Green text thread

>>567862268
>no

>>567862527
/thread

>>567862528
>>567862268
also lurking

> green text

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>>567862268

>how do I greentext

>>567862268
that guy for life

>>567862676
How do I heaven

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>>567862268

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>>567862268

>>567862676
go back to lifepunch faggot

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>>567862268

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>>567862545
FUCK.

>>567862545
holy fuck

that font rendering is literally terrible

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>>567862843
>>567862843
>>567862843
>>567862843

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>>567862268
the best

>>567862843
holy shit im dieeng my sides ohhhhhhhhh my gawwwwwwwwwwd fukken saved 10/10 material

>>567862629
that last one tho

>>567864239
awesome story bro!

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One of my favorites

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>It was Wednesday
>eating strawberry poptart for breakfast
>I like strawberry poptarts on Tuesdays and Thursdays but not on Wednesdays
>day already ruined due to eating strawberry poptart on a Wednesday
>dad walks into kitchen holding a magazine
>magazine has orange on the cover
>I hate the color orange
>wtf dad
>stab dad three times with a fork
>I find comfort in the number three
>get sent to room until the afternoon
>be in room watching Star Trek
>dad calls me for lunch
>is Mac n cheese
>tell him to separate noodles and cheese
>nigga doesn't comply
>curl up into ball and scream
>gives me a heart shaped tuna fish sandwich
>that bitch leaves some of the crust on
>fuckthatshit.jpg
>storm outside and go to neighbor's garden
>see an orange flower
>trample the shit out of it
>neighbor's dog sees me
>no witnesses
>stab the dog four times with fork
>have to stab him two more times to make a multiple of three
>Dad sees me
>"Danny, what the fuck were you thinking?"
>on the way to a special hospital
>pass a three black cars in a row
>that means in will be a bad day
>three orange cars seals the deal
>the day is fucked
>get to hospital
>doctor comes in
>says I'm a special case
>that I'm much more unique than the other guys
>then Danny knew what he had to do
>He had to stop all the ghosts that were coming through
>He's here to fight for me and you
>he's gonna catch em all cause he's Danny Phantom

>>567866832
1/10 for trying to comedy.

nojkgetbacktolatenightshows

>>567865860
exept that none of this happened

>>567862629
I remember that thread there were a lot of good stories from that guy

>>567866463
This made me fucking cry

>>567867127
"The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact."

faggot

>>567866832
what the fuck did you just make me read? -5/10

>>567867979
ok i totally forced your head into the screen and made you read it

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>>567868139
thought it would get good

>>567862545
6/10 made me giggle.

>>567862629
>not posting the extended version
>implying I have it

>>567862268
Holy shit this is gold!

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>>567862268
>Part 1

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Wincest

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anyone have the one about the crazy bitch who called the police saying a guy had a gun then when they arrived they ended up arresting her?
(pic not related)

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Super long read, but it comes full circle into a epic climax

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>>567868425
>part 2

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>>567868681
>part 3

>>567868694
wow, never seen that before

>>567866832
10/10

>>567866832
Ahahaha.

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Is this for ants or something? I think this website is for people.

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Just posted this in another thread
>Be me
>Trying to sleep
>Suddenly: thought is a go
>Brains
>'We' are not our bodies but instead our mind
>We are parasites that have latched on to our bodies
>We grow roots inside our body and direct it so we can live
>can't sleep now
>mfw spooky

>>567871046
underage pls go

>>567862869

That is brilliant.

here let me tell you my story
>be me
>be taking the subway because no car
>almost at the turnstile
>8/10 blond in front of me
>say hi
>she stiffens up
>she grips desperately to her pepper spray hoping to delay the inevitable
>shes up to go through
>her wallet isnt in her purse
>its taken up by numerous cans of spray and rape whistles
>she cant go through
>thisismychance.jpg
>i offer to pay the fee for her
>her eyes go wide as she realizes her fate
>tribal drums begin to sound
>the men in all the other rows begin to brazenly beat their chests hoot wildly as i pull the other bulge, my wallet, out of my pants
>from my 23 cents per dollar more than she makes i pay the fee
>the air has become thick with pepper spray
>the song of a thousand whistles attempt to fill the air but all that can be heard are my neanderthal like grunts and heavy breathing.
>"h-how can i ever repay you" she asks
>smile look down at her now shrinking figure and say
>imma need about tree fiddy
>it was at this moment that she realized that i was an 8 story tall crustacean from the paleozoic era
>she said no she wouldn't give me tree fiddy
>the embarrasment calls forth enough spaghetti to feed a small italian village for a month
>i quickly flee from the scene
>i make a run for home through a bad neighborhood
>three familiar faces accost me
>wheres the tree fiddy you owe us, loch ness monsta
>admit i dont have it
>they beat me up and leave me for dead
>i manage to crawl home where my mother awaits me
>tell her i got in one little fight
>my mom gets scared
>she said "youre moving in with your auntie and uncle in bel air"

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Anyone have the story of Button?
This guy finds out his online bro is actually a chick when she shows up at his place one day.
I wasn't able to finish reading the story, left for work.
I hav= a screencap of the first post, but no more.

