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Useless Superpowers

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 300
Thread images: 32

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Useless Superpowers
>>
The power to turn OP into a homosexual
>>
The ability to find that ass attractive
>>
>>554506616
abillity to get naked instantly in church
>>
>>554506694
he already is
>>
>>554506762
Thats why it is useless, duh
>>
The ability to see halfway through walls
>>
>>554506694
but OP is already fag
>>
Ability to see other people's zits through everything. Like x-ray-vision for zits and you can't turn it off.
>>
The power to turn into a nigga
>>
Posting good thread on /b/
>>
>>554506616
the ability to float 1 cm of the ground when im hungry
>>
The power to turn niggers into animals
>>
>>554506616
The ability to have sex with prostitutes for 10$ more than usual
>>
>>554506986
i'd sleep on the ground and never eat in the evening
imagine sleeping while floating
>>
>>554507006
>Turn all niggers into ants and anteaters
>Niggers kill each other
Profit
>>
>>554506847
this be nice if trying to hang up a tv find the wood in the wall
>>
The ability to win arguments on the internet
>>
>>554506762
>>554506864
>missing the point this hard
>"Useless Superpowers"
>He wants the power to turn OP into a homosexual
>OP already homo
>therefore, "Useless
>>
>>554506881
well you would get bigger dick
>>
>solar powered owls
>>
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The power to change the xray emissions of black holes
>>
Being bulletproof half the time.
>>
The power to make my dick get as had as steel
>>
>>554506616
Glowing by day
>>
>>554506881
It's not useless at all. With superpower like this, you'll learn how to steal bikes, brag on internet that you fuck white bitches all the time, you'll get welfare, positive discrimination and so... there is dark side of course... you'll look like an ape, your peenus will shrink and so your IQ and you''ll loose ability to speak like a normal person.
>>
The ability to convince others my imaginary friend is real.

>oh wait then I don't have to pay taxes and people give me money out of guilt but don't call me a useless bum, even respect me, guess that's an okay ability
>>
abillity to smell someones butthole when shaking hands
>>
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>>554507954
Its been had
>>
>>554506616
the power to view the world in sepia
>>
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>>554506616
the ability to have the same sensation on my head than my dick

then put peanut butter on head and wait for dog
>>
ability to make someone blink.
(1 day cooldown)
>>
>>554508260
I wish mate
>>
>>554507894

50% odds of being bulletproof sounds pretty useful to me.
>>
>>554508270
>>
>>554508165
but... that's my fetish
>>
The ability to make predators want to eat you.
>>
the power of turning your skin color black
>>
>>554508668
we call this the unMichaljacksoniser process
>>
Automatically becoming invisible when no one is watching.
>>
>>554508764
googlefag
>>
the right to vote
>>
>>554508145
*hat gesture*
>>
The power to jump 1 inch higher than any obese person on the planet.

Also the power to form well thought out arguments, but only against feminists.
>>
>>554508869
and you know this??? because y googled too i guess. lol
>>
>>554508764
Master criminal at night. CCtv would never pick you up because no one was watching when it was recorded.
>>
the power to fart soundless and odorless
>>
>>554509153
hahaha yea lol but i didnt post XD lol
>>
ability to break your arm with the power of mind.
>>
>>554509616
XXDDDDDDDD BRooo such fun ROFLCOPTER
>>
The power to make your clap silent,
>>
>>554509729
The ability to life 1 sheet of paper with your mind

>cause why not be extra lazy when reading that book.
>>
Ability to drink juice and poop out the fruit.
>>
>>554509153
Fucking newfag.
>>
The ability to inspire people to run a marathon, but it only works on cripples.
>>
>>554510056
This would be funny as shit.
>>
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The ability to change the color of commas in old newpapers
>>
>>554506881
Instant disguise. Steal/assault/murder as a nigger then morph back into white man after the deed is done. Make sure witnesses see your black form. A lot of other uses just waiting to reveal themselves. Not useless in the least, unless you can't turn back.
>>
The power to imagine usefull powers
>>
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>>554508869
>>554509153
>>554509616
>>554509789


