*lands on your food*

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Over the course of the past month I have mastered the art of catching house flies alive. I grab the little fuckers by their wings, take them out to a bush on the outer edge of my garden. This particular bush is home to several dozen agelenid spiderlings. I toss the crippled flies into the spider webs, and the spiders promptly start eating their meal. I feel a little bit like a serial killer, but there's something very satisfying about seeing a baby spider merrily chowing down on a fly that I caught for it.

Take that, you little buzzing faggot.

>>2471599
What is your secret? I'd like to torture those little fuckers instead of giving them a quick death via fly swatter.

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>>2471595

>>2471616
>>2471599
This. I want to know as well. I could feed a Venus fly trap very well.

>>2471665
>>2471616
Not him but I swat houseflies by hand. It just takes patience.

Put your hand over the fly after it's settled, about a foot away. Move your hand slowly towards it, slow enough not to set it off. If you do this calmly and steadily enough you can just inches above them at which point they can easily be crushed with a quick slap even if they do try to fly away. Pay attention to what the fly is doing too, if it's cleaning its wings and licking around for food then you're good.

I imagine if you were quick enough with your reflexes you could grab a fly doing this. Sometimes I crush them against stuff without making a smeer. Do the first part normally but when you swat you just don't make full contact with the wall. You hear a little crunch and then the whole fly just falls to the ground. Very satisfying.

To kill something you just have to understand its psychology. Flies evolved to evade quick swats from busy animals. Use your brain. Think like the fly and you may master it.

>>2471595
Why is it so irritating? Like, in all reality, it probably isn't going to get me sick...but the fact that the fucker landed their just fucking..

THIS>

>>2471640

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>>2471595
*evolves*

>>2471671
Nice. I'm going to try this out the next time a fly gets in the house.

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>>2471681
I can understand that they land on food because they want to eat. But what I don't understand are those bugs that keep flying around you even when you repeatedly keep trying to swat them away. It's like they have a death wish.

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>>2471701
they do it for the lulz

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>>2471595
Noo

>>2471681
It won't get you sick, but it got your ancestors sick, that's why they evolved to find flies irritating

>>2471595
>THE HUNT IS ON

>>2471701
it looks that they manage to get away without being swatted most of the time

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>>2471595
*helps you discover toll-like receptor pathway for small price of eating old food*

>>2471893
GET OFF MY TOMATOES YOU SON OF A BITCH

>>2471701
I'm not an expert on the short term memory of dipterans, but something tells me it doesn't last long.

>>2471616
Don't aim for the fly, aim for where it'll be if it sees your hand coming. I.e. sweep your hand about 10cm off the surface and grab, dumb fucks fly right into your hand

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>>2471893
It's fun learning about fruit flies as model organisms especially when researchers start tampering with their genes making them grow legs out of their faces or being born with two asses and no heads. That's what fruit flies get for being annoying little fuckers.

>>2472487
>born with two asses and no heads
What

>>2472498
>they deserve any better

>>2472487
Them and E. coli, you gotta pay the price if you want a free ride, ya know

>>2471671
i do this pretty much anytime I try to kill a fly. it works really well

All flies must have their disgusting freakshow heads mounted on a stick outside the house as a warning to those other fly fucking shits.

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*infests all your food*

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>>2471671

>>2471692
>rape

>>2473734
fuck those things holy shit
is there a way sure way to get rid of those cunts?

>>2473767
Habrobracon hebetor eggs, either that or purge grains from your pantry with extreme prejudice. They're persistent fuckers though. I remember they infested my childhood house and I think they're still there to this day

*smash*

I usually catch these motherfuckers alive, and put them under an ordinary glass and start the tub water going. Once its filled to a certain degree I shut the water down.
I proceed by clipping the wings of the flies, which I bring along to the bath with me. I get in bath and put some regular MILF or vintage porn to get my rocker going.
After my pinky head is hard enough to be just a little bit above water level, I release the fly in the water near it. It seemingly starts to drown and makes way for the nearest island to be stranded on.
With its tiny and drenched appendages it stars climbing and caressing all over my head ocassionally suckling on it, tickling and pleasuring it. It continues to crawl slowly all over it until I drench it with cum and it drowns on my semen.
I call it "stranded on a pink island".

>>2471671
Thank you fly-sensei

>>2471671
>use your brain
>think like a fly
Really gets my noodles boiling

>>2474230
That's an old Ricky Gervais joke.

>>2472487
Let's be honest tho. Antennae and pedipalps and probably even the mouthparts are all just modified legs.