>>567866832
you fucking faggot actually made me laugh

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>>567862545

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its gud

>>567866463
oh god I'm crying

>>567871903
10/10

>>567862268
What's a "green text" lol?

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>>567864239

I'm not sure if that could happen. But I want to believe.

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>>567862869

>>567866008
I did that once when I was like 15, expect instead of the other person being a guy it turned out to be a 30 year old Australian woman that fell in love with a 15 year old British boy pretending to be a 20 year old British girl over the internet.

I had some weird years as a teenager.

>>567868442
my favortite greentext

>>567866832
comedy isnt for everyone

>>567864239
Fucking saved, cant believe I missed that one.
Best shit Ive seen in YEARS

>>567871915
https://thestoryofbuttons. imgur.com/all/
There is the imgur

>>567872989
I realy realy yrealy realy realy hate this pictogram

>>567866129
>green apple splatters, fucking gets me everytime

>>567873134
too similar to your life ?

@567862268
I'm still confused on what a greentext is lol :P sorry I'm new here

>>567873931
Obvious bait is obvious

>>567862818
>not knowing that IDs are random
newfag detected

>>567866832
That's all from that autist kid book, the strange case of the dog at midnight or something like that, right?

Ending ruined it

>>567874089
lol what's a bait?

Dunno if this is lulz worthy but I've got some stories about a fucked up friend

>Hanging out in public park on swings
>Friend goes to public toilet
>I'm just listening to my ipod and watching the girls football (soccer for amerifats)
>Notice he's been gone for ages
>There is a bunch of kids and parents waiting outside the toilet
>It's one of those saloon door ones where there's a couple inches of the door missing at the top and bottom
>Across the park see his face on the ground watching the people in line
>He's waiting for them to leave
>After like 20 minutes they all walk away and he comes back
>Check out the toilet man
>Go in
>Start throwing up immediately everywhere
>Shit on the floor
>Shit clogging the sink
>Shit on every bit of the toilet
>Written on the wall in shit it says "Hello"
>Now my vomit everywhere too because the smell was unbearable on such a hot day
>Leave park immediately
>Someone had to clean that up

>>567868579
Fucking awesome.

>>567875140
why??

>>567871903
dece

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>walking through the park checking emails
>match.com messages
>9/10 I talked to wants to meet to have dinner
>I agree to meet at pizza hut at 8
>approaching 8
>she arrives at the hut
>gets seen to our table
>been at the hut dressed disguised as a waiter since 5 o'clock
>go over to her
>tell her she can't wait for me to order because kitchen needs to spread preparation workload
>give her menu and walk away
>real waiter takes her order 2 minutes later
>I return to the table 3 minutes later to deliver her a fake message from me who was supposedly just on the phone to the restaurant

"sorry I'm running a bit late, I don't know what I was thinking taking a girl like you to pizza hut, meet me at berlloni's instead"

>tell her she can cancel her order if she wants
>she does and leaves the hut
>I enter the bathroom
>rip my waiter outfit off
>seal it in a plastic baggy
>simultaneously throw it in the trash and straighten my bow tie
>sit down at her table
>make myself a drink
>eat the pizza she ordered
>finish my sunny d
>pay for the pizza
>put my silly straw back in my rucksack
>wrap on my scarf
>head to the parking lot
>rev up my moped
>fasten my riddick goggles
>ride off home

>tfw I only had to wait three hours and pay full price for a free pizza

>>567875923
haha

>>567875483

This was just his way of making a boring day more interesting.
We ended up hanging around at a distance and watching peoples reactions as they walked in.
I did mention he's pretty fucked up.

Another one

>10 packs of mints for $1 at dairy because expired
>Bet you can't eat 10 packs in an hour anon
>Buy him 10 packs
>He eats all of them in sub 10 minutes.
>He gets horrendous diarrhea
>he had cup noodles for lunch
>shits liquid shit in the cup till it's full
>throws it at a car
>covers their entire windscreen

Our childhood sounds like a bad skit from Beavis and Butthead but that was the 90s eh.