and here my fellow /b/ros you see 9fagging at its finest

lts all take a moment and appreciate this view
>>
>>554508417
but then you would cum out of your mouth
>>
real superpower
if u ever need lint, I always have some in my bellybutton
>>
The power to cure niggers with HIV
>>
the ability to make muslims irritable
>>
The power to post stupid shit on the internet and get other people to post more stupid shit after it.
>>
The ability to see and hear what Helen Keller sees.
>>
the power of telekinesis, but you can only move solar radiation
>>
The ability to repost unoriginal threads.
>>
rapid aging
no reverse switch
>>
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>>554508869
>googlefag
>>
The ability to smell what the president ate for breakfast.
>>
>>554508072
>autism
>>
>>554508072
>being this insecure
>>
>>554510498
Could be useful if you're suicidal.
>>
>>554506616

the ability to smell the colour green.
within a 5 meter radius
>>
The ability to repel bullet once you've been shot a hundred times
>>
>>554506847
You can be hired as a mediocre radar.
>>
The ability to smell colors that are in your line of sight.
>>
>>554508072
>peenus will shrink

you even managed to fuck up the sterotype
i shouldn't be falling for this bait
>>
ability to see the future while having
a dick in your ass
>>
The ability to instantly lose your boner during sex
>>
In flight flight.
you can fly, but only while you're in an airplane. No jumping out either, only inside of it.
>>
the ability to breathe through your anus
>>
>>554508764
wtf do you mean useless? I think not being able to get hurt would help quite a bit dipshit.
>>
>>554511036
That's not useless at all.....I'd take one in the ass if it meant I would win the lottery that week.
>>
>>554506616
The ability to teleport 1 cm per second
>>
>>554511306
Invisible, as in not being seen. Not invincible, as in not being hurt.
you can't be seen as long as no one is looking at you.
>>
being able to drink through your penis
>>
>>554511306
8/10 pretty damn good bait.
>>
Super sense of smell. Only while you hold your nose shut
>>
>>554511446
As long cameras don't count, then you could get away with some large-scale crimes, or breaking into people's homes because they're asleep.
>>
>>554511682
How would that help with breaking into someone's home while they're asleep?
>>
>>554511682
Decent enough, unless those cameras are being watched by someone, in which case, you're fucked.
>>
ability to shitpost
>>
The ability to smell farts everytime you chew a piece of paper.
>>
The ability to forget you had an ability
>>
saw it in a thread the other day,

>colour manipulation
>ability to change colour of anything
>>
>>554511903
But they are looking at the screen, not the man, so technically...
>>
>>554506616
Recognizing that /b/ is aimed at gays / autists—you can't shame the shameless
>>
The power to send one nigger to college per day
>>
The ability to be useless at the time that you're most needed.
>>
>>554512030
This could be funny as shit though. Just change the color of traffic lights.
>>
>>554512030
Not useless at all! Change the color of teeth to pure white, skin to caramel tan, get bitches, or just fuck with people in front of you in line by changing the color of their currency.
>>
The power to attract Jeova's Witnesses to preach to you 24/7
>>
>>554508764
>Get out of everyone's sight
>Turn invisible
>Be invisible forever because no one is "watching" you anymore
>>
>>554506762
retard
>>
>>554512184
You could also convince someone they've become colorblind.
>>
>>554506616
USA
>>
>>554512125
But the camera (or the screen) is looking at you... would second-hand views count? if not then you would be unstoppable.
>captcha: the easydyw
>>
America
>>
>>554512283
This actually makes sense.
>>
>>554512283
Holy crap, winrar.
+1 internets to you sir.
>>
>>554511298
i hate how no one got this joke
>>
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Hindsight
>>
>>554512432
Also do I count? Am I watching myself, even just out of my peripherals?
>>
>>554512283
>Being invisible.
>Someone watches a video that you're in.
>Suddenly become visible
>You can now be seen and people can watch you in real time again.
>>
>>554512354
zing
>>
the ability to levitate cookies only
>>
This is a real thing that people do in India. It's called the vajroli mudra.
>>
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>>554512354
>>
>>554506817
>>554507692
>>554512304
Softly trolled.
>>
>>554506616
the ability to pick noses at a distance
>>
The power to convince anyone that you're a person that nobody's ever heard of.
>>
Ability to dance and break both feet.
>>
>>554512676
Haha. Brilliant reference to Mitchell and Webb.
"That's a Jaffa Cake, it's not a true biscuit"
>>
>>554508764
what happens if you look in a mirror?
>>
>>554512354
Double lel
>>
The power to bite your own chin, and hurt yourself.
>>
The ability to shit other people's pants
>>
The ability to talk to fish.
>>
Ability to transform gold into urine, but being unable to revert the change.
>>
The ability to truly love someone but she will never love you back.
>>
>>554506847

