Anseriformes

EVERY DAY THESE FUCKING DUCKS COME INTO MY YARD AND EAT CAT FOOD, TAKE BATHS IN THE WATER DISH THEN LEAVE SLIMY PLASTER SHITS ON MY PORCH.

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A literal rape machine

>>2468972
You're actually pretty lucky to live close enough to suitable habitat for that to be a problem.

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>>2469013
never seen these guys gang-raping before, but I have witnessed a male rape a female while who I assume was her mate tried to fight him off. Or maybe he was trying to rape her too, who knows.
Either way I've seen a lot of mallard sex in my life and most seems consensual, where the males courts and the female is receptive.

They're everywhere here. Technically invasive but our native ducks are pretty much identical so whatever.

>>2469185
>Technically invasive but our native ducks are pretty much identical so whatever.
Explain.

>>2469013
S C R E W E D

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>people act like this thing is harmless due to its herbivorous nature
>closest relatives include ducks
Nut muncher or not, fuck that shit.

>>2469185
I'm guessing Hawaii?

>>2468969
Ducks are fine https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHhxmCGvhl0
Fuck geese though https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPnAEfJepyA

>>2469135
I DON'T. SOME ASSHOLE BROUGHT AN ENTIRE HERD OF DUCKS INTO THE MIDDLE OF MY NEIGHBORHOOD.

>>2469013
QUACKED

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>>2469194
Pacific black duck. They're going strong in other parts of the Pacific but have all but died out here or been consumed into the mallard species by interbreeding ala Neanderthals.
>>2469210
New Zealand.

Where's fast falcon when you need him?

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fancy duck

did u kno ducks have really good eye sight and can flex their cornea or whatev to basically zoom or whatever and thats why you gotta have good camo and decoys n shit

>>2469884
>>2470036
>>2470052
>tfw you will never be supreme champion
brb killing myself now

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There is no such thing as ducks.

>>2470284
I want to put this in my cocoa and let it dissolve and then drink it.

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>>2468969

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>>2468972
>>2469225
>having outside cats

You should be flogged.

>>2471769
>>2471770
He shouldn't have stolen his bread crumbs

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>>2470067
fancier duck

>>2472165
It is the same only your image was over saturated to give it brighter colors.

>>2472214
It's a more accurate depiction. The over-saturation accounts for the fact that our cameras and screens can't accurately show iridescence.

>>2470067
can we seriously genetically manufacture a species of ducks that look like this but have the properties of mallards so they can replace the "ground-dwelling scavenger partially living on human scraps as occupying space not destroyed by them in the suburbs" niche?
that is one beautiful quacker.

>>2469206
Only retards think herbivores are inherently peaceful. Rhinos are herbivores.

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>>2472511
Yeah they're pretty neat. Last year one showed up in a park nearby for a couple weeks. I hope he comes back again this year.

>>2471769
They aren't mine, they're strays. Though I guess they are kinda mine since I feed them.

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>>2472647
>feeding stray cats

Flogging simply isn't good enough.

>>2471769
>>2471770
>Grown ass adults being this terrified of geese
I kek every time.

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>>2473308
ikr

>>2473308
Seriously, it's like they evolved to be easily strangled

>>2472647
That's actually worse, like either take them in or don't do it.

>>2473308
It's the nu-male generation. We didn't have this problem with geese in the 1800s.

>>2471770
>>2473308
>>2473365
Absolutely baffling to me that people are afraid of geese, its fucking insane. A Canada goose is like 4kg, if you're an average man you're at least like 70kg, like fuck how is it going to hurt you?

>>2470036
Do you play rs?

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I hate these ducks as they are fucking everywhere.

>>2473944
Poor doggo

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>>2473917
I've raised geese for a couple decades. They can beat the shit out of you with their wings and draw blood with their beaks. The whack you with a section of their wing which feels like a billy club. If you don't know this then it can certainly surprise you. Ever pinch your hand with a pair of pliers or other tool and raise a blood blister? Now imagine the pliers chasing you around, nibbling at any loose skin areas.

