Wazzup /b/, Joe back again with more stories for you. Will post

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>>558973907
story 1

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>>558974045
Story 2

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>>558974217
Story 3

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>>558974305
story 4

This was the stupidest fucking thing I've ever read. You made all of that shit up and it wasn't even remotely funny, I didn't even know that was possible

>the names bond, james bond
Kek
TankFex reporting in. Where are the other six disciples?

>>558973907
Disciple Dick Killer reporting in.
Hell yea

>>558974217
alpha as fuck, man

>>558974525
Leave this place, you filthy heretic.

Anyone else around yet?
>>558974525
Leave

>>558975108
You'd have to be 11 to find this shit even smile worthy

>>558973907
>guy gets a little hard

Peak kek

>>558975385
If you don't like it then leave.
Nobody is forcing you to read Joe's masterpiece.
>Dick Killer

>>558974525
Prepare for the tide of blasphemous trolls, my brothers. But stand strong! Let the dankest of dope and the spirit of the Alpha flow through your veins.

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>>558973907
>stumble over to line
>friends mom is in charge of snack bar
>gotta try and be sober joe
>clear my mind of all thoughts being affected by alcohol
>fog in my eyes clear up and i can see straight
>keep concentrating joe
>go to your sober dojo
>plug myself into the matrix
>start to walk right and stand up straight
>thats it, almost there
>download sobriety onto my brain
>iknowkungfu.mov
>my turn to order food
>”hello mrs. momanon, nice to see you again. id like a slice of cheese pizza and a dr pepper please”
>mfw im pulling it off
>she just stares at me
>”is there something in my teeth maam?”
>”are-are you ok joe?”
>”i-eym fin m…”
>oh shit, i was so drunk i thought i was sober
>i cant get the words out
>she keeps starting at me
>”i juss rully six rite now. y need sum medic”
>she doesnt say anything
>i walk away, defeated
>i never got invited over to friends house after that
>stumble over back to friends
>realize i still have yoked friend money
>hes built like a fucking tank
>decide to hang out for a few minutes so i can say i ate food and used all his money
>see this bitch with huge titties
>shes ratchet af but whatever
>shes one of those hoes who looks like complete fucking garbage half the time
>and the other half, she looks like kate uptons hot sister
>go over to her to spit game
>”yoooooooo”
>”hey joe, whats up”
>”y-you look hawwt ass FAAAK… tinite”
>”joe, are you drunk?”
>im panicking
>wat do
>”yea. im white boi wasted rite now”
>mfw still cant believe i said that shit
>she starts laughing her ass off
>”thats fucking awesome joe, thats hilarious”
>wheeelin.jpg
>tell her im tired af and i gotta go sit down
>shes down
>put my arm around her as we walk over
>gonna get so much pussy tonight

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>>558974525
pls go

They really weren't lying when they said /b/ was the shittiest board on this website

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What the fuck is up, my joe/b/ros? Snekdogg has returned for another amazing night with you all. How are my blessed anons, this fine evening?

Joe be with you all. Hell fucking yeah.

>>558977221
Snekdogg! Doing good /b/ro. Just waiting on Joe to post the next part of the story.
>Dick Killer

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>>558977629
Oh, bloody excellent, /b/rother Dick Killer! fuckin' awesome to be with you all, again. Anyone want me to start posting last night's stories?

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>>558975680
Niggers can't fucking handle all this alpha, my fellow brother.

