Extreme social anxiety

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This is my saying:

If you are able to play video games, then you are able to improve your life.

It is no more complex than a video game. Don't know where to start? Imagine the build you want. Look up strategy guides. Learn the formulas and mechanics; grind to gain skills. Find the secret xp bonuses and most efficient tricks to increase stats. Watch instructional videos, learn the meta playstyles. Take baby steps and practice on your own. You're going to fail. Get up and keep trying. Eventually you'll get better. You'll level up your skills; get the gold for better gear; Go to new areas; complete quests. You'll eventually be playing with skill and the game gets a lot more rewarding.

Treat it like a video game. You can do it.

>>18724280
I appreciate your well written post, but the thing is, in video games I know exactly what I need to do to improve. If I'm playing counter strike and I had bad aim one match, I'll play a couple games of deathmatch. Getting rid of social anxiety isn't as simple as that though. Social anxiety is partly genetic, so it's impossible to completely get rid of it.

I've tried medication and that didn't work. I'm very skeptical about therapy and I can't afford it anyways because I'm only making 12.50 an hour. I really don't know of any way to fix myself, it feels so ingrained in my personality that it's impossible for me to change. Socializing never helped me improve, it just made me more afraid. There were times in my life where I tried to break out of my shell and fake confidence, but when you have anxiety and force yourself to speak, usually you just sound very awkward and you embarrass yourself, which ends up making me even more afraid of talking.

>>18724252
>confidence
It's more like implicitness/matter of course. You're not anxious, nervous or stuttering or shaking when playing games or making sandwiches because that's just what you do.

>>18724291
You need a therapist or medication/drugs. Are you better in social situations when drunk?
Some anon here a week ago explained exposure therapy for social anxiety. Made sense to me, you could look into it.
Also, like with everything you'll probably find forums online for the socially anxious if you wanna feel understood and less isolated

>>18724306
I smoked pot and got drunk a few times in high school, it made me more self conscious and completely mute. Asked my doctor for medication but it didn't do anything except make me feel a bit dizzy.

Like I said, I'm skeptical about therapy.My doctor tried to put me in therapy when I went to get medications but I couldn't go through with it. I would feel silly going to therapy, and I only make 12.50 an hour so I can't afford it. Therapy is ridiculously expensive, it's like 50-250$ for an hour long session. I've read other peoples horror stories about therapy and it seems like a scam to me.

>>18724252
how you heard about/tried exposure therapy? i don't much about it myself but maybe it could be something to look into

maybe join some group activity if you feel like it

also i wouldn't worry about not being able to having a conversation with every random person you see, i was a social butterfly once but i always hated small talk about shit that either doesn't involve me or interests me

i had a lot "friends" that were more like drinking buddies, if we hung out when sober it was mostly awkward silence 90% of the time
but i also had one or two gaming buddies who i could talk to for hours without any effort

don't feel bad about or think you are less than others, it's just that good friends are rare

good luck

>>18724325
>completely mute
Lol me too when I smoke pot and I don't even have social anxiety. Has there ever been a time when you didn't have trouble interacting with people? Could you talk to yourself? Like looking in the mirror and saying coherent sentences?

>>18724328
I can talk to my mom just fine sometimes, even make good jokes. But when I'm out in public with my mom I can't talk to her because other people are around to hear me. Even if the people are only passing by, just their presence alone makes me uncomfortable enough to not be able to speak normally.

I also had a friend I knew since elementary school who I wasn't awkward around, but it was the same thing. Talking to just him I was fine, but if we were with other people I would shut up or be awkward.

>>18724327
me again
>>18724325
i think exposure therapy is like the name implies that you expose yourself to what triggers your anxiety, so in your case it could be free with the tradeoff that you don't get any guidance from a therapist.

>>18724333
I can vouch for exposure therapy. It worked for me, hard fucking work but seriously worth it.

>>18724333
>i think exposure therapy is like the name implies that you expose yourself to what triggers your anxiety
I'm a coward, it's hard for me to force myself to do things I'm afraid of. I can't even force myself to go on certain roller coaster rides.

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>>18724291
>Getting rid of social anxiety isn't as simple as that though. Social anxiety is partly genetic, so it's impossible to completely get rid of it

Those may be true, but I refuse to believe that you cannot diminish the effect/learn to act in spite of it enough to have a functional life.

>>18724306
>Some anon here a week ago explained exposure therapy for social anxiety.
This. I'm personally quite skeptical of psychiatric medicine, but it may be useful. Cognitive/Behavior therapy is something I'm much more partial to.

Before you can write yourself off, you need to know what you're talking about. You need to have researched the SHIT out of your problems, enough to write a goddamn PHD on it. You need to know the different types and different treatments of social anxiety there is, their success rates, their viability. And you need to try a bunch of the most promising ones, as much as you are able.

I suppose I didn't have it as bad as you, but I was extremely shy as a kid. Terrified of meeting new people or going to group events. I spent my entire teenage years in my room. But I did what I told you. I researched the shit out of how to socialize and become confident etc, and i'm not 100% there, but over 3-4 years ive gotten to a point where I can functionally interact with other people, and even deal with parties with ease.

I researched and then i did. Took baby steps like for example, learning to look people in the eyes as opposed to the ground. Forcing myself to just say "hi" or smile at people as they pass me on the street. Then doing purely practical exchange of words with store/servicepeople. Then expanding that to very light small talk. Etcetera, etcetera. I think I essentially must have ended up doing exposure therapy on my own. I'm not 100% there but I am waaay better than when I first started.

