The DnD thread rises! DM is not needed, just 4-5 players! Respond

>>551937538
OP himself will be:
>Ian the Tech Guy
>Ian is your average nerd. He's tech savvy, and he's into things no average person is into, like comic books and cheesy board games
>Spellcraft, Tinker, Butthurt Rage
>Polo shirt, Khaki slacks, throwing pens, Digital Sword

For those who may know me, I usually play as Thodan.

>>551937538
DM here, please consider the time put into these. These often last 5-6 hours. Do not join if you do not plan to stay.

HEEELLLLL YEEEEE


>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane.
>A Santa Demon from the nth demension, born of coals, and the evolved form of beelzeplum.
>Giant candy cane sword, ornament bombs, and flight using christmas miracles.

I'm serious.

>Niggerslayer
>Mace using, strength, agility
>A wandering dwarf, generally a paragon type of nigga
>heavy one handed flanged mace, kite sheild, light iron set (hat boots bracers, etc), small snack pouch of snacks/2 health potions

>>551937538

>Skrong Ironhammer, Dwarf
>skilled blacksmith who's down on his luck
>making stuff with metal, drinking, great with an ax
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

Never played this so I'll just lurk.

>Lurker in the shadows.

>>551937538
>N8 the M8
>Rifles, Hunting, Australian
>Ol' Bessy, me rifle, Ol Sharpy, me Machete, and an Australian spirit
>Hodor

>>551937538
Tark the tree raper

>Barbarian

> Chest fur,leather,loin cloth,wooden helm ,two handed iron club,and wooden shortbow

Melee,hunting,poison knowledge

We got 5 people now! The DM may start!

>>551937538
>Binbo Beet
>Making Moonshine / Smoking / Incest
>Overalls / Shotgun / Case of rounds / straw hat / jar of moonshine / picture of his cousin
>Hillbilly on the hunt for his daughter and her would-be suiter.

but vwait for me

i need to be included too

>cronus
>skills: snobbery, lancing, being an annoying fuckvwit
>equipment: a huge ass lance and a seahovrse
>b>backstoryi'm rushing this so no backstory motherfuckers

Also, a word from the DM. He is thinking and typing the intro. He's still here.

>>551938801
vwho the fuck are you? hovw do you knovw vwho THE dm is

nobody on /b/ has any friends so i am wvery confused...

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>>551938958

>>551938958
I'm OP and another player. I got my friend to DM. He's really good at it.

>>551939094
who is dm?
like zero or someone we know?

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>>551938958

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>>551939204
>Implying i'm not Zero
Step it up m8

>>551939204
No one you guys would know personally. He's only DM'ed one other time. I know him personally and just linked him to this thread.

>>551937758
>>551937961
>>551938096
>>551938110
>>551938246
Welcome all to Not-So-Newfag's DnD match!
You all wake up in front of a very large castle in a very large city. You look at the location and each other with confusion. Ian was last at a comic book store purchasing issue #11 of Superman with the rare blue cape misprint in 2026. Beelzeclaus was just escaping prison with a sharpened candy cane in 1869. Niggerslayer was just slaying niggers in a southern georgia town in 1531. Skrong Ironhammer was just making a greatsword in 1025. N8 was just hunting down wily dingos and crocs down under in 1994. None of them know why they have ended up here, or where they are. Time to figure out what the fuck just happened.
Or throw caution to the wind and just fuck around.

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>>551939332
Who was picked?


Tark the tree raper

>Barbarian

> Chest fur,leather,loin cloth,wooden helm ,two handed iron club,and wooden shortbow

Melee,hunting,poison knowledge

>>551939424
"Oi, who the fock are you blokes?" "Where the fuck is me friend Steve Irwin?"
Look around for loot

Do you fuckers vwant FUrry Porn too?

JEEZ.

>>551939424
charge the castle!
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
>niggerslayer

>>551939307
god damn it. 2nd time

>>551939424
"MUH.... MUH COMIC...." I mutter in great sorrow. I then inspect the castle for better detail. I especially look out for an opening or entrance.
>Ian the Tech Guy
>Spellcraft, Tinker, Butthurt Rage

>>551939424
aww

Tark the tree raper

>Barbarian

> Chest fur,leather,loin cloth,wooden helm ,two handed iron club,and wooden shortbow

Melee,hunting,poison knowledge)

>>551939793
Protip m8
It's Greentexting your name
and stop fucking double entering

like

this

I feel like maybe we should have a player for Heaven, too, so that anyone who's late to the party can jump in and control them. Make shit work.

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>>551939659
>N8 the M8
>Rifles, Hunting, Australian
>Ol' Bessy, me rifle, Ol Sharpy, me Machete, and an Australian spirit

>>551939424
I think to myself, how much did I have to drink.
I try to get an understanding of the city around me and look for any points of interest ( or a tavern)


>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

>>551939424
>>551939659
I cock my shotgun and aim it at the Aussie.
"'oo the hell er'you and what'chu doin' on mah land?"
>Binbo Beet
>Making Moonshine / Smoking / Incest

>>551939424
"HAS LUCIFER CHANGED MY FATE? FIRST MY MORAL FORM AND NOW HE PUTS ME HERE?!"
"WAIT JUST A MINUTE, WHO ARE YOU PLEBEIANS?"
I summon presents in hysteria.
Rollin for the goodies inside.

>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane and death.
>Giant candy cane sword, ornament bombs, and flight using christmas miracles.

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>>551939972

Tark the tree raper

>Barbarian

> Chest fur,leather,loin cloth,wooden helm ,two handed iron club,and wooden shortbow

Melee,hunting,poison knowledge

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>>551940037
Twitch Plays DnD
>>551940151
You aren't in

>>551940291
/b/ plays DnD.

YES.
Make it happen!!!!111!11!

>>551940230
>wooden helm
>also has iron club
wut

>>551939659
You speak your aussie words and everyone is less annoyed than they would be normally. You look around and find 5 gold coins on the ground.
>+5 gold
>>551939676
You charge the castle. You run up to the large doors and attack it. But nothing happens.
>>551939785
The party looks at you like you are the biggest fucking nerd ever. You look around the castle and you find several openings for archers to shoot arrows through, some windows, and the large front door.
>>551940090
you look around and there is a tavern right next to the castle. How convenient. Other than the tavern, there is a library, a general goods store, and a forge.
>>551940175
Inside the present, is a small doll, about the size of your middle finger, who will move and obey your every command.
>+ weird doll

>>551940618
BEAT DOWN THE DOOR!
"I WILL BE THE MASTER NIGGERSLAYER"
>niggerslayer the psycho

>>551940513
I used all muh iron on muh club


Tark the tree raper

>Barbarian

> Chest fur,leather,loin cloth,wooden helm ,two handed iron club,and wooden shortbow

Melee,hunting,poison knowledge

>>551940618
Are you going to let any other players into the game, or do we let this thread die?