>mfw
>Snekdogg

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>>558975741
>we go to the students section
>called "the village" because student gov was uncreative and retarded
>go over to some people i know from school
>stumbling as im trying to stand on the bleachers
>"WHHYYY IZ EYONE STUUUNDDDING!!!?!?"
>bunch of people i know realize im drunk and turn to me
>"joe, let me smell your breath"
>smile like a retard as i exhale loudly
>"holy shit your wasted"
>no shit, sherlock
>just start laughing
>everyone else starts laughing
>"WHY TEH FAK RRRRRR WE STANDUP"
>"because we want to see and the people in front are standing"
>mfw i gotta stand up on a shaky bleacher row because the cockmongers in front are standing
>realize the same cockmongers are all wearing camo
>notice tons of people are wearing camo
>what the fuck, didnt know this was vietnam
>see some 500 lb neckbeard wearing camo t-shirt, camo cargos, camo bandana, and camo socks
>eating a bag of doritos
>like a party sized bag of doritos all by himself
>holy jesus, what is that? what the fuck is that private pyle!?
>sir, a bag of cool ranch, sir
>fucking private pyle
>turn to bitch i brought over
>"5 dorra suki suki, i rove you rong time"
>"what the fuck joe"
>"i dont know"
>put hand on her ass and squeeze
>she starts laughing
>you think this is a fucking game
>tell her i gotta piss
>stumble off bleachers
>national anthem comes on
>really gotta piss so i ignore it
>some big fucker asking me if i hate my country
>what the fuck are you implying you albino gorilla
>telling me im a damn communist
>lol ok you fucking psycho
>start to walk away
>he starts getting up off of bleachers, still yelling shit at me
>oh lordy

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This is the thread I've been waiting for.

Googleplex here.

>>558978763
>holy jesus, what is that? what the fuck is that private pyle!?
Lost my fucking shit

>>558978336
Feel free.
Half the fun was the conversation we had after Joe finished telling his story.

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>>558979310
TOP TIER KEK AWARD GOES TO JOE, ONCE AGAIN.

I CANNOT HANDLE ALL OF THIS GREATNESS

>>558979163
What the fuck is up, mein neger? Snekdogg here, bruv.

>>558979597
God damn right, it was. I'll start postin' for lurkers!

>>558978763
>hes coming after me saying some shit about how his friends died so i was free to be a little shit
>dude is going full rage mode
>realize im fucked
>keep walking and pretend i dont hear him
>hes trying to keep up with me so he starts running
>and by running i mean jogging
>and by jogging i mean waddling like hes a penguin made of jello
>his fat folds are flying all over the place
>his manboobs have gone awol
>fullmetaljacket.gif
>i slip into the crowd
>james bond v2
>sergeant diabetes cant find me anywhere
>he gives up and walks his flabby ass back to his seat
>his pits and collar are drenched with sweat
>go to piss
>original friends that gave me money find me
>"jesus joe, weve been looking for you everywhere"
>"ive just been chilling and eating"
>they give me a bottle of water to help me sober up
>fuck you and your gay shit
>drink the water anyways cuz im hella thirsty

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Moar stories from last night for you amazing motherfuckers.

>>558979909
>>558977629
>>558974674

Ah, my brothers! It pleases me that we are all together in this time of reverence. Let us hear of the alpha-as-fuck tales of the almighty Joe

Type faster, don't leave me blueballin

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>>558980675
Already revving the engines for this thread and helping start the night off right with some greentext stories from the night before, /b/ro.

IN JOE WE TRUST. PRAISE UNTO HIM AND THINE DISCIPLES OF THE HOLY AND TRUE WORD OF TOP TIER ALPHA. HELL FUCKING YEAH.

Keep thread alive.

>>558973907
Nice blog, OP.

Bumping for the glory of my Lord and Savior, JoE.
>TankFex

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>>558981485
May his bad-assery shine lovingly on you, TankFex.
>Snekdogg

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Moar of the stories from last night!

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>>558980410
>tell them ive got a bitch to get back to
>they tell me i need to just chill and drink my water
>finish water and tell them to get more
>friends names are cuke and wells btw
>they go over to water fountain to fill up bottle
>left with this fucking retard friend named keefe who always fucks everything up
>tell him i need to piss again and i cant piss while hes watching
>he turns around
>sneak over to door
>yell "MY NAME IS KEEFE" and run out the door
>mfw my name is keefe
>run over to the village again
>see bitch standing around
>talking to this ultra alpha i know
>we'd chilled and skated a few times before and we had this mutual 'youre chill' agreement
>hes like a sponsored professional skateboarder though so he always gets waaay more pussy than me
>go up there to get my lady back
>fucking squeeze right in between them and start talking to girl again
>skaterbro is hella pissed but femanon doesnt really care
>tease that bitch a little with ass and titty grabs
>she puts my hand on the front of her shorts
>here we go
>take her behind this huge storage container thing and push her against fence
>try to make out but ive never been this drunk before and ive always just been high making out at parties
>decide to just unzip my pants
>start taking my dick out
>"what the fuck joe!"
>"wat?"
>"omg youre too drunk right right now"
>she leaves
>knew she would want my dick again next week so i dont give a shit
>walk out from behind container
>keefe, wells, and cuke find me again
>"JESUS CHRIST JOE!"
>im not a toddler, were the same age. dont act like your my fucking mom
>decide i dont have anything better to do so i go with them this time
>they have more water and make me drink it
>oh shit my stomach
>my jaw locks and that sour flavored saliva starts filling it up
>i know whats about to happen
>run to bathroom

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Googleplex's probably-not-alpha-enough story.

