*stares at you*

*offers you a pinecone in return for friendship*

>>2380398
>dance the macarena
>what now crowbro?

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>>2380403

>>2380398
I wish a crow would stare at me. I want to befriend the local flock, but they are hard to get near, and I've only ever seen them hanging out in front of the weird house in my neighborhood that I've never seen anyone go in or out of my entire life.

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>>2380408
What? But I need their friendship so they'll protect me from the nasty Hawks!

>>2380408
They're mostly avoid people in concentrated areas and rarely go near places with people in it that are a bit loud.

Try hanging out in the creepy house or leave some food when you pass by. They'll remember you and they would build up the confidence to approach. Better to be close to a mature birb than a murder though.

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>>2380413
You guys aren't listening to me, are you...?

>>2380416
Crows are my bros tree-rat. Skitter away why don't ya.

>>2380413
>in the creepy house
Top kek it's actually not abandoned. It's in normal condition and gardeners even come to do the yard. Lights are sometimes on if I pass it late at night. So I get nervous standing out in front of it for too long. What kind of treat is okay to give to crows every so often?

>>2380410
>>2380416
Don't worry squirrel-kun, there's only a Coopers hawk in my neighborhood and it prefers birds.

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>>2380419
Now you listen here, I'm an endangered species and I need to earn the trust of those around me so that in return I won't be so defenceless!

>>2380420
Well thanks for the attempted consolation but I'm an endangered red squirrel living up in the north and I need to make friends that can defend me against the wretched owls and Hawks that plague mine and my children's lives

>>2380420
Anything really, from bread scraps to stale fries but road kills are the best.

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>>2380424

>>2380423
Well you little buggers should aspire to be productive members of society. Join a tree planters drive, then you'd be protected by law as citizens.

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>>2380428
Oh but I do! I'm constantly planting the little seeds I find in the pine cones, not to mention acorns! (Both of which are also quite tasty)

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>>2380428
But sad as it is, it doesn't prevent us from being eaten...

>>2380431
Buy a gun. The second amendment supports it.

>>2380430
Then get yourself an ID and get a salary for it.

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>>2380433
Hmm? A gun? What's that?
Aren't they the things that the huntsmen use to shoot my rabbit and raccoon friends?

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>>2380434
You humans have very weird standards...

>>2380436
Yes! Now you can shoot them too.

>>2380425
Thanks anon. There's a BK on the corner, so maybe I can take a walk and pick up some fries to share every week.

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>>2380438
But I don't want to kill them! The rabbits are so well tempermented and they help me find the yummy shoots and bulbs under all this snow!

>>2380437
Top of the foodchain baby.

>>2380440
Well you can shoot the hawks then.

>>2380439
Depends on how many they are or how old they might flock near you everytime you give out food. Drop it on a regular schedule.

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>>2380443
Wel I suppose that's true, I have to dash away when I see one of you in person

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>>2380444
Hmmmmmm... You DO have a very good point there anonymous human...

>>2380450
>>2380452
Now i expect you squirrels to be good citizens by the end of the month.

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>>2380460
Yes sir!

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*goes home*

>>2380424
>Red squirrel
>Endangered
Wat kind of red squirrel are you that you're endangered. Red squirrel in burgerland is breddy much varmint-tier.

>>2380444
>Trips are rarely wrong
R A R E
A
R
E

>>2380423
>>2380424
but red squirrels are least concern

>>2380439
stop you selfish idiot. that isn't healthy for them at all

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*looks for prey*

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*doesn't eat for 12 years and survives*

>>2380598
dude, chill out. >>2380439 already asked what kind of food he could share. if you're so concerned offer a better suggestion and articulate yourself on why it's unhealthy instead of insulting and leaving an unhelpful comment. no need to cop a bad attitude.

*feeds peanut butter suet mixed with oyster shell for healthy bone/egg development*