Crippling Anxiety and Depression

I don't sleep at night because that means I have to wake up and go to work. I can't even enjoy my weekend because 2 days isn't enough time to distance myself. Hell, 6 days wasn't enough. I had nearly a full week free from my job (2 vacation days, weekend, labor day, and day I was sent home) in a row and I still dreaded going back to work. My apartment is a mess because I can't get in the mindset to clean it after work, and I don't want to do it on my days off because sat/sun are my it days I have to do anything. Even then, I don't always do anything. I was supposed to go to a ren-faire with my friend on Saturday, but instead I spent the whole day in bed because I didn't want to spend the money to get in nor could I afford to spend any money while I was there. The worst part was I also missed my brothers birthday party that same day.

I stead of going into my apartment, I usually just sit in my car because my apartment is such a disaster. I got off of work 3.5 hours ago, and I'm still just sitting in my car thinking about getting some coffee to avoid sleeping later.

Last bump I guess

One more because I'm still awake.

>>18714468
Change jobs and focus on something new. Don't you have anyone that could help you out?

>>18714969

The job market here sucks, and they're all some variation of the same. It's just manual labor factory work where you're lucky to start at $10/hr. Like I said before, I had to go through a temp agency for my job, and then it took me a month to get this one.

Help me out how?

>>18714998
Financially, mentally, potential job connections, maybe a place to stay if things go south.

Do you know what sort of job you want to go for? Have you considered moving?

>>18715003
Financially no. Mentally, not really, no because I'm often the one they go to. I've already used my job connections, and I can always go back to my parents house if I do lose my apartment, but it's not ideal.

Honestly, I have no idea what kind of job I want because frankly I DON'T want a job. The thought of having to to work the rest of my life is depressing. Like, I literally can not fathom how can actually enjoy any job. How can anyone want to be forced to spend 40+ hours a week doing something plus travel time, plus prep time? I don't get it.

Moving isn't really an option. Moving costs money. A lot of money. Between the actual travel itself plus the amount of money needed for new place, plus the money needed for rent/food/bills while looking for a job is even more money.

>>18715914
You know what, it is a bit depressing. But you know what's even more depressing? Sitting around and doing fuck all with your time.

While there's shit to be done there will always be work to do, but that doesn't mean it has to be depressing. We will always have to work.

What job you take isn't as important as what you want to do.
If you know what you want to do, then start aiming for it. If you don't, then start finding out.

It's going to cost you money whatever you do, so there's no point complaining that your goals are impossible before you've even started.

>>18715914
Go out and do some mdma. At least you'll have one positive experience to anchor your days on.

>>18716032
>You know what, it is a bit depressing. But you know what's even more depressing? Sitting around and doing fuck all with your time.
Is it really? Would you still work your job if you never needed the money? I highly doubt it. It's like when people say "oh money doesn't buy happiness" even though they know damn well it would go a long way to help.

>While there's shit to be done there will always be work to do, but that doesn't mean it has to be depressing. We will always have to work.
That IS depressing, though.

>What job you take isn't as important as what you want to do.
Bullshit. You sound like one of those dudes sitting in his office telling himself he can quit whenever he wants for 30 years.

>If you know what you want to do, then start aiming for it. If you don't, then start finding out.
I've spent a very long time trying to figure out what I want, but I don't want anything. There is nothing that I'm passionate about. I'm 28. I've had a long time to think about this shit. School never interested me, and I found it annoying that I got constant shit for not doing homework despite my test scores being mostly 90+%. Literally any "desire" I have or had is because of someone else telling me that I should. I never had friends, and while that didn't bother me, it obviously bothered other people like my parents. I was never interested in having a girlfriend, but I keep getting pestered about it. I only went to school because I was pressured to go back so I could maybe get a job I wanted, which is one my biggest regrets.

>It's going to cost you money whatever you do, so there's no point complaining that your goals are impossible before you've even started.
That's not even a realistic argument.

>>18716366
If you don't want anything out of life then why are you even getting up in the morning? Why ask strangers on the internet to fix your life?

If the job market sucks then why not start saving to move to a new one?

I suggested looking up family and friends that could help you out, and instead you're talking about how depressing life is and how you don't want anything.

