I need some relationship advice. Multi-part post. Cliff notes:

>>18722868
I tried 2 weekends ago to take her out to a fancy bar she mentioned she wanted to go to. I got dressed up, button down shirt, the works. I clean up pretty good. I told her we should dress up and have a date night. She threw on blue jeans and a t shirt and I felt horribly over-dressed in comparison so I changed. She noticed and said "I was going to wear something nicer but I couldn't find anything" (her room is a mess) but it's BS in my opinion because I see cute underwear, outfits, etc just lying around her room and she never wears it for me anymore.

It came to a point yesterday where we argued about it, and she basically told me that sex is tiring and she said she views it as something for the man to feel close to the woman. So I asked her what she means... does she have no desire at all? I didn't understand. She said she so rarely feels desire that it would happen like once in a blue moon if it was up to her. Which is why she never initiates.


A few extras:

I've told her some very tame things IMO - like, I would really like it if I came over and she was waiting for me naked or in something sexy to initiate sex. She told me she thinks that is "dirty and pornographic". She also told me she doesn't like dressing up in lingerie or costumes and wishes sex would be a lot shorter.

I told her I needed sex a lot more and I didn't understand her lack of interest. I mean, for almost 2 years now we've had sex two times a week (weekends) and don't even see each other during the week. For me, it's been hell to stay loyal. For her, she said not seeing me and not having sex didn't bother her at all because she says she is "too busy" anyway. She WAS in school, but she's finished now, and has been for 6+ months. So I don't understand.

>>18722872
Can anyone help me understand how a girl who had sex almost once a day, dressed up, went to porn conventions, shot home made porn,walked around the house naked, did a 180 and now thinks sex is a chore? She says that's just how women are, it's harder for them to be in the mood. Which I don't buy, because my exes have been hornier than me.

Before anyone asks, I have tried these things: Bought her toys, vibrators, sex games, try taking her out on fancy dates, tried taking her to nice hotels, went on vacation (she dressed up this time, but obviously didnt want to), tried upping MY game (work out, im fit, good looking, I have a lot of money in the bank now... irony is I was broke as fuck when she was more sexual), dressing nicer, go to a salon for hair cut, etc). I notice more attention from other women, but not my GF which makes my sexual angst worse. I've tried talking to her about this but it always ends up an argument, and she thinks I'm some kind of sexual deviant when I personally think I'm just asking for normal stuff.

TL;DR:
>GF of 4 years slowly stopped putting effort into sex. Also stopped dressing nice or wearing make up for me. But she does it for work every day.
>We used to do a lot sexually, but now she thinks a lot of that stuff is weird & dirty.
> I tried everything I can think of to change her mind and be more romantic but it doesn't seem to help.

I would have bailed by now if I didn't love this girl to death and already wasted 4 years of my life with her. I want(ed) to marry her, but I also don't want a miserable ass life with no sex. What the fuck is going on?

She IS on the pill - has been for like 15 years. Long before I knew her, and it didn't seem to affect her for the first 2-3 years of our relationship. So IDK what the fuck is going on. I've never cheated on her, I've always been 110% loyal. Never even flirt with other girls. Got my life together big time for this chick and I end up with this, feels like a slap in the face.

She has someone on the side and will be breaking up with you or is just cheating instead.

She did all that shit in the past because she was interested in you and wanted to make you happy and you turned her on. Now she's lost that interest. Why don't you stop trying to please her so much and ignore her for a while lmao give her a taste of her own medicine. Just tell her straight up you're going to up your game or I'm going to fuck sluts on tinder bitch. See what she says XD

>>18722964
>>18722880
Dont tell her youre going to leave her if she doesnt change. She wont change op.


I wouldve have told you to do exactly what you already did. talk toi her about it, you know how she said exactly what you DIDNT want to hear? That's a good sign. Think about this when you tell your wife you've been feeling a little unloved lately and she doesnt give a flying fuck thats a pretty good sign she doesnt love.

Or another way if you were brad pit would she be sucking the fuck out of ur dick or saying that? Okay theres your answer. DUMP HER. THATS THE ONLY OPTION

>>18722964
I've been cheated on before multiple times by previous partners, so I kinda know the signs and symptoms if you will. Actually, I avoided a couple potential relationships before my current GF because I picked up on it and left before it got that far.

But IDK man, I just don't see the cheating from her. If anything I think she has medically low libido but she probably won't be open to the idea of addressing that.

I thought maybe she was masturbating during the week or something too much, but I find out she doesn't do it at all. It seems like she closed up shop or something entirely.

The weird thing is I always heard women in their 30's have the highest sex drive, but not in my case.

>>18723045
Thats cause she's not into you idiot. she probably wants you to dump her.

>>18723047
I dunno. She recently told me she found our relationship fulfilling and was offended that I felt like I needed more. Like shes not "good enough" just being herself.

So maybe she lied and did all that sex stuff just to hook me and then cut it off and reveal her true colors once she thinks I'm stuck?

Even that seems like WAYYYY too long of a game (4 years?!) to play with someone.

I'm not gonna elaborate but her dad has been in the hospital for a while (maybe like 2 mo?) and I've been super supportive - so much that she even said her family thought I was like "god" right now and she seemed a lot closer to me.

I totally understand why sex isn't a priority RIGHT NOW with her family being sick, but this was happening long before that.