You are now the greatest drywall and insulation installer/inspector that the world has ever seen.
>>
>>554513694
I don't think that's useless.
What if it's somebody you hate?
>>
>>554513932
I have this power.....................
>>
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>>554513932
>>
The ability to remember where your keys were after you already found them
>>
>>554512150
Truly the most useless power in the whole thread
>>
bullet attraction
>>
>>554513932
Why you gotta depress me with that shit man
>>
>>554514526
well then you could protect other people
>>
>>554514860
once
>>
>>554512586
i hate how fucking retarded you are
>>
>>554506616
Power to fly, but need to go through airport security and deal with the TSA every time you take off/land
>>
Can turn invisible in a room full of blind people.
>>
The superpower of being able to taste every woman's pussy just by shaking their hand. You just have to be really careful who's hand you shake....
>>
>>554514984
LOL
>>
>>554506616
Russia.
>>
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The superpower ability to tell when any woman within 10m is on her period.
>>
>>554507826
WHat does that even mean?
>>
>>554516825

I can't think of a more useful power, to be honest.

Best GTFO-Alarm ever.
>>
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The ability to have your taste receptors on anyone's ass hole in a 500m radius
>no more toilet exhibitions for me
>>
>>554516825
Would come in handy since 2/3 of my last GFs lied about being pregnant
>>
The ability to accurately know what a dude ate past week by tasting his semen.
>>
>>554511394
Fuck you, that's not useless.
>>
>>554517496
was the third one actually pregnant, or did she never make that claim
>>
A super ability to pick up chicks after you cut your dick off and then eat it.
>>
I'll tell ya one superpower I'd LIKE to have:
The ability to tell when some asshole on the interstate is about to CUT ME OFF...
>>
>>554518036

top kek
>>
Accelerated nosehair growth.
>>
>>554518036
Nah we just split up because she was moving for and we can't fuck over long distance.
>>
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>>554511394
Would be extremely useful to get past a <1cm thick fence/wall.
>>
>>554508475
1st shot is always not bulletproof
>>
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>>554506616
http://anna888u.tumblr.com/

live&free
>>
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>>554512354
>>
>>554518735
technically since it is off a percent you could get extremely lucky and take multiple shots

besides being 50% bulletproof is ? times better than being 0% bullet proof
>>
>>554507321
>implying those dumb, big lipped beasts aren't killing eachother already.
>>
>>554511389
faggot
>>
>>554511394
Wait longer than a second to teleport further then?
>>
>>554513831
I can think of ways to use this
>>
>>554506616
she has a pocket on her underwear. wut.jpg
>>
>>554508454
what if their eye needs to be flushed?
>>
ability to shit on command
>>
>>554508887
2edgy 8me
>>
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>>554509147
well then you can always say you can jump higher than someone...not useless in a contest

and the second one would be useless, because they don't listen to reason...
>>
>>554520068
First thing i saw! That is something useless.. but then i thought is that a condom pocket?
>>
You may teleport 1 meter. This ability has a 24-hour cooldown.
>>
>>554510029
get more fiber....sounds like a good super power to me.
>>
>>554520414
That's not useless bro.
Teleport 1 meter through a Bank safe
>>
>>554511394
>See guy blinking in and out of focus as you pass
>See guy at work
>Ask why
>"Gets me to work with no gas bill and no physical exertion"
>400lbs.
>>
>>554512586
thats how the sea cucumber do.
>>
>>554506616
europe
>>
>>554510351
what if you need to start a fire? not so bad then.
>>
The ability to entertain cats.
>>
>>554520528
...Now we play the waiting game
>>
Ability to lose something that you put in your pocket. Then finding the item after you need it.
>>
>>554520528
<2014
<bank
<much money
<???
<profit
>>
>>554520528
Now you're trapped in a bank safe for 24 hours.
>>
>>554511106
thats pretty fucking retarded...kek
>>
>>554520528
But then you're stuck inside a vault for 24 hours, or until someone opens it. Then you get arrested.
>>
>>554520414
Fuck you, that's not useless. A longer cooldown doesn't make it more useless, it's still teleporting 1 meter, which can easily save your life or allow you to do many things.
>>
I have two:

1. The ability to instantiate cheeseburgers at will.

2. The ability to time travel, but only for the purpose of taking a nice 3 hour nap and waking up at the exact time I fell asleep fully rested.
>>
>>554520660
>>554516626
funny ones
>>
>>554520750
exactry, you just need to do it on a weekend
>>
>>554506762
THAT'S THE JOKE
>>
>>554506616
The ability to cast no shadow in a desert.
>>
>>554506616
the more you eat the taller you get and visa versa - it'd take a week to save the kitten in the tree and then near starve yourself for a week to return to regular size, sort of like a really shit ant/ giant man
>>
The ability to turn your skin purple. This ability may be used only once.
>>
>>554521050
No. 2 isn't useless at all. I could use that at work everyday. Probably make me a happier man.
>>
The ability to make your hands sweaty
>>
you can teleport into the sun whenever u want

whenever you blink, someone in the world thinks he's a donut
>>
>Can walk through walls
>But can't walk through paint
True, it's not 100% useless, but it'd be damn frustrating.
>>
>>554521050
Both are very useful.

God, I wish I had number 2. It would make my life so much better.
>>
>>554507006
That would be an upgrade from their current state
>>
The ability to give yourself a headache at will.
>>
>>554507251
That's just called tipping dude.
>>
The ability to draw ketchup out of glass bottles effortlessly, without needing to use a fucking knife or to shake the bottle.
>>
>>554506881
wtf is wrong with you?
>>
the ability to know when some random person from anywhere in the world has to shit
>>
>>554521458
just scape off the fucking paint
>>
>>554521470
As a guy with 3 jobs I would kill a school bus full of special ed kids for the second power!
>>
>>554506747
actually this could be fun :)
>>
>>554510056
underrated post is underrated
>>
>>554521458
opposit would be worse can´t walk through walls but can walk through paint! now thats frustration!
>>
>>554510056
I would watch 300 blind and legless people run a marathon. Also,
>inb4 some faggot posts crapawa shitjo
>>
>>554508417
you can put peanut butter in your dick and wait for dog too
>>
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>>554506762
not the sharpest knife in the kitchen are u?
>>
The ability to stop yourself from farting when you can perfectly fart.
>>
I know for some sick fucks this is anything but useless, however:

The ability to see any girl you want naked, but only when she's pooping.
>>
>>554506616
tastebuds on your anus
>>
>>554521486
Called being female
>>
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>>554509867
>>
>>554506616
>the point this hard
>>"Useless
Super Strength only while someone is cumming in your ass.
>>
>>554506734
fag
>>
>>554522060
as a guy with a lot of free time, i'd still kill a school bus full of special ed kids for the 2nd power
>>
>>554506616
My superpower would be the power to grow and retract body hair at any speed i want.
>>
>>554523801
I'd pretend i had an awesome power and tell people i was a werewolf
>>
The ability to hide the fact you have a superpower.
>>
>>554521251
Engineering lyfe bro. Don't need to not be purple.
>>
the power to come up with useless super powers on /b/
>>
>>554506616
Being able to teleport 1 foot to the left once every 30 minutes.
>>
The ability to shit money but only with a butt plug in
>>
>>554523528
>go to prison
>guy raping you
>guy starts to cum
>knock his shit into parallel dimension
>own prison
>>
smell everything anywhere anytime - wherever it is ... the whole stink of the world
>>
The power to see all text in comic sans
>>
>>554524414
This would help if you were doing a stop-motion cha-cha slide. Maybe.
>>
The ability to read page 4 of the Moscow daily newspaper 50 years ago that day each day.
>>
>>554512354
Hahaha nice
>>
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>>554506762
>>
Car empathy
>>
>>554506616
can transport anywhere, but always 1000 feet above where you want to be- nothing can go with you and all of the things you're wearing don't go with u
>>
To know everything in detail about The Lion King as long as you are flying in a blimp
>>
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>>554524194
>>
>>554523349
No that's the power to give anyone a headache at will
>>
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the ability to teleport smal quantities of water from your mouth into your stomach by swallowing.
>>
>>554523349
>>554526107
9/10
>>
>>554525764
You're a stupid fucking nigger.
>>
>>554512629
>Someone watches a video that you're in.
get out of here faggot
>>
>>554521050
With power 2 and one of those special sleep schedules you could achieve 24 hour uptime. Hardly useless.
>>
>>554514984
Kevlar, mothafucka, you heard of it. Also noone said you have to be alive.
>>
>>554506694
oh look!