>had a moped.
>shit was cash.
>could fucking go anywhere on it.
>come to stop for traffic as I was pulling into a road.
>woman driver behind my comes to a stop.
>fucking knobhead boy-racer smashes into the back of the woman and sends the car into the back of me.
>hear screech of tires and then hit with surprise car buttsecks.
>knocked clear of bike. No major injures. bruised arse cheeks and a sore ego.
>idiot boy-racer acts like it's my fault for obeying road signs.
>niggauserious.bat
>goes to court and the fucker tries to sue me for damages.
>no solicitor, no representation. decides to defend himself.
>ends up costing him £900 in my 'emotional damage' fees, £100 court costs and a banned driving licence.

mfw

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>>558983705
Karma's a bitch, ain't it, /b/ro? Shit's hilarious when THEY need to pay YOU for fucking your shit up, even when they think it's your fault.

>>558984452
The best part? I got a XBOX HUEG payout in insurance. I gave the guy an option to take a "driver improvement course" and he turned it down in favour of court.

Hue.

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>>558983353
>open stall and just start puking in the toilet
>remember that the puke was the color of sand
>dos equis is dark beer and water is just clear
>should not make beige liquid
>start thinking girl poisoned me
>am i gonna die
>what the fuck am i thinking
>friends follow me in and see what im doing
>they step out
>keep puking
>i can feel the alcohol being purged out of my system
>skaterbro ends up walking in
>he sees me and starts laughing
>tell him to shut the fuck up
>"no joe, im laughing cuz thats so fucking chill"
>feels like im trying to funnel a niagara falls of vomit through a straw
>apparently thats chill
>we end up hanging out more because of this incident
>i find out hes a drug fiend too and we end up experimenting with a lot of shit throughout the years
>finish puking and i go and sit down
>friends bring me more water to drink
>sobered up a lot
>feeling like shit after all the vomiting
>it was a bad comedown and im almost crying telling my friends there so nice
>mfw my friend tells me hes gonna take me home so i dont have to walk
>go home and pass out and sleep for 14 hours

End

Good to see all my disciples here. Thought i would start with the shittiest story so that we can save the best for last

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Moooooar. MOOOOAR.

>>558985086
fucking maximum-tier kek right there. Made him your bitch like a true Joe disciple. Hell Yeah.

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>>558985418
>"No joe, im laughing cuz thats so fucking chill"
>"so fucking chill"
>mfw

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Sup JoE and co.

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I suppose I'll go ahead and offer up my own personal story of my first time tripping.

>be me
>be 19
>have discussed tripping on shrooms months in advance with gf
>decide to trip on a full moon, we're into mystical shit and that kinda stuff
>gf whips out bag o' shrooms in her room
>smells like amazeballs, take a big ol' whiff of them bad boys
>Look through bag
>bag has a fucking cigarette butt in it.
>niggayousrs.avi
>still manage to both eat half an eighth, got 20 dollars off of the eighth for the cigarette butt in the bag
>decide to go to local catholic cemetary to trip balls
>takes us a while to get there, shrooms start kicking in as soon as we get through the hole in the chainlink fence
>holyfuckingshit.jpg
>We settle down at this guy Foley Anderson's mausoleum
>set down candles and shit for full moon ceremony
>pop open a bottle of big rooster wine, gf ended up drinking most of it
>I am tripping balls like no tomorrow
>"Anon, trees are BREATHING" I say
>gf is laughing and enjoying herself and watching me roll around on a blue blanket on the ground

Continued

>>558987123
Hey, Mikey! Snekdogg here, muthafucka! How you doin', /b/ro?