>>551940618
Seeing some psychopath break down the door I decide that maybe I have not had enough to drink,
I go to the tavern.


>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

>>551940818
it's 5 ppl buuuuuddy

>>551940618
I run straight to the library, my little nerd micropenis getting erect.
"MAYBE I CAN FIND MY COMIC IN THIS LIBRARY"
>Ian the Tech Guy
>Spellcraft, Tinker, Butthurt Rage

>>551940750
CRITICAL HIT

>>551940998
Fuck you, add more!

6 players is best game. >_> The thread's less likely to die if you let more players in.

>>551941192

lel

>Tark the tree raper
>Barbarian
> Chest fur,leather,loin cloth,wooden helm ,two handed iron club,and wooden shortbow
Melee,hunting,poison knowledge

>>551940618
I put the doll on my shoulder and follow niggerslayer in his mighty attack on the castle door.
"It seems to be made of some sort of door..."

>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane.
>Giant candy cane sword, ornament bombs, and flight using christmas miracles, and a weird doll.

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>>551941272
sit down nigga, you mad

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>>551941272
u mad bruh

>>551941512
lelelel

nobody takes my furry porn threats seriously. i don't have the guts to put that in my google search history, who am i kidding. ;_;

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>>551941324
I cant into green text

>Tark the tree raper
>Barbarian
> Chest fur,leather,loin cloth,wooden
>helm ,two handed iron club,and >wooden shortbow
>Melee,hunting,poison knowledge

>>551940750
With one massive strike to a weak point to the door, you split it. Archers above take notice and say,
>"Hey you down there, What is your business in this place?"
>>551940978
You walk into the tavern. It is covered in deer heads and antlers. There are many hunters drinking in the bar. There is also a bard singing in the center of the room.
>>551941065
You run to the library and find no comic books at all. Not a single one. Just a bunch of old books. The library itself seems pretty new, like it had just been built.
>>551941360
You crash the rest of the door down. There is a large stone hallway in front of you with several doors going left and right. The archers have taken notice and have started firing at you.
>N8 stands around, looking for dingos

>>551942135
I exit the library. I notice the open castle, but instead decide to head to the general shop.
>Ian the Tech Guy
>Spellcraft, Tinker, Butthurt Rage

>>551942135
"TO RID THIS PLACE OF ALL NIGGERS!"
IF ONE OF THEM IS BLACK KILL HIM IF NOT KEEP ON SEARCH FOR SHIT SKINS
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
>NIGGERSLAYER THE FUCKIN PSYCHO

>>551942135
I walk up to the bartender and say "Oi lad wha' can ye tell me bout' the castle? And ye wouldn't happen to ave' any decent ale, wud ye?"


>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

>>551941663

testing

>Tark the tree raper
Barbarian
> Chest fur,leather,loin cloth,wooden helm ,two handed iron club,and wooden shortbow
> Melee,hunting,poison knowledge

>>551942135
I run into the hallway to avoid the arrow fire.

>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane.

>>551942397

>nigger comes up to you
>WHAT YA HAV AGAINST NIGGAS U FUK?
>kicks you in the micropenis
>rips off your head
>runs over to Ian and beats him to death with your head
>screams "KENYAAAAAAAAA!"
>gets emancipated by abraham lincoln

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>>551942872

>>551943012
don't mess with niggers son

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>>551943091

>>551942362
you try to go into the shop, but it is closed. The window is dusty but you can see two figures inside.
>>551942397
Guards are now rushing down the hallway. None of them are black, however. They charge at you with swords.
>>551942720
He slides you a pint and says,
>"That castle is the home of the royal family. Not much is known about them, but I here there are evil happenings going on there. Strange lights, strange noises, and people talking in hushed tones."
>>551942808
You run into the hallway and three guards surround you.
>N8 starts looking for crocs now

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>>551942784
cant do it

Yo, Ned here
> Ned

>>551943306
RUN PAST MY FELLOW WHITE SKINS AND SEARCH FOR THE PARASITES!
"OUT OF MY WAY KINSMEN! I AM ON A HUNT!"
>NIGGERSLAYER THE ENDANGERED PSYCHO

>>551943306
I knock on the door in an attempt to get the figures' attention.
>Ian the Tech Guy
>Spellcraft, Tinker, Butthurt Rage

>>551943306
I swing at the guards with my candy cane and prepare for battle.
"BEWARE MY SWEET PUTRID SCENT YOU SWINE"

>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane and death.

>>551943528

>nigger runs up to you
>rams Ian up your ass
>laughs at you

>>551943569
FUCKIN 69, YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

>>551943306
I guzzle down the pint "put it on meh' tab lad" and a walk over to the castle to aid my new found friends in combat using my ax


>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

>>551943690
An unknown pressure becomes present, sweat is pouring now, Ned is confused.
> Ned

>>551943915

nigga say "its ok ned
you can ignore the pressure
all that matters is
the ass was fat"

SKILL GET: Fatass

>>551944223
Fuck yeah
> Ned

>>551943569
>make sure you include all info
You run past the guards and not one touches you. You climb up the stairs at the end of the hallway and find a nigger cleaning the floor.
>>551943620
You knock on the door and one of the figures runs off, out of sight, while the other opens the door. He looks about middle-aged, but very scruffy and dirty,
>Git out. Can;t you see we're fookin closed?
>>551943679
You manage to injure a guard while one of the others advance towards you.
>>551943679
You run over to the castle and an archer manages to hit your arm. Luckily, it was your less dominant arm. Two guards re in front of you, ready to attack.
>N8 looks off to the distance, maybe he found dinner.

>>551944367

The fatass skill allows you to be a useless fuck and accomplish nothing, by the way. I hear you can train it in America or McDonalds, might be a good place to go.

>>551944507
"Listen, sir. If I described my situation, it wouldn't sound believable. All I can tell you is, I really need to browse your wares. I could be in danger."
>Ian the Tech Guy
>Spellcraft, Tinker, Butthurt Rage

>>551944507
SLAY THE NIGGER!
"I WILL CLEANSE THIS CASTLE OF ALL EVIL BE IT HUMAN OR ANYTHING ELSE!"
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
>NIGGERSLAYER THE FUCKED UP
>MACE USING, STRENGTH, AGILITY
sorry about that dm

>>551944669
STFU FAGGOT, I STUFFED YOU UP NED'S ASS!

Wait, is there another GoT universe inside Ned's ass? That would bring a new meaning to "fatass" o_o

>>551944507
I tell my doll to kill the advancing guard from the inside as I shove it into his mouth.
"Make sure there's blood, I need a bath."

