First Breakup

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>>18715391
3 months? That isn't very long at all. I'll share a tldr of my first break, of which happened roughly a month and a half ago.

Tldr: 8 years. I broke up with her after she suggested moving in together and her literally telling me she wasn't comfortable moving in a day before we were supposed to(already had a place and everything). After my anger cooled I tried talking about it with her, which seemed to be going fine but she said something that seemed off to me and got me upset again, she hung up the phone and proceeded to ghost me to this very day.

How soon did I find someone else? I haven't. How long has it taken me to get over it? I haven't and probably never will. Count your blessings it ended after 3 months and not 8 years, the suffering is unimaginable.

>>18715429
Sounds more like bad judgment. You probably overlooked alot of her personality traits that led to this point.

>meet qt
>she's 'dating' a friend of mine
>they're not serious just messing around
>i slide in them DM's
>next thing I know we're messing around
>few months later
>i kind of fall for her
>tell her we should be exclusive
>we agree and are a couple
>about a year later
>she's doing dirty shit online with other dude(s)
>start cheating on her
>eventually break up with her over it
>we hate fuck eachother for a few months
>get back together
>date for another year
>turns out she's still doing that dumb shit online
>we break up again
>yadda yadda
>a month later, we're back together
>relationship sucks
>question why I even got back with her
>stay in the relationship for another year i'll estimate
>eventually break up for no real reason, just all the shit that happened in the past

Still think about her, we would've been a great couple if she wasn't a closet internet whore.

>>18715525
We've been broken up for a year now, and I still haven't slept or gotten with anyone else, she's been dating another guy for the past 6 months, and he is honestly a downgrade.

I keep thinking eventually I could get over what she did to me, and get her back. But, at the same time, I really do enjoy being single and I've been on a few dates/flirted with other girls but haven't wanted to have sex lately.

>>18715511
I probably did, can't be helped since I was and still am in love with her.

I can't really toot my horn here. 3 months isn't all that long, but you must have been incredibly attached.

My gf broke up with me on sunday after 13 months. Since she dropped the initial 'i need space' on 03/09/17 i havent been to work. I've recently been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and have been put on a therapy course. A fuck load has happened and i've only gotten worse.

She was my first true love. She'l always have a place in my heart and i doubt i'll ever forget her.
My possesions from her can be forgotten..but at least the items i got her will be a constant reminder of me.

The thing that hurts the most is that I know she will love someone else, and she'll have sex with someone else even though it's her full right.

I'll never hold her in my arms, I'll never tell her I love her or that she loves me, I'll never hold her hand and call her mine, I'll never take her clothes off and feel every curve of her body. And someone else will get to do all those things.

How do you cope with this and get over it?

>>18715544
>She was my first true love and she'll always have a place in my heart
First loves are a special person, regardless of how things ended and it's not someone you should ever forget - they forever become the basis for your future relationships, but they are also the first person that made you feel truly alive and know what true love is.

>>18715557
Finding someone new

>>18715642
I don't think I'll ever find someone new again that will make me feel the same way. I want to get over her and move on with someone else but I don't think that would help me heal my wounds and move on healthily.

>>18715678
You need time. I'm in the exact samr position except my relationship was much longer.

For a 3 month relationship, at this moment in time you have no hope. I meam who coulf possibly repla- and then by chance, you meet that one person who you really connect to.
I remember going on a date with this one lass, she was the first person i really connected to to. She was the type to text you at like 3am saying she couldnt stop thinking about me and then when we met, we spoke for 9 hours straight. It was fucking amazing...but when it went to shit, i went so downhill i never expected anyone to come close but then someone did. And the first date i had just..it was perfect, in every way imaginable.

In short, i'm not trying to dismiss your feelings considering the short amount of time you were together..but you need to consider yourself lucky you didnt know her for much, much longer.

Time is what you need and eventually only when you're ready, can you put yourself back in the game. Sure, she cannot be replaced because your experiences with her are unique to you and her. But there will be someone out there who can do so much more for you.

Take a few months to think about your own well being my man.

>>18715708
I realise it's only been 3 months, and it's nothing in comparison to other relationships. But just like with any first love, this girl truly made me feel something - she made me feel alive and I gained faith again.

