Cut a promo /asp/

John Cena, while you lay there, hopefully as uncomfortable as you possibly can be, I want you to listen to me. I want you to digest this because before I leave in 3 weeks with your WWE Championship, I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest.

I don’t hate you, John. I don’t even dislike you. I do like you. I like you a hell of a lot more than I like most people in the back.

I hate this idea that you’re the best. Because you’re not. I’m the best. I’m the best in the world. There’s one thing you’re better at than I am and that’s kissing Vince McMahon’s ass.

You’re as good as kissing Vince McMahon’s ass as Hulk Hogan was. I don’t know if you’re as good as Dwayne though. He’s a pretty good ass kisser. Always was and still is.

Whoops! I’m breaking the fourth wall!

Punk waves to the camera

I am the best wrestler in the world.

I’ve been the best since day one when I walked into this company. And I’ve been vilified and hated since that day because Paul Heyman saw something in me that nobody else wanted to admit. That’s right, I’m a Paul Heyman guy. You know who else was a Paul Heyman guy? Brock Lesnar. And he split just like I’m splitting. But the biggest difference between me and Brock is I’m going to leave with the WWE Championship.

I’ve grabbed so many of Vincent K. McMahon’s brass rings that it’s finally dawned on me that they're just that, they’re completely imaginary. The only thing that’s real is me and the fact that day in and day out, for almost six years, I have proved to everybody in the world that I am the best on this microphone, in that ring, even in commentary! Nobody can touch me!

And yet no matter how many times I prove it, I’m not on your lovely little collector cups. I’m not on the cover of the program. I’m barely promoted. I don't get to be in movies. I’m certainly not on any crappy show on the USA Network. I’m not on the poster of WrestleMania. I’m not on the signature t

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>>2605240
>Triple H! Well, let me tell you something!
>You might got mo cash than me, but you ain't got the skillz to eat a nigga's ass like me!

>>2605240
>OP doesn't start
what a fucking faggot.

>>2605240

You know Roman, when you asked me what Benoit had that you don't have? Well, I thought about it, 'cause it's a pretty good fucking question. And yes, he's talented enough even with the murderous rampage, but that's not it. I could converse with him 'cause he had something to say.

>Roman you're nothin but a snivelin suckup sellout full of sufferin succotash son!
When he goes over me
>Roman you're the best and I was wrong, here have my wife, have my daughters!

>>2605240
When the face of the company gets booed, that's hard times baby!

triple H, you've always been that guy who, with an unwarranted sense of self-importance, managed to jump through the hoops necessary to look down on anyone. you sneered and jeered at everyone, regardless of your own place or position, you managed to convince yourself you were the top of the totem pole. and that reflects through your monikers, the game, the king of kings. and it burned you up that, in reality, the real guy, and there has been one in every generation, rock, austin, cena, your old buddy shawn, in reality THEY were the ones looking down on YOU.
so what did you do? you circumvented it. you jumped from one ladder to another, and now you're the COO. you're in a suit, and you can sneer or jeer at any superstar you want.
but what eats you up now is that you're at the bottom of THIS ladder, too. now you're sucking up to barrios, weaseling to dunn, kissing your own wife's ass. so tell me hunter, was it worth it? would you rather be a step or two behind some of the greats, or carrying your own woman's luggage?
hooknosed cuck

You're like an 18-wheeler, Roman. Built to be tough, strong, sturdy. But in the end, you're just a machine. No ambition. No drive. You're just here for the paycheck that these fat, impotent nerds in the crowd put into those pockets of yours.

Screw them, and screw you. In the end, they hate you because you're a reflection of their lazy, shiftless lives. I'll show every single one of you losers how to transcend the business this Sunday.

You know what.

Since i got to this company i heard everyone talk about ROMAN REIGNS
>Holds mic to the crowd to capture the boos

Yes , that Roman Reigns. You see Roman , the wwe universe doesn't want someone forced on them.

They want real wrestlers Roman. Wrestler who can actually lift someone up from the ground. A wrestler who doesn't make you go on a piss break when he comes close to the microphone.

A wrestler , like me...

This company has forgotten what a great wrestler is. I'm a great wrestler. I'm easily in the top 10 of all time. That's why this sunday at Great Balls of Fire, Roman, I will do my best to try and defeat you, but I won't be able to because at the end of the day you're the better wrestler. But WWE Universe, rest assured: it will be one heck of a match. I'll go ahead and say it, "Big Dave" will give it a lot of snowflakes *winks at camera* *drops mic after such a devastating pipebomb*

>>2605534
shit anon

YOU SEE

ALL MEN ARE NOT CREATED EQUAL

>>2605240
Waldo's the name, London England's the place of origin. The new face on the block! I'm gonna Wrestle Roman "Big Dog" Reigns, the one and only, the legendary. Am I excited, Am I Honored? You better believe it.
Is he going down? I hope so.
He's good, but he's been in the business a long time and it's time for a new face to take over.
Roman "Big Dog" Reigns, the Legend. With the upmost respect I'm afraid to tell you that I think, you are going down!

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Give me a freakin' microphone.

Cut the music!

As I look out in the crowd, all I see are WHITE TRASH! And next to each of these white trash losers, is a woman...who wishes she can be bedded by the man with the largest arms in the world, FREAKZILLA!