>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane and death.

>>551937538
>Hitler
>Use of chemical weapons, hate speech, Mein Kampf
>Swastika badge, Nazi Uniform, German pistol
>Is actually Adolf Hitler

>>551945343
you can join my nigger D&D game :)

>nigger stuffed ian up ned's ass
>ian enterred alternate universe but is also ded
>also ian got beaten to death with niggerslayer's head
>hitler enters the scene
>what do?

>>551945713
Wait am I in?
> Ned

>>551944669
>"Da 'ell you talking abou? Ya look bloody fine to me. Come back later."
He then closes the door in your face. But you notice he didn't lock it.
>>551944724
You bash the niggers skull . Two guards start charging at you.
>>551945071
You shove the doll into the guards move, but he swallows it with ease. He then lunges at your leg, putting a gash in it.
>Skrong appears to lose interest in the castle and waits outside
>N8 stands beside him and makes idle chit chat

>>551937538
I'm going to be a fish

>be large mouth bass
>have human arms
>steel scales
>splash, escape, and fertalize

>>551946078
IF THE GUARDS ARE BLACK KILL THEM. IF NOT KEEP RUNNING IN SEARCH OF NIGGERS AND ANYTHING THREATENING THE KING!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
>NIGGERSLAYER THE FUCKED UP
>MACE USING, STRENGTH, AGILITY
lower case looks so much smaller now

>>551946078
I contemplate waiting outside for him to exit, and then have a last second change of heart. I active Butthurt Rage, swing the door open, and attempt to slash at him with my Digital Sword.
>Ian the Tech Guy
>Spellcraft, Tinker, Butthurt Rage

>>551946037
You realize I'm not the real OP right

I'm just bored and decided not to kill this thread with furry porn. I was merciful today, and let OP the faggot live. OP won't let you in his faggot game because he is a fucking autistic faggot who hates everyone, but I started a nigger game and now everyone is playing.

Someone put this on 4archive. What a dumbass

>>551946078
I walk calmly into the castle to see what my new chum have been up to seeing that there in the middle of combat I jump into the fray


>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

>>551946078
FUCK
I THROW ORNAMENT BOMBS AT THE FUCKERS FUCK THEM

>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane.
>Giant candy cane sword, ornament bombs, and flight using christmas miracles.

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>>551946570
I want to stay mad at you but I fucking lol'd

>>551946570
"What a dumbass"
4archive worthy words right there.

Shall we continue NIGGA D&D?

Hitler you need to go up Ned's ass to the Jew Dimension so you can cause a holocaust

shitler pls respond dont be a faggot

ned what about you
where are you ned

i guess it's just me and you, niggerslayer. except you died and your head is use to kill ian who is in jew dimension where there is no resurrect because jesus fucking christ got fucked by a tree corpse up the ass until he bled to death but jews reject it because theyre afraid of offending tree corpses

>>551946381
You look around not a nigger is to be seen. As you come up on the throne room, 8 guards surround you,
>"Surrender now, or suffer our blades"
>>551946526
You barge in and Rage all over the place. You slahs at his stomach. He is bleeding out. The store is dark and you cannot make out much.
>"OI! YOU FOOKIN CROOK IMMA BASH YOur.."
He coughs up some blood. He doesn't have much time left.
>>551946590
You walk in with little hassle, as most of the guards are upstairs. You look around and you find that one of the doors in the hallway has lights flashing through it.
>>551946626
You throw the ornament bomb. It explodes and knocks out one of the guards. The other guard readies to attack.
>>551946570
Cocksucker the mighty descends into the world. Let him suck your cock, and you are doomed to aids for the rest of your days
>N8 looks longingly at Cocksucker the mighty

>>551947693
YOU HAVE LEFT ME WITH NO CHOICE BROTHERS!
ATTACK ALL OF THEM
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
>NIGGERSLAYER THE FUCKED UP
>MACE USING, STRENGTH, AGILITY
im probs gonna die.

>>551947693
I search his body for just about anything I can create light with. I then attempt to stab my Digital Sword into his back, ending him quickly.
>Ian the Tech Guy
>Spellcraft, Tinker, Butthurt Rage

>>551947693
I go to open the door


>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

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>>551947693
we should merge dungeons and dragons and niggers and assholes to make nigeons and drassholes

>>551947693
I summon presents above the last guards head and speak to him.
"If you lower your weapon and accept me as your one true god, I will spare your life."


>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane.
>Giant candy cane sword, ornament bombs, and flight using christmas miracles.

>>551947883

Its cool ill replace ya ;)

>Tark the tree raper

>Barbarian

> Chest fur,leather,loin cloth,wooden helm ,two handed iron club,and wooden shortbow

>Melee,hunting,poison knowledge

>>551948114
want to join niggers and assholes? theres free holocausts!

>>551948214
is there trees?

>>551948357
wtf muh id changed

>>551947883
You lunge at one and the others advance. one slashes at your back, leaving a bleeding wound.
>>551947984
On him you find a single candle. You light it and there is a counter and a backroom. You stab the man and he dies with a yelp of pain.
>>551948038
You open the door and find a man with dark robes arranging dead bodies. He doesn't notice you. Yet.
>>551948040
Cocksucker the mighty tries to play god but DM dismisses his idea. He also gets herpes.
>>551948101
The guard look at you and laughs, he goes in for an attack
>N8 licks his lips

>>551948357
all of the trees in Jewland have been killed, but their corpses made pretty displays. so they hung them up everywhere until some nigger named Jesus came along and got his asshole impaled on one. then they took down all of the tree corpses because jews are faggots. it was fucking gay, all of it is gay

anyways the dm rejected me so im going to give his husband herpes and then hell get them, then we'll all have herpes and i'll get revenge >:D

>>551948930
KEEP ATTACKING UNTIL MY DEATH OR THEIRS!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
>NIGGERSLAYER
>MACE USING, STRENGTH, AGILITY

>>551948930
I'll try to sneak up behind him and kill him with my ax


>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

>>551948930
I inspect both the counter and the backroom, for anything worth taking or examining.
>Ian the Tech Guy
>Spellcraft, Tinker, Butthurt Rage

>>551948930
I attempt to dodge the guards attack and stab him in the back of the head.

i am alone again

i need new players for niggers & assholes, ASAP - if you see this at the front of /b/ please join!

>>551949392
fuck these low rolls

>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane.
>Giant candy cane sword, ornament bombs, and flight using christmas miracles.

