ITT: We work at 4chan inc. Hey guys, someone keeps making dick

"GUYS, COME CHECK OUT THIS PICTURE OF THIS BANANA, FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!"

Anyone know why the FBI is knocking at the door? Anyone order cheese pizza?

who came in the water?

"Spiderman from HR wants to talk to you"

>>575898397
Damnit Jim! That picture is everywhere! We need more paper for the raid updates.

Both the toilets and sinks are clogged again

Since your new here we'll need to see your tits or gtfo

>>575898797
Get someone from /g/ to fix them.

Hey Drew! Can we tighten up the graphics on level 3?

Can you guys make some photocopies of yesterday's shooting threads? It's going on the bulletin in next weeks event-planning meeting.

>>575899102
yea im on it where is the elevator?

>>575899278
I think it's broke, some retard from /k/ tried to attach a bayonet to the cables.

John, you haven't timestamped yourself in this morning. I might need to dock your pay if you keep doing this

>>575899420
fucking /k/ let me pull up the security cameras to see what happen

>>575899481
>9/11

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>>575898303

hey everyone i'm your new jewish co-worker

>>575899629
I assume you came from /pol/, and want to work in accounting?

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>>575899420
>>575899572
that explains a lot haha

"Excuse me. I have 2 mozzarellas and 1 peperonni with extra bacon for the 4chan office. it will be 35,90. Than- why is everyone's pissing out off the window?"

Yeah so I was just minding my own business doing work and listening to darude-sandstorm and some fag started talking about traps

If anyone wants their dick rated come join us in the board room.

>>575899746
Ha! Reminds me of the security footage of the time we committed espionage at tumblr co.

Who left the chocolate milk out?

>>575899420
fuck. that usually takes a crane to get out

>>575900039
Fuck, its got brown curdles. No wait. That's shit. What the fuck?

Hey, where are the two guys from /biz/ who needed a meeting room for their presentation?

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Alright guys, I got the numbers from our last product investment. It didn't sell too well. I kind of wonder why.

Hey guys /x/ here, you got a severe skellington infection in your basement

>>575900181
We sent them though security, one was executed for being too Jewy, the other is being questioned.

>>575900453
take the elevator

>>575899746

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>>575900453
I thought the basement was your department floor.

4 chan office memo:

We need someone to come help us on level 9. We just got another shipment of Moot's Jew gold and we need more people to help count it. We lost count over 9000.

Why are there pictures of cats in the /b/ branch every saturday? Is this some sort of strike?

>>575900563
Tried to, some retards kept screaming at me asking for something called "pasta"

>>575900615
Damn, didn't we do this last Thursday?

>>575898303
Id just stand up and yell FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

>>575898397
Thanks Lori, but this isn't really the time right now. I'm coordinating a raid on Reddit.

>>575898303
bathroom stalls smell like fap

Hey, who's going around banning gamergate posts?
>email comes up
>lose job

>>575898303

Yeah Faggots, I'm gonna need you guys to stay behind to work on the Robert Paulson projects, also you will all need to come in on Saturdays and Sundays....Yeah that'll be great Cheers

>>575900702
And "sauce"

>>575900863
Must've been creepy.

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what key do i press to hack

>>575900793
You're fired. Newfag.

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>Hi mooty, I don't think I will be able to make it to the office today, I'll explain everything later.

The UPS guy just showed up with four 2 liter bottles full of cum... He said its our Christmas present from someone? Anyone know anything about this matter?

>>575901129
Oh that's mine! I needed to ship it from my house. I didn't feel like carrying them to work.

>>575898303

Guys I thought I told you guys to count to 10 before entering my office, WTF, can't a faggot fap to traps in peace or did you /b/tards failed basic math potato skills in kindergarten?

e-erhm, guys? what about our salary?

>>575901370
>for free

Also, there seems to be a lot of skin walkers here

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"herro evrrybudy, wood yoo liek too cee mah peenus?"

>>575901370
Salary? What's that? Some kind of cult?

I would like to apply for a job.

>I'm a girl btw

>>575901482
Application or Please leave the office.

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Guys I think there's a plane headed towards us.
Its probably just a bird tho.

>>575901482
Tits and timestamp, if you do both then your hired with reduced pay.

>>575901370
3.50 an hour

>>575898303

Hey who the fuck let the skeletons out of /x/ again? I swear if I had to go inside that 2spoopy place one more time, I'm going to pull a Breivik Anders

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>>575901430

Guys, hand jobs all around, we just became the single most hated company in the world.