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>>558987460
Just chillin man, whats up with you?
>mfw i saw this thread on the front

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>>558987248
>Start crying, wishing my uncle was there to trip with me since he was real big on shrooms and tripping in general
>Gf comes over and consoles me
>go back to having an awesome fucking time seeing trees breathe
>laughing my ass off at how amazing it all is
>gf and I end up chilling on this guy's mausoleum steps, staring up at the moon
>seeing colors and incomplete squares made out of rainbows in the sky
>me and her end up packing our shit and heading to a friends house to crash
>ended up spilling wine all over the mausoleum
>passed it off as an offering to the guy's resting spot.

Not so alpha as the rest of you guys, but it was goddamned amazing.

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>>558987938
Not much, chillin' and relaxin' all cool, my nigga. Gonna fix some coffee and settle down into this thread for the night. Good to see ya, anon!

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>>558988165


>passed it off as an offering to the guy's resting spot.

lol

>>558988413
Yeah man, kickass to see you niggas in another joe thread!

>>558988165
God damn it, that ending made me kek like blowjob mans story
>he never found out who puked on his coffee table

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>>558989203
I felt kinda bad for us spilling all that wine on that poor guy's resting spot - Still rather spiritual about that shit, but alas, it was pretty fucking hysterical!

Awesome to see you fabulous motherfuckers again.

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>>558985418
>spring break of sophomore year
>everyone at school is at mission beach partying it up
>not rich so parents cant just send me there with 5000 dollars for a week
>all my other poorfag friends are gone in other places
>san franciscio, wisconsin, conneticut
>mfw im the only one left in town
>skaterbro from earlier story was telling me about how he did this shit called dxm
>i was high on clonodine at the time so i didnt really pay attention
>a few days into spring break im so bored and gone through all my weed and pills
>remember he said something about dxm being delsym or something
>go to erowid
>find out dxm is just delsym or robotussin and nothing else
>look up everything about extraction and all that
>tell my mom some bullshit about having to get notebooks or something at cvs
>mom takes me there and gives me 20
>walk into store, grab 2 bottles of delsym, a bottle of gatorade, a notebook, and some axe
>put one bottle of delsym in my pocket just in case
>go up to register to pay
>dude tells me i have to be 18 to buy the delsym
>"oh, ok"
>pay for everything else and walk out
>go back home and prepare the extraction
>put on my lab coat
>sciencebitch!.txt
>safety goggles as well, dont want chemicals getting into my eyes
>fill empty and cleaned jug of milk 3/4 up with cold water
>pour in the delsym
>pretend its a shake weight and shake vigorously for ~5 minutes
>place in bathtub and let sit for at least 2 hours
>once two hours are up, grab scissors or razor knife and start cutting into the jug at intervals
>once the thick, foggy mixture at the bottom is all thats left, cut the rest of the jug off
>place tray of mixture under a light to dry out
>once white powder is all thats left, scrape it up and put into another liquid
>i prefer gatorade, but water or juices are all ok
>no carbonated beverages allowed
>now that gatorade is full of dxm, im ready for the fun

Continuing soon

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>>558989778
Likewise, /b/rother.

Been waiting all night for this thread. It was hot as balls last night so I've been up since 1 AM waiting to see the next Joe thread.

>>558988165
dude. i hit up my guy today about getting shrooms soon. that shit is so cash. cant wait to trip again.

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>>558990595
Oh shit, /b/ro, I'd love to trip wit'cha if I could! Shrooms are fucking amazeballs. Was even better that my first time was with my gf as a tripsitter, and she's taken a metric fuckton of shrooms and acid over the years.

>>558990480
I can't even tell you how anxious I been to see this thread since last night's endeavor. Been quite literally gushing over it, on the inside. Y'all niggas is some alpha muthafuckas.

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>>558990112
>put one bottle of delysm in my pocket just in case
Shit man, that was smart

Captcha: lmioff Law

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Here be the finished story of tonight from Joe!

