Edgy millennial problem

Have you performed your music for anyone, or recorded it at least? Do you get out much, have any sort of job to bring an income in?

>>18715250
>Have you performed your music for anyone, or recorded it at least?
Yes and yes. Although it is much more electronic-based and more on the side of "experimental" (I do hate that word) so I've only managed to play 3 shows in two-three years I'm doing it. Music-making, in general, haven't provided me with any benefits outside of few months of "feels good" and some minuscule positive reactions from others.

>Do you get out much, have any sort of job to bring an income in?
I'm not much an outdoor kind of guy but I tend to take walks in the park almost daily. I've been working for a bit but now I'm back to my studies which preoccupy most of my day. Therefore I'm not really much able to work and make income atm.

>>18715280
Got anyone to jam with? And what are you studying, what passions do you have besides music? Do the videogames and movies you fill your time actually mean anything to you?

If you had the opportunity to do anything you wanted career-wise no matter how unrealistic, what would it be?

>>18715312
>Got anyone to jam with?
I had but mostly ppl older than me and I didn't find much connections with them. People at my age and surrounding me, on my studies for example, don't give a fuck about music in general.

>And what are you studying, what passions do you have besides music?
IT.
I did had quite a few passions when I was younger, mainly in the realm of arts (did some painting, drawings, photography, sculpture-esque, writing, been attempting few instruments in my life) but all have been for vain mostly because I didn't really cared for that as much as I am now towards music. I still ashamed that I wasn't really pushing myself when I was younger to get 110% at some of these.

>Do the videogames and movies you fill your time actually mean anything to you?
Not at this time. Vidia and movies started as something which I felt honest interest in but I wouldn't give a fuck anymore. Have shitton of pirated movies laying on my drive, constantly adding new ones in case "one day" I could get back there with some energy towards them.

>If you had the opportunity to do anything you wanted career-wise no matter how unrealistic, what would it be?
That's the problem - I don't really have any one primary career-wise dingy. I started IT because I was interested in that but about two-three years ago that interest withered and even though I'm okay at programming I do not find passion for it. Same with music - I was extremely into it and I wanted to be music producer, composer, acoustician, sound engineer - anybody to do with sound and/or music. But that idea ALSO seemed to be good only for a while - once I got into music I found out how shit I truly am at it and I see other people doing so much better. Felt like a complete waste.

So, to answer your question - my primary dream from like a few months ago was to study music and compose it.

>>18715350
Have you thought about dropping everything and moving to another city? Pursuing philosophy and art more, just as a creative outlet and not a career path?

>>18715480
>Have you thought about dropping everything and moving to another city? Pursuing philosophy and art more, just as a creative outlet and not a career path?
At this current moment such thought would be impossible to accomplish - I simply do not have money for such a move. Plus, I can't simply drop everything away mostly because I care about my parents and their well-being (how counter-productive that might actually be).

I was also thinking about making such interest not a career path, true, but I still seems to struggle with the same issue - things tend to captivate me only for a while. When they stop I'm just jumping on the other thing. That makes me less productive and less skilled at something which, logically, makes me do that thing poorly. And I hate making things poorly, you know? You seem to hate yourself more than enjoy while making them. And that just fuels the self-hate.

Basically my circle looks like this:
I get into something -> Read up on it; my interests grew -> Get into it -> It works for sometime -> Shit happens in my head and I start losing interest -> I'm starting to do worse and worse -> Self-hate -> Getting myself away from the thing -> Finding another one

It could work, I suppose, if I had that ONE thing, you know? But at this point it's all the waste because I can't never get proficient in one, two things in which I would find myself satisfied.

Bump, please help