>>567871315
This one made me laugh

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>be me
>15
>meeting up with girl from school
>we get along really well
>soulmates actually
>I wait at this lobby place near where we are meeting
>I get there and wait
>time passes by
>traffic must be heavy or something
>she's never usually late
>remember she said she was going to the doctors earlier
>start to worry
>wait another few minutes
>finally she appears
>I smile and say hello as soon as I see her
>she says hello
>sounds nervous
>I ask some questions
>she responds with 1 word answers
>acting really weird
>not like her
>"everything alright?"
>she hesitates
>makes up some bullshit
>her voice is quavery
>start asking about her day
>she avoids the questions
>I ask her about the doctors
>she begins to sob
>heart is beating out of my chest now
>I wanted to marry this girl
>"you know you can tell me anything, it's ok"
>"oh anon"
>starts really crying uncontrollably now
>I start crying
>"I..It's terminal"
>we both start crying our eyes out
>start thinking how much this will depress me
>can't help crying for her
>start to feel angry and aggressive
>like I need to protect her or something
>realise it's futile
>we both sit there crying our eyes out and praying to god things were different
>shut off xbox
>mfw terminal is our least favourite map on modern warfare 2

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>>567874721

The dad stabbed the dog. Not the KID IIRC. Years since I listened to the Audio Book.

The book you mean is "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night"

Also, that book portrayed Autists far too friendly.

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>>567876939

Happened to me many years ago

>be me a senior in HS
>know how to play guitar fairly well
>use skills to attract the girls
>one day a qt3.14 decides to sit next to me in Spanish
>say hi and get to know her, all the usual stuff
>she's really stuck up towards everyone else but me
>we really hit it off
>go out on a few dates
>she's my girlfriend now
>fast forward to end of year
>I'm sad, won't see her much during the summer
>lifeispassingmeby.jpg
>call her up in the middle of July
>hey anonette wanna come down to my house
>my parents aren't home
>she says yes
>my heart is beating like crazy from nervousness
>decide to play it cool and just leave the door open
>I just got a nice new guitar so I sat down and played, pretending I didn't see her walk in
>I got my first real six string
>bought it at the five-and-dime
>played it till my fingers bled
>it was the summer of '69

>>567877220
...Those were the best days of my life.
7.5/10

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>be me
>be shoemaker
>have shop not too far from Beverly Hills
>my dad was a shoemaker for most of his life and ran the shop
>He taught me the ropes when I was 8 and I'd been working in the shop since I was 16
>It's a quiet day in the shop.
>Sitting at the counter watching TV, waiting for my Dad to get back from lunch
>Suddenly see the door open, somebody comes in
>Holy Fuck, it's Christopher Walken
>Ican'tbelievethisshit.picture
>Says he had a pair of boots that were being worked on here
>Says that he was told they'd be done by today
>Apparently my dad forgot to tell me about this
>Go back to get the boots
>Want to impress Walken, thinking It'd be awesome to have him as a regular customer
>Decide to give his boots an extra polish before I give them to him
>Remember that I left my shoe polishing kit in my trunk
>Go to my car out back in the parking lot
>I bring the boots with me because I'm a fucking idiot
>Open up my trunk to get my kit, just as my dad pulls into the lot and gets out of his car
>He thinks I'm trying to steal the boots
>He takes them from me and starts talking to me
>These boots are made for Walken
>And that's just what they'll do
>One of these days these boots
>Are gonna walk all over you

>>567876252

>We have this shit car that's not road legal
>Front wheel drive
>Doing handbrake drifting in a paddock
>When he gets out of the drivers seat cause it's my turn drive off
>Think I've gotten away
>Driving 80km/h
>Get slapped
>WTF
>He's on the fucking roof hitting me through the window
>Had climbed up after holding on to the spoiler
>Lock brakes up
>He rolls down bonnet
>reverse and drive off to other paddock

>Doing reverse doughnuts cause FWD
>Pitch black apart from headlights
>BOOM
>He was sprinting towards the car full pace and went straight over the bonnet while it was spinning round
>On the ground not moving
>Check him 20 minutes later and he's up but he can't walk straight

Good times with alcohol and cars.

>>567877557
OC, thanks

I'll add that

>>567873931
stop trying to force this

>>567877220
I sang read those last 4 lines

>>567877596
FUCK! got me

>>567873303
only reddit fags use imgur.

>>567871915
http://imgur.com/a/3eMtT#1 here you go Fellow anon. Entire story

teacher asks how to be drug free and have good morals
>be me
>ultimate beta
>don't get invited to any parties because you're beta as fuck
>foreveralone.jpeg

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>be at party
>chilling by the fire pit
>see the gross 5/10 girl I hooked up with the night before
>she walks towards me with some weird looking guy
>introduces him as her boyfriend
>whatthefuck.jpg
>we all start talking about the weather and whatnot
>turn out hes actually pretty cool
>start to feel bad for touching his girls butthole
>we are all making great conversation
>they are happy and acting like a cute couple
>they seem perfect for eachother
>we run out of cigarettes
>offer to walk to store to grab some
>he gives me cash
>I walk to the store and grab cigs
>when I come back he is gone
>they got into an argument and broke up
>without me their relationship went to shit
>I was the only thing keeping them together that night
>I control relationships now
>mfw I got a free pack or cigs