>>575901482
Please put the name of your masta on the bottom of your application so we can send him you pay.

>>575901715
Someone breakout the Champagne! Get the roast nuts, and not the human kind!

>>575901482

We don't hire girls, we all know girls don't apply to 4chan inc. Also you better be white, non-fat, non-jew and be able to make excellent sandwiches in the breakroom while doing so naked

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You fucking faggots. Which one of you took my sandwich from the refrigerator? I TOLD YOU THAT IT TAKES LIKE 30 MINUTES TO GET DESU-CHAN TO DIHORREA PERFECTLY EVEN ON THE FUCKING BREAD WITHOUT GETTING IT SOGGY. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? I just wanted to eat Desu-chan's excrement in peace for once in this fucking office. Next time some newfag steals it, I'm going to fucking cut my dick off and mail it to Dick Cheney.

Someone please call Juan in housekeeping. George is stuck in the glory hole again and he needs to bring the floor wax to get him out.

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HEY GUYS /MLP/ HERE IM GONNA NEED YOU TO SIGN A PACKAGE FOR THIS HERE ATOMIC BOMB. ITS A GIFT FROM THE /TOY/ DEPARTMENT.

Anyone know how we as a company can bypass any and all international tax regulation?

>>575902057
wtf is /mlp/ doing with an atomic bomb

>>575902057
Okay, someone get the timestamp and sign this. In the mean time, hm... How do I work this damn thing?

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everyone, i want you to meet my qt gf.

>>575902113
Just turn off the lights when the tax collectors come.

>>575901478
This is HR, we are going to need you to come in and watch a sexual harassment video.

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>>575902057
OOPS I GUESS IT'S /POL/'S PROBLEM NOW! HAHA

>>575900093
And that crane takes a crane to get out.

Who's the pharmacist on /b/ going be today?

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Everyone, Get in here!

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>>575902234

"Holy shit guys the summer fags are going to be increasing more by next year! What should we do?"

>>575901480
It's a fucking vegetable, you dipshit.

>>575901028
Im quite versed roodypoo

>>575902528
mass suicide?

>>575902382
Oh fuck! Shouldn't have kicked it I guess.

>>575902495
What's this meeting about?

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>>575898879
This

>>575902318
Well actually from the looks of it, EVERYONE needs to come in for the Sexual Harassment video, Cooperate has a couple new heads now, they seem like they are all about social justice, some may even say they are warriors of social justice from the sounds of it.

>>575898303
Would all you ponies please stay in the /mlp/ basement? We really don't want to see you... or hear you... or smell you...
We gave you your own department after you started trashing the building, so be happy and stay there.

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"Hey guys, look at this sock I found in Lenny's trash can!"

Oh shit guys! Some haxor group named anunumus is haxing into our database!!! All our memes are gonna be gone forever!!! We need to stop this!

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the MBA school, and I’ve been involved in numerous high profile clientele and businesses around the globe, and I have over 300 confirmed investments. I am trained in marketing, accounting, human resources, advertising and I’m the top sales in the entire 4chan Inc. You are nothing to me but just another paper pusher. I will wipe you the fuck out with dexterity the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over company email? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of IT guys in the basement of our building and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, faggot. The storm that see your pathetic life get fired and banned from this company. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can fire you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my fingertips. Not only am I extensively trained in master of senior multinational business management, but I have access to the entire user database of the internets and I will use it to its full extent to make your miserable ass off the face of the building, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead and fired, kiddo.

>>575902623
I don't care. Clear out your desk Mr. Anon, or I'll have to call Anonymous to escort you out.

Wincest thread?! not on my shif---
>12:00pm
OH! tea time! not my problem now

>>575902528

Spam gore

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>>575900314
Kind of?
Have you any better ideas?
Connect One is a insta-classic and easy to play, assuring fun for future generations.

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You all should better help me sharpen sticks and stuff to prepare against the coming vampire apocalypse, gaiz!!!!

*sits in the kitchen and sharpens sticks"

>>575898303
Hey Greg loo- OH FUCK GREG! WINCEST?! GODDAMMIT LET ME GO GET THE CEO. MISTER SPIDEY!

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>>575903076
Hope this helps!