>>551949137
You slash at another and dodge an attack. Your bleeding badly, and you feel yourself fading.
>>551949238
You sneak up behind him and strike at his head, leaving blood everywhere. He joins the pile of dead bodies. The room is small and cluttered with wizarding supplies.
>>551949248
The counter has a bow on it and the storage room is strangely empty, however it is very suspicious.
>>551949392
His helmet blocks your stab and he slashes at your dagger arm, injuring it badly.
>>551949478
Cocksucker tries to get new niggers to suck and new assholes to fuck but no one seems interested. Cocksucker gains the skill "Total faggotry"
>N8 checks the time

>>551950098
Cocksucker is butthurt and is going back to threatening to furry porn this thread until everyone leaves.

>>551950098
I take the bow and closely inspect the empty storage room.
>Ian the Tech Guy
>Spellcraft, Tinker, Butthurt Rage

>>551950098
FIGHT UNTIL MY LAST BREATH!
>NIGGERSLAYER

>>551950098
I search the room for any useful information and alcohol.


>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

>>551950098
fuck it.
I SLAM TWO ORNAMENT BOMBS INTO THE SIDE OF HIS HEAD


>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane.
>Giant candy cane sword, ornament bombs, and flight using christmas miracles.

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>>551950401
NIGGERSLAYER CAN YOU JOIN MY GAME I'M DESPERATE I'M RUNNING OUT OF NIGGERS TO SLAY AND ASSHOLES TO FUCK

pic related

>>551950401
DAMN IT

>>551950571
WHY ME

>>551950383
You find a NIGGER ASSHOLE in the storage room. It beckons. You must enter it...You cannot resist the urge.

Oh wait, I killed you, how the fuck are you alive, is the empty storage room the niggerasshole afterlife???

Any room left?

>Sir Issac of Duvania
>Necromancy, Illusion, Expert in short ranged weaponry
>Magic Hammer, two daggers, staff of necromancy
>Issac was an orphan boy who grew up in a church, one day everyone in the church tried to murder him in an occultist ritual, in which it gave him connections to necromancy. He fled and waited to develop his necromancy skills while serving time in prison for various crimes, and then returned to he church many years later and slaughtered them all. He know roams around, searching for a purpose

>>551950927
Yes, there is room in Niggers & Assholes

The asshole of Ned beckons. It is fat. If you enter it, you can come to the land of Jews, where wooden stakes are outlawed. Enter, Isaac?

>>551950886
no one likes you. Dm is actually entertaining me, good job

>>551950231
DM says
>"Bring it on, threatening to post it must mean you are willing to look at it excessively. This leads me to believe that you are in fact a furry."
>>551950383
You inspect the room but nothing is found.
>+ bow
>>551950401
With one final blow, a guard stabs you in the stomach. Death is inevitable without a health potion.
>>551950415
You find a journal detailing the wizards experiments with necromancy, however you cannot understand most of the wizard terminology.
>>551950571
He ducks your attack and slashes again at your dagger arm. You are bleeding very badly.
>N8 considers getting fucked anally

>>551951096
High roll get.
I stab him in the chest with my candy cane

>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane.
>Giant candy cane sword, ornament bombs, and flight using christmas miracles.

>>551951096
I attempt to inspect the room once more.
>Ian the Tech Guy
>Spellcraft, Tinker, Butthurt Rage

>>551951096
IM DEAD.
GOOD NIGHT

>>551951371
I love you nigger slayer, sweet dreams

>>551951096
I pocket the journal, as I do I hear Niggerslayer yelling in pain and rush to his aid


>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

File: everyone in this thread.gif (143KB, 277x200px) Image search: [Google]

143KB, 277x200px

Pic.
FUCKING
RELATED

>>551951371
Cocksucker to Niggerslayer - Goodbye, dear friend. You will be missed. I'm sorry you had to die, but at least you will live on in the afterlife, which is an empty storage closet containing the tormented souls of people.

>>551951352
You go to stab him but he snaps your cane with his sword. You are fading.
>>551951354
You take another long, hard look. One brick in the room is sticking out a bit.
>>551951371
You shout out your final words,
"I'M DEAD, NOOD GIGHT"
you realize you fucked up your last words. Before you can correct yourself, a guard stabs you in the heart, killing you.
>Is kill
>>551951642
You run up, but you are too late. He is dead. The guards notice you,
"You don't want to end up like him. Just surrender."
>N8 begs cocksucker to take his anal virginity

Let me in op

>Tark the tree raper

>Barbarian

> Chest fur,leather,loin cloth,wooden helm ,two handed iron club,and wooden shortbow

beserk strength ,hunting,herb knowledge

>>551952124
I go up to the motherfuckin' brick and push that shit inwards.
>Ian the Tech Guy
>Spellcraft, Tinker, Butthurt Rage

>>551952124
In a last-ditch effort I summon all of my powers to fly up and smash bombs into the guard.


>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane.
>Giant candy cane sword, ornament bombs, and flight using christmas miracles.

>>551952124
Does reddit have furry porn? I cant find any and google won't load

Oh well I'm sure there's some on /b/ if I look hard enough

>>551952391
FUCK ME IN THE ASS COME ON

>>551952548
The nigger appears behind you and ties you to the floor, but appears to have a case of erectile dysfunction and cannot get hard. Either that, or you're jjust really unattractive.

>ur so ugly that
>even the gay FUCKING RAPIST NIGGER
>couldnt get hard near you

You get off scot free, without any assfucking.

>>551952501
Keep stalling, buddy. You ain't got the balls.

>>551952124
I pull a confused face out and say "wha' me friend? I'm ere to fix te door" I pull out my hammer and point to it, " and now that the fightin' is over I just wanted to tell ye that I've arrived "


>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

>>551952891
SHIT

>>551952891
smooth, mah nigga

>>551952358
You push it inwards and it slides right out of the wall. You look through the wall and there appears to be a tunnel.
>>551952391
You fly up into the air. But you fall. Hard. Death is inevitable without a potion.
>>551952891
>"nice try buddy, we saw you charge in here before. Now surrender."
The guards advance.

File: fuckyou.jpg (8KB, 195x250px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 195x250px

>>551952791
Fuck it. This isn't even furry but it's the worst, most terrible thing I can find.

>all of you enter Niggers & Assholes and are greeted with this sight, what do you do?

>>551953308
I SUMMON A GIFT AND ROLL FOR A POTION TO BE IN IT


>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane.
>Giant candy cane sword, ornament bombs, and flight using christmas miracles.

>>551953308
I place my hand through the hole it has created and pull the bricks out of place, uncovering the hole.
>Ian the Tech Guy
>Spellcraft, Tinker, Butthurt Rage

>>551953308
"Twas worth ey shot" I lay down arms "If ye need that ol' gate fixed doe' I am in nee' of a job"


>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

>>551953493
Dude, you gotta try way harder than that. This is fucking /b/. I've seen some of the worst shit ever on here.