The best thing to do is run away. That prevents either you or the goose from getting injured. If you stand and fight, you just grab the neck with one arm, raise it off the ground, reach out to grab the shoulder of one wing then spin the bird around so its back is to you. Then fold up its wings and place it under your arm like a you have its body in a head lock. Alternatively, you can put something over its head. That pretty much stops everything.

But, yeah, geese can fuck you up.

>>2473972
>The whack you with a section of their wing which feels like a billy club.

I don't believe this. Birds are mostly made of air. Their bones are hollow and their feathers are practically weightless. There's no way a goose can generate enough force with those wimpy components to do any serious damage, let alone equal to a solid wooden club. You are 5x their size, just kick it and knock the wind out of it.

>>2468969

>tfw took ornothrology many years ago
>used to know tons of order names and latin names for various local species

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>>2474108
>ornothrology

>>2474108
>tfw took ichthrology many years ago
>used to know tons of order names and latin names for various local species

I feel your pain bro. Can't even remember what a basic samon is anymore.

>>2472737
A swan came at me once like this. I backed off but he kept coming so I grabbed his head and held it underwater to the count of thirty and let go. He fucked off after that but thrashed like a motherfucker while I had him under. I'm lucky I didn't get typhoid from the amount of shit he sprayed all over.

>>2474107
I can't help it if you don't believe it.

>Birds are mostly made of air.

But, I can safely say that you are a retard.

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I never seen a mallard as Florida only has mottled ducks.

>>2475455
How are they not made of air? Their bones are hollow so they aren't too heavy to fly. Yeah there's water and guts inside them but their bones are more susceptible to breaking than a mammal's bones.

>>2473308
Yeah its fine when you're an adult. I remember those fuckers rushing at me when I was like 6 picking asparagus in my Grandads paddock.

If I've got chickens could i keep a duck or two? Someone told me they need a pond, they like to be able to swim once a day. But is this true for all of them?

>>2475693
Probably. Ducks are kind of synonymous with water.

>>2475661
>bones are hollow
That doesn't mean it's weak

>>2475705
It means it has no mass and no real weight upon impact. It's like getting it with one of those hollow plastic kid's baseball bats versus a real wooden one. The latter can break bones, the former might tickle at most.

>>2475732
have you experienced a goose assault?

do you understand that many animal species in nature have learned to inflict significantly more force/pain than other animals would expect them to?

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>>2475732
Have you ever been hit hard by a wiffle bat? That doesn't weigh anything yet you end up with wiffle ball bat sized welt across your entire back which also feels broken.

>>2475693
ducks are born with the ability to swim and are only really found outside of ponds, lakes, etc. when they are surviving off eating scraps from humans in suburban environments. it wouldn't kill it not to but yes I would imagine ducks would prefer being able to swim when they can.

>>2475806
>have you experienced a goose assault?

No because I avoid conflict with them and respect them. I don't try to pick fights with strange animals.

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>>2475732
So let me get this straight
You think the most muscular part of a goose's body that's meant to carry their entire weight for miles and generate enough force to fight gravity isn't going to hurt to be whacked with?
Jesus, anon.
I have a chicken and he's accidentally whacked me a few times and it's surprisingly strong and sturdy.
Try taking a goose's egg if you really just can't believe that shit hurts.
Or rub a living birds wing.
They're like Popeye's arms.

>>2473972
>>2477008
You're both just bitches. For real.
I lived in south carolina as a teenager, and always had asshole canadian geese attack me if I walked to my car or skateboarded outside.
Once I was mad and a swan came at me and I wanted to look cool in front of friends so I grabbed its head as it flapped around and stomped it to death.

if you think it actually gets hurt to get flapped at by a bird...

>>2477008
>generate enough force to fight gravity

A 1 centimeter magnet off my refrigerator can lift up another magnet, defying gravity. Gravity is incredibly weak. A gnat's wings can defy gravity and they're nothing but transparent cellophane.

Who'd win in a rape-a-thon, a duck or a dolphin?

>>2477030
>still a teen and still trying to be edgy online

kek 4chan is for 18+ only