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>>558990112
>8 PM
>good time to start tripping
>chug the whole gatorade bottle pretty fast
>~1000 mg of dxm in there
>im getting ready for the trip
>9 pm comes
>nothing yet
>think i did something wrong and just drank nothing
>watching some movie or something
>decide to go see what lil bros are doing
>as im walking through the house, my legs are feeling kinda tingly
>probably nothing, brain feels fine
>brothers playing super smash bros
>"hell yea, bro. hand me a controller"
>choose sonic because i appreciate his fast lifestyle
>also because sonic is based as fuck
>hes crushes me
>mfw blasphemy!
>trying to ask how he beat me but i just start laughing
>fall on the floor giggling like a maniac
>arch my back and put my weight on my knees and chin
>i have become a snail
>"what are you laughing at"
>"i dont know man, im gonna go to beeeeed"
>electricity is jolting through my legs
>go to pee
>feel myself channel the lightning through my dick
>im gonna break the toilet with my thundercock
>"I HAVE THE POWWWWWEEEEEER!!"
>stop just in time for the toilet to not shatter
>go to my room
>slowly feel the electricity rise up through my body until around 11
>my thoughts are getting fucked up
>ready for mad cevs
>turn off the lights and cover the window and any other lights at all
>look up at the ceiling and chill

Continuing

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>>558992973

Nigger, pls

>>558993052
ur gunna c the spooders

>>558979163
kush too strong

>>558993052
I damn near pissed myself at the "I HAVE THE POWEEEEER!" part. kekekekekek

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>>558993052
>feel the bed fade away below me
>im weightless now
>everyones gone to bed so its complete silence and darkness
>pure meditation
>start seeing the stars around me and realize ive soared into space
>start flying through space at supersonic speeds
>im legitimately crying from the beauty of it
>soar through the universe until i come up on my spaceship
>i land inside it and lay down on my bed
>meta as fuck
>im still convinced i had a legit out of body experience that night
>i start imagining myself in all these situations and it feels like its actually happening
>my spaceship is stretching out into impossible dimensions and shapes
>i know im tripping and im in my room, but i also know that my room is no longer attached to our physical world
>i know that it is away from everything else
>away from everyone else
>its just me
>in my own universe
>forever
>it was such an amazing feeling to know that nothing could bother me or hurt me as long as i was tripping
>need to check the time
>alarm clock has a button that cycles through 4 brightness settings
>turn it up to the 3rd one aka medium brightness
>its 1:15 am
>ive been tripping for like an hour an a half
>realize i couldnt tell whether it was 10 minutes or 10 years
>forget to turn brightness off and look up
>light from clock had cast on my bedside lamp
>silhouetting the lampshade and lightbulb
>kinda looked like this
>immediately recognize it
>it sees me

Continuing

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>>558994916

>>558994916
bump

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>>558994916
>it terrifies me
>i stare at it for what feels like eternity
>it is speaking to me
>it can communicate with me via thought
>communicate back with it
>i have to speak to it since it cant read my thoughts
>only put its voice in my head
>know that it is important i ask it a serious question since i dont know how long it will stay
>before i can say anything it speaks again
>"you most likely already know my name"
>"yes i do. i dont know how, but i know it"
>"you are the first being from this plane of existence i have made contact with. my title in my native tongue is incomprehensible to you humans. what is it in your language?"
>"you are the giant evil eyeball"
>mfw his name is what he is
>"hmmm. i see."
>i know he has much wisdom to bestow upon me
>"im ready"
>"good, shall we begin"
>i feel my brain start to gyrate
>i cant handle it
>these words and knowledge are beyond my capability to understand as a human
>i must try to persist
>i need to save as much of the knowledge as i can
>only save bits and pieces
>next thing i know, hes gone
>look over to see clock light is off
>turn it up to check time
>3 am
>i have been receiving this knowledge for an hour and 45 minutes
>make sure to turn light off before looking away
>need to calm down
>my brain cant barely think
>feels like my brain is sore from working too hard
>turn on tv and watch boomerang
>id taken my contacts out a long time ago so i have to squint hard to see tv
>the audio is very slow and the video is shaky and the colors are just off
>cant tell what is wrong, but something is
>watch the most mindbending episodes of yogi bear and the flintstones ive ever seen
>pass out after i turn the tv off

Continuing

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>>558996715
>giant evil eyeball
Jesus fucking christ Joe, you were trippin madballs. Also shit it was evil?

