>inb4 dumb frogposter
I want to lay off the weed because it wastes my time, it makes me depressed and it takes up so much of my energy. Every time I smoke, it takes about 3-4 days to return to the normal state of the mind.
But I don't want to stop. Normal life is just too ugly. When I wake up sober in the morning, I just want to disappear and not exist anymore because the existence is painful. Every little thing that I have to do, every mundane daily task that I have to finish in order to continue living an ordinary life is just frightening.
Every phone call I have to make drives me insane with anxiety, every human I have to interact makes my guts tie up in a knot.
To make matters even worse, I only have one friend who hangs out with me and talks to me in the whole city - and she is a MASSIVE pothead and a borderline alcoholic. She smokes a lot. I think in the last several years I have never seen her not-high. And she also drinks a huge fucking lot.
But she is the only friend with whom I hang out with. She's like a sister to me. We have been through a lot of shit together, including a lot of shit with her criminal ex-bf and our amphetamine addiction, and I was always with her when she had a lot of shit going down and vice versa.
Nowdays, like I said, she is a huge stoner and she always treats me to a joint or two - and never lets me pay for it.
I just don't know how could I ever stop hanging out with her. I tried to talk to her about it, how would it be to lay off the weed a bit, but she is adamant about that she's never gonna stop.
I could refuse, I know, but I can't. I don't wanna. I love weed so much, and as long as I have access to it, I'm gonna fucking smoke it. And it's gonna make me depressed and everything.
I need my energy, I'm a math student. Mental energy is very important to my work. I've been salvaging it by taking enormous amounts of caffeine by now, but it's taking a toll on my sanity.
I fucking hate myself.
hey man, you mention you are a math student. universities usually offer free counselling. they deal with similar problems all the time. people on this fucking image board definitely won't be able to help you, you'll have to go out and get some concrete help and make some concrete changes
>>18711652
I've been on psychotherapy many times now. It was a waste of time. In order for therapy to help you, you still have to be at least somewhat normal and believe in the standard social value.
I'm an /r9k/ poster. I'm a complete opposite of a well-adjusted human being.