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>>575903013

>>575902189
I think somebody set us up the bomb. Don't worry, I'll call in the low orbit ion cannon to get rid of them. Nothing really lost if /mlp kinda dies off anyways

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Guys some guy dressed as grimace keeps trying to sell me drugs. Where's security at?

>>575903083
I've been viewing your work, I'll recommend your department change to /x/.

>>575903243

That'll show those SJW protesting outside our building, fuck those hippies tell them to get jobs and lose weight

>>575903080
Well at least the finger boxes are sill selling well.

>>575903330
Call someone from /k/ if they haven't blown or shot themselves up yet.

>>575902942
Goddamn it I thought we finally b& this asshole from the building

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>>575903326
Bomb?

>>575903548
there all dead remember?>>575899746

Where's my paycheck you nigger
>dunno, what's your name
Fucking government spies and shit trying to steal my identity and shit. fuck you man, i'm anonymous you're not getting my info just to dox it on the bulletin board fuck off to reddit faggot.

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I need some time off today, so I can find my Jimmies.

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>>575903330
Are you fucking new?
Purp mane always on deck, sippin' hard, trappin' harder.

>>575903763
Oh yeah. I'm sure they'll fix themselves up. If they can do it innawoods then they'll do it innaoffice.

>>575899746
fucking /x/, why haven't we downsized that department yet?

>>575903785

the fuck? you're anonymous? I'm anonymous too, fuckin payroll better not make mistakes and switch those checks...also wtf is it with Heaven getting paid better than the rest of us? I say we go postal and kill that Heaven guy

Everyone I have an announcement. Dan was let go earlier today, as it was found out he was a double nigger.

>>575903548
Reporting for duty, what's your problem sir?

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>>575903410
but I don't want to and am pissed, what's wrong with that?

>>575898303
hey, I just got this memo from Microsoft. Apparently they've had an influx of searches for how to repair system 32.

>>575904097
Almost as bad as being caught Jewing without permission.

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>>575904097

>>575904109
Some big purple fuck is trying to give drugs to a worker, but he won't accept. Can you rough up that worker for me? Give him a shot of morphine after.

>>575904268
ignore that shit. IT says just to delete it. Makes your computer run faster.

>>575904097
Kek's had.

Ummm.... Hi guys. My name is Gary and I just got transfered from /wsg/ due to down sizing. Not going to lie... I've kind of heard things about this department......ummm... is there like a child friendly side to /b/ that maybe I can assist? Thanks.

>>575904252
Vampires aren't in our floor, you're best needed in the basement with the other janitors.

Also what's up with the management in this place, they keep suppressing our rights and lock us out of the company, this CEO moot, does he even know how to manage 4chan inc.? I've never seen him around why is he still on the company payroll?

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Hey guys... /v/ sent us a photo taken by the night watch... They say it's in the vents...

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>>575898303
we need some team shirts any ideas

>>575904587
Yeah just have a seat on my lap and we can talk about that.

>>575904268
>>575904476
hi im drew from /k/ yea system 32 is the old system we upgrade to system 34

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>>575898303

brb 10th smoke break

>>575904109
No worries. I mistook our leanin' expert for a drug dealer. Now Imma go et summa dat purple

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>>575904420
Good to be at work...

>>575904420
It would be my privelege
*beats purplefag upside the head with a shillelagh*
*gives purplefag a shot of morphine*

Anything else need doing?

>>575904728
.......don't we have security to deal with this???

>>575904646
It's not like it matters. We always jimmy the lock and he gives up after a while. Plus we're his only major source of income.

>>575904587
guys we need a legal teens thread for this creep

>>575904898
Wrong one. I said the guy denying drugs needed a lesson.

Well guys, I'm gonna punch out, Dan, your taking my shift tomorrow, kthxbai

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>>575898303
I can't wait until "Bring Your Daughter To Work" day.

dammit for the last time /k/, our security department, is busy with the /x/ problem on the elevators

>>575904898
we just recieved word from the white house that moot is jewing on the 5th floor. can you head up there and sort it out?

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>>575904912
Right here.

>>575904948

oh shit guys, I think I heard something...It's that Chris Hanson guy from the Dateline partyvan across the street, I mean that van has been parked there for weeks now

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>>575904912
No... This was a picture sent a few minutes ago.

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>>575904898
Noooooo you fool! Grimace was not at fault! Fuck this is going get more shit coverage from the media that nude leak

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OP's chair

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Spiderman keeps coming in and trying to take over.