The problem is that naturally I'm quite an emotional person, and I got attached very quickly. She made me believe in myself, help me discover qualities I didn't have and brought me confidence and ease that I never thought I had.

It sucks so bad, and at the moment I keep fluctuating between crying my eyes out thinking of memories together, or just feeling completely empty and being unable to feel anything. While we were only together for a short time, we made a huge amount of progression in terms of our relationship and milestones that normally only happens after a year or more - maybe that might've been the downfall as it was passionate and intense very early on, but I don't know.

All I want to do is to naturally heal and go back to a point where I don't feel like I'll never love again, and that I'll at least be able to move forward emotionally and in terms of relationships and become a better person as a result of it. I know I'll never truly get over her as she was my first love, but I'd at least like to be able to stay friends with her with no hard feelings or mixed emotions. While she might be an ex now, she still makes a very good friend and I don't want to lose that. What's the rule of thumb for getting over relationships? It takes half the time you were together or something like that?

>>18715391

Take this opportunity to pursue your other interests. I think the no contact rule is excellent until you clear your head. Wait at least one to two weeks before you even try to say anything, you're likely to go through a few emotional ups and downs. It just takes time.

>>18715429
This is a perfect example of waiting too long to do anything. 8 years? Come on. You probably had some LDR internet "relationship" going that was an excuse for not being lonely and miserable. Even real relationships that go on this long without some sort of long term commitment like marriage or moving in together are a huge red flag for codependent behavior or some other delusional pseuorelationship. Maybe it's time to grow up.

>>18715739
Don't think of it in terms of how long it should take to recover.
You'll think to yourself 'it's been X amount of time and i dont feel better' and then you'll start hating yourself for still feeling attached and so on and so on. You'll feel right forever how long it'l take my man.

When ever someone loses their first true love for what ever reason, it makes 9t that much harder to get back up on that horse. As another anon said, use it as a base for future relationships. What lessons you learnt from her etc.

If you wanna know what fast progression is like look no fucking further than my 13 month relationship.

Sex on first date
Met her children the weekend after
Met her mum weekend after
Met her dad weekend after that
Few months down the line went to wales
Few months after stayed in a log cabin in hull
Few months after stayed in the lake district
Few months after that went to lanzarote

In between all that we did many things and i met so many people on her side. In a 13 month span we did a fucking lot of stuff and i gave her sooo much stuff...including a fucking car.

But, it's a learning experience. Next time you find someone to love, use your past mistakes to your advantage.

>>18715876
Did the progression ever give you any doubt or make you think at all? i.e. is this moving too fast?

In my case, it was:
-Sex on the second date
-Became officially together just over a month after meeting each other
-Opened up about very deep and personal details very early on that she hasn't told anyone else
-Met her parents before we became official
-Told each other we loved each other after 6 weeks of being together
-A lot of talk of long-term plans like holidays together

In my case, she had a lot of baggage and emotional issues - Dad committed suicide, abandonment issues, two exes who cheated and abused her, BPD, trust issues etc. At the time, I didn't think twice at how fast things were moving because frankly I was just glad I was in a relationship and someone felt so strongly about me, and everything seemed great that she opened up so quickly and trusted me.

This might sound terrible to say, but I'm glad we broke up. I learned a lot about what relationships are like, how to behave in them, what to look for in a person and mostly importantly I learned something about myself. I learned a lot and I think it's taught me valuable life lessons and it'll give me insight for the future.

>>18715928
You know what? No. Not at the time anyway. I guess when you're seriously in love it all seems purely natural. I mean fuck i was ready to move in with her at christmas.

I personally see it is that she's lost out big time. I was the best thing to happen to her in 14 years and for a 33 year old, towards the end of it, she become so immature with how she handled the relationship. It wouldnt surprise me of she wanted me back in a few months time..but i guess that's me being too hopeful.

What i'm trying to say is, depending on the person you're with, the progression might seem natural. Where as others it might move too quick. For example some flakes seem to get in a tizzy for having sex so early because 'we're moving too quickly'.

>>18715876

I was going to ask how it is that you didn't think her being a single mom and fucking you on the first date were red flags. But then again here you are on one of the worst boards here. No wonder you were desperate enough to buy her a car.

