playing Pokemon
>gotta nickname my starter
>"dude what should I nickname my starter?"
>"hmmm.. I dunno..."
>"I'll name it surfsirloin"
>"dude what..??"
>we start laughing until faces beat red and teary eyed
>start talking about what a steak would look like standing up on a surfboard riding a huge wave

>>580181992
Buy weed from the deep web

>be 19
>visiting family in B.C.
>trying to hook up with a girl I met years earlier
>she's in the next town over, so I go to a bus stop
>waiting for like 20 minutes
>fucking bus rolls right past me, driver with a trollface
>fuck it, I'm trying to get laid
>start hitchhiking
>picked up almost immediately by older guy in a trashy truck
>we have a nice conversation and he tells me he can take me right into town
>"but first I have to stop at home"
>oh fuck this is how I die
>We stop at his house, middle of nowhere in the woods
>Im waiting in car
>he comes back, starts the truck and drives off
>he smiles and holds up a FAT joint "you smoke?"
>hell fucking yeah
>we're driving and hotboxing his truck
>this is good shit, i'm getting baked as fuck
>I smoke a lot and I still got fucked
>he drops me off at the bus stop in the next town
>i'm so high I think the sounds of the bus are like dubstep
>meet up with girl
>9/10 hottie
>get a bottle, get drunk as fuck
>play in the river (instaboner from her bikini)
>buy some weed from random clown by river (he ripped me off but whatever, I was already fucked up by that point)
ok here's where the story turns
>she starts freaking out saying "fuck someone stole my coke"
>I had no idea she was a dealer/user until then
>she runs off to some guys house to ask for help
>i try to stop her and tell her to chill
>she kisses me and tells me to wait for her
>pass out on someone's lawn
>wake up several hours later
>try to call ex college roommate to help me find out where the fuck I am
>eventually call dad to pick me up
>brodad doesn't ask any questions

>>580171710
Love those moments
>stoned af with best friend
>driving down main street
>"The Pot" by Tool starts playing
>we screamsing along
>WHO ARE YOU TO WAVE YOUR FINGERS

>freshman year of college
>saturday afternoon and I make plans to hang out with a girl who wants the d
>friend of mine asks if I want to meet up and get food
>sure
>show up and notice he's high, offers to smoke me up after we eat
>"alright but I better not be blazed as hell when I go to meet up with this girl"
>go back to his dorm room and I ask where we're smoking
>"uh, in the room"
>"dude that's fucking retarded we're going to get caught"
>"no its fine I did it before trust me I got it covered nothing will happen"
>"alright fine but this is fucking stupid"
>toke up
>hadn't smoked in months, shit hit me hard
>watching parks and rec geeking out when there's a knock on his room door
>"campus police, open up"
>think someone is fucking with us so I check the peephole
>"dude holy shit it's the cops"
>we both pace around the room aimlessly for 15 seconds not knowing what the fuck to do while they are still knocking
>finally we open the door
>two cops walk in, one white one black
>"We got a call about the hallway smelling like marijuana and the smell led us to this room"
>sit in silence trying to keep my cool face on
>black cop talks
>"Now it looks like you guys have been smoking marijuana, especially you" as he looks at me
>I can't say anything so I just look up at him with this goofy ass half smile because I can't decide whether to laugh or shit my pants
>cops search the room and my friend gives him the weed he had
>friend had to take piss tests for 6 months I didn't have to do shit
>leave friend's after the cops leave and go hang out with girl
>encounter totally killed my high

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>>580182309
>>"i'm so high I think the sounds of the bus are like dubstep"

>me and my mate just got ourselves some hash, we had never had it before.
>pack a cone each and springle some hash on top
>wow thas some pretty sticky yicky shit yo my nigga. 420 yo!
>feeling good, so decide to take another 2 bong hits each
>talk about how good the hash is and seems to be a cleaner high... "i can do anything, im so switched on, lets go get some food for later"
>walking down the street both telling each other how not high we are
>suddenly realise we have been laying on the road for the past 10 mins because as soon as we left his house we saw this cute cat and decided to lay down with him/her and pat it.
>we named the cat fluffy pickle

