Thread replies: 6
Thread images: 1
Thread images: 1
File: 83331785.jpg (86KB, 670x515px) Image search:
[Google]
86KB, 670x515px
Since my early teenage development, such as early middle school, I have always felt as though those around me are never sincere or genuine in their kindness or fondness of me. My closest friends, relationship partners, and even parents have been regarded by me as those who merely put up with me or, even worse yet, are trying to betray or sabotage me.
My college roommate, whom I have been close friends with since around the time of early middle school, is no exception. While I realize my fears are irrational, I constantly worry that I am actually heavily disliked and that pity is taken upon me, and as such, I believe that is why he has remained my friend despite all of the memories that we share. My bond with him is incredibly strong, and while he constantly looks up to me in adoration and holds my opinions close to his heart, I still cannot help but be subject to the feelings of a lack of integrity in our friendship.
More important to this converaation, I feel the same way about my girlfriend of three years. She has never done anything that has seriously broken my trust in any way. She regards me as extremely trustworthy and operates largely on faith. Unfortunately, I cannot do the same. I have been trying to ignore this reality, but I want to finally face it for the sake of continuing our relationship. I have recently fully opened up to her about how I have felt regarding my lack of trust towards everyone, but ensured that it doesn't undermine the bond which I feel with her. I feel incapable of the ability to act how she does regarding trust.
(cont.)
>>
It sickens me go admit this even to myself, but there are often times when I cannot fall asleep without looking through her phone and ensuring that I'm not being lied to. This has been going through on since at least a year into our relationship. I have been trying to stop, but I had a large relapse this Saturday night after an argument that had started a few days beforehand. She's always noticed that I've done this and I don't want to make her feel like she is doing wrong, but I cannot help how I feel regardless of if I act on those feelings or not. I need help and I'm not even sure if I can be fixed. I believe that I have a condition such as Asperger's Syndrome that prevents me from functioning as a normal human should be able to. What I am sure of, however, is that she doesn't deserve the treatment nor the emotions that she is given. I absolutely know for certain that I sincerely love and care about this woman, and I know she deserves better. I cannot afford a therapist, but I will try to do what is necessary to fix whatever is inside of me that is broken. Please, help me.
>>
Healthy morning bump
>>
>>18714465
I know how you feel. You know there is no logic behind it but you can't stop feeling it.
I am afraid it will ruin all relationships I have and that I will never have a bond with someone over this.
Idk what to do
>>
Someone must know something about this. I know that it's a lengthy read, I just have trouble saying things without over explaining them.
>>
>>18715691
If it's any consolation I think there's quite a few of us that read it. I read it lastnight, and have many of the same problems. Take this with a grain of salt, because I am not over my own trust problems yet. But all you can really do is to try and just let it go. Think about all the logical things that could happen, and then the reasons why those things won't happen. There is no easy fix for it. Keep talking about it with her. Therapy after all is mostly about talking through your feelings.
I don't know if it has anything to do with aspies, but I do have aspies, and have had to endure the same troubles. There are forum communities to turn to if you need people to vent to, without knowing them. Not sure if that would be of any help for you. But it is there.
Thread posts: 6
Thread images: 1
Thread images: 1