0/10 pls try harder

>Tark the tree raper
>Barbarian

> Chest fur,leather,loin cloth,wooden helm ,two handed iron club,and wooden shortbow
> beserk strength ,hunting,herb knowledge

>>551953678
Oh shit nigga

>>551953730
Ian has become Jesus because he resurrected somehow. He sticks his hand up Fred's asshole. To think we could have averted all this had you simply let me in the fucking game.

I'm a lazy fuck, i didn't have time to tolerate the bowels of 4chan.

File: a69d577f-da18-42ff-8516-955d71ac7.jpg (3KB, 300x250px) Image search: [Google]

3KB, 300x250px

>>551953904
mfw the first time I browsed /b/

>Tark the tree raper
>Barbarian

> Chest fur,leather,loin cloth,wooden helm ,two handed iron club,and wooden shortbow
> beserk strength ,hunting,herb knowledge

>>551954103
If you can't tolerate what the people of /b/ have to offer, then you're in the wrong place m8.

>>551953678
The gift opens and a potion of slow blood comes out. This potion makes your blood as thick as molasses, lengthening your time here. But it wont save you, however.
>>551953730
You stick your arm through and you finda lever and pull it. The wall slides down. The tunnel is fill with glowing moss and is rather wet.
>>551953845
The guards run up to you and put some shackles on you an take your weapons. They lead you to a dungeon underneath the castle where you are locked up.

>>551954418
I run to find Ian and ask for help, as he is the only one left who could possibly keep me alive.
"CURSE THIS MORTAL FORM, HELP ME SIR IAN"


>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane.
>Giant candy cane sword, ornament bombs, and flight using christmas miracles.

>>551954418
I rip up a clump of the glowing moss and eat it.
>Ian the Tech Guy
>Spellcraft, Tinker, Butthurt Rage

>>551954418
OOOOOooooh nice, Gtg sleep tho. good luck guys

If you guys do a new thread count me in


>Tark the tree raper
>Barbarian

> Chest fur,leather loin cloth,wooden helm ,two handed iron club,and wooden shortbow
> beserk strength ,hunting,herb knowledge

>>551954418
I wait patiently and read the journal if I still have it


>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

>>551955108
Yea same here, this DM is awesome.

>>551954881
You try to get up but the guard you were fighting knocks you back to the ground, he points his sword at you.
>"Surrender. We have the health potion you need. So long as you surrender."
>>551954902
You eat the glowing moss and you immediately throw it back up. It tasted the same way going in as it did going out. Nigga this aint Skyrim.
>>551955164
You read the journal, still not understanding much.

>>551955108
Tark for the last time, you should participate in Niggers and Assholes, version 2.0; Jewlover Edition.

Maybe I'll make my own thread. How do you all feel about that?

File: oh really.gif (1MB, 300x254px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 300x254px

>>551955535
do it fgt

>>551955451
"I surrender..."
I drop my weapons and raise my arms towards the guard to be shackled.


>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane.
>Giant candy cane sword, ornament bombs, and flight using christmas miracles.

>>551955451
I look inside of my cell for anything interesting
>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

>>551955451
I proceed down the cave.
>Ian the Tech Guy
>Spellcraft, Tinker, Butthurt Rage

>>551955659
I see the real reason behind your enthusiasm, you dirty cunt-hopper asshole nigger slutty fucking dick Jew atheist Muslim faggot. You just want to get rid of me and you fucking think I'm autistic, gay, retarded, and cocksucking enough to fall for it if you challenge me to. Well, I'm not falling for it, shitwad. So go back to masturbating to this dungeons and dragons game like a good little nigger /b/tard.

>>551955451
Can I at least make a cocksucking cameo?

>>551955108
added back story

>Tark the tree raper
>Barbarian

> Chest fur,leather loin cloth,wooden helm ,two handed iron club,and wooden shortbow
> beserk strength ,hunting,herb knowledge

Tark is from a wood tribe of barbarians and on the day of his test of manhood he was sent out to claim a kill and a mate for his kill he killed a great she wolf and her cubs and made a fur and a loin cloth.
When it was time to find a mate however he found no luck so he found a tree with a big hole full of sap and fucked it and fucked it hard and then made his helm from the hole but this did not please the tribal masters so they banished him to waste where he now resides.

>>551955840
He shackles you and blindfolds you. He holds a potion up to your lips and you drink. You feel health surging through you. He kisses you on the lips and says,
"We'll meet again, my love."
He throws you down a shoot and you splash into water. You take off the blindfold and you are in the lake behind the castle. The shackles are unlocked and you take them off.
>>551955921
You look around and find a dead rat in the corner.
>>551955990
You go down the cave, it winds and turns for a while and ends at an underwater lake.
>>551956049
:^)

>>551956452
Tark, you could participate in a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to bring trees to Jewland!

>>551955427
yea he's legit

>>551956527
Maybe if I try to read some of the things in the journal to the rat I can resurrect it and command it to go get the key for my cell


>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

>>551956527
I inspect the lake for anything of interest.
>Ian the Tech Guy
>Spellcraft, Tinker, Butthurt Rage

>>551956641
Nah Im stoned and just wanna play some legit dnd

If your looking to spice it a little up toss me in dm.


>Tark the tree raper
>Barbarian

> Chest fur,leather loin cloth,wooden helm ,two handed iron club,and wooden shortbow
> beserk strength ,hunting,herb knowledge

>>551956760
He's a fat ugly unwanted forgotten alone weird annoying stupid unloved incompetent ignorant imbecile moron idiot unstable boring dunce twink tard lardo fotard dork lamo weedfeed Voldemort's nipple Hagrid's buttcrack Dobby's sock Rebecca Black Justin Bieber Twi-hard faggot. You're all just brainwashed by him, and refuse to aknowledge the rule of /b/: that OP is always a faggot.

Moral of this story: OP is a huge faggot.

>>551956527
I summon presents for shits and giggles and look around to see if I'm alone.

>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane.

>>551957523
it up*

>>551957221
Who am I kidding even the stoned guy won't join my game, and the porn I found after 10 seconds of searching is too take for /b/. Cocksucker has lost. I am going to go cry in the storage closet.

>>551957005
You read a word from the journal and the rat springs to life. But he seems to ignore your commands.
>>551957048
you look and it seems the lake leads to a lake on the surface.
>>551957579
>mfw not OP
>mfw no face
>>551957658
You are alone. You summon a present and 100 gold comes out.

File: 37848357385.png (205KB, 495x352px) Image search: [Google]

205KB, 495x352px

>>551956527
Give this to Beelzeclause it's his only hope

>>551957803
Do it, faggot. Kill yourself.