The amount of faggotry in this thread is overwhelming

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>>558997469
U WOT M8

>>558997469
no u

>>558996715
>i wake up the next day feeling really weird
>my brain is really cloudy and everything seems really far away
>when people speak, the sound is delayed and it sounds far away
>like im in a canyon and theyre trying to call to me from the other side
>lots of echos too
>really, really sensitive to light
>my skin is cold to the touch all over
>have a lot of trouble peeing too, like i know pee is trying to come out by i have no control over my bladder
>feel like this must be a side effect of the giant evil eyeball's infinite wisdom
>cant remember anything he told me, but i can suddenly do a lot of basic parkour and gymnastics which i couldnt do before
>day is uneventful
>wake up next day feeling totally normal
>thursday now so im a little more than halfway through spring break
>decide to trip again
>we go to target later that day and i take two bottles this time
>i was 6' tall, 200 lbs so i was gonna take 1350 mg so i could have ultimate trip
>dont want to extract this time so i just mix the delsym with gatorade and water in another milk jug
>big mistake
>tastes like complete shit
>keep trying to dilute it with more water and sugar and gatorade but doesnt help at all
>waterlog myself a bunch of times
>almost throw up from the disgusting taste
>to this day i cant drink fruit punch gatorade because i have taste memory from the dxm
>finally finish jug and feel so sick
>watching pacific rim
>movie starts feeling weird
>doesnt feel right and just seems shitty to me
>decide to just turn all lights off and listen to music while waiting for the cevs
>turn on some cudi and tyler
>not only speeds up the time to trip, but intensifies it
>yank headphones out and throw my phone across the room
>notice that my smoke detector light is flashing periodically
>makes me rage so hard
>turn lights on and notice that there is a golden hue to them
>pull a chair over and start to think of a way to stop light

Continuing

>>558997214
no, that was just the name i gave it

>>558990112
you're literally why i go on /b/

Can you still do all that parkour and gymnastics? I do parkour occasionally and no lie having the almighty Joe as a parkour buddy would be like a blessing from the Giant Evil Eyeball

>>558998769
>pacific rim

oh shit joe is a junior in high school

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>>558998769
>decide the best way to stop it was tape a tshirt over it
>grab some scotch tape
>not duct tape
>scotch fucking school tape
>get on chair with a shirt and tape
>chair is maybe 2 or 3 feet tall and super sturdy but im shaking around more than michael j fox competing in a log roll
>remember im a sexy little cheerleader and i know how to balance on things
>uwotm8.pptx
>somehow manage to hang a heavy large tshirt up on the ceiling with 3 pieces of scotch tape
>mfw
>turn lights off and get back in bed
>start tripping nuts
>convinced im a secret agent being chased through san francisco's china town by the chinese mafia
>actually fucking badass
>im diving through windows and jumping over canals and shit, its awesome
>since i drank so much of uncle obama's dxm piss whiskey earlier i have to get up to pee a lot
>always feel really weird when i stand up, like i just levitated and turned vertical on the ground
>always dramatically slam my hands down on bathroom counter and look myself in my eyes
>jesus christ i looked like a fucking serial killer
>little control over facial muscles so my face drooped down, my eyebrows and mouth made me look like i was frowning and my eyes were wide open and extremely bloodshot
>always get the same levitating feeling when i go back to bed
>decide to try and summon GEE again
>turn clock light on
>there he is

Continuing

First Joe thread here, holy shit I've missed out on a lot. Laughing my ass off. Not thought of a cool nickname yet, but I do have a story I hope you guys will like. I'm a Britbong btw.

>be 18
>house party going off, everyone's excited
>walk my ass there because fuck the bus
>it's two towns away and atop a huge fucking hill
>dragging my booze up this fucking mountain of a street like Frodo
>get to the top, fist the skies
>rockyiv.mp4
>get in the house, crack my bottles
>everyone's having a good time
>blunts are rolled, a circle is formed
>puff puff pass, couple of people going apeshit 'ahhh shit son that's hella dank' and generally looking like fools
>goes round to my friend, lets call him ziggy
>he takes a drag
>immediately blows it out
>confused.com
>'ziggy what the fuck was that?'
>'i took a drag man, what are you talking about'
>he takes another drag, everyone fucking laughs in his face
>'that's not how you do it'
>show him the error of his ways
>take a huge drag, hold it in
>i feels it
>release, so good
>feel my whole body tingle in green-induced goodness...
cont.

