The face of /asp/, your favorite UFC Fighter/former pro wrestler CM Punk turns 38 today.
>Hypocrite
>Whiner
>Coward
>Manlet
>Doesn't lift
>Has been training the last five years to get a pink belt in Gracie Jiu Jitsu from Eve Torres. Not going well
>Emo geek
>Entitled brat
>Malnourished, looks like a poster child for starving kids
>Reads comic books
>Liberal cuck
>Pathetic quitter
>Most boring guy in any room at any time
>Wets the bed
>Hissy fit enthusiast
>Everyone laughs when he tries to look tough
>Meat-fearer
>Booze-dodger
>Pudding belly
>Straight edge weakling
>Runs in the opposite direction like a terrified screaming girl at the mere sight of a burger
>All his matches are sloppy and riddled with botches
>Ultra-sensitive
>Tumblr feminist
>Worst physique in wrestling since Mick "Ten Burgers" Foley
>Sk8er boi
>Likes hockey
>Doesn't like to party
>Zero coordination
>No athleticism
>Prefers Pepsi to Budweiser
>30 minute boring promos sent the audience to sleep
>Still watches The Walking Dead
>Never drew a penny
>Tragic gluten-free diet
>Potty mouth
>Brittle bones
>Failed to take the advice from the great Kevin Nash
>Hasn't taken a shower
>Hasn't hit the weights
>Hasn't got a clue
>My Chemical Romance fan
>Wrote the foreword for a vegan cookbook
>Awful tattoos
>Desperate to be edgy. Fails miserably
>Drones on about being an atheist. Nobody cares
>Thinks using Cult Of Personality for his theme is cool. It isn't
>GTS stolen from KENTA
>Ananconda Vice stolen from Tenzan
>Adored by beta morons
>Calling that overrated and carefully scripted promo a "pipebomb" represents a new level of cringe
>Cried about Lesnar
>Cried about The Rock
>Cried about HHH
>Cried about Vince
>Cried about The Big Guy (for you!) Ryback
>Cried about the doctors
>Cried about not being in a WrestleMania main event
>Is the only person who sees talent in his boyfriend Colt Cabana
>Performs worst top rope elbow drop in history
>Booked as WWE champion for over year, made million of dollars - all he did was complain
>Most laughable "fighter" in UFC history
>>1905997
I can't maintain eye contact with that image for more than a second at a time, OP. Punk really puts the fear of God in a man.
Happy Birthday Phil
Post your favorite CM Punk moments.
Pic related.
>GOAT
>Rich as fuck
>Famous
>6'2
>Big dick
>Fucked Lita, Kelly Kelly, Beth Phoenix, Daffney, Maria Kanellis, Traci Brooks
>Married AJ Lee
>Two 5 star matches in less than 10 years
>Is straight-edge; completely drug & toxin free
>The only truly clean, drug free fighter in MMA today
>Made ROH relevant in the mid 2000s
>Got out of pro wrestling before it destroyed his body
>Refused to take any more of WWE's shit
>Anti-smarks still obsessed with him years after he left
>Exposed HHH
>Exposed The Ryback
>Exposed The Rock
>Exposed Roman Reigns
>Exposed Vince
>Exposed Dr. Z-Pak Chris Amann
>Exposed Chris Jericho
>Most important indy wrestler of all time
>Was the absolute greatest on the mic
>Brought wrestling back to the mainstream and made it cool again
>Outsold John Cena in merchandise with half the push and protection in booking Cena gets
>Was able to elevate himself from a heatless directionless midcarder to red hot main event status in just 6 minutes of live mic time
>Was universally over with everyone
>Was the best part about the show any time he was on
>Had the best theme songs in wrestling history
>Amazing technician
>Most entertaining guy in any room at any time
>Cool as fuck
>Hot as fuck
>Rad as fuck
>Based as fuck
>Had the best match with Brock Lesnar since his return
>Had one of the best streak matches with Undertaker, stole WM 29
>Had the best match with John Cena of his entire career and also his greatest rival ever
>Is the reason people finally started rejecting WWE's bullshit
>Is the reason based DBry got his WrestleMania moment
>Is considered one of the greatest of all time by Stone Cold Steve Austin, Bret Hart and Mick Foley and many other repsected names
>Is best friends with Paul Heyman
>Proven draw anytime WWE gave him a chance
>Completely D E S T R O Y E D The Rock on the mic
>Not a single bad promo in his entire career
>Buried The Ryback
>Had the balls to jump ship to try UFC in his 30s
>Will go down in history as one of the greatest of all time
Cm Phil
>>1905997
38
So he'll fight again when he's 39 and then again at 41
Wew lad