Updated SummerSlam card

>>3019173
this is the worst summerslam card in years

>7 hours of that shite
kill me now

>Know it's gonna be shit
>Still going to watch it
Why do we do this to ourselves?

>this card costs $400 for the cheap seats

Hope Nakamura and Lesnar win

I'm usually the pessimist, but here's a more positive take:

Main Card:
>Big Show vs. Big Cass
Big Slow isn't able to carry shitters like big Ass anymore
>Randy Orton vs. Rusev -
Depends on which Randy shows up. I'm sure it will devolve into Rusev super kick spam, though.
>Naomi vs. Natalya
I guess...
>John Cena vs. Baron Corbin
Anything Corbin touches turns to shit. Even Cena can't carry him. I never thought I'd want to see Cena squash someone.
>Finn Balor vs. Bray Wyatt
Feels wasted. Should have had a build to some kind of gimmick match.
>Sheamus & Cesaro vs. Dean Ambrose & Seth Rollins
It has potential. Could arguably steal the show if Dean shows up.
>Alexa Bliss vs. Sasha Banks
Sasha "Everyone's Best match" Banks could give Bliss her best match. Which isn't saying much.
>AJ Styles vs. Kevin Owens
Overdone. If Owens can capture some of the old Prizefighter heat, I might have been excited.
>Jinder Mahal vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
Interesting if only to see if they'll put the belt on Nakamura. Maybe he'll get his act together and carry the poo to a decent match.
>Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman vs. Samoa Joe
I want to believe...but at the same time, we all know Roman's going to win.

That is one shitty card.

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93KB, 929x842px

>>3019173
>giving a shit about the pre-show
I literally never watch it

>Big Show vs Big Cass
don't care
>Orton vs Rusev
don't care
>Naomi vs Natalya
don't care
>Cena vs Corbin
don't care
>Balor vs Wyatt
don't care
>Sheamus and Cesaro vs Shield Lite
could be good
>Bliss vs Banks
don't care
>AJ vs KO
don't care
>Jinder vs Shinsuke
I pray Shinsuke wins, other than that it will probably be terrible
>Bork vs Ramen vs Eva Braun vs Shoah Joe
the only match worthy of giving a shit about

PRE SHOW: too stacked to be a pre-show.
New Day, Hardys, Miz, Nevillle would be better in front of a full arena.

Big show/cass: cringe. never shoulda split

Orton/Rusev : orton is in a deep depression

Nattie/naomi: sick entrance, nattie deserves it

Cena/corbin: plz bury that piece of garbage

Balor/Wyatt: wyatt worth nothing now, good entrances probably

Raw Tag: Gonna be fun and you know it

Bliss/Banks: gotta piss sometime

Styles/owens: done to death but consistent E

Jinder/Jap: cant hinder the jinder, singh boys gonna bump like crazy

4 way will either have shield reunion or some kind of twist

>>3019173
Why the fuck doesn't based Miz have a fucking title match?
Oh wow, I'm sure Dean and Seth will work out even though they literally just changed Seth's solo music.
Oh wow, Rusev vs Orton literally has no story.
Aw geez, three shark cage matches in one year.
Oh boy, two singles women matches with no gimmicks. Ha ha Natty has barely even been on tv.
Aw dang, is that Styles vs Owens once again without a definitive clean finish?
Aw shucks, I hope the Singh brothers don't interfere.
Ooo wee, this is totally not two shitty wrestlers, a lazy one and a great one in a boring nonsensical "what happened to the other two?" type of match. Haha the great one will look the weakest I bet ya.

I will watch pre show. Hardyz AND based Bo? Sign me up.

Pre-show starts at 7 EST right?

>Big Show vs. Big Cass - zzz
>Randy Orton vs. Rusev - ...zzz
>Naomi vs. Natalya - zzz
>John Cena vs. Baron Corbin - zzz
All Suck Hard

>Finn Balor vs. Bray Wyatt -

Hope: Balor
Predict: Wyatt

>Sheamus & Cesaro vs. Dean Ambrose & Seth Rollins -

Hope: Cesaro and Sheamus
Predict: Cesaro and Sheamus

>Alexa Bliss vs. Sasha Banks -
Hope: Alexa
Predict: Sasha

>AJ Styles vs. Kevin Owens -
Hope: Styles
Predict: Styles

>Jinder Mahal vs. Shinsuke Nakamura - zzz
Hope: Nakamura
Predict: Mahal

>Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman vs. Samoa Joe - most interesting match on the card.

Hope: Joe
Predict: Roman

>all the matches have been more or less given away free on weekly television in some form
I might watch it purely because I don't watch RAW or SD

This is a really bad card. I only care about Sheasaro vs Shieldettys and the Fatal 4 Way. But I don't think they really care about my opinion because I would pirate the show regardless.