Pool of despair

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While it is different for everyone depression tends to come in waves. Usually it has a slow build up from melancholy to despair and like a tide it can hit really hard on some days. Learn to live with it and try to make improvements in your life that can help

>>18718022
I regularly thought about suicide since childhood. Spent many years suffering and being miserable. Now I fucked up big time and am dropping out of uni even though I used to be a great student before everything fell apart. Years wasted. My dreams and goals shattered. I have no future.

I wish I killed myself long ago but ironically now that I have ruined my life I dont want to die anymore.

Heres my experience. Keep in mind everything can be different for someone else.

Starting to lift in my early teens was the best decision of my life and improved it in many ways. I would be dead without it.

If you have bad family like me you have nobody to truly help you. You need to solve this on your own. I was always alone.

I hear most people only have temporary depression but for me its permanent. It never gets better, the only way to overcome it temporarily is to keep yourself busy with a very active life that satisfies you.

No matter how difficult, try to maintain good habits or its all over. Life is all about momentum. Dont isolate yourself socially. Even if you dont like it, getting involved in politics is a great way to get access to events where you can meet new people of all kinds, even very rich and successful ones.

Go crazy, just do whatever you want and stop giving a fuck. Dont end in miserable stagnation where every day you do nothing but suffer and fall apart.

And remember, there are good things in life and reasons to live, even if its something as stupid and simple as being able to play video games or watching anime that will be released in 5 years, or taking a walk on a sunny day.

And last: anti depressants do work. It just takes time. I wish I started taking them before it was too late instead of listening to fearmongers.