lizardman

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>be me, 12
>live in a townhouse complex across the street from "lizard man"
>lizardman owns a shit ton of lizards, a few big iguanas
>i think even had a corvette with a dragon on it or something
>dude needs to chill about lizards
>otherwise pretty cool dude
>also live near soccermom with "teacup dog"
>probably paid thousands of dollars for little midget dog
>little fucker was no bigger than a rat
>i think it may have been a rat
>her and her little crotchdumplings pampered this dog do no end
>let it do whatever the fuck it wanted around the complex
>let it run loose
>barked at cats
>shit on my parents porch
>barked at my birds
>barked for days
>one day lizardman has 2 of his iguanas out on his porch
>just chilling
>he was probably inside jacking it to lizards or something who knows
>midget rat dog comes into his yard and starts yapping at iguana #1
>iguana #2 aint got time for this shit
>eats dog
>literally fucking eats the dog almost whole
>drags remains of rat dog gristly around yard and leaves what's left on porch
>soccermom is concerned that "fifi" or some shit hasn't returned
>searches the neighborhood
>finds dog rat gristle in yard of lizardman
>files complaint to management and gets lizardman evicted
>she got a new teacup pug last month
>it looks like rodney dangerfield
>mfw there's no lizard to eat it