I put down my cat today

cyka blyat

>>2440993
Rest in Peace my Russian friend

She has been somewhat quiet yesterday, but today since morning she stretched herself on the floor(very much not like her). By noon she was breathing intensely and a few hours later she was panting. The doctor said that most likely she has a tumor since she felt her twitch when feeling her stomach. Also, in these circumstance euthanasia will be the best course of action to reduce suffering. According to the doc, even if she had an operation or a treatable heart condition, she would not live for more than a year. She would also have a shitty quality of life.

Anon, how possible is it that a tumor brought such acute symptoms?

>>2440993
me too
rest in rip the both of them

>>2440993
F

phantom kot pains huh
rip

>>2440993
i am not sure what you just said but rest in peace cat

RIP pretty kot.

>>2440993
Hopefully you didint do it like most russians. Via bridge toss

F

>>2440993
Arigato, gyro

>>2441104
No, I took her to the vet. First, they gave her a full syringe into the stomach because she wouldn't give a vein, but it took 20 minutes just to sedate her. Then, they put it into the vein and she was gone after a minute.

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I shall bump in her memory until I feel easier.

On my was I was preparing myself that I won't see here anymore at her usual place. Although she would not greet me as before(I stopped giving her food because she seemed fat and I left it to my parents, but only I would give her the pills), I still anticipated to see her near the entrance sitting, hoping to get a little piece of sausage. Even if she didn't come, that meant she was relaxing in the bedroom or with my parents where they are watching tv.

I wish I had cuddled her more in her last weeks of life(we put her down on the 26th July). I've been busy in the last weeks, I was home only for a few hours a day and didn't feel like cuddling her. Sometimes, it creeps into my head that she might have felt abandoned and it contributed. Mom was fixing up and repainting the bathroom that month, maybe that contributed. Or was it exposure to my hobby paints and solvents that exacerbated it. I don't know. Would extending her life even by a few weeks - even If I knew they were her last - change what I feel right now?

In retrospect, on the evening before her death she seemed quiet. But in the morning I noticed the strange behavior: stretching on the carpet as if it was sunlit and hot even though it wasn't. She spent an unusually long amount of time there. Then she stayed in her usual places: bedroom, guest room, my room, kitchen, bathroom. I was glued to the computer the whole morning and noticed her strained breathing in the afternoon. Mom said that she was old and it's normal. She was old, but it isn't normal when it's such an acute onset.

The web said that she might have fluid in the her lungs and it needs to be drained. Even the possibility of infectious peritonitis didn't faze me, although cats usually die within a few weeks from FIP. I checked her gums, they didn't seem too pale, blue or purple. Just her forceful breathing. My only thought was to get her to vet and fix the problem.

She looked like a cozy kot, OP

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>>2442363
she was. she was a house cat that loved belly rubs.

>>2442143
>Sometimes, it creeps into my head that she might have felt abandoned and it contributed.
Don't think about this stuff. She spent the last days of her life, safe in a loving home.

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>>2440993
>Кoгдa

>>2442429
thanks, anon.

since she developed anxiety two years ago and would yowl every night, I made a habit of rubbing her belly and massaging her rib cage to calm her down. but the last two weeks I just wanted to sleep(by that time I would feed her trazodone; my sleeping problems are due to something else) during the night, so I decided to cuddle her only once or twice a day. and I would refuse her in a cold manner if she came for a belly rub. today it seems like she was asking more of exactly because of the pain. and I just ignored her. i feel like a such... i don't know what it is. maybe guilt, maybe just shitty; maybe lacking definition/specificity. maybe she was trying to tell me.

today I awoke to incessant myawing. as if cat is demanding something or searching for someone. searching for something missing. i think it's my subconscious trying to tell me that it is me who is missing something and frantically searching for it. that would make sense since yesterday I spent half the day browsing photos on old hard drives, looking for photos of her for a compilation cd. while doing it I didn't feel that heaviness that I experienced since her death. i also discovered that there aren't any photos of her from 2017. shit, do I regret deleting them.

>>2442999
чтo тeбe нe нpaвицa?

thanks, anons, for replying itt.

I'm sorry to hear that anon. Those are some beautiful pictures. I'm an ethnic Russian living in America, so I can read your text - it is very heartfelt and moving. I hope that you feel better!

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>>2443183
>I hope that you feel better!
thanks, mang. i hope too that some day i will.

I also regret beating her when she was yowling at night. I lost my temper, I wanted her to just shut up. I made her afraid then. So much that she would lower her head and body that they would touch the floor. I thought of buying an electric collar with a remote and would imagine how I would zap her to teach a lesson. I would get pleasure at that thought. Although I regret thinking that, I am so glad that it didn’t get to that and we actually took her to the vet.

picril is one of her first photos taken on the 9th of April 2004. my girl looks like a little rat, she is about a year old(+- 1 month).

let's give this another day.

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Yesterday the heaviness went away when i stumbled on Jordan Peterson - The Tragic Story of the Man-Child video. and it never came back at full force. I also paused looking for photos of her.

whenever i looked at objects or places - they reminded me of her. they reminded me of her and I would feel grief because she will never be there again and that she died that day. now, it just skips to a memory of her walking lazily towards me or plopping down on the sunlit floor. or i would imagine how she would behave if she was still alive, her morning routine. today i imagined how she would come in the morning at about 4 am ask for a belly rub as she always did. or, how when she was younger, she would wait near the bed and wait for a hand to come out so she could jump on it.

yesterday i was thinking of a name for a new cat. it was either Moshka or Skooma. it would be nice to come home and hug her as I would hug Fanya. but it wouldn't be hugging Fanya. nothing can replace her, nothing can mimic the relationship we had.

i cry less, and less frequently and it's much easier to hold the tears. an article says that it can take weeks for some to go through the mourning for their pet; for some it takes months or a year. it bothers that i'm going through it this fast; i fear that i'm doing something wrong. i just want to do this properly without any loose threads.

Photo taken on November 1st, 2010.

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when i wake in the morning or in the night and it's dark, I still search the floor for dark spots so I wouldn't step on her. It reminds me how much I miss her.

I think that maybe in a month those flashback will stop, but it is scary think that I will have to live month without her. or even a year.

Anon, how long doe it last?

Taken on April the 9th, 2004.

I came to /an/ because I'm not only in a state where my life could be ruined, but a while later, my old cat has become sick and I wanted somewhere to lurk and not feel so alone in my fear and sadness.

Sorry OP, but, also thanks.

>>2445445
>also thanks.
glad I could help. if it hurts this much, sit in quiet place, focus on the painful thoughts, write them. i don't know if it helped me, but it's been almost a week and I feel less heartache.

Feel bad for you pal.

Atleast she's in a better place now and is no longer suffering. Wishing you the best

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>>2445708
She passed away while I held her earlier tonight. I've never hurt so much inside... I may try that. She was surrounded by family and I know she felt our love.