Train my kitties

Through pain.

Cats can't really be trained through logic because they lack critical upper level thinking skills found in most developed mammals. Instead they operate based off of nociception. If you want it to stop, the most effective method is to subject it to pain. It is the only way it'll learn

>>2459720
I kinda get where you're coming from but I really don't want to hurt them... Can I scare them with water or loud noises?

>>2459721
Yes, water boarding is fine

>>2459713
im not a cat expert, but I believe you might want to use a spray bottle with matter and a tiny bit of something spicy in it, like, 1/8th of a teaspoon in half a litter, mix well. after a few times, if they learned the lesson they will shoo away from you whenever you bring the spray bottle, they'll fuck off like faggots. spice in eyes is irritating,

now, most of you are going to say it's going to be fucking ludicrous, I agree, but we're dealing with cats, they don't do logic, they are wild fuckwits. it goes without saying you shouldn't abuse the spray bottle, just use it when they're perched on the TV. Pain is temporary, Victory is forever OP

Cover the areas you don't want them with tin foil.

Move the tv forward edge cat couldn't jump into/table need to be small, or hang the tv on wall..

My cat used to walk on a side table whenever he followed me to the kitchen. I trained him out of it by lifting him by the scruff and saying no firmly while looking him in the face (with a bit of distance, so didn't get right up in his face). I think this only works when you're right there the moment they do the "bad thing" as I haven't been able to teach my cat to not get on the dining room table.

Cute kitters

Half of /an/ hates cats and another third don't know their shit. >>2459742 this guy is the only one you should listen to. Double-sided tape also works like a charm - they hate walking on those textures. Spraybottles only teach them not to do certain behaviors when you're around to see it.

t. person who attempted to train kittens not to jump on counters via spraybottle. They still prowl the counters for food when I'm not in the room, and when I hear what they're doing and go in, they immediately jump off and bolt.

Cats do not respond well to punishment. Training them is all about making good behavior more rewarding and unwanted behavior inherently less rewarding.