>>551958016
BABY<3

>>551957849
Well, obviously that wasn't directed at you, it was directed at OP. Get a brain, you fat ugly unwanted forgotten alone weird annoying stupid unloved incompetent ignorant imbecile moron idiot unstable boring dunce twink tard lardo fotard dork lamo weedfeed Voldemort's nipple Hagrid's buttcrack Dobby's sock Rebecca Black Justin Bieber Twi-hard faggot.

Moral of this story: /b/ is composed entirely of faggots, and I am their butt monkey.

>>551958020
throw me in some how im dieng of boredom here


>Tark the tree raper
>Barbarian

> Chest fur,leather loin cloth,wooden helm ,two handed iron club,and wooden shortbow
> beserk strength ,hunting,herb knowledge

>>551957849
I swim through the lake, getting as much distance as I can and looking for spots to breath in as I go.
>Ian the Tech Guy
>Spellcraft, Tinker, Butthurt Rage

>>551957849
I collect the gold and check out the area shaking my fat sack of coins.

>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane.

>>551958303
dying lol


>Tark the tree raper
>Barbarian

> Chest fur,leather loin cloth,wooden helm ,two handed iron club,and wooden shortbow
> beserk strength ,hunting,herb knowledge

>>551957849
Well, that happened. Maybe I could find a weakness in the locking mechanism for my cell


>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

>>551958492
I'm going to post your bio too, to get you attention, and also because I have failed at everything else.

>Tark the tree raper
>Barbarian

> Chest fur,leather loin cloth,wooden helm ,two handed iron club,and wooden shortbow
> beserk strength ,hunting,herb knowledge

Two spammers better than one motherfuckers

>Tark the tree raper
>Barbarian

> Chest fur,leather loin cloth,wooden helm ,two handed iron club,and wooden shortbow
> beserk strength ,hunting,herb knowledge

>>551958631
You don't need to man really.

but thanks

>>551958315
You jump in and nearly run out of air. Fortunately, you find the surface before you suffocate. You seem to be in a garden's fountain. In the garden there are lots of alchemy ingredients growing.
>>551958459
You walk around, shaking the gold. You check out the area and find a fountain with Ian in it.
>>551958581
You look at the locking mechanism and it is a knot of chains and a heavy duty padlock. No faults here. It looks brand new.

>>551958825

>implying i have anything better to do with my time

>Tark the tree raper
>Barbarian

> Chest fur,leather loin cloth,wooden helm ,two handed iron club,and wooden shortbow
> beserk strength ,hunting,herb knowledge

>>551958890
I gather some alchemy supplies in my inventory, hoping there's an alchemy station somewhere.
>Ian the Tech Guy
>Spellcraft, Tinker, Butthurt Rage

>>551959003
>not having anything better to do than spam a thread on /b/, a DnD thread at that
>the ultimate in faggotry
die

>>551959003
yeah but it might annoy the dm lowering muh chances to be summoned.


>Tark the tree raper
>Barbarian

> Chest fur,leather loin cloth,wooden helm ,two handed iron club,and wooden shortbow
> beserk strength ,hunting,herb knowledge

>>551959160
I have just been watching hoping to play later thats it mayne.


>Tark the tree raper
>Barbarian

> Chest fur,leather loin cloth,wooden helm ,two handed iron club,and wooden shortbow
> beserk strength ,hunting,herb knowledge

>>551958890
I'm going to tell Useless (the zombie rats name) to go and find help and then push him out of my cell


>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

>>551959426
The problem isn't that we don't like you or want you to play. It's just that the more players, the more overwhelming it is for the DM to type everything.

>>551951371

I love you. Goodnight sweet prince.

>>551958890
"Ay Ian my friend, I needed you earlier"
I pull down my santa pants and poop in the fountain.

>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane.

File: bad art 1.png (45KB, 600x600px) Image search: [Google]

45KB, 600x600px

>>551959160

>if i was a faggot i would at least be able to look at gay porn
>be me
>bored
>nothing to do
>go to ask my parents if i can have some money to get the power back on
>go back upstairs
>mom wont move
>dad is giving me the death glare
>welp.jpg
>guess dad is mad at me for still living here at age 23 without having a job or college fund
>well fck him
>such a lowlife
>hit up internets
>banned from all websites except /b/
>in every thread i go to everyone screams "DIE GAY FAGGOT DIE" and i am sad
>find a thread where im not screamed out
>play D&D with a bunch of people
>show my mom
>no reaction
>oh yeah
>i remember now
>they pissed me off so i stabbed them to death
>hehehe
>go back to le thread
>nobody will ever know
>it is le perfect crime

>>551959670
Niggerslayer died though and im not much of a complex character.


>Tark the tree raper
>Barbarian

> Chest fur,leather loin cloth,wooden helm ,two handed iron club,and wooden shortbow
> beserk strength ,hunting,herb knowledge

>>551959801

Now that we lost a player, it's not that overwhelming for the DM to take an extra player in. You should let in Tark

>>551959146
You gather some flowers and mushrooms but there is no alchemy station nearby.
>>551959497
This time the rat listens. He scampers off.
>>551959790
You shit in the fountain, causing it to turn a minty green color. Neat.
>>551959801
Really? That's really cool. Why don't you go play with your friends over at reddit, okay champ?

>>551960172
Inspect the area.
>Ian the Tech Guy
>Spellcraft, Tinker, Butthurt Rage

>>551960172
I summon presents and roll for an alchemy station.

>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane.

>>551959957
>>551960064
niggers I need to sleep soon. I must either let characters die and not replace them or Complete the quest.

>>551960172
i got banned from reddit :(

thx 4 compliment though. here i thought everyone in this thread was really mean but this is actually full of nice people like yourself.

petition to let Tark in the game

>>551960172
I look outside of my cell to see if i can see anyone maybe a guard?


>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

>>551960489
new petition: give it to someone whos not tired, and has a lot of free time! like someone who murdered their family in a fit of rage and has like three days to blow before the cops finally arrive at their house and put them in prison for the rest of their life!

>>551960489
that's cool anon ima stay in watch till the end still im hella bored.


>Tark the tree raper
>Barbarian

> Chest fur,leather loin cloth,wooden helm ,two handed iron club,and wooden shortbow
> beserk strength ,hunting,herb knowledge

>>551960389
You look around. There are two doors, one to your left, and one to the right. Both look identical.
>>551960416
You summon a present and out comes a lollipop.
>>551960682
No one is out there. You can hear footsteps, however.

>>551960831
I DEVOUR THE LOLLIPOP AND TRY AGAIN

>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane.

