give me your best jokes /b/ >inb4 OP's mom

>>564257104
What do you call a Samoan woman who keeps falling over?

>>564257975
what

>>564258445
Eilien O'fa Tufa

>>564257104
Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.

>>564257104
what is blonde and annoying when you camp?
>anders bering breivik

File: 1355528055301.jpg (5KB, 180x180px) Image search: [Google]

5KB, 180x180px

>>564258541
wat

a man walks into a bar, he's an alcohol and it's tearing his family apart.

>>564259210
>knock knock
>who's there?
>it's the police ma'am your son was just killed by a hit and run driver, the driver was an alcohol

>>564257104
OP's little dick

A horse walk into a bar
Bar man asks "why the long face?"
The horse, being a horse, is unable to comprehend the complexities of the human language, and proceeds to shit on floor

File: 1408698340607.gif (981KB, 396x278px) Image search: [Google]

981KB, 396x278px

I'm not a funny man.

>>564259480
im sorry, what the fuck is that gif from?

>>564259410
i actually lold

>>564259410
chuckled

A man discovers his wife is cheating on him with his neighbor.
He calls an assassin to come to his home. He says: i want you to shoot my wife in the head and my neighbor in the balls. Can do, says the thief, but i charge 1000 dollars for every bullet i have to shoot. The man agrees. That night, the wife leaves to the house next door. The man and the assassin are sitting by the window across the street. They see the wife and the neighbor fucking in bed so the assassin starts aiming. He waits. and he waits. and he waits. Finally the man asks, what's taking you so long? to which the assassin replies: hey fuck off man, i'm trying to save you a thousand bucks here!

>>564260589
forth sentence: you called the assassin a thief, what is it now?

>>564260764
damn i shoudl'nt tell jokes when i'm high

Women's rights.

Why do Jews have big noses?
Because air is free

the Aaristocats

Truman Capote is at a lounge with friends. As the night progresses, several people come up and ask for his autograph, which he gives out very gracefully.

A pretty young woman comes up and asks for his autograph, which he does, and her very drunk boyfriend at the next table has had enough. He staggers over to the table and whips out his dick and lays it on the table and says to Capote, "Here. autograph THIS."

Capote replies, "I don't know if I can autograph that, but I can INITIAL it."

A man has " i love you" tattooed on hid dick. He go0es home to his wife, she says, " stop trying to put words in my mouth".

Knock Knock

>>564259702
its from the last UFC

mn walks into his son's room. says " if you keep masturbating you'll go blind". Son says, " Dad, I'm over here."

Sorry for my English, it's not my native language.

>A man in a road it's trying to get a lift.
>a truck stops and let get a ride to this guy.
>when he sat, he notice there is a monkey on the side of the driver.
>Ask for the monkey, and the driver says
>ohh this monkey, his slap his neck and the monkey starts giving he a blowjob.
>the driver look to the guy and ask "Do you want a try?
>the guy says, OK, but please don't hit me so hard.

>>564262956
WHOS THERE XD?

>>564263441
Smiled

>>564257104
>>inb4 OP's mom
Your family is a joke.

>>564261154
top kek

>>564257104
>Guy on top of the world
>Decides to go to a fair since it's a beautiful day
>Sees a sign saying, "If you're happy, for $1 we can make you miserable"
>Thinks to himself "This is bullshit" and walks up to it
>Inserts a dollar into the machine
>A compartment opens and a bucket of shit falls onto his head, covering him completely
>He says "Fuck this" and goes into some bushes behind the machine, trying to clean himself off
>Sees another sign "If you feel like you're gonna kill yourself, if your life sucks, insert $1 and we'll make it better"
>He thinks 'What do I have to lose'
>Puts in a dollar
>Huge fire hose pops up from the top of the machine and sprays the entire crowd in a mixture of shit and piss at break-dick speed.

Dad's joke from the old country.

What do you call a Jewish STI?
HOiVey

man goes to a bank and say I want to open a fucking account. Teller says stop. I want to open a fucking bank account. She get the manager. He says whats the problem. He says I want to open a fucking back account for $500000. The manager says, is this cunt giving you a problem?

what do you do when you come across an old lady at a party?
Wipe it off and apologise

>>564264778
naija?

>>564257104
>what do you call slavs in U.S.?
>nigger
before slavs abolished in 1865

>>564265509
gottfried

knock knock

What's the difference between black folks and a set of tires?

>>564267015
Tires won't start singing spirituals when you put chains on them.

What is the most farliga korv?

>>564267337
Falukorv.

>>564267337
>farliga korv
>falukorv
what the fuck izzat?

What's the difference between a bowl of shit and a black man ?
>The bowl

>>564265869
salty /thread

>>564264424
positively AWFUL