I had my first breakup a few months ago. We dated for 6 years, since high school. It ripped me apart on the inside. I sometimes still feel sick thinking on it, even 7 months later.

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Oh my fucking god
THAT JUST HAPPENED TO ME MAN
4 month relationship and 2 months talking in internet before that
(Met her in a test, read her name and send a friend request via online)
I dump her 2 weeks ago, i am crying a lot and sad as fuc.


WHAT HAPPENED?

>I dump her for a while 2 times, First after discovering she has BPD and reading shit online
>Second for me being too clingy and she sometimes being indiferent (Yea really selfish by me)
>Now i dumped her again for i being to clingy, because i hate this feeling of being clingy and sometimes not feeling well about it

The aftermatch:

Soo i am now reading and thinking a lot
crying a lot and suffering, she was my first love and i learned A LOT with her
i am talking with a friend of her (That is my friend too) he is helping me in this issue
i will wait a month and i will contact her again, asking her out, if she doesn't respond i will give up
will be sad but i least i tried right?

Soo my advice for someone that made mistakes

she dumped you, SHE dumped you, soo you can't do nothing about it, use the first 2 weeks to think about it
think a lot, i know that is hard mate, but you have to ghost her forever, she DUMPED YOU, she needs to come not you
don't contact her, delete and think for some weeks, after you see the problems in your relationship, start going out
and get girls, not gfs or a new love, just go out with girls

or pursue into a hobbie.

>>18716893
>She was my first love and I learned A LOT with her
Oh lord, me too. First loves sting like a bitch when it's over, am I right?

>I will wait a month and I will contact her again, asking her out
Do you mean romantically, as in on a date? I don't think that's a good idea or a healthy way to move on. I mean it's your call but I wouldn't do that and try to repair the relationship.

She dumped me yes, but I had a few doubts of my own and I was heavily considering breaking up myself over the next couple of days - she just happened to beat me to it first. So in a weird way, the break up was mutual. It didn't throw me off, and I perfectly accept the reason as to why she wanted to break up - the only problem is I'm still in love with her and I couldn't bring myself to break up - it's a good thing she did, otherwise I have this fear that I'd live in regret and wonder what if I never chose to break up etc. sounds cowardly, but I'm not ready to move on.

There's nothing I can do, that's true. I want to heal, move on and just accept what's happened and be emotionally healthy. I'm currently in the process of thinking and I've decided to go no contact until I know that feelings have settled and I've moved on. Thing is, I don't want to lose contact and I want to try at least being friends - it was her idea and to be honest I'd like it. It wouldn't be romantic anymore and I'm hoping there wouldn't be any complications, in terms of emotions and old feelings. If there is, I'd just leave it and run.

Going out and finding girls is a bad idea - it only fills the void temporarily, and I don't think it's healthy. I'd only end up feeling more empty afterwards and I wouldn't deal with it properly. I don't think I'd be capable of pursing anyone else until I've moved on - a) I'd still be emotionally unavailable and depressing, which isn't attractive b) I don't think I'd be able to find anyone else attractive until I've dealt with my emotions.

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>>18716943
Fills the void until you are ok again, and about me
contacting, yeah doesn't sounds nice, but i will try
anyway, you can't teach wiseness, you have
to try and have consequences with your actions
she might refuse, i won't judge her (i don't think she will refuse), but i will move out to
USA in 3 months, and i want to go being
happier with her.

whatever you do, don't listen to this shitty "no contact" advice. i took that advice and waited a month before contacting her. by that time it was too late, she was already with someone else.

>>18717042
I have no chance of getting back together with her at this point in time - so if she finds someone else then there's nothing I can do about it and just hope that she's happy with him.

I chose to go non-contact for two reasons:
a) I think it will help me heal and move on faster if I don't talk
b) If I carried on talking, I'd probably say stupid shit, whine, beg and do anything I could to try and get her back which I imagine would just make things worse

The issue is that she feels we're incompatible at this point in time. However, I asked her if there was ever a possibility of us getting back together some time in the future and it is.

I kind of wish I never asked that question now. Knowing me, I'm probably going to keep her at the back of my mind, hope that she's single at some point in the future and that we get back together.

>>18717042
If she move to someone else in a month she isn't worth the time.