>>575905046
My apologies, I'll correct this.
*beats the drug denying fag half to death*
*drugs him shortly afterward and jacks off on unconscious form*

Do I have any tenure? I've donated bone marrow to our biggest client, twice.

>>575905228
let /k/ take care of it. we have nude leaks to focus on at the moment

>>575905257
Who shit on my chair? That's my job damnit! Fuck it, I'm going on break.

>>575905334
Good work, now your needed back at /x/ for the elevator problem.

>>575905230
Which one?
Our resident Lean expert has been compromised!
/ban ip

>>575905546
Didn't my bayonet fix it?

>>575904093
it's those fucking mods. fat cats think they can pay whoever they want as much as they want. let's start a union.

>>575905546
I just got the skeletons out of their elevator an hour ago, they're back again?

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>>575905392
What am I taking care of?

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>>575905392
>all /b/ is

>>575905695
It snapped the cable and now /x/ monsters are fucking up their department. I think half of security is dead. Welp, you guys been in worse. So hop to it, your pay check counts on it.

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>>575905830
The new robot infestation. /co/ already made comics to cheer you up.

>>575904780
No.

>>575904948
.....shouldn't all threads be legal by default?? Or you referring to the guy trying to make me sit on his lap?

>>575905185
......wwwwhhhhyyy is security Russian?

I've been here for five minutes and have no idea what is going on. /wsg/ was way more organized.

>>575905695
Jesus Christ, for the last fucking time /k/, bayonets don't solve everything. We've already lt go of Dan today, get this this handled before I reassign WT Snacks to mod your department

>>575904636
fucking hell man, you're no fun at this time of day. have a few more drinks?

every time i try to count to ten some faggot runs by me and shouts 11.

Hey, hey guys? Is this herpes, or is it lint?

>>575906040
/wsg/ was more organised because they were smaller and didn't produce a lot. We're the numbah one hustlas in this company.

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>>575905927
>>575905982
On it SIR
*Rushes off with shillelagh and assault rifle to handle skeletons and robots*
HOOAH!

>>575906182

ELEVEN!

>>575905546
can't you send him vampire slaying?

>>575906362
Don't worry, they're helping out with the blood cleaning after that gore session.

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>>575906103
>>575906040
Security is half Russians half Irish

BAYONETS SOLVE EVERYTHING

>>575906195
Let me check. Oh, I've got bad news friend.

>>575906601
bayonet in my ass. remove plz.

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>>575906262
This door wil accompany you... Mr Shit, was it?

>>575906658
this is gonna be good

>>575906712
>>575906706
*Attaches rifle to bayonet*
The recoil will pull it out, I believe in you, you are an hero.

*glances at the door*
I breach those so often, I don't know if I trust it to hold up

>>575906257
Yes but that may be subject to change now that our resident lean expert is gone. I say we her a new one immediately ? Recommendations anyone?

>>575906712
And no my name is Buster, Buster Hymen.

>>575906257
You know stuff about this /b/ place. How do I get a desk around here? I need a place for my stapler and dog pictures. Also how do I get an assignment here? Who do I report to around here? Group leader? The damn janitors? Or do I need to ascend a golden stairway to heaven? Who is manag...... HOLY SHIT THAT >>575906195
GUYS ....P...PENIS IS OUT!!!

>>575906932
I'd go with Breivik. He's good with that stuff.

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>>575906929
much better thanks

>>575907104
Everyone starts with a stool, and a noose. If you last here a week straight without hanging yourself, you're promoted to newest fag. Then you get a touch down space, with no chair.

>>575907104
ha ha guys look at the newfag. do u evn triforce?

>>575907359
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>>575907359
we need to retire this oldfag

>>575907359
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I heard management is giving a dollar for every Tri-force made.

>>575907748
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Whoops, that one goes to the paper shredder.

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>>575907359
>being newer than person being called >"New"
>hoping yfw

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hey guyz what our meme stock up to today

I emailed one of the /g/entlemen over in Tech Support to fix my shitty Thinkpad and all he did was install Gentoo. What the fuck man?

>>575907903
Fuck. Out of ink.

>>575907320
Stool and a noose!?!? No chair with a space!? That isn't even fuc-..... I mean that is not possible!

>>575907359
Try- who?
>>575907451
That is a huge tattoo.... but shouldn't you be wearing a shirt? With.... a collar?