>>551960831
I open both doors, once at a time, inspecting what is beyond them.
>Ian the Tech Guy
>Spellcraft, Tinker, Butthurt Rage

>>551960809
if you're that bored, what do you have against niggers and assholes? jeez

>>551960797
New order: Fuck off with your shitty ideas. I am DM, I call the shots. If you can't respect that, I will call you the baddest word in the book. Yeah, that's right.

>>551960831
I look for who the footsteps are coming from


>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

>>551960979
too wacky for me im afraid anon

>>551960941
You eat the lollipop and summon another. Inside the present is an empty box.
>>551960978
Both doors have similar hallways leading in opposite directions. You cannot see what's at the end of them.
>>551961217
it seems a guard has come for you.
>"sir, it seems you have something of ours"
He points at the journal.

>>551961627
I meet up with Ian and say
"The guard that left me here said I'll meet him again, I'm not too sure if we should leave just yet."

>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane.

>>551961627
I run through the hall on the right, half singing-half screaming: "I DON'T EVER WANNA FEEEEEEL... LIKE I DID THAT DAY. TAKE ME TO THE PLACE I LOOOOOOOVE.... TAKE ME ALL THE WAAAAAY"
>Ian the Tech Guy
>Spellcraft, Tinker, Butthurt Rage

>>551961627
I act like I'm going to hand it over to him but I last second open it and just read whatever I see


>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

>>551961920
Ian ignores you and runs off
>>551961975
You run down the hallway on the right and it takes you to a grand hall with lots of food. Guards have noticed your singing and have drawn their blades.
>"Halt, state your business."
>>551962039
You read the page and the guard gets knocked unconscious.

>>551962624
"By the POWER OF THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS, I DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER TO ANYONE!"
I then attempt to swing my Digital Sword across the guards' necks.
>Ian the Tech Guy
>Spellcraft, Tinker, Butthurt Rage

>>551962624
I follow Ian into the hallway burping candy cane death gas

>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane.

>>551962624
You paid $160 for shoes?

>>551962624
I try to grab the keys off his person


>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

File: 223bdf22-b423-4454-8986-914284c60.gif (587KB, 200x136px) Image search: [Google]

587KB, 200x136px

>>551962821

>Tark the tree raper
>Barbarian

> Chest fur,leather loin cloth,wooden helm ,two handed iron club,and wooden shortbow
> beserk strength ,hunting,herb knowledge

>>551962821
Your sword 404s and the guards are unharmed. They grab your arms and put them in shackles.
>>551962929
As you go down the hall, you see Ian getting cuffed.
>>551962981
You cannot reach, you hear more footsteps.

>>551963139
You have gone on a quest too, Tark the tree raper. You have learned the true meaning of futility.

>>551963427
I use Butthurt Rage and attempt to clobber the guards with my shackled-hands, and then try to burst out of them.
>Ian the Tech Guy
>Spellcraft, Tinker, Butthurt Rage

File: fc9404ec-beda-4523-a592-62bdac770.png (13KB, 682x480px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 682x480px

>>551963483
the quest of longing

>>551963774
A quest only someone really stoned could finish.

>>551963427
Sit on my book so they cant see play it all cool so I don't look conspicuous


>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

>>551963427
I take out my fat sack of coins and shake it at the guards.
"I'll trade you this for my friends freedom, 100 coins could get you plenty of women"
I look for the same guard that kissed me and wink at him if he's there.

>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane.

>>551963851
What a dozen eggs with steak sauce?

>Tark the tree raper
>Barbarian

> Chest fur,leather loin cloth,wooden helm ,two handed iron club,and wooden shortbow
> beserk strength ,hunting,herb knowledge

Can I have a complete summary of everything that happened in this game? I'm confused

>>551964131
the short end is
>roll 1

>>551964131
>op was a fag
>everyone else was a fag
>i tried to be fag leader
>ended up sucking cock in an empty storage closet afterlife for eternity after killing my parents in a fit of greentext

>>551963756
You manage to clonk two guards, but you are then knocked unconscious.
>>551963936
You see the guard from before and wink at him. You can see him sweating through his helmet. One of the guards takes the gold and throws you your unconscious friend.
>"Move along before we get in trouble."
>>551963875
You hide the book. A guard comes and says,
>"Dammit"
he looks at you
>"Look, you know shit you ain't supposed to know. So, we have to kill you within the hour. Sorry, you seem real chill from the way we arrested you."

>>551964585
Continue to be unconscious.
>Ian the Tech Guy
>Spellcraft, Tinker, Butthurt Rage

>>551964585
I drag Ian out of the hallway and into the garden area from which we came.
"You're a fool my friend."


>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane.
>Giant candy cane sword, ornament bombs, and flight using christmas miracles.

>>551964119
It's been 7 minutes since Tark last posted
Omg no
Tark
Not you too
Please
I couldn't bear to lose you
WHY MUST THE WORLD TAKE EVERYTHING GOOD FROM ME ;_;

>>551964585
"Ye think aye know to much but aye think thas' some good experience for ah' new guard. I know whats goin' on so its not like aye need to be filled in."


>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

>>551964980
you go back out into the garden area. There you find a rat that reeks.
>>551965558
>"sorry man, orders from the king. If I don't comply, I die."

>>551965558
>>551965839
WHY AREN'T YOU FUCKERS MOURNING TARK HE WAS A GOOD MAN, HE DIDN'T DESERVE TO DIE JUST BECAUSE HE FUCKED A TREE. YOU'RE ALL RACIST SHITFAGS

>>551965839
I dunk Ian in the fountain to wake him up and check out the rat

>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane and death.

>>551965839
I pull the journal out from under me "ye know there is a passage in this book I think you would like" I read the part I read to the other guard


>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

>>551966037
You dunk Ian and he wakes up. The rat seems to want to lead you somewhere.
>>551966685
You read the passage and he gets knocked unconscious. He falls with a loud clunk. Another guard comes in.
>"What?"
He runs back upstairs and back down with a robe on.