you got le rebbited superfriend

http://www.reddit.com/r/4chan/comments/29rpvu/useless_superpowers/

le rebbit rebbiter army checking in here XD
>>
the ability to make things/people slightly too hot
>>
>>554528230
>muh upvotes!
>>
The ability to speak in any language as long as nobody is around
>>
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>>554528605
well just learn the fucking alphabet of the language and start shitposting on the internet
>>
>>554528605
That would be great. Imagine how much money you could make by working as a voice actor. You could be the voice actor for a character in literally every language they plan on releasing.
>>
The ability to piss into the wind. Would come in handy if I was a wing walker
>>
>>554512676
That would get you so much white girls from starbucks.
>>
>>554529127
sauce on gif?
>>
The ability to remove your teeth if the get cavities.
>>
The ability to make a meow sound with every bone in your body, at will.
>>
dubs on will
>>
the ability to summon a bowl of fruit once every hour
>>
>>554530449
you friend do not understand the power of dubs
I just love getting doubles
>>
>>554530449
Become the ultimate troll on non-dubs boards.
>>
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>>554530013
>sure thing bud

>http://xhamster.com/movies/188886/eye_turning_orgasm.html
>>
the ability to make my girlfriends parents watch, while I beat the shit out of her
>>
>>554506616
the ability to grow one piece of grass one centimetre in height once every 6 months
>>
The ability to breathe under water if and only if your nose is above water.
>>
>>554506734
Virgin detected.
>>
Being super intelligent, but can only make stupid decisions.
Only legitimate useless power ITT.
>>
>>554506616
have the power to be invisible in girls locker room but only for the 10 minutes after you cum
>>
the ability to spout japanese knotweed but only on carpet
>>
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>>554507692
>>
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>>554530975
that could be a nice superpower though... like if they're into this type of shit. Or if you hate them realy bad, than this is the way to freak them out of their fuckin mind. Just image if you were on their spot...just chillin in the house and out of nowhere some fucktarg just starts slamin your daughters head in a cement wall. That would scare the shitballs out of me.
>>
>>554531409
>>554531217

name a use for mine faggot
>>
>>554506616
Power to read the minds of unborn babies.
Power to wipe the memories of dead people
Power of nocturnal vision, activated by the sun's rays.
>>
>>554531409
you can be super intelligent and give other people the information and they could make good decisions for you
>>
>>554531830
sprout that shit on a desk to freak out your mum
>>
Provided we're doing the oldschool rules of comic books where people would pass out after using their powers: the ability to conjure a coffee table anywhere

If not, the ability to turn invisible while playing a trombone.
>>
Power of replying to this thread while you could be doing something more constructive. For example fapping.
>>
>>554506616
The ability to turn wine into water.
>>
>>554532034
but giving someone else the information would be a good decision, so you can't do that
>>
Power to instantly flush all the toilets in a 50 yard radius.
>>
>>554532203
what if the stipulation for giving them the information is to castrate yourself with a plastic sand shovel..thats a stupid decision
>>
>>554507275
just pause of a second and really imagine this
>>
>>554532192
>this summer
>wake up hung over
>there's only stale wine in a bottle from last night
>be thirsty as fuck
>realize I have to go down to the store to get bottled water

I call bullshit on this one, turning anything into water is goat ability
>>
>>554506873
Made me laugh
>>
>>554518295
watch the drivers head
if you see him looking at his side/rear mirror, he might be coming over
i pesonally think it looks retarded after someone passes me when i see their head bobbing back and forth looking at my vehicle
>>
>>554506616
The ability to run 1 mph faster when I am having a heart attack
>>
The ability to see naked women when there are no women around.
>>
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>>554512354
underrated post
>>
the ability to play through the fire and flames 100%
>>
the ability to grow the winning lottery ticket inside your dick but you have to cut it open via a series of paper cuts directly to your piss hole retrieve it. Your immune system is terrible which allows the ticket to grow in you and not be rejected by your body but this means you heal fucking terribly aswell.
>>
>>554506616
the ability to make any naturally flavored food into a artificially flavored food
>>
>>554512354
/sp/?
>>
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>>554513427
well shit anon, you fucked my mind up so hard
>>
the ability to become younger 120 years at a time
>>
>>554512354
Upvoted
>>
>>554506616
Die Stahllunge
Thread posts: 300
Thread images: 32


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