Do you even want to be helped?

>>18716412
>If you don't want anything out of life then why are you even getting up in the morning?
I ask myself that every day, actually. So far, it's because apparently that's what I should be doing because that's life.

>Why ask strangers on the internet to fix your life?
Panic attacks and venting. Strangers are better than people you know because there's no emotional connection.

>If the job market sucks then why not start saving to move to a new one?
Eat sleep work eat sleep work only to move to a different form of eat sleep work.
>I suggested looking up family and friends that could help you out, and instead you're talking about how depressing life is and how you don't want anything.
My family isn't in a place to help. They're struggling too. If push came to shove, I could move back in with them again, but it just gets stressful for everyone, and my friends are in no better position.

>Do you even want to be helped?
I should, right?

>>18716492
Well even if you're not fully conscious of it yet you clearly want things to improve, otherwise you would've killed yourself by now.

>Eat sleep work eat sleep work only to move to a different form of eat sleep work.

Moving somewhere new will definitely be a giant effort, but it beats dealing with the same shit every day until you snap, don't you think?

Life is about as horrible as you decide it is. Do you want to be happy or miserable until you die?

>>18716669
>Well even if you're not fully conscious of it yet you clearly want things to improve, otherwise you would've killed yourself by now.
It's hard to say, really. It could just be survival instinct, or it could be apathy. I also need to be sure that its one and done. Fucking up just makes things worse. I do keep a loaded .40 in my nightstand, though, and I've come close. I usually just tell myself I can do it tomorrow. When I was a kid, I had planned on running away many times, and did the same thing. I'd just go to sleep and trudge through another day.

>Moving somewhere new will definitely be a giant effort, but it beats dealing with the same shit every day until you snap, don't you think?
It seems like a lot of effort for more of the same, though. Uneducated, blue collar work is all the same menial shit.

>Life is about as horrible as you decide it is. Do you want to be happy or miserable until you die?
I don't even know what happy is. As edgy as that sounds, I don't mean it that way. What I do mean is that I honestly don't know the last time I felt happy. I never even looked happy in pictures or home movies when I was a kid. To me, it seems most people aren't happy; they're just various stages of distracted.

>>18716860
What do you want from us? Are you content with the way things are? Do you enjoy being a depressive miserable bitch?

>It seems like a lot of effort for more of the same, though. Uneducated, blue collar work is all the same menial shit.
Yeah, the whole point of moving isn't to do the exact same fucking job unless it's something you don't mind doing.
Christ knows the majority of people aren't working a job that they love, but they can at least stand it enough to turn up on time and work their shift. You said the job market was shit, so I suggested moving. Whether that involves being a fireman or a pot washer or anything else you want is down to you.

If you want things to get better there are always options. Whether that involves getting a job somewhere else, talking to family or using that .40 is down to you.

>>18717839
>What do you want from us?
Honestly, not sure. Maybe I just want to talk.

>Are you content with the way things are?
I doubt it.

>Do you enjoy being a depressive miserable bitch?
Not particularly.

>Yeah, the whole point of moving isn't to do the exact same fucking job unless it's something you don't mind doing.
Here's the thing. It doesn't matter what the job is because the routine is still the same. This isn't the only job I've worked in my life, and they've all been rather both what jobs are and what was done on those jobs. Retail, gas station, janitor, quality control, general assembly, ect. Obviously, I didn't enjoy any of them, and the whole time my mind was reeling. I don't know if it was anxiety or hatred or apathy or depression or whatever. Eventually, it starts creeping into what little life I have outside work and I begin to shut down until I quit or get fired for one reason or another. .

>Christ knows the majority of people aren't working a job that they love, but they can at least stand it enough to turn up on time and work their shift. You said the job market was shit, so I suggested moving. Whether that involves being a fireman or a pot washer or anything else you want is down to you.
I get the concept, but moving isn't going to change that aspect of my life. I'll be in a new place with the same problems. Even if I find a job I could enjoy, the core problems are still going to be there. MY problems, irrelevant of the job.

>If you want things to get better there are always options. Whether that involves getting a job somewhere else, talking to family or using that .40 is down to you.
I'm always weighing my options. Maybe that's why I'm here. I'm just adding another grain of sand to scale.