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>>567880065
>tfw you will never experience the joy of shrooms at a highschool party

>>567880753
it's not as great as you might think

>Be today at school
>senior in college
>Walking to class
>See super qt3.14 grill on way down hall
>Know Im not great looking but Im definitely in her league even tho beta
>Memorize her body and face to jerk off in the bathroom during class period
>Suddenly she catches me looking at her in passing
>She smiles and gives me a sort of flirty wink before we pass each other
>hnnnnnnnnnnngggg
>20 minutes into class and excuse myself to go jerk off in restroom
>Restroom is cramped bullshit restroom but its the only one thats low traffic enough to safely crank the dong
>Put myself in only toilet stall
>Start cranking before I even get situated
>Thinking of that grill
>Notice massive shit in toilet, whoever was here last didnt flush
>Try to flush
>Toilet broken
>Still cranking
>Getting close to edge so say fuck it and keep cranking as toilet water beings to rise in bowl
>Cant stop now, need to blow my load to that qt3.14 grills banging body and gorgeous red hair
>Shit covered water starts pooling around me
>Suddenly
>I burst
>Loads of semen everywhere
>Suddenly notice my situation and begin to exit stall
>Slip on water and hit arm on toilet roll holder
>Bleeding all over the place
>Bail get out of stall as some professor comes in
>He takes a quick glance at me covered in blood shit and semen and walks out
>Fucking bolt
>Run over a mile straight home
>Dat grill doe

>>567880753
>>567880883
Taking shrooms at a party is one of the worst experiences ever

>>567876213
Shit that sucks

>be me
>17
>go to high school party
>take shrooms
>realise this is one of the worst experiences ever

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For the Sake of sake I pre-typed as I was posting
>Be me a uni fag at 20 jahr alt
>Last Sunday I was on my new longboard just goin around campus and shit
>I like Sundays, if you’re a Christfag your in church, otherwise people just don’t leave their dwellings
>campus is EMPTY, so I go longboard and hall ass and shit, you know just having a good time
Segway: My roomates and I are replaying Ocarina of Time because I brought my N64, found some dubstep remixes of the Ocarina songs and download them on my phone
>well I got bad links on one of the songs, fucker cuts out like at the 1:45 mark
>on my way back when this occurs and I figure uhh whatever, I’ll just stop by football stadium and steal some wifi and rest a spell
>this was where I made my mistake
>find a shaded spot, humid as fuck yo
>lay my board down next to me and start lookin at links
>nowwwww it goes downhill
>a family with their token retard comes by the stadium after church walking Timmy the disabled potato
>this kid is like Krunk from the Gonnies I shit you not, on a fucking dog leash
>immediately forget this is real life and run EVERY RETARD story from /b/
>slightly remember the one story of the anon who watched the retard shit on slide complaining of “tummy rumble bumble”
>kek to myself but then shit goes down hill after I remember this
>Potate Joe tugs on his leash held by mommy dearest and claims out
TUMMY RUMBLE BUMBLE
>TheCardsHaveBennPlayed.jpg
Part 2 up

>>567868579
10/10

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>>567883042
The rest happened in about 40 seks
>Mommy turns to her dearest potato and says
>what do you mean sweety? Do you need to go potty
>his only reply is TUMMY RUMBLE BUMBLE
MayGodGiveYouHopeInYourDrakestHour.gif
>AN AUDIBLE AND CLEAR SHIT SOUND IS BIRTHED FROM HIS COLON
>Like shit, FILLS HIS FUCKIN BRITCHES
>I’m brought back between the planes of existence of /b/ and real life
>I am no longer human, but the living hybrid of autism and man
>I LOOSE MY SHIT AND LAUNCH SIDES IN TO ORBIT
>All while the tard is shitting hard enough to grow another potato
>I finally kek hard enough for the mother to turn and see me
NeverHaveIfeltSuchScorningHatred.webm
>Before she can call me out her loving potato reaches into his shit caved britches, pulls out his twin, and with no remorse, does his mother’s make-up with it
>I accept life as this is the last image I will see before I die, and except it and proud of it
>the father tries to restrain Earthworm jim but his evade is to high
>weasels out of his father’s grip, at this point mother is no longer holding onto his leash
>Runs into the parking lot of the church doing only what I assume is God’s divine plan
>I scramble my jets throw my board down and FLY to the closet street, making it to my building in under 3min flat making DAMN SURE that the Macho Randy Shitter isn’t tailing me
>bolt into my building and nose dive into my bed and proceed it kek my mother loving sides off
>hide out from around a min until I hear ambulance sirens and police sirens drive by
>mfw he frosted his mom's face like a cake

>>567862268
no