How do I get a pet deer?

>>2370297
With a brightly colored bucket, a small nonthreatening stature, rituals, salt blocks and patience.
I got to pet a wild 13 pointer one of my churchgoers tamed the first time I ever saw him. It was fucking scary. Almost stabbed me while I was scritching his head.

>>2370309
Bucket with black oil sunflower seeds and dried cracked corn, a bit expensive but guaranteed to attract deer.
There are tons of tame ones here. They love white bread too. Good luck actually getting to pet one, it can take 8 years to want to get close.

How do I get a deer wife?

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>>2370310
he could just visit a park and invite one home that is interested in him anyways.
there are lots of places on this earth where deer are following you around.

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>>2370309

I know what you mean. There was a path behind my old house that created a blind spot when it turned a corner from a field past some woods.

I turned it one day and walked right into a stag and it scared the shit out of both of us. I was afraid I was about to get hoof-stomped when he reared up but instead he just turned and bolted through some yards in a panic, practically going face-first into several obstacles.

Getting a beat down by ornery deer is a real thing; people can check youtube if they dont believe me.

>>2370297
There's enough deers around. Shoot one in the head, but make it so that it becomes docile and not quite dead yet. Once that is done, you take it to the vet and de-worm it. He will likely try to treat its wound, but then you persuade him to shoot him as well.
You then get the deer back into the forest and wait for a male deer to fuck it. You then shoot it in the head, also to make it docile and not quite dead yet, and wank it off, get its cum onto the deer, and make babies. Then you raise one of the babies and eat the rest.

Alternatively, just buy one.

>>2370297
Nice try /k/

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>tfw suddenly idea of a 7ft tall voluptuous hour glass curves body deer mom that is always there for you, takes care of you and wears an apron

Time to see if drawfags are online in /trash/ right now.

>>2370364
...you could just walk up and take a fawn.

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I think deer are very adorable.

>>2370364
Thanks Jeffrey

>>2370309
>scratching the head on one of my Grandpa's biggest Bulls (Texas Longhorn)
Something catches his attention beside him and he suddenly swings his massive horns sideways
>nearly decapitates me

Scury

>>2370400
haha what the h**ck man

you can't just say stuff like that hahahahahaha