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copy and paste lets milg this company
>>575907748

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Hey guys! check out this Jennifer Lawrence nude-

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unlimited child porn uploads, from my cubicle neighbor's desk.

>>575908109
Holy shit, it actually posted? I was hoping to get the copyright message to finish that post.

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>>575908109
Great job anon. Your promotion is pending

>>575899787
go back to 9gag inc you dipshit

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>>575908010

>>575908373
Didn't we bomb that building last Thursday?

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>>575908019
sorry that was me. just printed 42,000 copies of this photo for a research project im doing. talk to the mods if you got a problem you need ignored.

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>>575908027
A collar? At 4chan Inc.? That shit leads to fedoras and neckbeards, keep it classy and keep it unbuttoned. Plus I got Slim's name across my chest.

>>575908480
we tested the bomb on ours first to see if it works

>>575908348
Promotion? Those exist?

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So this is where all the stench is coming from...

>>575908580
So there isn't much of a dress code here then.... ummm.... why are there no women in this department?

is it just me or are the guys on the /r9k/ lab really fucking weird?

>>575908896
Aren't they building a giant robot or some shit?

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>>575908812
I'm from the /k/ department, we send all the women to the kitchen and the bedroom.

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>>575908720
Sure do. This is your new salary

I need Rachael's personal info...for science of course...

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>>575909035
FUCKING WIN

>>575909118
Rachael left man. i heard she got a job as an SJW Pro at Tumblr

Ladies and Gentlemen,

We quit. Seriously, fuck you guys.

-Legal

>>575901370
50 cents and a taco bell coupon an hour
didn't you read the guidelines when you were hired?

>>575909287
fuck, how about lisa (aka stan)?

>>575902495
all these newfags dont know what this is.
cheers to you oldfag

>>575909308
Fucking bitches. We will just get the guys over at do it yourself to do it

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>>575898303
>4chan inc
>does not know 4chan is a rack of servers run by a Jew with no employees

>>575909428
there might be a chance. here what you gotta do: shout 'TRAP THREAD' as loud as you can and see what happens

>>575902401
problem is were out of mattresses and pigs numbered 1,2,4

>>575909606
ᵀʳᵃᵖ ᵀʰʳᵉᵃᵈ

>>575909308
Dear Legal

Faggot Legal?Why phrenulum love stalker 2? Cucumber fat why HATE fucking nigger- lower faggot VGAs...

>>575900982
>inb4 underrated post gets passes by

Hey guys uh. . . A mass of people from /mu/ won't stop yelling "Jenny Death When?!" how should I handle this? Tried asking for peace but they keep yelling "Responsibility's cool but there is more things to life! Like getting your dick rode all fucking night!" I don't know what do guys!

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>>575910045
/k/ to the rescue!

>>575910189
thanks guys. By the way I'm a skeleton. Your parents love you.

>>575910131
RATS! YOU FOUND ME OUT!

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H-hey guys... /pol/ here... Did... did you fire David Shecklestein yet?

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>>575910481
YOU SIR ARE UNDER ARREST

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Hey guys, can I get a job? Sorry about the clogged toilets, by the way.

>>575910629
HANDCUFFS TRIGGER ME! I'LL BE SUING YOU FOR RAPE YOU CIS-GENDER SCUM!!!

>>575910690
Are you a 1337 H4X0R?

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We all know 4chan is a single hacker, not a group of people

"goddamn it /pol/, the judge already told your department to stop displaying Nazi regalia in public."

>>575910690
Holy cow! I've not seen you in a while!! Where did you go guy!?!?!?

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>>575910809
How about GUNS?
You'll keep this quiet you hear me? This is the internet, nothing goes public!

Uh, guys... Why is there a bunch of naked kids in this cupboard...?

>>575910978
YOU STUPID SCUM! THIS ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FORM! WAIT TILL YOU SEE MY ULTIMATE HEALTHY TRANSFORMATION INTO A GODDESS!!

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>>575910817
Sure am! Watch this! *gets on computer* *accidentally searched lolita on imagefap*

Uh... guys...? Whoops.

>>575910938
Heaven had me locked in his basement.

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HEY GUYS I ORDERED CHEESE PIZZA!

>>575911235
Shhhh. . . Just close the cupboard and walk away.

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>>575911235
Uh oh, the manager always shows up when children are involved.
>>575911306
I'll show you your final form