What is wrong with me mentally? long post

File: 1501679353082.jpg (3MB, 2412x1612px) Image search: [Google]

3MB, 2412x1612px

>>18716141
cont.
I consider the air I am near when resting(my bedroom with my bed and computer) to be the air that I am used to. I go days without leaving it because of my anxiety and OCD.

The pollutants when going out to buy food at the store, the weird smells in the store, the exhaust fumes from the traffic, all cannot be safe and I do these exercises when I come home and finish placing the food in my room

>wash hands 3-4 times, twice up to elbow, last times just up to wrist with hot water
>go up to bedroom trying to not touch anything with at least one hand to keep it clean
>inhale in bedroom, exhale outside bedroom door through both nostrils
>inhale in bedroom, exhale outside bedroom door through left nostril, holding the other closed
>inhale in bedroom, exhale outside bedroom door through right nostril, holding the other closed
>blow around mouth for any particulates or pollutants that came out of nose or stayed on my face from going outside
>repeat this at least 3 times
>put face in front of air conditioner as some kind of change of temperature, breathe out and in a few times
>re-do the inhale/exhale/mouth routine, 3 times, same as before
>gargle water 3 times, over 1 minute each time
>hawk out any snot or anything in my mouth that could have collected pollutants from outside air, 3 times

I have to do that every time i leave the house. even just opening the bottle of water to gargle water, I have to blow on the sides of the cap to make sure there are no pollutants/particulates, the blow on my hand/wave my hand for the same reason, then open it carefully to make sure my hand doesn't touch the nozzle.

Just the breathing exercises take 15 minutes or so of constant strong inhaling and exhaling. It's extremely uncomfortable.

File: 1501557304974.jpg (624KB, 2048x1536px) Image search: [Google]

624KB, 2048x1536px

>>18716148
cont.
>think my mentally ill family is trying to poison me
They're mentally ill so i think they must think that i want to kill them so they try to kill me first by poisoning me or at least incapacitating me cognitively.

keep in mind, they're all diagnosed with severe mental problems, i'm not. I went to a therapist a few years ago and they only thought I had aspergers. i've put cameras up and left food in my room and stuff like that to see if they go in while i'm gone, and i never caught anything, but it's still there in my head, this feeling of like "don't eat that" or "you don't know if this was tampered with"

it's a bit annoying and becoming a bit OCD.

File: 1500528540748.jpg (88KB, 600x600px) Image search: [Google]

88KB, 600x600px

>>18716156
cont.

I have a severe problem with eating anything that I think is "toxic", or even putting something in my mouth like a toothbrush that I think has plastic with "toxins" in it, or toothpaste or mouthwash. I haven't brushed my teeth or anything for over one month now because of the fear. The same goes for food. The ingredients need to be natural or not show up as toxic when I google it or I will throw it away. This goes for microwaving food. They all have these plastic containers you microwave the food in, and I refuse to eat food that was microwaved with hot plastic against it.

I have this overarching paranoia, OCD fear that these things will kill me or make me stupid, or something. My stomach hurts from not brushing my teeth for so long and digesting the gross saliva in my mouth. My heart hurts, probably from some heart problem from the poor oral health and anxiety of these things.

I want someone to tell me that they went through the same thing. This is the worst I've ever been, physically and mentally.

You need some severe therapy, my ex was far gone in ocd but therapy helps. Find a good one that fits you.

It's literally just her upper eyelid exposure that fucks up her face.

>>18716237
Still good looking and very qt, though

>>18716174
To a certain extent, at certain periods of time, I have been in this situation before.

Having lived in dirty environments for most of my early life, I too once fixated upon different inhalation techniques for the purpose of filtering the air.

Still to this day I struggle with eating, simply because my body will outright reject the notion sometimes.

The point here is that I forced myself to change in ways that I myself thought would make my life better, but improvement never ends.

Things like reading the bible helped me to rebuild confidence in my decision-making skills.

I believe as humans, god's creations, we have to be resilient and adaptive. Nobody knows what's better for us than god, and the closest we can be to him on earth is to live righteously.

Just stay strong and never forget how much you're capable of as one of god's children. With the overcoming of suffering, comes great understanding as well.

File: what.jpg (14KB, 262x337px) Image search: [Google]

14KB, 262x337px

>>18716469
>Things like reading the bible
>humans, god's creations
>what's better for us than god
>as one of god's children

Just think OP, you could be like this nut case.

>>18716141
YOU NEED MEDICINE YOU FUCKING IDIOT

>>18716535
great idea, make the guy who thinks practically microscopic shit in the air and his food will make him dumb take pills that will definitely make him dumb and numb to everything. great idea anon.

>>18716174
Hunny. I was heading in the same direction. But like you I realized that this couldn't go on. Get some good professional therapy.
I got married and realized that I didn't even hug my children fearing I would catch germs from them. So stupid.
Get help.

>>18716469
OP is unironically less nuts than you