She rolled him over to the window so the sun fell on him for the first time in weeks, and it seemed to him he could feel his pasty-white skin, dotted here and there with minor bedsores, murmur its pleasure and thanks. The windowpanes were edged on the inside with a tracery of frost, and when he held out his hand he could feel a bubble of cold like a dome around the window. The feel of it was both refreshing and somehow nostalgic, like a note from an old friend. For the first time in weeks - it felt like years - he was able to look at a geography different from that of his room with its unchanging verities - blue wallpaper, picture of the Arc de Triomphe, the long, long month of February symbolized by the boy sliding downhill on his sled (he thought that his mind would turn to that boy's face and stocking cap each time January became February, even if he lived to see that change of months another fifty times). He looked into this new world as eagerly as he had watched his first movie Bambi - as a child. The horizon was near; it always was in the Rockies, where longer views of the world were inevitably cut off by uptilted plates of bedrock. The sky was a perfect early-morning blue, innocent of clouds. A carpet of green forest climbed the flank of the nearest mountain. There were perhaps seventy acres of open ground between the house and the edge of the forest - the snow-cover over it was a perfect and blazing white. It was impossible to tell if the land beneath was tilled earth or open meadow. The view of this open square was interrupted by only one building: a neat red barn. When she spoke of her livestock or when he saw her trudging grimly past his window, breaking her breath with the impervious prow of her face, he had imagined a ramshackle outbuilding like an illustration from a child's book of ghost stories - rooftree bowed and sagging from years of snowweight, windows blank and dusty, some broken and blocked with pieces of cardboard

>>551966984
Ian pulls out his Digital Sword and jabs it through his heart, because good night DM.
>Ian the Tech Guy
>Spellcraft, Tinker, Butthurt Rage

>>551966984
I pretend like I have no idea whats going on


>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

>>551966984
I stomp on the rat, stahp Ian and fly into the sky with him

>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane and death.

I wake up early even though it's Sunday, and I'm at my parents house, and in my own room, and they've already left for the day. It's probably the way the sun comes in and hits me across the legs, the way the room is still full of night chill but I'm cozy under heavy comforters, the way I can stretch and turn over and stretch again.

I pad to the bathroom, take a long shower under pounding water, God, I've missed this shower, steaming cleansing streaming water. On my face, my back, my hair; lather, rinse, repeat; lather, rinse, repeat. A towel, (two to be precise), warm from the radiator and clothes, clean from the dryer.

Breakfast, rustle something up in my mother's kitchen. I open the verticals and let the yellow sun pour in, the back porch and trees all brilliant with autumn. T'is warm, a coffee, eggs, toast. Coming home always makes me feel like an old-fashioned breakfast. The house creaks as I proceed to open every shade in the house, windows and blinds letting in both gold and cold. [OH JESUS CHRIST THIS IS BAD]

I have the car, I'm going to go somewhere, no way I'm staying inside on a glorious October day, crisp and clear and warm in the sunlight and chilled in the shade, blue and sky and brightness. Drive a little aimlessly, find myself at one of the state parks nearby, empty at 10:00 a.m. in Autumn.

I'm not dressed for this, climbing; in fact, I'm not really dressed for any outdoor activities, I only have a thin sweater and the wrong shoes but the rocks! and trees! and the air and the way the stream moves swift and clear near the hiking trail and oh! I'm off and moving.

I've climbed this trail once before, summers ago, with my brothers. It's less recognizable with leaves all over, when I get to the halfway mark I am breathing deep and heavy, filling my lungs. I stand on the rocky outcrop and take in t

>>551967219
You pull out your sword and decide that without your old life, you will be forever miserable. You stab yourself in the heart and die.
>>551967374
>"I know it was you"
Well, that was worth a shot
>"And for your misbehavior, I will kill you in a moment."
He starts searching for something in a chest.
>>551967486
You crush the rat, but it is still alive. It cannot move and it is twitching about, still trying to lead you somewhere. Ian kills himself and so you fly into the air with the rat.

>>551967720
tl;dr

>>551967798
Wales is a small socialist country next to England composed entirely of sheep, rain, dragons, an heroes, traditional Music and hobbits.

>>551967778
I stop flying and freefall into the ground

>Beelzeclaus
>The ability to summon random gifts whose contents are dependent upon the roll, deception, and an overwhelming stench of candy cane and death.

>>551967778
I scan through the journal for some way to get me out of this


>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

RIP Ian

I'm the only one who even cares that we're all getting killed :'(

Beelzeclaus, Skrong, FIGHT TO THE DEATH! :D Final boss fight time!

>>551967964
You freefall. You think about your times as a clausian being. You cannot live like this. You must end it. You hit the ground with a thud. And then silence.
>is kill
>>551968148
You look through the journal, but you still dont have any idea what the mumbo jumbo is. The guard takes out a bow and arrow. The arrow looks to be tipped with poison. He points it at you.
>"Any last words?"

With the death of Ian, the universe of Niggers and Assholes is closer to merging with Dungeons & Dragons. OP may have rejected me, but I am forcing a merge nonetheless. (hehe get it raep joke im so faggy)

>>551968386
NO WAIT DON'T KILL SKRONG OH MY GOD EVERYONE IS DYING HOLY SHIT

THIS IS NOT THE ENDING I EXPECTED IF YOU ALL DIE I'LL BE FOREVER ALONE OH GOD OH SHIT OH JESUS OH FUCK OH MY WHAT IS GOING ON I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS

>>551968386
"just a few" I try to slam through my cell door and tackle him "DIE YE' BASTARD"

>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

>>551968784
SKRONG
PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME
I NEED YOU
LIVE AND WIN
LIVE AND WIN, YOU GLORIOUS BASTARD.

File: 4739236462.jpg (68KB, 1280x720px)

68KB, 1280x720px

>>551967964
I then descend down from the heavens to pick up the fallen hero and take him to his place of rest

>Ayumu Aikawa
>Incantations, Strength, Acrobatics

>>551968881
I think i'm going to die

>>551968784
As you get up to tackle him, he shoots.
You wake up.

File: maxresdefault.jpg (56KB, 1280x720px)

56KB, 1280x720px

>>551968891

>>551968891
Who are you?

Will you participate in Niggers and Assholes? Or accompany me in my closet of despair?

>>551969112
I get up and look around me in shock


>Skrong Ironhammer
>Metalworking, Drinking, axmanship
>Ax, hammer for smiting, basic leather clothes

>>551969112
If this was all one of Skrong's wet dreams, does that mean that Niggers and Assholes is the real adventure and that you're a faker? Does it mean that I was right the whole time? Could...could this be the light at the end of the tunnel? You could redeem yourself for all of your flaws, DM Thank you thank you thank you!

>>551969369
You look around. You are in the tavern of your home town. It seems you had one pint too many. You get up, collect your things and walk home. When you get there, you rest your head to sleep. But, before you doze off, you say the strange word from your dreams, and a dead bug comes to life from the corner.
Good Night.

>>551969735
Good night DM
you're great man

>>551969735
Good Night.

I would comment on the shitty twist ending, but face it, even this is better than Niggers and Assholes being reality.

Bye /b/.

>>551969735
Good Night GG nice ending

Anyone up for another game?

>>551970271
sure
captcha was rtndnda

>>551970271
You didn't even participate in this one, you submitted a bio and got rejected.

I'm out for the night, game tomorrow maybe?

>>551970759
You didn't participate either, all you did was troll