>>558999826
actually i still can and im getting better at it. can do some solid parkour. no building jumping but i can do flips and wall jumps and stuff
>>559000538
what the fuck? didnt pacific rim come out a few years back. i was a sophomore in 2011-12 and i swear it was pacific rim i watched

>>559000978
nah bro came out last fall, we the same age then
nigga

>>559000978
>>559000538
just looked it up, came out last july. might be mixing up another trip then. i just know everytime i watch the first half hour of pacific rim i get the same shitty taste in my mouth of drinking that gross mixture

>>559001230

>>559000000

>>559000757
>hear a noise, the mating call of the backstabbing bitch
>my ex is here
>my fucking ex is here
>my fucking ex who cheated on me is here
>she keeps her distance but eyeballs me all night
>she has four friends with her of varying quality
>one girl is a 8/10 qt3.14 easy
>blue hair, red lips, full on ramona flowers
>her friends immediately start talking to me
>ex is just stood on her own like wtf
>her friends have ditched her, holy shit
>everythingisawesome.mp3
>the night rolls on
>beer bong time
>my ex is crying in the other room because i wouldn't speak to her
>ramona is flirting with me mega
>fuck this, make my move
>'hey, wanna step outside for a sec?'
>'sure'
>speechcraft increased to 65
>we're shooting the shit
>everyone's inside on the beer bong or fucking around with the tv, time for the secret weapon
>pull a fatty from my shirt pocket
>i could almost hear the zelda treasure jingle
>we share the fatty, i make a pass
>one of the best kisses I've ever had
>we head upstairs, find a free room
>party host's parents room with a fat padded king size bed
>lock on the inside of the door
>get my fuck on
>meanwhile, my ex has been talking to simon
>simon is a neet virgin who loves my little pony and has a poster of gave newell in his room
>that he drew love hearts on
>he's comforting het and talking shit about me
>they go outside and down the street
>she slurps his dick in a kid's park
>police come past
>they both get slammed with being drunk in a public place AND indecent exposure AND sex acts in public
Perfect.

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>>559000757
>>559002337

Fellow countryman, let us bask in the warm glow and wisdom of the almighty Joe.

Hallowed are Joe and Snekdogg!

>>559000548
don't leave me hanging Joeee

>>559000548
>"yo, whaddup giant evil eyeball"
>"hello joe"
>we have a funny conversation
>realize gee is a super bro
>hes been my dxm trip buddy ever since then
>suddenly the cops are chasing me on my bike
>going down street in the middle of the night
>only some streetlights to light up road, no cars other than cops
>"woop woop, giant evil eyeball, get on, we gotta roll"
>we pull through an alley and go in between a few buildings before we reach his apartment
>"thanks joe, ill see you later"
>"yea, no problem man"
>ride away and black out
>next thing i know im waking up on an alien spaceship strapped to a table
>break through the straps and start sneaking around
>realize im on cals ship
>he abducted me
>a little backstory, cal was this dude from my school who was a senior when i was a sophomore
>he was super tall and skinny with long ass arms and short legs
>he hung out in our group and everytime he fucked up or pissed us off wed be like, "goddammit cal, you alien son of a bitch"
>anyways so he abducted me and i was on his ship
>have to go around stealthily
>realize he has all my friends abducted to
>oh no you dont
>stealth kill an alien guard by choking him out from behind
>james bond triple kill
>get a laser rifle from the aliens corpse and go around killing all the aliens
>hallucination fades away before i can kill cal
>he got away for now
>i pass out
>when i wake up, i have the wednesday feeling x10
>ultra light sensitivity
>can barely hear people they sound so far away
>super paranoid about everything
>so much amped up energy too
>just do parkour and gymnastics in my room to get that out
>but i feel so shitty
>i can barely think an intelligent thought
>it takes until tuesday of next week for that feeling to finally disappear completely
>look it up on erowid
>find out that if you are going to consistently do high doses, you should space them out one every 15 days to alleviate hangover effects
>moral: always research drugs and be careful on your first time

End

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>>559003107
Blessed are those whom embrace the alpha-laden glow of Joe. HELL FUCKING YEAH.

Snekdogg hath spoken, my negros.