It sounds dumb but I did play Dark Souls and it did inspire me a little, to fight. Also saw an anime called Gurenn Lagann, which had the same effect.

Listen to this podcast called shrink for the shy guy by dr aziz

>>18724343

..cont

>>18724291
>in video games I know exactly what I need to do to improve.

Are you sure you won't be able to find this out with a couple days/weeks/months with Google? And forums and communication channels, even like /adv/?

>>18724339
Start out easy. Go to the mall an hour a day and just hang arouns, go into shops and make sure to interact with people in some way. It can even just be making eye contact. As you do it more and more you'll gradualy learn that "it isn't so bad"
Once at that stage start doing harder things, but make sure it's something you want to do. An example, I always wanted to join a gym but was too scared. Eventually I forced myself to go and the experience really helped. It validated the fact that i can handle a little bit of pressure.
Once you've accomplished all the things you want you can stop, or go even harder and do things very embarrassing just to prove yourself you can. An example, sing in a public place no matter your skill.

Theres a lot more to it so look into it but it helped me.

>>18724353
>As you do it more and more you'll gradualy learn that "it isn't so bad"
When I feel extreme embarrassment or shame, I don't simply shrug it off. I'll think about it for months, maybe even years. There are moments from elementary school I still remember to this day. Sometimes I have to stop what I'm doing in the middle of the day when I get reminded of something shameful I did and am reliving the memory. Just the thought alone of singing in public terrifies me. I don't know, this probably sounds ridiculous but that's just how my brain works, it's unhealthy.

>>18724339
what if you made a schedule of things you want/need to do that aren't super taxing and doesn't take extreme amounts of time to do? like everyday you go into the city/town and stop by different shops buying one coffee here and a popsicle there, sit outside for a minute while you eat/drink up. i don't even know if that would be an issue since you go to work everyday, but something along those lines. if you somehow could condition yourself to handle being outside with people around with minimal actual social interaction and gradually increase the difficulty somehow.

my experience with social anxiety is limited to short periods where i needed 30 minutes to man up before i could go grocery shopping, so i can't fully relate to how you're feeling

>>18724252
>I'm genetically predisposed to social anxiety
It's just my opinion, but I don't think it's genetical. You learned from your mother growing up, so you adopted her behavior and coping mechanisms as natural. This can make you feel as if she "transmitted" it to you, but it's more of a psychological issue than genetical.
You shouldn't think of it as fighting against your genes.

As for the rest, try joining an MMO guild or something. It will be hard at first, but there's plenty of social people who are also nerdy and just enjoy videogames like you, and talking on a mic is different than talking face to face so you might grow more confident little by little.

>>18724358
I know the feeling, a year ago the thought of going to the gym terriefied me but I was able to push myself through it.
The point of exposure therapy is to get you to learn that generally people pay no attention to you. As you do this you'll gradually care less and less about embarrassment. I reccomend frank yang on youtube, he's quite inspiring.

>>18724363
I can do everyday tasks just fine, I'm just afraid to stand out. I can say "thank you" to a cashier but I can't make conversation with the cashier. The only things I'll say is "hello" "goodbye" "thank you" "have a good day". Those things are easy for me because there's no possibility of me making a mistake when I say them. The problem is I can't have a meaningful conversation. I can't talk about politics or make small talk. I can't make jokes. I can't tell someone how my day was. I can't say anything except simple things like "hello" "sorry" "my bad". I'm pretty much a robot. I can make meaningful conversation with my mom because I feel no anxiety talking to her, but when I talk to anyone else, even my dad, all I can do is be a robot.

>>18724369
I recommend interpals. It's how I learnt small talk, you'll also meet international qts.

>>18724332
>their presence alone makes me uncomfortable enough to not be able to speak normally.
I'm a normie in social matters and what you describey happens to everyone to a certain extent. When I walk down the street in the evening with a friend and a couple walks by they will often stop their conversation because 2 men walking in your direction just makes your heartbeat and stress levels go up enough to put an end to talking as long as the situation is there. Or when said friend and I walk over a bridge and there's 5young people hanging out there we stop our talk for the same reason too. It's somethinh very unconscious but everyone experiences it, just much milder than you.

Can you talk to people on the phone?

>>18724369
what about what >>18724364 this guy said about talking to people on voice chat? could be good practice if the people you talk to are playing the same game as you, it would be meaningful since you're playing together trying to do the same thing in said game. you won't necessarily have to commit to a conversation the same way you do when you talking to someone 1 on 1 irl, and if there are moments of silence it doesn't really matter because it means you're focused on the game.

i met a guy online when i was 18 and we only used text chat for the longest time, then a year later we start playing a new game together and he asks me to come on teamspeak. i choked hard for the first day, stutter on every word and literally facepalming because i felt like a retard. but he didn't care at all because he just wanted to play the game. it was hard as fuck but it's a non-issue these days.

english is my second language and sometimes my accent makes it hard to understand what i'm saying but no one has ever judged me for not saying much in conversations or saying the wrong thing. it's also much more fun playing games that way and i felt a lot more comfortable talking to people afterwards.

im exactly in ur situation. people think im a freak because i dont talk. the only thing that makes me happy is being at home. once i go out, i imediately get depressed/anxious. im tired of this