But I got bad news for them. They have just as much missing teeth as their men do! The Big Bad Booty Daddy is only interested in two things, his peaks, and his freaks! But in this sorry ass town, you multiple all the women, and it don't even add up to a ten! Nothing but a bunch of toothless fatasses!

Which brings me to my next victim, Roman Reigns. Next week at Sacrifice, your fatass is gonna wind up toothless trying to take on Big Poppa Pump. These women may cheer for you, but at night they'll be moaning for me.

Now I know the other fatass, your brother just died, so I came to tell you the bright side. At least he doesn't have to see what happens to you at Sacrifice because you got no chance at beating me. Even Kurt Angle knooooows this! He knows he can't beat me, and neither can you, or any Samoan. I make light work of all fatass Samoans just ask your brother Samoa Joe!

Nothing you do is going help stop me from kicking...your ass! So this goes out to all my freaks out there, Big Poppa Pump is your hook up, holla if ya hear me!

Reigns, your dead meat! DEAD MEAT!

Am I good yet? http://vocaroo.com/i/s1jBiI8vqUqL

"Roman, it seems like everywhere you turn, you're getting bombarded with hatred and disdain from these people. It also seems like to me, you're being targeted relentlessly by that giant beast of a man, Braun Strowman. However, your only worry tonight should be me.

You see, while you walk around here saying this is your yard, the backyard of the Roman Empire, I come out here and lay brick by brick, the foundation of my own dynasty. Everyone knows your skills as a Superstar are lacking in almost every category. You have the charisma of a typical Vince McMahon big guy, and the wrestling ability of Eddie Guerrero - which sounds like a compliment... but Eddie's dead.

Now listen to me and listen closely, Roman. When you walk out here, and you make your stride down that ramp, and you get in my face for the match we're about to have, I want you to remember one thing, Roman: If it weren't for guys like me stepping in this ring making guys like you look good, you would barely scrounge up enough money to pay for your wife and kids' bus fares to the bingo halls you'd be wrestling in. Now come out here and meet your superior!"

>>2605707
Holy shit, worked by /asp/ fanfiction

>>2605534
Pathetic, Rybitch.

"You're strong but you have AIDS and I'm going to beat you in a match, Roman."

>>2605775
Lel really ?

samoa joe i will make you into a samoan joke
you call yourself the destroyer but the only thing you destroy is five-course meals
and at great balls of fire i'll feed you more than you can handle WOOO crispy WOOO tangy WOOO spicy

>>2605240
Here's the thing - I hate all of you
>BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
But I hate Roman Reigns even more
>cheering
And like all of you I believe I'm what's best for business, not roman reigns
>RAUCOUS CHEERING

There, I got more over than Roman in one promo

*takes off cap*
*runs hand through hair*

Fine speech.

*smirks and winks*
*drops the mic*

>>2605240
Listen to me very closely Sami.
The thing about you so-called underdogs, the most insulting thing about it is that you give everyone in this building false hope. The ultimate sin, the false prophet. You see Sami, when you don't get that shining moment, when you lose time and time again, you're content to blame everyone else, you're itching to say it it was because of the McMahons,Triple H, even your best friend Kevin Owens. Everyone's against you, It's always Sami Zayn vs. The World.
Maybe the reality is that you're only half as good as you think you are, and a quarter as good as you say. Maybe you're content with the fact that you're a good hand, that these idiots hum your theme song. You're content with Sami Zayn vs.The World.

But that's fine, because I am the world.
And I will have no trouble beating you to a pulp, and driving you underground. Where you belong and where you will stay.

You see, they say your name is Roman and you love to fight

Well i say your name is Roman and you're a BATHTURD

>quiet for 15 minutes letting the crowd say its due
>grin

gain height

>drops mic and leaves to a huge pop

>>2609045
Yeah well done anon, that sets a feud up nicely.

You don't seem like the most popular guy around here do ya, Big Dog?
You'd think "your yard" would be a little less abrasive. But hell, Large Poochy, don't make no difference to me what people think of you. What matters is that deep down Roman, I know you do. I know it eats you alive that these people don't believe in you. Because I know you don't believe in yourself.

Ever since you've been on your own, away from the shield. You wear that same vest, you come out to that same theme music, you cling to what made you loved. You're so concerned with what people think of you, honestly It's a wonder why you even bother continuing to show up. Because these people aren't buying what you're selling, Canine.

But if you really don't care, if you're really the guy. If you truly want to prove you're more than just a cheap vest, get in the ring and prove it. Then you'll finally have something you can call your own, a death wish.

*my theme song hits*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E66dVx9LbrA

ya see kev
ya successful
ya won titles
ya dominant
but ya know what else?
ya fat
ya short
ya stinky *grabs nose and grimaces*
and if ya lost that weight, ya hit the gym? ya'd be twice as successful
but ya wont
ya lazy
*WHAT*
ya slothful
*WHAT*
ya lethargic
*WHAT*
ya sluggish
*WHAT*
ya obese and ya will never make a lasting imprint anywhere but ya couch
ya know ya could improve, ya could be an all-time great
but ya more content to stuff ya fatty face and be a B+ player, to only be a champ when ya got others carryin ya excess weight
face it, kev
ya made a few ripples, but the biggest splash ya ever made was in the public pool

IM THE KING OF THE CRUISERWEIGHTS

>>2605534
Cringe

Hey Roman, you think you're the Big Dog but I'm the guy wh-

>SUDDENLY HITS HIM WITH THE MIC

>>2609799
Based