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>>559003458
The whole fuckin' story for you guys to enjoy. Fuck yeeeah.

>>559003458
Holy shit. I wanna meet GEE.

>>559002337
I'll post another story I think you guys will like.
>be 17
>full on fuck the police mode
>sneak into the park at night with friends with weed and booze
>police checked us every night around ten, let us stay if we were quiet and had no contraband
>my bag had a hidden makeshift hidey hole in the lining where we stashed the fatties
>my friend had hidden a cache of alcohol in a nearby bush
>police leave, goodnight officers
>we get our smoke on and our drink on
>our friend, let's call him tyrone - he's a big black rugby player and the most alpha of us all
>pulls out acid
>what, where, why, how
>i don't want any, neither does my friend katie who i was desperately trying to get in
>friends smoke up and pop acid
>me and katie leave them to sperg out
>she tells me to follow her into the play area
>swings, roundabouts, see saws and climing frames...
cont.

>>559003997
thank you based snekdogg. you are truly enlightened
>>559004552
we can all me GEE if you truly believe in joe and accept him into you trip

>>559003458
im sorry joebros, but i gotta get up real early to work tomorrow so im gonna go. please continue to keep the joe thread alive and post any screencaps on the twitter

>>559004991
>>558997214
also archive this shit mikey so i can read it late

thanks /b/ros

>>559005146
No, thank YOU, based Joe

>>559005146
Got u Joe, heres the archive my niggas
http://4archive. org/b/thread/558973907

>>559004552
>'come swing with me'
>alrighty
>we're swinging, i'm way too into it
>blipped from the weed, my whole body feels like a celestial powerhouse punching through the stars
>my asshole feels like a wind tunnel in the best way possible
>i'm literally so high
>katie is laughing, calls me a big kid
>tells me to slow down, she has something to tell me
>i bring my ass in for a landing
>'i don't know how to say this'
>go on
>'well, basically i've kind of had a thi-'
>wanna fuck?
>her jaw slackens and silence falls
>i'm too high to dance around it
>i like you too katie, let's fuck while no one's around
>'wow, i don't know what to say'
>we kiss, she saddles me atop this climbing frame watchtower
>i fuck her against the balcony part
>berry my dick, best feeling ever
>pop in her mouth, feels good man
>all of a sudden screaming
>horrifying blood curdling screaming
>run over to friends
>where the fuck is tyrone
>friend points to the sky like motherfucking e.t.
>his giant ass is on the roof of the town hall
>what the fuck
>how the fuck
cont.

>>559005967
>he's sat there just laughing
>'tyrone get down you fucking idiot'
>there's like a fifteen foot drop if he isn't careful, because he was on the lower roof on the side of the building
>he starts to climb down
>his wide ass crawling back down the wall like a snail
>he drops to the ground, starts clapping
>then all of a sudden
>his face goes pale
>his eyes roll back into his head
>piss begins to flow
>he falls to the ground
>no no fucking no
>blue flashing over the way
>police car, must have heard the screaming
>shitshitshit
Cont.

>>559005717
Also if any of you want the archive of the first thread
http://4archive. org/b/thread/558792227

Im out, peace

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Sorry guys, but Snekdogg's gotta bugger off as well tonight. I been sleep deprived, but I'm glad I got to hang with you fabulous motherfuckers again, tonight! KEEP UP THE THREADS, MY NIGGAS! Love posting with you anons.

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>>559007109
night niggr

>>559006692
>quick, help me guys
>we all haul his big ass up
>drag him into the shadows
>'the fuck do we do now?'
>look behind us, heavy bushes and foliage
>sorry tyrone
>drop his sleeping ass in the bushes
>tell everyone to sneak around to the other exit
>'what about you?'
>i fear nothing
>rambo.divx
>sneak between the shadows like sam fisher
>two cops approach, flashlights out
>crawl behind low cover, peeking around the bricks
>clang
>my foot hits the bag of booze
>why the fuck is it here
>torches on my position
>dead silence
>footsteps
>i'm fucked
>'they're not here'
>the cops stand for a moment, they must know i'm here
>they turn around and leave
>head back to tyrone
>where is tyrone
>where the FUCK is tyrone?!?!?!
Cont.

>>559007109

Goodnight, fair herald.