>Couple weekends ago
>Chilling with very close friends, having a smoke up
>Out on the back deck
>Smoking two different mixes at once
>Stoned as fek
>It's a full moon night so it's hella bright (as apposed to a normal, moonless night)
>It's also hella windy.
>I keep looking up at the clouds flying past (I mean they were going pretty fast)
>Start tripping because they're moving so fast
>Go inside because munchies
>No seriously nigger, I'm a fucking fiend for munchies. Nigger for serious, munchies is where I'm at.
>Eat a whole block of chocolate,
>3 energy drinks,
>Packet of chips,
>Iced coffee.
>So full, yet still so hungry
>Remember I have nuggets in the freezer
>Cook those bad boys, eat them like I was starving
>Can't move from being so high/ full
>Best friend gets home from work
>"Hanny... I'm hungry" (her name is Hannah, Hanny is my nickname for her)
>Other friends looking at me like "are you even fucking serious"
>I give them the look of "I've got this guys"
>Hanny brings me back a big bowl of spicy ramen noodles
>AWWYISS! Love me some spicy ramen.
>Start eating, I'm in bliss.
>Half way through the bowl, stomach starts hurting
>"I'll be right back guys"
>Mainline straight to the bathroom and boff everything back out
>Was so "hungry" that I didn't really chew my nuggets
>They're tearing my fucking throat open
>After 5 mins I'm fine, head back to the festivities
>Friends all give me an ashamed look after boffing
>Look them dead in the eyes and finish that bowl of ramen
tl;dr - Hanny is a good friend

>be in friends shed
>be smoking for the first time out of a bong my friend bought
>couldnt figure out how to use the fucking bong
>shed door burst open
>its my friends dad
>asks us what were doing
>one kid tells him were smoking while we try to hide the bong
>friends dad grabs bong
>takes the biggest rip ive ever seen
>burns through all of the weed
>pulls out a tinfoil bowl from drawer in shed
>passes it to us and leaves the shed
mfw my friends dad was the first person I smoked with

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>Go to class stoned (hit a bowl before class started
>Professor tells the whole class I got a perfect score on our online homework
>Everyone stares and looks at me
>stonedasfuck.avi
>almost shit myself

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>>580182672

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>>580183082
fyfan

>>580158214
i used to do that shit when i was 15 with my dad lol. wed smoke, get serious munchies, but the fridge was empty (due to late night munchies). so wed go to taco bell every couple days. then wed go to mcdonalds for their internet. just gotta buy a mcchicken or a drink and maybe some fries and theyll let u stay for hours.
downloading porn is a little complicated there tho. gotta maneuver yourself into the corner and not look suspicious.

>really stoned one day at a party
>got invited by weird beta who was my only friend
>it was his brothers party
>mad people are showing up, im there
>my friends brother knows this hot ass blonde
>im talkin 10/10 fuk this bitch
>i took 1 bowl hit, I was dying
>fell over a banister right in front of blonde
>stood up with my pants down
>started beating off and following her
>got thrown out of party
>shuffled my trench coat and fedora
>sped walk at 45MPH to my house
>had to do this, was carrying replica katana
>went home, watched anime and browsed /b/

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>>580182937

>>580182975
Man I don't get high that much, but when you can cook like I can high people think you're MacGuyver.

For example, I can turn flour, milk and some jimmy dean into sausage biscuits and gravy in under 20 minutes.

I remember once I went to this guy's house for a party and all he had was some shit hamburger meat and white bread. I whipped up some cowboy burgers (coffee + pepper + garlic + salt in a rub) that hero'd that party. Dudes were getting me beers the rest of the night while I chilled by the chiminea.

>>580163284
In NZ what's the difference between a spliff and a joint.

>>580183026
I have another story but not about me
>be in chemistry class like two days ago
>be high as fuck
>kid on the other side of class starts saying stupid shit
>everyone is looking over at him
>kid is losing his shit now and stares blankly into space
>some girl asks if hes high
>whole fucking class is looking at him now
>kids face gets all red
>doesnt say a word and walks out of class while professor is speechless
mfw when they didnt call me outt

>>580158383 well I wasn't aware of this mixing it with tobacco thing when I was smoking it up in New Zealand, but when I was in Australia smoking that awful hydro crap they have over there, they mix with tobacco.

>>580183309
>and maybe some fries
How about, "and of course some fries?"

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I can't fucking archive it !!!! chrome is not working properly
>pls sum1 4archive.org this
>you only have to paste this link in 4archive.org
>press enter
>share it here.

>>580182672
did you get laid?

>>580183739
Spliff = weed + shag tobacco in one bone.

you get a little high and a little up at the same time

>>580184093
thanks for reminding me
>stoned as fuck

man i havent smoked in about 8 years due to panic disorder but i recently got diagnosed with angle closure glaucoma and live in Missouri where medicals not legal and know no one to get any from, dont get glaucoma kids, it actually sucks

>2nd period senior year
>Smoke weed out of some vapor pen thing in bathroom
>Some faggot freshman Bieber kid sees me
>Tells on me
>5th Period
>Get called to office
>Dickhead principal asks to search my bag
>ohshitohshitohshit
>Confidently throw bag on desk
>Principal says "well I can tell you didn't do it, I'll be letting you get back to class now"
>Never searched bag
>Fuck yeah

>>580184102
No, can't remember why. Might have fallen asleep, actually I think she was sick or some shit idk.

>>580184093
aight here it is
http://4archive.org/b/thread/580156598