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25 yo anon here
long story short, i've been through some shit which made me a depressive and suicidal person which led me to a suicide attempt last year. after that failed attempt i decided to unfuck myself, which to a certain degree i have managed to, and started to make things better (graduate from uni, get a job, get a gf, lose virginity, have lots of sex etc).
the problem is, i still feel a little bit suicidal. well, it's not like what it used to be like, but sometimes, especially when i feel really happy (while drinking and bantering with friends), i want to die.
it's like... i feel really happy... i laugh, i tell really funny shit, i make people laugh... but on the inside, all i can hear in my head is "i'm so happy i wish i could die right now".
what the fuck is wrong with me? how the fuck am i supposed to stop thinking like this? i managed to unfuck myself and turned my life around after spending 25 years being a failure and i want to stop being like what i used to be. help me anons, pelase.
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Yeah I know what you mean. I never did any suicide attempts, but the thoughts have been there over the years.
I'm doing well now. Im pursing a career I really enjoy. But sometimes I think it would just be better to be dead. It's strange
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I don't know what the problem is exactly, but I've grown convinced that it's not something natural. Simply looking at it rationally, there's no reason for you to be feeling this way, right? Everything's turning around, you're doing everything right, and for no reason these feelings intrude on your peace of mind after all you've accomplished. Makes no sense, at least I'd say, and I think you'd agree about this as well, so the matter is only what to do about it.
I think a change in perspective is a powerful thing, both in terms of what you've accomplished and also in terms of where you're headed. Where are you thinking of going down the road, for instance? Planning on marriage and all that follows is, although maybe not the most immediately exciting prospect, at least a fairly clear-cut structure to plan the future around, which serves as motivation to keep going and strengthen your confidence level. It's not all at once of course, just focus on whatever step will next help you to realize those goals and go from there.
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>>18712171
It will always be there. Just ignore it.
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